to ask whether a child with few clothes is neglected?

[mosepray]

I’ve really been trying to cut down on the numbers of clothes we buy for a few years now and this has left my children (under 10) with 3-4 outfits each per season— obviously way more underwear. I’ve sewn them up smocks/overdresses/pinnies to wear if they’re playing. The expectation is that everything is worn twice and we do a wash once a week.

I remember my grandmother telling me about the flannel dress she wore every day but Sunday when she was 7/8 and it made me think that maybe we don’t need that many clothes.

My friend recently came round and we got onto the topic. She thinks that it’s neglectful to have so few clothes, because I can afford more so why not get more and leave the kids miserable. AIBU to think that’s silly?

3 might be too few for me because I'd want some float in case I didn't get a loaf of washing on or they got really muddy in the garden, but on the whole I agree with you on principle. As long as the clothes are weather appropriate and they fit, they don't need to have several dozen options.

There's no reason for children to have the number of clothes they have. Mine have too many and I'm consciously aiming to reduce what they have.

It's only recently that people have had as many clothes as they do now, up until about the 80/90s most people had a few everyday outfits and usually one for best

My children have always had so many clothes but in all honestly even now in their later teen years they tend to choose to wear the same favourite outfits, perhaps not 3-4, more 6-7 though.

I don’t think I’d have managed on so few outfits, even through secondary school my children would have a spillage and need to change their clothes some days. I wouldn’t have been able to launder the clothes quick enough!

Children can be quite cruel and I was always conscious that my children didn’t wear the same clothes for parties/non school uniform days etc.

If they are decent and clean then it's not neglectful at all.

Children started having loads of clothes when the Next sales became popular and people would queue and then buy bags and bags of stuff for the DC, before this people didn't really bother. Primark also became quite popular around this time which meant more opportunity to buy loads of cheap stuff. DS was born in 1992 when all this was going on and yes, I did queue in the Next sale and bought lots of unnecessary clothes. We need to go back to the old days with clothes, I'm sure it was less stressful.

Neglect would be if they had dirty clothes and clothes/shoes that were not weather-appropriate.

But I think you are also being a bit unreasonable.

If money is tight you can easily find clothes in charity shops/places like Primark for a few pounds.

This is going to become an issue when your kids start their teens and won't want to go around wearing handmade ''smocks''.

I think it's fantastic and we should all be doing this.

I read that most adults only need 20 outfits and shouldn't be buying more than five items a year, and that was a generous estimate. For an adult.

We were given loads of clothes second hand which was kind but there is so much tbh it's stressful and overwhelming. I should have been more selective!

I don't think its neglectful, kids need clean and well fitting clothes that are suitable for the weather and season. They don't need millions of outfits. They do need their clothes to not be worn, stained or damaged.
In relation to the smocks..please stop for your 9 year old soon, you don't want her to become that weird kid as she approaches upper primary and high school.

Also my 13 year old is clothes obsessed and literally would spend thousands on her wardrobe if she could. And she needs designer this and that to keep up with her friends.
Littlest is an actual pig in a dress, she gets changed at least once a day.
Middle two, ones always covered in mud from football and one is always covered in cheesy wotsit crumbs.
Mine definitely need more than 3 outfits. I'd say the boys have less as theirs are more expensive, tracksuits etc.

I don't think it's neglectful however I have 2 dc's under 10 and I think I would struggle with so few clothes for them. I try to get things worn twice but more often than not they got something on it after day 1 so it needs washing. However that's me and if it works for you then it is all good.

If it works for you and your children it works and is fine! My 17month old barely has any new clothes or toys, they're all hand me downs.... is that neglectful? No xxx

My DS12 only has about 5 items of clothing in total he is happy to wear (2 bottoms, 2 tee-shirts and a coat). I buy him other stuff, he won't put it on if it doesn't feel exactly right, so I've given up buying to some extent.

I'm kicking myself because he found a Next tee-shirt he loves in the sale at Christmas. I should have gone back and bought them all! I've ordered another Next tee-shirt online that looked the same- nope, not right.

I just have to keep the things he will wear clean- which is also wasteful, just in a different way.

What you are doing is fine. My son generally wears the same few outfits through choice and it’s much better for the environment. As long as they are clean then I don’t see a problem.

It's extremely rigid thinking that is more than likely going to effect them when they get older. I grew up in poverty and have MH issues from this, including being bullied at school for my clothes. I think you should save your approach for yourself and take more joy in having nicely dressed children who can express themselves in their outfit choices (without being wasteful) each day. It seems cruel and harsh to me.

PlinkPlonkFizz
You're projecting your own issues there.

The outlook of a family who make a conscious choice to live with less, whatever their reasons, is going to be different to a family who cannot have more due to their financial circumstances and poverty.

