Would you get a night / baby nurse?

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If you could afford it / it was free.

I think in theory I’d love it but in reality I’d feel guilty. Contemplating this as I head into another long newborn night!

YABU - no
YANBU - I would

We have a cleaner. Not a cook...but batch cooking sorts that out. Would never have someone else do the night feeds either though (except maybe the dad !!)

No. If I had another baby which I won’t, I would combi feed so DH could share the load! Breast feeding was just too much and meant I did it alone for a year…

I have a 5 day year old and have a maternity nurse booked for 4 months. No guilt - means I'm feeling great during the day for both my new born, toddler and husband. I'm grateful every day we have one and wouldn't have it any other way

But it would have been even easier with more sleep...

If you go into parenthood expecting a decent night's sleep...you're deluded.
It doesn't get easier as they get older either. The newborn phase is about as easy as it gets

I think the night nanny idea was an American solution to a very real problem - given that USA Mum's only get 12 weeks maternity before returning to work. I think it is absolutely legitimate - although unfortunately due to the cost, reserved for the wealthy. I think New York, for example, employs the most (I think, don't know for sure, but I remember reading something a while ago about it).

With 12 months maternity in the UK being average, I'm not sure it's as needed, which is why it's not as popular/in-demand type service here. It exists but isn't as prevalent as it is in the USA.

Would I do it? Well I had my 12 months, and when I returned to work - night wakings were almost always due to whichever nursery bug came home and in those instances, I wanted to be there.

Had I, had to return to work 3 months post-partum - I'm not sure how I could have done it without one....!

Yes. With my first, born in London, I had a maternity nurse two nights a week for 12 weeks. She really helped us to get into a routine and DD1 was sleeping 7-7 by 14 weeks.
My second was born in Switzerland and maternity nurses aren’t really a thing here. I also knew much more what I was doing so didn’t feel as lost and anxious. So the London maternity nurse actually helped me with both babies in a way.

I'm not remotely deluded 😁
I've had three children, I got precious little sleep over the years and if I were to have another one I would definitely hire a maternity nurse.
Why do you keep reiterating the newborn stage is a piece of piss? It isn't for everyone.

What does a night nurse / nanny do?

If you have a qualified nurse they will ensure the baby is safe with low risk of cot death, feed them is without waking you if you've pumped / using formular, will change nappy basically stay up in the night with them maybe sleeping when they sleep. They're angels sent from heaven basically 😂😂😂

In the bad old 80s I had to go back to work at 10 weeks, had a live in nanny. At about 5-6 months she offered to night nurse to wean the baby and sleep train. Ten days, £100 a night, best £1k I ever spent.

13 years later I had two more children and was I. The fortunate position of not having to go back to work so quickly. I wouldn't have swapped those sleepy feeds and snuggles for r the world.

We all do our best

Absolutely I would. Preferably from birth until starting school.

No, that is one part of parenting I couldn't outsource. The thought of someone getting that bonding snuggle time with my baby, no way, plus I breastfed so not possible.
I would prefer someone to help in the day, housework, washing, cooking. But I'd need to earn a lot to justify it.

I didn't say it was a piece of piss...parenting never is. But its a whole lot easier than all of the stages that follow.
A newborn only needs you. You fix their problems, you can provide EVERYTHING they need to thrive and feel content.
The older they get, the more the outside world influences their wellbeing, and their safety...and the less you can protect them from sadness or eve harm. You can no longer provide everything they need to thrive and be content. And as a parent that's far harder to deal with than any sleepless night of baby vomit and exploding nappies.

I wouldn't get a night nurse mainly as I wouldn't like the lack of privacy. We don't have a cleaner for the same reason.

I've never found the baby stage too difficult with sleep anyway, I coped on 5 hours sleep before the dcs were born so it wasn't a big change. DH gets a long paternity leave (6 months paid) so that helped a lot.

