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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

16 Year Old Daughter sat on fathers knee. Disgusting?

464 replies

RedFlags1 · 11/04/2023 15:12

It was my birthday last month and I went round to my new partners house for a meal with my two daughters.

After dinner I sat in an arm chair in the sitting room and my 16 year old came in and sat on my knee and gave me a hug and said Happy Birthday Dad. She was on my knee for about 30 seconds.

My partner was moody all evening and then shocked me by saying that this was because my daughter had sat on my knee. She said that this was abnormal and disgusting, that she thought it completely inappropriate for an adult woman to sit on my knee.

She went on to say that this made her feel sick and about to faint.

I am stunned by this reaction to something that I see as completely natural and not at all controversial.

At home I will often sit on the sofa next to my girls (16, 20+, 20+++) and put my arm around them. I have never for one second thought this inappropriate, nor have they.

Can I ask, does anyone think that it is inappropriate behaviour or disgusting?

OP posts:
Bluebellsarebest · 12/04/2023 21:32

mmm, you and your DCs are better off moving on from this one. Even if she does have experiences which may explain her reaction, her inability or unwillingness to think about another (your) perspective is a big worry to me. Find a partner who appreciates what a lovely dad you must be

WrenNatsworthy · 12/04/2023 21:39

My Dad's wife has been jealous of me cuddling my Dad since I was 5.

She'd be furious if I ever tried to sit on his lap or cuddle him. I'm now 50 and she is still so jealous that my Dad has to sneak out to see me. He only rings me when she isn't there. She has two sons and they both call my Dad their Dad.

Please, nip this in the bud like my Dad should have done.

changeme4this · 12/04/2023 22:00

Your relationship with your daughter is fine, get rid of the partner. I would be worried how she views your daughter in general.

Pheefifofuckthisshit · 12/04/2023 22:04

You sound like a lovely parent with a great bond with your children.

Your girlfriend trying to sexualise an innocent moment is sickening.

Original poster
RedFlags1 · 12/04/2023 22:30

Thank you for all of the messages.
I do really appreciate the support and everyone taking the time to reply
This is actually the 4th issue involving my daughter where she has reacted in a completely over the top manner, all slightly different but with a similar theme that it is inappropriate for me to spend time alone with my daughter.
I have other children who are older and they have not elicited similar reactions...
There is a lot to take in......

OP posts:
Blort · 12/04/2023 22:34

Is it possible your partner has had unwanted affection as a child? Her reaction could be trauma based- qlong with everyone here I agree it seems really out of place.

WrenNatsworthy · 12/04/2023 22:37

If you stay with her, get your poor daughter to send me a PM. I have 45 years of experience to pass on.

I used to think it was my fault. She has caused me so much upset and anxiety my entire life. I spent years trying to make her like me.

My Dad can't even mention me to her now because she will give him the silent treatment.

Please, please, please put your daughter first.

readbooksdrinktea · 12/04/2023 22:40

If this is an issue that keeps happening, I really don't understand why you're still in that relationship. It probably makes your daughter feel like shit that completely normal interactions with her father are made into something inappropriate. Is this woman really worth that?

Be the father everyone on this thread is praising you for being. Put your daughter first.

UndertheCedartree · 12/04/2023 22:40

As long as it is consensual and both parties are comfortable with it then it is fine.

LovelyIssues · 12/04/2023 22:42

The fact she would find that disturbing is in itself disturbing OP. I'm 34 and sit on my Dad's knee lol

YetMoreNewBeginnings · 12/04/2023 22:47

RedFlags1 · 12/04/2023 22:30

Thank you for all of the messages.
I do really appreciate the support and everyone taking the time to reply
This is actually the 4th issue involving my daughter where she has reacted in a completely over the top manner, all slightly different but with a similar theme that it is inappropriate for me to spend time alone with my daughter.
I have other children who are older and they have not elicited similar reactions...
There is a lot to take in......

I had a feeling you’d posted before…

When are you actually going to listen to people before she damages your relationship with your daughter?

She’s very jealous of your child and is deliberately trying to put a wedge between you. If you don’t deal with it then at some point she will succeed.

Lisapeter · 12/04/2023 23:03

I agree with not kissing children on the lips. I know some do and each to their own but nope not for me. I did have an issue with my cousin one time she had met a man when she was pregnant to some one else so new partner took the child on as if his own which was nice. When she was about 2 I had gone round there and asked where little one was and she said in the bath with her partner.... father or not I didnt agree with this.

