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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Strangers buying us things!

159 replies

ChristmasJumpers · 13/04/2023 10:29

I am going to sound so ungrateful but please stick with me...
We had a baby 4 weeks ago and people have been so generous with giving us hand me downs including bouncers, clothes, a moses basket etc. And we got lots of presents of clothes/medicine/toys/books at her baby shower and from visitors since she was born. I'm really grateful for that and we have been taking pictures of DD in her clothes/with her toys and sending thank yous. We're lucky to be surrounded by people who love us and DD.

The problem is that we also have total strangers buying and giving gifts to us!!! DHs mum works in a big office and her colleagues who we never have and never will meet have been buying and making things for DD like crazy! She now has about 40 hand knitted cardigans, 15 (yes really) chunky blankets, 2 bouncers and so many teddies. We've nowhere to put it all but it just keeps coming! I've just had a message from DMIL with a picture of a pop vinyl toy that someone at work has bought for us and a personalised cushion with her name, DOB etc. on. I'm honestly grateful but it's never ending and we're just getting repeat presents and things we can't or won't use as they don't know us or what we already have. The house is full but DMIL thinks it's lovely of them so I can't ask her to pass on the message to stop. AIBU that it's a bit odd, they'll never meet us or DD. They clearly love DMIL but why not one collection and pass on a voucher or just the one thoughtful gift?

AIBU - People are being kind and I should just accept the gifts and be grateful
AINBU - it's a bit much for total strangers to be showering us with so many gifts

OP posts:
Knickerthief1 · 14/04/2023 11:12

I haven't read the whole thread but we do this at our work. It's a way of congratulating the new grandparent. I also had gifts from parents friends when mine were born. It's a kind gesture. If you don't need the stuff then donate it to someone who does. People will honestly complain about anything these days!

caringcarer · 14/04/2023 11:16

My very kind MiL loves to knit baby cardigans and Matinee coats. She was always asking me if I knew anyone having a baby girl so she can donate it. What I did was get her to knit a smaller size then I took a load to the local hospital maternity unit. They were glad of them for prem babies. Now she's knitting bonnets too. It's good she keeps knitting though as good for her rheumatism to keep moving fingers.

Jagoda · 14/04/2023 11:19

@JulieHoney You might be one of my friends!! We all started knitting and crafting like mad post menopause.

I am currently knitting a cot blanket without anyone in mind to give it to. Someone will have a baby and off it will go. 😍

Rachandtwo · 14/04/2023 11:34

My mum is exactly the same and passed us so many presents from people she worked with who we didn’t know and will be unlikely to ever meet! We just sent a picture of DD in whatever it was or with it and sent to my mum who then passed on thanks. Then if we had too many we passed to friends or baby bank or charity shop and didn’t feel any guilt doing so!

Twinsmummy1812 · 14/04/2023 11:55

My mum loves knitting but only baby clothes so she’s delighted to hear of any babies due. She knits them for the local charity shops if nowhere else

HauntedPencil · 14/04/2023 12:13

It really wouldn't bother me if it's excessive pass it around to people in need. I mean you can hardly say thanks for the gesture but I'd rathered the cash! They are just excited for you I guess.

JulieHoney · 14/04/2023 12:18

Jagoda · 14/04/2023 11:19

@JulieHoney You might be one of my friends!! We all started knitting and crafting like mad post menopause.

I am currently knitting a cot blanket without anyone in mind to give it to. Someone will have a baby and off it will go. 😍

My very good friend has learnt she will be a grandmother in the autumn. Crochet hook to the ready!

clarehhh · 14/04/2023 15:50

Just take what you like and need then take other things to your local babybank/foodbank/Growbaby charity.

Loveyou3000 · 14/04/2023 15:56

YANBU. I've been in tears before as I was just buried with all the clutter of the random crap people were giving us. It's not very kind to cause a new parent that much extra stress even if it was well intentioned.

Sugarfree23 · 14/04/2023 16:01

Loveyou3000 · 14/04/2023 15:56

YANBU. I've been in tears before as I was just buried with all the clutter of the random crap people were giving us. It's not very kind to cause a new parent that much extra stress even if it was well intentioned.

This doesn't sound like 'random crap' that people have passed on because they no longer need it.
This sounds like gifts that people have spent money on and possibly a lot of time on too if they are knitted or crocheted.

Op I would as someone else suggested take anything from M&S or Next back and get a gift card. I exchanged loads of baby stuff for gift cards and then bought stuff as I needed it in bigger sizes.

swayingpalmtree · 14/04/2023 17:04

YANBU. I've been in tears before as I was just buried with all the clutter of the random crap people were giving us. It's not very kind to cause a new parent that much extra stress even if it was well intentioned

This is a really unkind thing to say- this isnt "random crap" they've been meaning to throw out- these are things they have bought as gifts or hand made themselves by knitting them- calling it crap is incredibly mean spirited and nasty

Mumma212 · 14/04/2023 17:12

Charlottewebsbabies · 13/04/2023 11:26

I remember 23 years ago,I gave birth to ds (no 3 baby)

Single mum with little money at the time

I didn't know I was pregnant until the Monday and gave birth on the Saturday

I had loads of baby stuff due to the other two-then aged 2 and 1

Everyone I knew (and a lot I didnt) sent so much stuff,I couldn't move in my lounge and bedroom