It's similar to why, for example, middle class parents or those who are comfortable financially, probably don't feel awkward about second hand clothes, hand me downs and charity shops, whereas those people who view second hand as a sign you can't afford new are going to strive to give their children lots of new clothes.

I don't even think this is that unusual.

If you take work clothes out of the equation, my husband has two pairs of jeans and two pairs of shorts.

He has two weeks worth of boxers, t shirts/polo shirts and socks though because he travels for work.

And swimwear, sports kit and some scruffy stuff for gardening and decorating etc.

Very child dependent isn't it. My baby could have worn the same babygrow for a week as they weren't dribbly, rarely spat-uo or vomited, and only ever had about five poo disasters.

My friend's baby was the opposite of this and got dribble, puke or poo on the babygrow so often I think it was a good day if you they were only changed three times!

I was that kid who's mum didn't think that kids 'needed' nice clothes. And yeah, we didn't 'need' them but it was bloody excruciating wearing my older cousin's hand-me-downs that were decades old and had already gone through my sister before me. I had no friends because I was that weirdo kid.

It also fed into very low self esteem when your parents don't even think that for a big occasion in your childhood you deserve so much as a new pair of socks. I was in my teens before I had a single item of clothing that was new. And that's because I bought it myself!

DM always acts so surprised that I present myself nicely these days "because you was always so scruffy, Turf" eh, you fucking dressed me Mum!

Anyway, there's a balance between going on spending sprees, and being insanely frugal to the point of affecting your kids - as long as you hit that balance, and pay attention to how the kids feel, crack on.

I'm pretty frugal myself, I buy carefully and ensure what I buy is well cared for and lasts. There's things in my wardrobe over 25 years old and still going strong. But for DS, I ensure he's got the clothes he needs and that he loosely fits in with his peers. Ironically, he is totally happy to gad about in rags, but as long as I ensure he's got the choices to dress better when he wants, I've done my bit.

Some of your post sounds like some of my experiences.
What I found after having DC is that the issues I felt weren't about the clothes, just the clothes were an outward expression of other inconsistent attitudes/values.

With our DC, we've chosen deliberately to shop second hand, I buy second hand for myself and we try to be environmentally conscious when we can. We try to strike the balance between being conscious and intentional in our consumption and giving DCs the freedom to learn and express themselves.

Whilst DC have more clothes than I'd like them to have, I can't get too bogged down in it whilst most of their stuff is second hand. They can express their preferences and know I'd rather buy them one item new that they really like and will wear lots than what my DPs did with me and the focus was on whatever was on sale/cheap at the time.

Absolutely agree with this.

Good for you.
My grandchildren don't have masses of clothes, and quite a number are secondhand; their parents (very high earning) social circle do a lot of sharing and passing on.

Your friend is nuts. Ask her what steps she is taking to reduce consumption and waste and make the future greener and better for her children?

There is no way I would want my children to only have 3 outfits. Mainly because I don’t want to be forced to do washing every week if we have plans or other jobs that need doing. My DD2 is currently leaking through seemingly every nappy so needs a clean outfit (leggings and vest at least) daily. We’ve tried multiple nappy brands and change her regularly. I’d be washing every day with only 3 outfits.

My 9yo DD would not be happy to wear smocks and pinnies. She likes choosing her outfit and wearing nice things.

Also, be mindful as your kids get older that their clothes don’t smell (body odor, farts, cheesy feet…) before they look dirty. Having taught 9-10yo children, their clothes often smell because the child was clean but their clothes aren’t. Their parents often don’t notice because they are used to the smell.

Sounds very eco to me, I applaud it.

Anyway, 4 outfits per season is plenty. I think most people (kids and adults) have way too many clothes.

Definitely not a marker for neglect.

I think that's fine if it works for you. DS is growing really quickly so I'm finding it hard to keep up. He usually has 4 pairs of joggers and around 7 t shirts that fit at any one time and I wash twice a week.

DD has more but mostly because she is growing slowly so her things last much longer.

I don't think kids need many clothes, as long as they have enough to wear between washes then it's fine. Most kids really don't care what they wear anyway, although yours might want more choose as they get older.

You could be correct @LolaSmiles but I don't think the reason for not having many (or odd) clothes actually matters when it comes to the impact on a child?

Whether it's poverty an ecological reason or something else, the children probably will be affected in some way. It's interesting that nearly all the people commenting on this thread (whose parents for whatever reason gave them limited access to clothes) say it negatively hit their MH, self-esteem or self-worth.

I think poverty has other effects on a child (perhaps increased sensitivity and less resilience than a MC child?) but dressing children (age 9 - awful 😞) in smocks, and having such limited clothing choices, is a severe parenting approach that is likely to have negative consequences. I hope I'm wrong for the children's sake.