Strangers buying us things!

[ChristmasJumpers]

I am going to sound so ungrateful but please stick with me...
We had a baby 4 weeks ago and people have been so generous with giving us hand me downs including bouncers, clothes, a moses basket etc. And we got lots of presents of clothes/medicine/toys/books at her baby shower and from visitors since she was born. I'm really grateful for that and we have been taking pictures of DD in her clothes/with her toys and sending thank yous. We're lucky to be surrounded by people who love us and DD.

The problem is that we also have total strangers buying and giving gifts to us!!! DHs mum works in a big office and her colleagues who we never have and never will meet have been buying and making things for DD like crazy! She now has about 40 hand knitted cardigans, 15 (yes really) chunky blankets, 2 bouncers and so many teddies. We've nowhere to put it all but it just keeps coming! I've just had a message from DMIL with a picture of a pop vinyl toy that someone at work has bought for us and a personalised cushion with her name, DOB etc. on. I'm honestly grateful but it's never ending and we're just getting repeat presents and things we can't or won't use as they don't know us or what we already have. The house is full but DMIL thinks it's lovely of them so I can't ask her to pass on the message to stop. AIBU that it's a bit odd, they'll never meet us or DD. They clearly love DMIL but why not one collection and pass on a voucher or just the one thoughtful gift?

AIBU - People are being kind and I should just accept the gifts and be grateful
AINBU - it's a bit much for total strangers to be showering us with so many gifts

You must be English? In Scotland this is to be expected - It's called a "minding" and is a hangover from days when people didn't have much. Every area will have a baby charity organisation so pass on to people less lucky than yourself.

I'd just think how lovely, they must like mil, she must be very popular that people are so delighted to gift things to us on her account.
Anything I didn't want or mightn't need in the future I would donate to a charity shop - preferably far from mil's work place, so others might benefit.
I wouldn't sell the items. I'd just think that was bad karma.

I think what you”ve likely got here are some people who first off love your MIL and are just excited for her becoming a Grandma - and second it’s likely (this is going to be a stereotype sorry) older ladies who are either waiting on grandchildren themselves and love to knit for pleasure so having a purpose (ie a baby) is something they get a lot of joy out of whilst they wait for their own grandchildren, or they’re not getting any grandchildren and are just enjoying again having this moment of a baby. Some people really do just share the delight of other people’s children and want to do something lovely. I’m sure it will die down as your child reaches toddler hood.

I would start spreading it out of space is an issue. Pack a little selection of blankets, spare jumpers and other random items off to family you visit frequently (assuming this is the case with MIL) and just say it’s easier to have stuff “just in case” at others homes (to be fair my sister has always kept a stash of clothes etc at grandparents houses for this reason, it’s easier). Anything that you’re really not using, pack it up in case for a second DC or to use later as a regifting. An extra present, you know your friend has a baby and you can say “I’ve got all these lovely jumpers if they interest you”. I personally love a knitted jumper on a baby!

Find a baby bank near you, get OH to drop a big bulk of it all there. Someone who needs it will have it then 😄

I had gifts from people I've never met (and still haven't met) for each of my children, it's simply a nice thing to do. There's no need to be ungrateful. Funny actually we were given this hideous knitted Teddy that someone my mil worked with made, they obviously put a lot of effort in so I hadn't the heart to chuck it/donate it. Thing is our daughter grew rather attached to this toy and so 7 years later we still have the bloody thing 😆. Would make me cringe if she wanted to take it out in the pram with her lol. People are kind when you have a baby, if you can't make use of things just give them to someone who will, there's plenty of people out there with nothing. Gift givers do not need to find out and they will still make their way to a small baby who will make use of them, win win.

If you have a spare room put everything you know you won't use in there. Wait a few months then see if there's any baby bank's, clothing bank's or woman's refuge you can donate to. The novelty of a new baby will soon wear off. Sometimes you have to put your foot down and say no more you don't want them to grow up spoilt.

People just love to gift for babies. We have received knitted items from my mum’s neighbours 400 miles away that I have never met!

My baby is also the smallest of our group of friends so we get hand me downs from them too, sometime 2-3 bin bags full. It really can be overwhelming but I have saved a lot of money and do appreciate it.

second hand stuff, pull out what you want to keep and pass the rest on to charity or sell on Vinted.

personalised items put in a memory box or on shelves in babies room and decide at a later date.

blankets, you can never have too many! I keep one in the pram, one in the car, use a couple on the floor to lie on, some in the lounge for lap naps and rotate as they get puked on.

