To think this is very odd for a 8 year old to say?

[imsoverytired83]

Today DD8 said to my husband ‘Mummy is having an affair, she told me and she doesnt love you anymore’. DH was telling her no, she couldn’t eat another Easter egg and it was getting heated, DD has a bit of an issue with chocolate (doesn’t know when to stop) and had eaten enough.

DH knows i am not (I am not) and told her off for lying and saying something to try and hurt his feelings. I have also explained to her that its not nice to lie but also to say something like that but I cant stop thinking about it.

I have no idea why or how DD knows what an affair is and why she would say something like that with venom to one of us.

Should I be concerned? The lying to be spiteful is a bit worrying!

I would not be letting any chocolate into the house for a while. It sounds like there’s the potential for an unhealthy relationship with food to develop.
There are plenty of other treats including nice fruit, activities etc.

No I wouldn't be worried. She's probably repeated something she's heard at school, read in a book or seen on TV.

It's just experimentation to see if it works to have the desired effect of hurting somebody. I'd totally ignore it and give it no power at all.

I would not ignore a deliberate attempt to be spiteful

I would throw away all remaining chocolate and ban it from the house

Kids hear things like this from YouTube, soaps, gossip etc honestly wouldn't class it as odd because kids look for reaction when beind defensive and are exposed to drama from a young age.

If she’s old enough to say things like this she needs to understand the consequences. I’m shocked tbh! Maybe she’s heard it on TV?

Is she watching stuff on screens that’s too old for her?

I remember saying something about someone‘having it off with the milkman’ when I was around that age. Had no idea what it meant but knew it was a bit edgy! This was over Sunday lunch with my granny there. I don’t think she was very impressed.

Give her her ration of chocolate in future and be clear that saying mean and inappropriate comments are not acceptable.

I would also ban the chocolate for a while as, like with my DC, the desire to have more of it - being an addictive food - can bring out the worst in them! I think they are so desperate for another bite that bad behaviour can come out like that so I would think for that reason and as a consequence she’d be better off without it for a bit.

My nephew is 8.5 and recently told my brother that ‘mummy is with her other boyfriend when she’s not with you.’ I think it’s fairly common - or certainly not anything to worry about, that’s for sure. I’d be limiting chocolate though!

Are you worried it’s actually your husband having the affair and she knows? What was his reaction like when she was saying that?

I completely agree. I have removed it from the house for now.

That’s a very strange thing for an eight year old to say. You need to speak to her really calmly and ask why she would say that. Make it clear that telling lies will have consequences and outline what the consequences would be.

No, I don’t think he is. He laughed and “oh is she now?”.

It is an odd thing to say but I'd probably think she'd heard it from somewhere. TV, YouTube, school. I'd try to find out where she's heard it from and have a chat about what a mean thing it is to say.

The chocolate thing is another issue. One of my dc never knew when to stop and having lots of sweets and chocolate in the house always caused so many issues.

That's a very strange thing for an 8 year old to say. I wouldn't think many 8 year olds would know what an affair was and even fewer would use it in such a spiteful context. I would be sitting her down to have a discussion about where this has come from and about the consequences of such lies.

It’s strange and manipulative but she probably doesn’t understand what it means being so young

Ignore it. She's looking for drama. Don't give it to her. Just laugh it off like your DH did.

I have two tweens and I cannot fathom them saying anything like this! They read very widely and we talk politics and all sorts. But an affair just wouldn't cross their minds. Can you tease out what she thinks an affair is, how she learned the word? I'm not sure why people above are focusing so much on chocolate, I'd be really concerned she is watching or hearing something very age inappropriate.

I would be shocked if my 9yo knew what an affair was. I do find this strange, especially the fact that she used it in the right sense and to be spiteful. I would definitely be trying to get to the bottom of it as well as really pressing home the message that lying about other people can cause huge amounts of suffering.

They dont have access to YouTube or anything like that - Netflix yes but children’s settings.

she does have a friend whose parents have recently split up and are now seeing other people. Thats the only thing i can think of and i really dont want to go there…..it might not be the case of course.

Agree chocolate is the cause of the behaviour but the behaviour is something else.

I definitely didn’t know what an affair was at 8! This is why i am so worried. But also, how she told a lie to try and upset DH

I think you are perhaps being a little naive. My child reads widely and doesn't have access to YouTube etc; however, she knows what an affair is because one of the girls in her class was crying because her Dad had had an affair with another lady and he now doesn't live with them anymore.

My daughter didn't know the word but quickly understood what was happening as the poor girl disclosed pretty much the whole of the disintegration of her parents marriage.

I think she heard it in school. Probably one of her friends telling her something.

Ask what she thinks an affair is. If she can't answer the question then you can't be too hard on her lying, because she literally doesn't know what she's saying.

But if she can explain it - then absolutely you need to have a big chat about telling lies, maybe reinforce by going through some fables etc the boy that called wolf and what not at bedtime- so she begins to understand the consequences of making things up.

The fact a friend's parents have recently split up and have new partners could be where the knowledge has come from especially the bit about mummy not loving you any more.

You still definitely need to have a very serious chat with her though as this level of lying is completely unacceptable especially as she's clearly used the word in context and her intention was to hurt you.

I agree. Thank you.

Eight is about the age where they are old enough to learn how words can be weaponized. So, you can disregard this as just repeating something she overheard on tv but I don’t think you should. That was a very targeted thing to say to that specific person, and she said it with a very specific goal: either to get more chocolate but more likely to get mum into trouble.