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Original poster

16 Year Old Daughter sat on fathers knee. Disgusting?

464 replies

RedFlags1 · 11/04/2023 15:12

It was my birthday last month and I went round to my new partners house for a meal with my two daughters.

After dinner I sat in an arm chair in the sitting room and my 16 year old came in and sat on my knee and gave me a hug and said Happy Birthday Dad. She was on my knee for about 30 seconds.

My partner was moody all evening and then shocked me by saying that this was because my daughter had sat on my knee. She said that this was abnormal and disgusting, that she thought it completely inappropriate for an adult woman to sit on my knee.

She went on to say that this made her feel sick and about to faint.

I am stunned by this reaction to something that I see as completely natural and not at all controversial.

At home I will often sit on the sofa next to my girls (16, 20+, 20+++) and put my arm around them. I have never for one second thought this inappropriate, nor have they.

Can I ask, does anyone think that it is inappropriate behaviour or disgusting?

OP posts:
Offensiveapprently · 12/04/2023 20:08

In hope my son wants to perch on my knee for a hug at that age. Get rid of the partner.

Mumma212 · 12/04/2023 20:08

It’s not weird at all.
Sounds like an affectionate daughter who loves her Dad…who could possibly turn that into something unpleasant!?

I have a son who is 16, it has been a long time since he sat on my lap because he towers over me and he’s heavy so he’d squash me but he gives me hugs frequently as do I him and he always gives me a kiss good night.

I think it’s even worse of her to react like that because it’s your daughter but she thinks the affection is fine with her sons!?

Mumskisail · 12/04/2023 20:09

Not inappropriate at all, it's completely normal for a father and daughter. Get rid of the girlfriend. She's a total weirdo!!!

Queenbee77 · 12/04/2023 20:13

I sat and cuddled my dad until any time I could until I was 40 years old. Then he died. I am glad I cuddled him and there was nothing in appropriate about it. I sat on his knee well after my 16 th birthday but his legs got too weak so I couldn't sit on his knee anymore....
I think your girlfriend has something happen to her and that is why she is behaving in this way. See a counsellor together and see if she will open up about it. I know there are some very strange ' and perverted fathers' out there but a 16 year old would not openly choose to sit on their lap and thats the difference.

pinkpantherpink · 12/04/2023 20:15

Red flag.

SoShallINever · 12/04/2023 20:18

I don't think its worth pursuing or trying to mend this relationship. Walk (or run) away. There are thousands of women out there who will appreciate a man who has built a wonderful relationship with his daughters.
She is jealous.

HernamewasNOLA · 12/04/2023 20:20

She’s the weird one. It’s lovely that you have that relationship with your daughter. I’m a married adult woman with DC but when I went home last summer I would get in bed with my dad in the morning and we’d watch tv and have a chat. There’s nothing sexual there, he’s my father. People who find something sexual in it are the strange ones.

Paulisexcluded · 12/04/2023 20:22

Haven't read all the thread but made me wonder if your girlfriend had been abused? I don't think what happened with your daughter was at all abnormal. I also wouldn't want to label your new partner as creepy..maybe she was triggered because of something she experienced which was not acceptable?

MouseMinge · 12/04/2023 20:24

RedFlags1 · 11/04/2023 21:28

Wow! Thank you all for your comments.

I was really angry about the implication that there was something untoward in an innocent act of affection. I still am.
She has two boys who are aged either side of my daughter and both of whom give me a big hug when I go round, and their grandfather and aunt.
I found this slightly uncomfortable at first, but their mother is fine with this and thinks this is totally different as they are boys.

So, she thinks you're only a nonce with girls, not boys. How delightful. I don't think I could continue a relationship with this woman. There is absolutely nothing wrong or odd or weird about what happened. Except for her reaction. Her reaction is red flag city.

silverspider05 · 12/04/2023 20:29

I'm 36 and still cuddle up to my dad on the sofa, because he is my dad. It smacks of jealousy (which is unhealthy to view your partner's children as 'competition' ) or perhaps adverse childhood experiences that she herself may have had, such as abuse. I would sit her down and suggest she might need to speak to a professional as her reaction is not a normal, healthy one.

TheOriginalEmu · 12/04/2023 20:31

She’d shit herald if she saw my 20 year old son sitting in my bed with me most evenings then 😂😂😂

itsgettingweird · 12/04/2023 20:34

I'd reach down when my dad is in his arm chair and give him and hug and kiss on the cheek to wish him happy birthday.

I'm in my 40's and he's 75!!!

I wouldn't sit in him though as his knees aren't what they once were Grin

She's odd. Time to kiss her goodbye Wink

Mollymoostoo · 12/04/2023 20:37

Has your partner been abused? Perhaps talk to her before you dump and run. Some normal behaviours in healthy families can trigger memories in abuse survivors.

Mollymoostoo · 12/04/2023 20:38

Paulisexcluded · 12/04/2023 20:22

Haven't read all the thread but made me wonder if your girlfriend had been abused? I don't think what happened with your daughter was at all abnormal. I also wouldn't want to label your new partner as creepy..maybe she was triggered because of something she experienced which was not acceptable?

My thoughts as well.

SarahsHoneydew · 12/04/2023 21:01

Sounds like jealousy to me, not good!

Lollypop701 · 12/04/2023 21:02

So it’s ok for males to hug/cuddle as that’s affection ( even if it makes other person uncomfortable) but if girls show similar affection then it’s sexual… I’d ask for an explanation as to the reasoning behind this

Over40andNotalotofpatienceleft · 12/04/2023 21:08

Red flag! She’s odd.

Vynalbob · 12/04/2023 21:13

Either
She's weird & jealous and sees her as a rival
Or
It brings bad memories to her of a abnormal or abusive relationship someone had either with her or someone very close.

Either way it's going to be a hard work keeping the relationship without it draining from the good relationship you have with your kids (adult or not).

RachaelN · 12/04/2023 21:16

Yikes. She is showing jealousy and tbh she has reacted very strangely to a normal father daughter interaction. I would run a mile!

eastegg · 12/04/2023 21:16

Sorry to say OP, but this signals the end of the relationship doesn’t it? Even if you don’t end it, presumably she will if she feels this way about what she’s seen? Fwiw I think you’ll be well rid.

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with what you’ve described btw.

Caiti19 · 12/04/2023 21:17

Time to make your new partner your ex.

strawberryseed · 12/04/2023 21:23

Agree, bin her. Glad you can snuggle your 16 year old. Long may it continue.

Mikki77 · 12/04/2023 21:26

This says a lot about her. Get rid unless she opens up and explains her reaction!

Atsocta · 12/04/2023 21:28

Oh my, what on earth is wrong with your partner ? She’s not right!
keep hugging your daughters and remove your partner
she’s the disgusting one with a big problem, the world needs more loving Fathers like you x

BaconChops · 12/04/2023 21:30

They’re your kids, good for you having a close relationship with them. Few red flags in the jealousy department with your new partner though 🙄

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