C-section not real birth

[Washingforweeks]

I was just scrollling through Facebook and saw a post about women getting shamed for c-sections. I’ve had 3 vaginal births never a c section so I have never personally experienced this kind of…. Well wtf is it…. Ridiculousness. Is this genuinely a real thing?? Are there women out there being shamed for having c-sections? If so Jesus Christ. Seriously?!

I’ve had two c-sections - one emergency, 2nd planned. I felt terrible after the first as it’s rammed down your throat you should be able to give birth vaginally. One of the midwives said at the time that we would’ve both died if it hadn’t been for medical intervention. I still felt guilty for months after! Was fine after my panned section, but sadly breastfeeding didn’t work out that time, more due to the baby than me!! Yup, felt bad about that too.

Oh and when I was in recovery after the section, listening to women screaming, I knew I had made the right decision. I felt sick for those poor women in that moment.

I actually think women who have c sections belittle those who have vaginal births. They assume that a vaginal birth is always easy and recovery minimal.

I had two very difficult vaginal deliveries and was unwell for a long time. My friend had a catheter for 12 months afterwards. It can be awful. Many women told me they had it worse with a section. Once I , & my friend actually, went on to have sections I can categorically say it was easier from start to finish.

in any case. Needing to be validated about every aspect of your life is the problem. Everyone has such thin skin. I use the word ‘extracted’ to describe my OWN experience and someone else feels “dehumanised”. How can you live a full happy life being so sensitive. Decide yourself what your birthing experience was and be happy with that.

Oh, I wanted one like that. Childbirth how nature should have organised it if ‘Mother’ Nature really knew best. Sadly when I went to the Birth Choice Shop a couple of decades ago they were all out of straightforward home births in my size. I think there’s always been supply issues with those.

More seriously, there’s often a really unpleasant undercurrent of eugenics/nature fascism in a lot of the natural childbirth movement’s ideas. I sometimes encounter the idea that somehow women who have had sections have passed on their defective birthing equipment to the next generation and are bringing down the human race. Which, as well as being staggeringly offensive and misogynistic, is really inaccurate scientifically.

I don’t think that’s true. You’ve made a sweeping generalisation based on women on a thread about them being criticised for choosing a section by women who had vaginal births. You obviously feel piqued by that for some reason.

Of course I’m sure some women out there will deride a woman for choosing a vaginal birth, same as anything, but it’s very much the norm to have a vaginal birth and is what is pushed as the ultimate goal and the ‘ideal’, from everyone from medical staff, to Instagram mummy bloggers. Women are sold an ideal birth scenario and buy into it. I didn’t.

I don’t know anyone who sees vaginal birthing as the ‘easy option’. It’s seen as the noble and correct one.

I have been castigated for choosing a section, because I didn’t want labour. The pain and unpredictability of it was very much not for me. I didn’t choose a section because I saw vaginal birthing as ‘too easy’. 🤔

After my first emergency c-section, which saved probably both our lives, I did have the odd comment from other new mums (who I didn't really know well) about "not experiencing the real thing" and "alright for you, you didn't push a baby out" It was weird. I had actually wanted a vaginal water birth but my birth plan fell apart when everything went wrong and traumatic. I can't imagine trying to score points over something so out of your control.

My FIL (I alluded to earlier as being one of my worst judges) believes I am ‘weak’ and ‘not willing to do it properly’ for choosing a section. He said he was worried because I ‘clearly wasn’t maternal’.

He criticised me for absolutely everything though, and would tug at the swaddle on my sleeping newborn, waking him repeatedly, because he didn’t understand it, would try to move the Sleepyhead with my sleeping newborn out of the living room and into a dark, quiet bedroom, would constantly tell me they were too hot, shouldn’t be sleeping, should be sleeping, needed feeding and the very worst thing, doing a baby voice pretending to be my baby saying “mummy, I don’t like it when you do… (insert whatever I was doing here)”.

His daughter had an EMCS and a ELCS, but she’s not weak, obviously.

Hang on if I didn't birth this child why the hell is she still hanging around 3 years later disrupting my sleep and expecting me to feed her??

For some reason it came up in a gp appointment that I'd had a c section he was incredulous and asked why. I said perhaps as my ds heartbeat was 210 p/minute and it was an emergency. But I've had 2 emcs so I guess I've not given birth properly at all! Not sure I would view it as an easy option

I've had 2 c sections, one emergency after a 15 hour labour and one elective. I still 'have birth' and the recovery was horrendous!