At one point I had 5 cots,3 highchairs,over 50 bags of baby clothes (both for a girl or a boy),two travel cots,6 baby baths,a toddler bed,2 carrier bags of hand knitted baby cardis,4 carrier bags of baby hats/socks,half of boots baby department and 8 changing bags

Oh and someone very kindly gave me 4 packets of newborn baby nappies and a bag full of wipes-all in those 6 days before I gave birth

I dreaded opening the door at one point

I was (still am) amazed at people's generosity but I still feel a bit overwhelmed at how much stuff we got

I know everyone meant well,it was just a bit,well,much

I ended up calling a charity shop and they came and took a lot away for me-i still feel guilty but it was overwhelming at the time

I think it's just because people love a new baby (I know I do!) And to them it's just a baby blanket and best wishes on your baby

But to you,it's another baby blanket that you have 15 of already!

I’m impressed you can remember all that from over 20 years ago.
It does sounds like an awful lot.
I’m not sure I’d even fit all that in my little house.

Mumma212 · 14/04/2023 17:29

Tontostitis · 14/04/2023 10:43

As a crochet blanket maker I'm gutted to read this

I think it’s just typical MN ungratefulness on this thread.
I honestly think most people that receive hand made gifts would be really appreciative.
Even if maybe they do end up with more than they think they need.

My daughter, who was born last year was gifted lots of lovely hand made things.
Some made by close family and friends and some by friends of family members that I don’t know personally.
I’m grateful for them all and wouldn’t part with any of them.
I really appreciate the time and effort that’s gone in to choosing patterns, colours and crocheting/knitting something unique specially for my baby.
They’re definitely the items I’ll hold on to even when they’re outgrown.
There’s plenty cheap mass produced stuff from shops I can pass on.

LetsBekindx · 14/04/2023 17:38

i think be grateful and anything you dont want wont use donate to someone in need.

Original poster
ChristmasJumpers · 14/04/2023 18:08

Thanks all, I've read every response and I feel much less guilty about passing some of the extra cardigans and blankets on to a charity or refuge now, I honestly thought it would be rude to do so as they have been knitted especially for us! The spare bouncer and a few spare blankets and outfits can live at DM and DMILs houses for when we visit 🥰

I'm a baker so I will get a card with a picture of DD on and ask DMIL to take it into work with some cupcakes for everyone to share as a thank you.

OP posts:
bluebeardswife7 · 14/04/2023 18:20

Even I want to buy your baby a gift now and I don't even know where you are. <peri menopausal twitch>

pilates · 14/04/2023 18:47

It sounds like DMIL is popular at work and they are pleased she has a longed for grandchild. Perhaps a gentle chat saying you are overwhelmed with the generosity but you are running out of storage room.

GoodChat · 14/04/2023 19:04

I'm a baker so I will get a card with a picture of DD on and ask DMIL to take it into work with some cupcakes for everyone to share as a thank you.

That's a lovely idea OP!

Doone21 · 14/04/2023 22:11

It's pretty normal. I literally did not buy 1 thing for my kid for like a year. Just recycle, regift, resell .

swayingpalmtree · 15/04/2023 08:00

I'm a baker so I will get a card with a picture of DD on and ask DMIL to take it into work with some cupcakes for everyone to share as a thank you

This is a really lovely gesture!

LadyEloise1 · 15/04/2023 09:13

The cupcakes sound like a really lovely thank you treat @ChristmasJumpers, how thoughtful of you.

neverendinglauaundry · 15/04/2023 09:17

Ah, everyone loves your MIL and she is obviously really excited about the baby. Just take the stuff, say thank you and box it up. Loads of places will have it off you. Charity shops, local groups or a women's shelter or something.

thecatsthecats · 15/04/2023 11:39

If you like to crochet, my recommendation would be to stick to crocheting for a) people you could directly text or phone right now - i.e. people you have a direct relationship with with, and b) people who ask you to crochet something on their behalf.

My MIL couldn't craft to save her life, and would happily commission something for the grandchild she's about to find out she's getting.

Oh, and also, just crochet bigger things! My local cat shelter gets old baby blankets, I suspect because they're teeny weeny and stop being useful almost immediately.

Leicestershiremum · 15/04/2023 13:02

misslaa · 13/04/2023 11:37

I completely get this, it can be so overwhelming. I ended up get 50 thank you cards printed from snapfish with a picture of my baby saying thank you for the lovely gift and sending them via grandparents etc to people i didnt know well. Not as personal as the ones i gave to close friend and family but when you have a newborn it can get too much. I also asked my health visitor if she knew of anyone not as lucky/ with as much support as us that could use some of it. She was so grateful and it made me feel good that it would be going to good use. Congratulations on the birth of your baby!

This is such a good idea to ask the health visitor. Its so hard to be able to pass on things to people really in need without insider knowledge.

THEDEACON · 15/04/2023 14:06

YABU and ungrateful It's not unusual in Scotland to give "a wee minding" to the new grandchild of a work colleague or friend your MIL clearly 8s popular and you're benefitting Pass if forward if you don't want it

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