Page 5 | Would you get a night / baby nurse?

Hellaboring · 11/04/2023 12:28

Backinntheroom · 11/04/2023 09:32

20 years ago is recent
I'm talking about those who had no such luxuries, or those with multiple children who just got on with it despite, as @Duttercup says, only having a tub and mangle and no other 'mod cons'
And by the way @Duttercup , nothing wrong with a mangle and drying on a clothes line - in fact, vintage ones are going for several hundred quid, so your sarcasm doesn't really apply

How old are you? Did you really think most people were still using tubs and mangles in 1993?

😆

Floralnomad · 11/04/2023 13:13

My eldest sister was a terrible sleeper , my dad used to drive her up and down the motorway as it was the only way to get any peace .

incitethismeetingtorebellion · 11/04/2023 14:11

Floralnomad · 11/04/2023 13:13

My eldest sister was a terrible sleeper , my dad used to drive her up and down the motorway as it was the only way to get any peace .

My poor dad had to do this with me. And apparently I always woke up as soon as he stopped the engine when we got back to the house.

GonnaBeYoniThisChristmas · 11/04/2023 15:09

We had night nannies for both of ours. They used to come twice in the week and once at weekends. Perfect. Routines pretty quickly got established and I relished the nights I knew I could sleep well, wake refreshed and be happy and ready to parent again. So I would vote yes, get a night nanny.

MasssiveSalad · 11/04/2023 15:11

Guilty about what? Yes I would

ReadersD1gest · 11/04/2023 15:17

Emmamoo89 · 11/04/2023 12:04

Nope. Loved the newborn stage. Loved all the cuddles.

You know the night nurse doesn't actually remove your newborn 24/7? And you still have to sleep?

SRK16 · 11/04/2023 15:25

My mum offered to fund this for my after I had my first, as he was a terrible sleeper and I suffered from PPA, and severe insomnia. There were some nights I didn’t sleep at all. I said no and was completely against it at the time. However, I am now pregnant with my second and don’t think I can go through that again, it very nearly broke me. I hope I won’t suffer from PPA again, and for a better sleeper, but I think insomnia is a life long problem for me and it just doesn’t go very well with having a newborn. I have booked to have someone come in for two nights a week for approx the first 5 weeks, just to give me a fighting chance of having some form of sleep. The night nurse will still bring the baby to me for breastfeeding so it won’t be uninterrupted, but I am hopeful that it would help. I’m mostly concerned with the judgement of others and what they will think about me… with some self criticism thrown in about how I should be able to cope…. But I also think I will be a better mother to both my children with some sleep, and I am lucky to be able to fund this for a bit. I’ve taken on some additional work ahead of mat leave to cover it and hoping it will be money well spent!

Fruitandbarley1 · 11/04/2023 15:47

Nope sorry if I had the choice I'd pay so that I could have a full nights sleep. Ignore them, they're likely jealous that's all. Absolutely ridiculous to say that you're any less of a mum because you want some help with sleep. They are pathetic

londonmummy1966 · 11/04/2023 16:28

I had a maternity nurse for 6 weeks with each of mine - eye watering expense but I was self employed so no maternity leave and DH worked abroad in the week. I couldn't have survived without them.

Emmamoo89 · 11/04/2023 17:07

ReadersD1gest · 11/04/2023 15:17

You know the night nurse doesn't actually remove your newborn 24/7? And you still have to sleep?

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I know that. But I'd rather do it myself. I breastfeed and loved the sleepy cuddles after feeding my son. I'm lucky I've got a good sleeper.

BertieBotts · 11/04/2023 17:11

I would happily hire a doula to do everything else, but I think a newborn should be with its mother if possible and it was one of my most cherished times with all 3 DC.

DoggerelBank · 11/04/2023 17:11

No. That stage was hard, but also rather wonderful. Wouldn't have wanted to delegate - I would have felt I was missing out. Plenty of other stages in my kids' lives I'd have happily avoided though!

Lcb123 · 11/04/2023 17:14

If I could, I’d pay for help with the other stuff like house week, laundry and meals. It seems a bit sad to outsource your parenting, it will only be temporary and id regret not being present for it

ElmTree22 · 11/04/2023 17:31

The night feeds weren't the issue. It was the colic I could've had some help with. The majority of nights the screaming started at 6pm and stopped around 12am/1am. Even if I had kept to nap times and made sure she wasn't overtired etc. 10 hours of non stop screaming one night, started at 5pm and continued until 3am. Now that I would've paid for some help, my dh was so helpful but worked most evenings, I also suffered from mild PND in those first 8 weeks too.
God those were hard times! 😂

TellHimDirectlyInDetail · 11/04/2023 17:33

If I could afford it I'd get a cleaner and a cook but I'd want to do the night feeds myself.