Atsocta · 12/04/2023 23:09

Bless you, just know it’s not you that has the problem

Bignanny30 · 12/04/2023 23:10

Maybe she was abused and sees affection between a father and daughter differently to most of us because of that.

namechangingisboringme · 12/04/2023 23:11

RedFlags1 · 12/04/2023 22:30

Thank you for all of the messages.
I do really appreciate the support and everyone taking the time to reply
This is actually the 4th issue involving my daughter where she has reacted in a completely over the top manner, all slightly different but with a similar theme that it is inappropriate for me to spend time alone with my daughter.
I have other children who are older and they have not elicited similar reactions...
There is a lot to take in......

I would give my left nipple to be able to sit on my grandads knee and give him a cuddle. Unfortunately that's not an option for me. But at 40 I still sit on my uncles knees and give them a hug. It's not weird. She is.

jazzybelle · 12/04/2023 23:13

'..this made her feel sick and about to faint.She felt sick and was about to faint.'

She's a drama queen and not all there.

Doggate1 · 12/04/2023 23:15

She sounds like a total jealous nutjob… get out while you still can.
she is the one who is passing her aspersions on to you and the one who has sick thoughts and channeling them on to others .

YetMoreNewBeginnings · 12/04/2023 23:17

Bignanny30 · 12/04/2023 23:10

Maybe she was abused and sees affection between a father and daughter differently to most of us because of that.

That doesn’t make it ok to repeatedly try and make the OP change his way with his DD.

Luckyduc · 12/04/2023 23:30

Run a mile mate. The fact she thinks it's weird suggests to me there might be abit of jealousy going on.
I had the same issue with my dad....really wasn't an issue for us, nothing weird at all but she ended up being a crazy person.
Does she have no kids? Maybe this could be a reason for her not understanding that a parent doesn't stop loving their kids even when they are adults

SpringIntoChaos · 12/04/2023 23:48

Good grief what a bizarre reaction OP! You and your DD clearly have a great relationship. Your partner's reaction is very odd though!

My lovely dad died a few years ago, but I STILL sat on his knee for a quick cuddle whenever I visited (not sure he appreciated my giant 50-year old arse though 🤣😍) My two DDs would also sit on his knee for a cuddle...often both together, one each side, well into their 20s up until he died.

Cherish those moments - and ditch the weird girlfriend!

caringcarer · 12/04/2023 23:48

My adt DS's occasionally come and sit on the sofa with me and put their heads on my shoulder to watch TV. I have a snuggle blanket and they come to sit next to me and I put my blanket over their legs too. Your behaviour is entirely normal in a loving family. Your partner sounds very odd/jealous to me.

Aquamarine1029 · 12/04/2023 23:53

Op, you should be running for the fucking hills. Your partner has massive issues that are being taken out on your children. I really hope you understand how fucked up their perspective is and how damaging it could be in terms of your relationship with your children.

Carriecakes80 · 12/04/2023 23:57

Ohhh your partner has issues!
Get shot and fast!
All my kids, sons and daughters love to give n get lots of cuddles, it was one of the first things hubby said to me when we first met was that he loves a cuddle!
We have always told our kids, "...you will always have a roof over your head and you're never too old for a cwtch!"
This would be a complete norm in our house, Just like its normal when my little boy sits on my lap for a big hug, and hes 24! :-)

Serrina · 12/04/2023 23:59

Bignanny30 · 12/04/2023 23:10

Maybe she was abused and sees affection between a father and daughter differently to most of us because of that.

That's what I'm thinking. In which case, she really needs help. But the OP says there have been several issues with this woman regarding his daughter, which makes it seem more like jealousy. Maybe she looks like her mother and the OP's partner feels threatened by that? If thats the case then his partner is a very disturbed woman.

RosettaTheGardenFairy · 13/04/2023 00:15

Well, she'd hate me for sure, my father massaged my neck, shoulders and back throughout 2 of my early labours while my husband did drinks & food (he's rubbish at massages). If DH had ever implied anything improper I'd have thrown a shoe at him.

16 is a delicate age, as long as physical contact is initiated by your daughter you're fine. Bin the girlfriend. Don't let anyone spoil your relationship with your kids. Your daughters will always need you.