Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Strangers buying us things!

159 replies

ChristmasJumpers · 13/04/2023 10:29

I am going to sound so ungrateful but please stick with me...
We had a baby 4 weeks ago and people have been so generous with giving us hand me downs including bouncers, clothes, a moses basket etc. And we got lots of presents of clothes/medicine/toys/books at her baby shower and from visitors since she was born. I'm really grateful for that and we have been taking pictures of DD in her clothes/with her toys and sending thank yous. We're lucky to be surrounded by people who love us and DD.

The problem is that we also have total strangers buying and giving gifts to us!!! DHs mum works in a big office and her colleagues who we never have and never will meet have been buying and making things for DD like crazy! She now has about 40 hand knitted cardigans, 15 (yes really) chunky blankets, 2 bouncers and so many teddies. We've nowhere to put it all but it just keeps coming! I've just had a message from DMIL with a picture of a pop vinyl toy that someone at work has bought for us and a personalised cushion with her name, DOB etc. on. I'm honestly grateful but it's never ending and we're just getting repeat presents and things we can't or won't use as they don't know us or what we already have. The house is full but DMIL thinks it's lovely of them so I can't ask her to pass on the message to stop. AIBU that it's a bit odd, they'll never meet us or DD. They clearly love DMIL but why not one collection and pass on a voucher or just the one thoughtful gift?

AIBU - People are being kind and I should just accept the gifts and be grateful
AINBU - it's a bit much for total strangers to be showering us with so many gifts

OP posts:
MysteryBelle · 13/04/2023 12:39

It’s only been four weeks. The gifts will become less. All you have to do is say thank you. That’s it. Donate things you don’t want. You have a lot of love and good will coming your way, yes including from strangers. So did I when I had a little baby. And when I got married, graduated, etc etc. Embrace that good will. Say thank you, put dh in charge of dropping off donations, and enjoy being a mother, it’s a magical time.

Your mil is extremely popular and is very very happy to have a grandchild, so happy that her own friends and colleagues are inspired to give you presents. Receive that good will with grace. You’re feeling overwhelmed which is normal right now! Have dh take over the fuss of dealing with extras and unwanted gifts.

MysteryBelle · 13/04/2023 12:43

And have dh take the pics to send with thank you notes, texts etc that he writes. You’re understandably overwhelmed, you want and need to spend your time with baby and you’ve got to deal with endless stream of presents which require thank you notes an pics with baby playing with/wearing said item. Let it be comic relief, laugh about it with your dh. Your baby needing 4 costume changes each day to pose with new presents like an assembly line 😂

CremeEggThief · 13/04/2023 12:45

This would annoy me too if I were you, but yes, it still comes across as ungrateful! Sorry!

Costaflatwhite · 13/04/2023 12:49

We've had the same! It's all my mum and mils family/friends/neighbours/colleagues that we've never met! I think it's just an older generation thing. I'm grateful for the thought but they really didn't need to - we had a few things that really weren't our style or had already.
I also feel bad for not thanking them properly or remembering who bought us what gift - I was so out of it post birth and then sleep deprived with a newborn.

theblackradiator · 13/04/2023 12:55

I had this when now teen dc1 was born. Friends of the grandparents who we'd never even met were sending gifts of clothes and blankets lots of gifts off total strangers it was lovely of them. Four years later when dc2 arrived not a bloody thing even off people we knew well! enjoy it.

Chowtime · 13/04/2023 13:02

Could you donate the stuff you don't need to a charity shop?

LadyJ2023 · 13/04/2023 13:03

Nah I don't think it's odd with our 3 babes we got tons of stuff from hubby work colleagues that I didn't know then some of there relatives sent stuff they had he didn't know. When I got to much I shared it on free site

Sugarfree23 · 13/04/2023 13:07

rileynexttime · 13/04/2023 11:06

If it’s an office or similar staffed with empty nesters nearing retirement (as was mil’s) it’s like a klaxon going off. Any sniff of a baby and they all set to with renewed purpose

😁😀😀

We'll all be the same one day!

Op accept gratefully, send thankyou cards. And sell on or donate what you don't need.