Who really cares how other people's children come into the world.

It does seem an odd thing to care about, yes

Mostly the same reasons I wanted and had a c section. No medical indication, just my preference. Would 100% do it again.

No one has shamed me for my decision. Lots of people have realised they are misinformed after talking to me though.. 'oh I didn't know you could ask'... 'you can't have an NHS c section without medical indication' 'did you pay privately for it'... 'its much riskier though isn't it'... I've never thought about not having a vaginal birth'.

The c section shaming community are continuing to keep people misinformed.

Ditto...my reasons for c section were similar as I knew about these risks and others. Injuries to the woman during vaginal birth can be very horrific and have a significant impact on pain and quality of life for the rest of their lives.

The risks of vaginal birth aren't as commonly spoken about as c section risks which may lead women to believe that vaginal is best.
Well it will be for some, but for others c section is best (and often cheaper, again costs of vaginal births with intervention are not really spoken about, but costs of c section are always talked about).

I’ve had this problem before. Earlier quotes are obscured so all you see is the latest post, which leads to all kinds of misunderstandings. You can of course tap the ‘quote history’ link but how many bother to do that?

Moral of this one is: if in doubt, copy and paste - and beware of the @ function! 🙂

Your FIL sounds like a complete arse. Sorry.

You need to start a thread about this bloke. He sounds insane.

@Saschka there’s loads out there about natural births being healthier for baby first that comes up is this article https://www.thetot.com/pregnancy-and-fertility/9-benefits-of-a-vaginal-birth/

Well that is obviously horrific. I'm all for sections.

Scientifically though, over the course of tens of thousands of years, I do wonder if they a scientific point. More advantageously shaped pelvises and smaller babies would prevail?

Speaking as someone who is going nowhere near a natural birth and would be the first to be weeded out.

On the contrary, myself and the women I know counted ourselves very lucky not to have the tearing etc that our contemporaries with vaginal births endured.

@Babooshka1992 have you actually read that article? “(American) Ladies, have a vaginal delivery, it will save you money!! And assuming you have an entirely uncomplicated pregnancy and delivery, it is just as safe!”

I’ll go with RCTs, over some Mommy blogger, thanks.

I find it completely bizarre to even think about judging women for a c section!
Unfortunately childbirth is one of these things where despite medical advances women are expected to just get on with it and "women have given birth for 1000s of years" etc.

I hate that some women (friends included) have felt guilt or sadness surrounding having a c section.

Yes there is some evidence around babies being exposed to mothers microbiology from vaginal birth but in the grand scheme of things where microplastics is exposed to us every day it doesn't really matter!

I had 2 "natural births" but my notes were clear no induction, no episiotomy straight to c section if any issues.

Allot of women on this thread are OTT triggered and offended, there are plenty of commenters agreeing that their c secs weren’t ‘birth’ or ‘labour’.They’re entitled to their opinion and you are unreasonable for being so easily offended. I’ve had friends say to me they didn’t give birth but the baby was surgically delivered. They’re not upset about any suggestion it isn’t ‘birth’.

Also the women saying at least they don’t have floppy fannies or whatever are vile and shouldn’t be parents. Not even factual I don’t know anybody who had a noticing your wider vagina after giving birth.

He drives me up the fucking wall. He’s an expert in everything, despite not knowing very much at all.

He demands compliance from all and I don’t, and he does not like it.

His other son’s wife is quite meek but is approved of because she is a SAHM and very traditional. She defers to her husband, which is how my FIL thinks it should be. I am very much vocally not like that, not that I’d ever say or do anything in front of her to humiliate her. She’s very sweet.

He’s decided my child has SEN because he did a puzzle and can spell his name. He’s done SO MUCH that makes me furious. I love my MIL though and cannot understand why she, as an intelligent woman, puts up with it.

I'm afraid that gives me a bit of the rage. Not just so much the article (though it's not as though most of us have a choice in how we give birth) but the idyllic picture accompanying it. How many women look like that after just giving birth?

I am afraid it brings back unpleasant memories for me which relate to this....recovering after my CS with my preemie baby in NICU, with nothing to stare at but a 'Breast is Best' poster on the wall opposite me in the wall. A healthy pink and white baby in the poster of course. Not at all like my own 28 weeks, one-and-a-half pound scrap of life.

It just reinforced for me the feeling that I hadn't done childbirth 'right'. It took me a long time to recover from that; when in reality all that really matters is that mother & baby are OK.