Would you get a night / baby nurse?

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If you could afford it / it was free.

I think in theory I’d love it but in reality I’d feel guilty. Contemplating this as I head into another long newborn night!

YABU - no
YANBU - I would

There's really no shame in wanting help. It's not about 'outsourcing everything ' or whether you can manage it alone. Sleep deprivation is torture. People shouldn't have to martyr themselves.

No, how else are you suppose to learn to lol after your own baby?
unless the child has special needs that meant the parents weren’t sleeping at all for month - no.
A neighbour used one, and she’s the least maternal person I know. Don’t know if that was because of the night nurse and the day nanny, or if that’s just the way she is anyway but she doesn’t seem to have much of a clue about how to handle her own baby and toddler.

How would anyone here (excepting those who had traumatic births) have coped having a baby even 30 years ago?

Well things have moved on, and having a baby doesn't mean that you're any less of a mother if you want some help with the sleepless nights.

From experience, unless I had a huge house, I think I’d wake up anyway - the tiniest little snuffly noise used to wake me even when they were in a different room (this was many years ago, before anyone said they needed to be in with you.).
I was BF-ing anyway. (That’s re a very young baby.).

I've had a mother's help when number two came along and I couldn't nap when the baby slept because I had another one. Personally I prefer someone else doing the cleaning and meal prep etc so I can do the best bits of parenting like playing together and so this was better (and cheaper!) than a maternity nurse. But it did mean I could take the odd nap whilst she played with my toddler in the garden.

And I actually quite like the newborn snuggles with a boxset on too.

No. I want to do it myself. I think the option is great for mothers who are unwell and need that support, otherwise it's not my thing. If others want to do so though, up to them.

Absolutely. I have and I will again.

100%. I'm currently looking for one for my second that's due soon & I have zero guilt. It isn't forever and I'm really looking forward to the help! DH works away a lot and I wish we'd been able to have one for our first. I don't think it makes you any less of a mother and I certainly won't care if anyone judges me for it. Having an alert, experienced nanny there is wonderful. I will be BF and the lovely ladies I've spoken to so far are very happy to support this and ensure I can maximise sleep.

No, but I’d def spend the money to get someone in to clean and cook daily instead. And maybe watch baby for half an hour while I had a bath!!

We actually thought about it for DS2 as we could have afforded it but he was a bottle refuser so it felt a bit pointless.

What I would have liked instead is someone to take both kids first thing in the morning - when DS2 was a newborn, DS1 was up at 5:30/6 - to allow me to sleep in until DS2 needed his next feed

Some people will always judge you for having one, and will sneer at it which is maybe out of jealousy and resentment who knows. It's like saying why do you need a cleaner at home when you can do it yourself. Why do you need a car, just walk there yourself. You can't win sometimes really.

I had a night nanny as a one-off for two months when my son was seven months old and my husband was working away a lot. My son was a horrific sleeper and earlier that week I ended up developing severe vertigo-like symptoms out of nowhere that ended up resulting in a call to 111 and then, on their advice, an a&e visit. No reason could be found for the dizzy spells apart from exhaustion. I was in such a horrendous state that I decided to throw money at the problem and give myself two nights off.
I do have help from family but I didn't like the idea of my mum having sleepless nights again in her late 60's. Daytime help with baby or keeping on top of the house every now and again is lovely but but getting my mum to do nights felt like too much of an ask, so I brought in a pro as a treat!

In general, I agree with the POV that there are no prizes for being a martyr, get what help you need. I think a lot of people who look down on women who seek help have grandparents who support instead.

But even I was tripped into a bit of judgment when an acquaintance casually mentioned that she has a weekend nanny so that her husband and her can go away for the weekend spontaneously and what they want on the weekend. They also holiday without their toddler regularly leaving her with grandparents. And have her in full time childcare. And have a babysitter for two evenings a week. Oh and she is a "SAHM"...

I briefly considered whether I was just jealous of her but, no, while I would love to have a childfree weekend a couple of times a year, I actually do want some time with my kids

Woops I meant TWO NIGHTS not two months. Sheesh no way I could have afforded that 😅

No - I had a shit sleeper but luckily I loved nights. One of my favourite photos of us is a 3am selfie where she's wide awake and laughing. But I only have one and had zero qualms about sleeping when she napped.

But no judgement on anyone for having one. Especially twin mums. Lord, I could never.

No because I demand fed and only I could do that, it's such a short time really, why would you want a stranger in your house anyway? I would have had a cleaner in twice a week to both clean and tidy up though

This is what I would go for. My baby is 5 months old and we still are breastfeeding at night. I don't mind it, it is a very bonding experience. The housekeeper just doing everything else would have made the first 3 months better!

"What I would have liked instead is someone to take both kids first thing in the morning - when DS2 was a newborn, DS1 was up at 5:30/6 - to allow me to sleep in until DS2 needed his next feed"

My DD stayed with me and I tooky older toddler GC overnight when she didn't. It made the world of difference, her getting enough sleep. When she was with me I acted like an overnight nanny. I did the sitting up/rocking for an hour+ during the night and only took her in to my DD when she needed a feed. I think that it helps the bond, especially on an individual child, level. A lot of women don't get to appreciate the newborn stage because they are overworked with it all.

For a baby like my son yes. He was an awful awful sleeper and we were so exhausted that it nearly broke our relationship. Some help would have definitely been a life raft

If you can afford it. Why not?

There’s no point having a house if you get a cleaner.

There’s no point having a car if you get a taxi.

…See, it’s ridiculous isn’t it?

My mother had a mother’s help 30-odd years ago. It was only the 90s! She’d come in, look after my siblings, feed them, clean, wash, take me for a bit so mum could work or sleep, and then as we grew, she became more of a regular nanny figure.

Totally. 😆