I think you are over thinking this a bit. Its not a big deal. Your MIL is clearly very popular and is excited and people are loving that and wanting to contribute.

I'd just be asking MIL to thank them on your behalf and then I'd donate most of them to charity for people who need it. You probably cant practically use that amount of stuff anyway so give to people who need them. Telling your MIL to tell them to stop comes across as petty and a bit mean spirited- their intentions were to do something kind and nice for someone else and telling them to stop is kinda like throwing it back in their face. Allow them to feel happy that they've helped someone.

Wondering why they are doing it is a little pointless- they are just trying to help. Thats all. No more, no less.

I totally get it too.

I agree with this poster. Don't feel guilty about passing it on.

Unfortunately knitted stuff is a pain. I didn't want it and was a bit irritated as I didn't have time to hand wash a load of stuff. I know it was a very kind thought though but someone with a nanny might love them.

I would send a general Thanku message
Like
," I have been overwhelmed with kindness and gifts and aware of how much thought has gone into the gifts we have received and are feeling so fortunate that people have been so thoughtful .
We have decided that many of the beautiful gifts will really benefit families who are not as fortunate as ourself especially during the current financial situation that is putting families with young children in dire need of the items gifted to us . We thank everyone for this generosity and will be gifting to

Refuge ?
Social services ?

People you don't know is bit odd, but people love a new baby. Don't be so ungrateful, smile and say thank you and if you have too much/duplicates donate to those more in need/charity. Obviously you cant with personalised stuff but can with some bits to keep it managable.

How special. You can only thank them and say that DC now has everything she needs until she starts school!
Remember to wheel baby in to MILs office at lunch time in a few months. (once she's had her vaccinations) You have so much that once the baby has out grown the gifts you can pass on the generosity to another child.

A charity like Stripey Stork often takes excess baby things - get a couple of cardboard boxes and put anything you don't want in them. Just thank them and move on. It's hard to stop the flow without hurting feelings - but it does slow.

Get one of those big cards to send into your mums workplace and write a thank you note to all the office, and if you want too some cupcakes or something to share. It's impossible to thank individually if that many and people should understand when you have a newborn.

As a crochet blanket maker I'm gutted to read this

Err no. I loved my own, but now I think babies are boring and noisy. I much prefer my dogs, thanks very much.

Could everyone just pack it in with the rampant sexism please? There are lots of women who aren't baby mad, just like there's lots of men who feel the same way. But no one expect the menz to be Baby GaGa, do they?

My son was my parents first grandchild. My mum was beyond excited and everyone heard about it. We got tons of presents from her patients, their church friends, neighbours we'd never met, dad's tennis club pals. It was touching though a bit overwhelming! Don't worry by the time you have your second child no one will give a flying fuck 🤣🤣🤣 Our second child was my mums fourth grandchild by then and even she isn't that interested!

It’s a vulnerable time and this kind of thing can feel overwhelming. Keep what you like and put away the rest to regift to a baby bank when you have the bandwidth. And keep some gifts for when friends have babies!

Just write them a thank you note and give it to charity

I did wonder if MIL has been mentioning that money is tight, esp if you paid for IVF, maybe she's mentioned worrying how you'll cope financially? Not in a mean way, I worked in a lovely office where that kind of convo would have been totally acceptable and supportive, and where we'd have probably got them a gift afterwards. This level of gifting, it just seems like maybe they think you need the help?

I have a friend who occasionally refers to my "social issues" meaning 3 kids, me on carers not working, DH in an average salary, renting and neither of us driving. She loves us, it's never meant badly but I could imagine how someone might think we're living on the breadline just listening to her.

In the north we call this being overly blessed! Sounds overwhelming even if it is lovely. I’d contact your local maternity unit/premature baby unit; our local preemie unit is always asking for donations of new hand-knitted blankets.

It's just the bonkers behaviour on mumsnet, in real life I've never met anyone like this

My ancient gma knits for babies at the hospital and recently told DD18 "you could do a lot worse than have a baby in your gap year you know" 😂

People go a bit barmy over babies.
Smile, say thank you, keep what you want and send the rest to charity shop/ women's refuge/ etc...

It will stop eventually. Just be grateful.

The comment that you'd rather have a voucher = money makes you look a bit greedy.

I don’t think it’s odd. Your MIL probably talks about you all a LOT so her colleagues feel they know you all to some extent, even though they’ve never met you. The items are being given in kindness and will eventually stop so I would just send a thank you and donate the hand knitted cardigans/blankets to either a new natal unit or a baby bank. A baby bank would happily take items like clothes/blankets/bouncers etc.