If I could have afforded it I would. My eldest was a dream baby so not for him but my youngest didn't sleep a full night through until she started primary school, and she's the oldest in the year as is a September baby. She was awake at least once every night, sometimes up to 4 times. Lots of backwards and forwards between rooms, co sleeping, sleeping on her bedroom floor etc. We tried everything, all the sleep training and it didn't work.

My dad seems to think it's because she's quite intelligent and she wasn't being stimulated enough so her brain was always going overtime. She was reading by age 3 1/2 for example, only the very simple biff and chip books but is has been a "free reader" since year 2 and has been reading the Harry Potter books to herself around 6 months now and has generally been a year ahead at the other areas of the curriculum.

She's wonderful of course but if she had been my first she would have been the last.

DC1 yes I nearly died i swear! DC2 much better sleeper could have coped without.

I think it depends on the child and how much they are good at sleeping

Firstly, congratulations, and secondly, no judgement here, if you have money and could use support, why not? It sounds (to me) like your baby has the typical witching hour in the late afternoon, which a lot of babies experience. Our oldest was horrific from 4pm - 8 pm for the first 3-4 months. I used to count the minutes till my husband came home from work. Then he would walk up and down stairs for an hour till she slept. We tried finding a night nurse to sleep train ours, but they all recommended she should be 14lbs and 4 months before starting, she was a premie, so very small, and only about 8 weeks. She did start sleeping really well pretty much at that weight/age exact point interestingly. At 8 months she had a horrible sleep regression and we did get a night nurse for a long weekend, who was incredible and fixed our issues. In retrospect, i'm glad we ended up waiting until we were truly sleep deprived and desparate to do that and spend the money. Ultimately, the time will go by, it just feels torturous in the moment when you are waiting for an angry, upset baby to settle. I've heard takingcarababies on instagram is good to follow for tips etc.

I didn't just because we managed to get baby in a good routine ourselves with sleep training and he was sleeping 7-7 by 8 weeks. I also didn't breastfeed and we split night feeds before he started sleeping through.

If we had struggled at all then absolutely, I went back to work at 12 weeks and was very happy to be getting a full nights sleep.

For DD yes I wish we'd done this (didn't even look into it, wouldn't have afforded it). The sleep was a shock and I started suffering from insomnia so even when she slept well at night I didn't. I think it was an anxiety thing perhaps?
Currently on week 2 of DS and managing ok, I'm managing to sleep when he does at night so I don't feel as much like I'd need the help this time, although once we get a few more weeks in I might change my mind!

Aww me too, night feeds in a quiet room just mum and baby.. time to notice changes as baby is growing and towards the end of the journey they become bit sad if the weaning day is nearing :(

Hell yes

I 100% would. I think a big part of my post natal depression was because of sleep deprivation. I think if I had help I would have been a much better mum, unfortunately I feel like my PND meant I just did the bare minimum keeping us both alive for the first couple of months. It makes me sad that I couldn't enjoy it.

Hi Op, I got a night nanny for five nights, spread out across two months (between 2 months old and 4 months old). My son slept well (ie only a few wakings) from 4 months so I didn’t need the help after that. I would say go for it if you think it would help you. I used an agency and I credit the person who runs it (and the angel they sent to help me) with actually saving my life at the time. The nanny was amazing and my son bonded with her and was happy with her straight away. I was terrified at the thought of letting a stranger into my home , with a small baby to protect. But I caved and decided to give them a try, and I’m glad I did. You do have to be careful who you go with and trust your instincts. I have a friend who booked a night nanny through a childcare website and it didn’t work out for her at all and left her feeling a bit frightened , so do be careful. I’d recommend to go with a trusted agency and if you don’t like the person they send , do not feel obligated to let them stay . They are bloody expensive but for me, it saved my life and I will thank the nanny that helped me for years to come. It was only a few nights but my god, did I need that sleep. My son was an awful sleeper when he was tiny! He’s amazing at sleeping now . It does get better. I’m sending you hugs, this is a hard stage xxx

How did you find someone for a short period? Also silly question - what did they actually do? I love the idea but wouldn’t know where to start with what they could do