ParadoxicalHippy · 11/04/2023 17:41

Not a night nanny as I’d have every intention of breastfeeding. I want another baby, DH casually mentioned he’d like another baby (I have a 24 year old and we have a 9 and 4 year old) but he can say shit like that because he knows we have fertility issues and I’m 44.

So I told him if we come into money, meaning we can afford the assistance and a 3 day/week nanny while I’m still fertile then we are doing it’ I can’t tell if he’s silently wishing my lottery numbers don’t come up 🤔

Legselevens · 11/04/2023 17:44

If I could afford it, yes. You will be judged whatever you do. Parenthood is hard enough as it is. I value sleep like gold.

Lovelyring · 11/04/2023 17:44

No, since exclusive breastfeeding was very important to me and I loved co-sleeping.

But I had an easy baby so no judgement for anyone who does. Some of my friends did and said it was great.

cigarettesNalcohol · 11/04/2023 17:45

Newmumatlast · 11/04/2023 01:09

No I would expect my partner to share the load more (which if breastfeeding can include watching while you sleep feed to ensure baby is safe and helping unlatch and settle them after). My husband was great first time round but second time tbh he really struggled with tiredness due to age and I had to call on parents to help so if I didnt have anyone else perhaps I would?

So point proven, even for dads who do their bit it still isn't enough and it's still incredibly tiring for both adults. I would get one if I could.

Original poster

Newarea · 11/04/2023 18:19

cigarettesNalcohol · 11/04/2023 17:45

So point proven, even for dads who do their bit it still isn't enough and it's still incredibly tiring for both adults. I would get one if I could.

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Such varied replies! I don’t think you can judge anyone without experiencing their baby! Mine is most unsettled in the afternoons so I’d take the help then on reflection.

@Newmumatlast My DH is back at work, I don’t see the point in both of us being tired just so he can watch me. He does his bits in the mornings / weekends.

I also don’t think the pp’s saying what’s the point in having kids are being fair. If having some respite improves mental health and overall parenting then why not - that benefits mother and baby.

OP posts:

ExperiencedTeacher · 11/04/2023 18:38

Absolutely no judgement from me. It wouldn’t have been for me, I EBF and coslept, but can totally understand people who want/need to. Sleep deprivation is incredibly dangerous and debilitating- why suffer if you don’t need to?

Blondeshavemorefun · 11/04/2023 19:12

If you need help whether sleep - feeding - routine or just because then yes is the right answer

This is what I do. I'm a maternity nurse and I can honestly say that me going into a house and helping and supporting parents whether first time or 2/3/4 child - can make a world of difference to a family

People have cleaners and gardeners and hairdressers etx - why make someone feel guilty if they need some help with their newborn baby

Couldntgive2hoots · 11/04/2023 19:45

Newarea · 11/04/2023 01:04

If you could afford it / it was free.

I think in theory I’d love it but in reality I’d feel guilty. Contemplating this as I head into another long newborn night!

YABU - no
YANBU - I would

No, most of us go into motherhood fully expecting sleepless nights . I could afford help, I could have afforded help with the last 2 (couldn't have afforded it with my first) and still wouldn't have done it.
The night feeds are the most precious....just you and your baby and nobody else in the world.
It sounds cliché but you will look back in a few years and wish it was just hunger and a poppy nappy that's keeping you awake at night

ReadersD1gest · 11/04/2023 19:48

Couldntgive2hoots · 11/04/2023 19:45

No, most of us go into motherhood fully expecting sleepless nights . I could afford help, I could have afforded help with the last 2 (couldn't have afforded it with my first) and still wouldn't have done it.
The night feeds are the most precious....just you and your baby and nobody else in the world.
It sounds cliché but you will look back in a few years and wish it was just hunger and a poppy nappy that's keeping you awake at night

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Yes, it sounds blissful, until you have a toddler awake for the day at 5am and a school run to do.

Couldntgive2hoots · 11/04/2023 19:50

ReadersD1gest · 11/04/2023 19:48

Yes, it sounds blissful, until you have a toddler awake for the day at 5am and a school run to do.

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Been there done that...have 3 children. Wait til they're teens and you're genuinely fearful for their lives every time they leave the house. Then you will realise how easy you had it