Sugarfree23 · 13/04/2023 13:09

theblackradiator · 13/04/2023 12:55

I had this when now teen dc1 was born. Friends of the grandparents who we'd never even met were sending gifts of clothes and blankets lots of gifts off total strangers it was lovely of them. Four years later when dc2 arrived not a bloody thing even off people we knew well! enjoy it.

People definitely get much more for the first born, I'm also guessing this is a first grandchildren too.

PuffinsRocks · 13/04/2023 13:15

YANBU OP we got a deluge of stuff sent from random people we had never met who were connected to my boss via our US office. I got in such a stress trying to use all the stuff so I wasn't being ungrateful. One day I ended up doing a photoshoot where we literally spent 2 hours just dressing and undressing the baby and taking photos of him in every jumper, onesie, babygrow, pair of booties etc that had been sent with all the teddies around him and shared the photos in the work Facebook group. Then I waited about 6 months and donated most of it to charity because we didn't need it all or he'd outgrown it by then. Try not to stress over it, that was my mistake!

TheOrigRights · 13/04/2023 13:16

If it’s an office or similar staffed with empty nesters nearing retirement (as was mil’s) it’s like a klaxon going off. Any sniff of a baby and they all set to with renewed purpose

Oh man....this is nearly me. Not for a few years yet (DS2 is 14 and I don't think I'll ever be able to retire), but I was only thinking the other day how long it's been since I held a baby. I recently walked passed the primary school at play time and got all melancholy and realised I'm now in the "oh it's so lovely to hear the children playing" demographic, rather than the "oh crap, it's 25 mins until school run and then I have x,y & z to do, and please don't have caught the stomach bug" one.

I shall be aware and put measures in place should I find myself browsing beginners crochet websites!

AgrathaChristie · 13/04/2023 13:22

Smile, say thank you. It’ll slow to a stop soon.
Box up what you’re not going to use , keep for next baby, donate to a baby bank or sell online. Their joy is in the making and giving.

IDontWantToBeAPie · 13/04/2023 13:24

Just give them to charity - children's hospital, charity shop, DV shelter.

LakeTiticaca · 13/04/2023 13:26

The top and bottom of it is, everyone (particularly ladies of a certain age) just loves a new baby 👶 😍 😉

Riverlee · 13/04/2023 13:30

That’s weird that your mill’s work colleagues are buying you stuff. It’s hard enough to get people to donate to a birthday collection! I’m wondering what she has been saying about you to encourage all these gifts.

MasterBeth · 13/04/2023 13:32

gabsdot · 13/04/2023 10:49

Just put together all the things that you don't like, don't want and won't use and donate it all. Even beter, sell it.

It’s surely “better” to give an unexpected and unnecessary windfall away to a deserving charity than keep it for yourself.

Eggseggseverywhere · 13/04/2023 13:35

When I had a dd one of dm's colleague's dd's had twins and she called them mine and dd's names!! Coincidence apparently!
In my 51 years I have met 2 of me and 1of dd's name!
Would have preferred a blanket!

Original poster
ChristmasJumpers · 13/04/2023 13:46

SheikYerboutiii · 13/04/2023 11:18

You don’t sound very grateful but what’s stopping you just donating it to a charity shop or soMewhere like baby basics? People are in desperate need for this stuff you consider an inconvenience

Until reading these comments I honestly thought it would be more rude to pass them on straight away. I was feeling a bit of pressure to use everything and show that it's being used and appreciated. Lots of it will be left unused as we just don't have enough days to wear the amount of cardigans she's been given! I will be donating it, probably even better if they are never used when donated 😊

OP posts:
Original poster
ChristmasJumpers · 13/04/2023 13:51

Charlottewebsbabies · 13/04/2023 11:26

I remember 23 years ago,I gave birth to ds (no 3 baby)

Single mum with little money at the time

I didn't know I was pregnant until the Monday and gave birth on the Saturday

I had loads of baby stuff due to the other two-then aged 2 and 1

Everyone I knew (and a lot I didnt) sent so much stuff,I couldn't move in my lounge and bedroom

