To think all kids should be included?

[Thisisit2323]

Should all kids be included by step grandparents? Would you expect it if buying for one they buy for all on occasions like Xmas , Easter etc ? Is it ok to only buy for some of the kids and leave the others out because your not blood related even if you have been together many years?
Big row over this after it constantly happening been made to feel I am in the wrong.

Yes, they're likely just responding to this.

OP said:

We never get invited there anymore either he just takes the two I know it’s because we aren’t wanted there.

Why would she send her kids there if she and the kids are no longer invited anymore?

They don't have a car for them all to go

It’s hard to explain the set up usually we would all go not every time and she would come here so take it in turns. Like twice a month then we moved house and she stopped coming so much so OH would take own kids and sometimes mine but we only have a normal size car so if my step kids come they can’t all go so a lot of times he can only take his own four then I would go other times with him and we take our two and my youngest son. My other son is a teen so doesn’t always come anyway.
So it was a casual thing of all the kids visiting different times.

Then the op said As well

I don’t visit my OH hasn’t asked me to go with him for ages.

So it seems to me it's on the OH.

People often assume this issue stems from family politics, that it’s a power play or point proving, but the real problem is the impact it has on the children, and the family as they perceive it. When you start to exclude a child, you’re telling them that they’re an outsider, and then jealousy and resentment can start to erode the sibling relationship and family cohesion.

A good friend of mine had this problem when they fell out with MIL. Her first born son got nothing, her 2 youngest DSs got a gift. Eldest son (only 7YO) started crying, asking if it’s because DSDad isn’t his real daddy etc… it broke my friends heart and nearly ruined their Christmas.

If they don’t include all her children then the gifts are returned. No exceptions.

Yeah I didn't think it said she had stopped it, she said she and her children are no longer invited. So that's fine, when husband visits with his two, that's when they can smother their own grandchildren with chocolate and presents but they absolutely should not come to OPs house ignoring 50% of the kids. It's spiteful.

I don’t visit my OH hasn’t asked me to go with him for ages.
She's being excluded by her own partner, not the grandparents?

Your OH sounds as though he caused the fall out and is happy for you to take the blame as it gives him a quiet life where his family are concerned, until he rectifies this, which he seems in no hurry to do you're going to be the outsider.

Ask yourself what type of man not only does that but lets it continue knowing its put his partner in a situation where she's no longer welcomed by his extended family.

Only you can decide if you're willing to spend the rest of your days putting up with your OH, because he's at fault here to, and his families behaviour.

But she also says they’re not invited there anymore and she knows they’re not wanted there.

So it’s likely DH the wimp has been told by in laws not to bring them. But only OP can confirm.

Not all of them.

She still let's the kids that are hers and her DH go.

@Rowthe I know.

It's all a bit confused.

This. You need to agree a strategy andf stick to it. Personally I would buy another egg each for your own two and give them instead of receiving anything from their own paternal grandparents to even up the number.

Yeah.

And I'd see if I could stop your other kids from going.

I said her kids. Not their joint kids or her partners kids.

TBF OP is only going by what her OH is telling her...and by what she's said about him not defending her against his family probably means he's economical with the truth anyway.

I haven’t stopped the kids going the kids still went there we haven’t visited since after Xmas when the boys received nothing again.

Was the argument about you or your kids?

Do you ever suggest you go to visit?

What kids have you not stopped going? Can you be more specific.

And stop sending flowers on her birthday- DP can do it. Or probably not. Same for Christmas. Everything for their side falls to DP now if he doesn’t already do it. Teach them what happens when they are unpleasant to you.

She came Xmas time for a family day with the presents and non for the boys hence why we haven’t visited since. But Easter was a repeat of Xmas but my OH bought them home this time my kids with OH still visit them.

True. I guess it depends on how OP knows they’re not invited and wanted there i.e. was there previously phone / text contact that has now stopped as well.

That’s despicable behaviour from MIL and deliberate.

Were you and all your kids home when she came?

Sorry since Xmas when she ignored the boys me and the boys haven’t been but our kids together still go I haven’t stopped that and never would.
Since Xmas OH has not asked me to go he just says I’m going my moms and takes the kids he once asked if I wanted to go and laughed like it was a big joke but I don’t see why me and the boys have been segregated due to the argument he had on his family which I wasn’t part of in the first place but got taken out on me and the boys.

We all spoke around once a week through social media etc but they all blocked me on social media his sister and mother after the argument they never added me back but added him back.
Thinking about it all makes me even more angry then ever.

Absolute nonsense
This woman has known these children since they were babies and has now chosen to exclude them! It's cruel and unkind!

but I don’t see why me and the boys have been segregated due to the argument he had on his family which I wasn’t part of in the first place but got taken out on me and the boys.

Because he's happy to let you take the flack as it gives him a quiet life with his family.
He's pretty much thrown you under the bus.