At one point I had 5 cots,3 highchairs,over 50 bags of baby clothes (both for a girl or a boy),two travel cots,6 baby baths,a toddler bed,2 carrier bags of hand knitted baby cardis,4 carrier bags of baby hats/socks,half of boots baby department and 8 changing bags

Oh and someone very kindly gave me 4 packets of newborn baby nappies and a bag full of wipes-all in those 6 days before I gave birth

I dreaded opening the door at one point

I was (still am) amazed at people's generosity but I still feel a bit overwhelmed at how much stuff we got

I know everyone meant well,it was just a bit,well,much

I ended up calling a charity shop and they came and took a lot away for me-i still feel guilty but it was overwhelming at the time

I think it's just because people love a new baby (I know I do!) And to them it's just a baby blanket and best wishes on your baby

But to you,it's another baby blanket that you have 15 of already!

Wow that is absolutely amazing! It's brilliant how people can come together when needed 😊 it's just a shame that there isn't a person overseeing it to stop the repeat gifts 😂😂

I'll definitely be looking to donate our extras, there's just far too much for us at the moment

OP posts:
Original poster
ChristmasJumpers · 13/04/2023 13:53

For those who asked if it's MIL buying gifts and pretending it's her colleagues - definitely not unless she's getting really creative! We visited her last weekend and came home with 10 gift bags all with cards signed from people at work.

MIL hasn't actually bought any gifts for DD yet and I am absolutely okay with that as her work friends are taking care of it for her 🤭

OP posts:
Mushroomofficeglass · 13/04/2023 13:53

When I was pregnant with dc1 I worked in elderly care and loads of the older ladies made nlankets, hats, gloves and cardigans. To many for one dc so I asked the health visitor if she knew anyone in need and she took a lot of it for the local baby bank that had just been set up. This was 19 years ago but I'm sure they'll be similar.

icebearforpresident · 13/04/2023 13:54

we had this with our kids, distant relatives I hadn’t seen since I was a kid, neighbours for 20 years ago, former colleagues of my parents, anyone who had ever met me, husband or a member of the family, brought us a gift.

Not sure if this a thing everywhere or just my part of Scotland but putting a coin in the pram for the baby is a tradition here. I used to go up the street, stop to chat to someone who I vaguely recognised but didn’t actually know, then empty dozens of pound coins out the pram when I got home. Once found a £20 note under the mattress, someone must have put it in at some point but no idea who or how long it had been there.

Original poster
ChristmasJumpers · 13/04/2023 13:56

JauntyJinty · 13/04/2023 11:43

Are they definitely buying this stuff new for you and not just handing it down? I'm not sure why but something about this is giving me the whiff of giving you the job of getting rid of their old stuff whilst making themselves out to be philanthropists!

I don't get the impression that they are hand me downs - some of it has been and they've acknowledged it. But some stuff we've had has been personalised which is lovely

OP posts:
Original poster
ChristmasJumpers · 13/04/2023 13:58

VickyEadieofThigh · 13/04/2023 12:39

We're quite friendly with a neighbour (we supported her a lot when her husband was dying and afterwards, etc) and when her daughter had her first - and possibly only (great difficulty conceiving, Mum has a range of auto-immune related conditions)) baby last summer, we took across a gift of an item of clothing we chose, for our neighbour to pass to her daughter.

We've never so much as heard a word from the Mum since. Reading this thread, I wonder if she got a lot of gifts (although the couple are NC with his family) and couldn't be bothered with sending thanks, even verbal.

I'm really sorry to hear that! We have sent thanks via DMIL to her colleagues but in all honesty it is hard to keep up as we don't know who they are, so remembering who has given us what is hard work. So far I've been taking photos of each gift and logging who gave it to us so that we can remember to say thanks again when we use it

OP posts:
Original poster
ChristmasJumpers · 13/04/2023 14:01

Sugarfree23 · 13/04/2023 13:09

People definitely get much more for the first born, I'm also guessing this is a first grandchildren too.

Show quote history

It is the first grandchild on both sides and we had IVF to conceive so she is very likely the only grandchild they'll get.

Just to reiterate, I am really grateful, just overwhelmed with the sheer volume and trying to keep up with thanking each person and find space/use for it all

OP posts: