to ask whether a child with few clothes is neglected?

[mosepray]

I’ve really been trying to cut down on the numbers of clothes we buy for a few years now and this has left my children (under 10) with 3-4 outfits each per season— obviously way more underwear. I’ve sewn them up smocks/overdresses/pinnies to wear if they’re playing. The expectation is that everything is worn twice and we do a wash once a week.

I remember my grandmother telling me about the flannel dress she wore every day but Sunday when she was 7/8 and it made me think that maybe we don’t need that many clothes.

My friend recently came round and we got onto the topic. She thinks that it’s neglectful to have so few clothes, because I can afford more so why not get more and leave the kids miserable. AIBU to think that’s silly?

Do they have school uniform on top or are they home schooled?

The pinafore/smock thing made me think they might be home schooled.

If they do have school uniform during the week then I think 3-4 weekend outfits would be fine. But I would have thought they'd need more than 1 set of uniform each. Unless you can wash it overnight?

If they don't have school uniform then I don't think 3-4 is enough. It relies too much on frequent washing and the children staying clean.

I get the wish to be responsible. I don't think there's a single item of clothing in my house (apart from underwear!) that isn't second hand or vintage - but I have an awful lot of it! Way more than is nexessary, I admit, and I do keep planning to become minimalist. But there is a middle ground.

I can’t imagine only having three outfits myself, so I wouldn’t expect a child to make do with three outfits either.

I also didn’t have many clothes growing up and it is horrible and resulted in teasing and bullying.

This. I agree.

I wish I could cut down on buying clothes my 3 year old has more clothes than me and her dad ....

I grew up in a time when children had 2/3 outfits each season, so it was normal and I fitted in with my piers

when your D.C. get to secondary school my advice would be to allow them to fit in with their friends if they need. So possibly a few more outfits and up to date. Then when they visit friends or visa versa they don’t feel uncomfortable

It’s certainly not neglectful. Neglect would be dirty clothes , inadequate clothing in cold weather, shoes that let in water.
People used to own far fewer clothes. We’ve just got used to cheap, mass produced in Chinese sweatshops clothes.
I think you’re bringing up yoyr children with great values.
I haven’t bought new in years, Vinted is my best friend and I’m moving towards fewer clothes.

Sure, read my second sentence. 😊

That’s just sad , you said you can afford it ?

Buy them some more clothes

Three to four outfits for each season means they have twelve to fourteen outfits in total. That doesn't seem particularly frugal. I'd think that was a normal amount especially when they're ages where they're growing and you'll need to buy others as they grow.

Of course it isn’t neglectful….you know very well it isn’t surely? It’s pretty normal in my house but my teen DS isn’t interested in clothes and I have trouble getting him to choose anything new. I’m pretty sure kids of the 80’s only had a few outfits.

So I guess it depends on your child and how interested they are in fashion. I have a lot of clothes (all from Vinted) because I’m an arty kind of person who enjoys dressing up.

Entirely sensible. Just as long as the clothes are clean, in good condition and fit well, and the kids are happy. Vast amounts of clothes that kids grow out of in a matter of months is daft.

Nrtft

My DDs have always had way too much. They get hand me downs plus having 3 DDs clothes always get handed down. For years I’ve had no room because I’ve felt it wasteful to throw clothes or even donate if I know I may need them. I’ve now got to the point I buy for my older ones and have become ruthless in clearing out donations. I still struggle with volume though. My oldest has wanted to wear the exact same outfit everyday through the school holidays, my middle is fairly similar so no point in considering different outfits. But..you never know when a different outfit is needed, then during term we have school uniforms, pe kits, rainbows, brownies, netball, drama, gymnastics uniforms…. Where is the balance???

My DH complained 5yo dosnt have clothes this week, to be fair I knew that, and it’s because 6 out of 7 days she’s in some form of uniform. I kinda begrudge buying non uniform outfits for an occasional day, and have been trying to wait until summer holidays. At which point I will add there will be no short supply of summer dresses as I’ve kept dozens.

As long as they have appropriate clothes for the weather, thats all that matters. Mine live in jeans/joggers in the winter and shorts in the Summer. They have a selection of tshirts/hoodies/long sleeve tops and probably less selection of winter clothes and more in the Summer (when we are going away and buy lots of tshirts/shorts). As long as everything is the right size, clean and the kids like them, its fine.

@mosepray I just wanted to post to say I'm completely with you. I'm trying to train my family that clothes don't necessarily need to go in the laundry at the end of each day if they're still clean, plus if your kids are anything like mine they have favourite outfits & wear the same few all the time anyway!

You do you & ignore the naysayers, much better to teach kids about saving the planet & not needing all the extra stuff that we've been conditioned to desire.

No it's def not neglectful why would it be? Neglect I'd not providing basic needs - food drink, love and appropriate clothes, but there is no suggestion that just a few outfits means you're being neglectful.

I admire your stance tbh.

More clothes seems to be more stressful for my children. They only wear their favourites so having lots of outfits doesn't work. For my neurodiverse children this is particularly true. My husband and I don't have many clothes either

You are being sensible. Children, especially when school age, need just a few outfits. Many parents buy far too many, because they find them attractive, then donate or eBay nearly new, sometimes new, outgrown clothes. What's the point?

OP, question about the pinnies, smocks, overdresses.

you say children have those to put on whilst they play. But pretty much all of what children do is play.

when do they wear these? I can only imagine my DD (8) wearing an apron to bake. Do they get changed / put on one of those items to eg play in the garden? Go on the trampoline? Play dolls or similar? Do general colouring / drawing / making things at home?

Shocked at all these responses. Most kids I know, even teens, have a few favourite things they like and could get by on very little. Even I wear the same few things week on week. Neglect? Oh purlease.

@HappyValet :

"How do they keep them clean? My children seem to smother themselves in food, pens, mud, just general dirt, and the youngest (in nappies) is constantly dribbling, snotting, pooping all over things... We can't get more than a day out of clothes. "

My 2 are older now, but I don't remember mine being that dirty generally. My kids rarely got dirty. If they were out in the garden in mud they had wellies and coats on. At nursery they had plastic apron for paintwork etc. I just don't remember everyone being permanently dirty.

For me it is more about what you are saying and the messages your children are receiving than what they've got. Hopefully it isn't too much of a big deal for anyone and not part of a day in day out awareness and talk about ethical living that might make them worry or feel different to their peers. I hope they've got something fun that they like to wear because it makes them feel nice and they've made a choice etc. Other than that you must be very organised to run such a tight ship and hopefully this is also in a balanced way too.

Sounds reasonable to me, but I brought my kids up in the 1980s with little money. I’m rather horrified at the number of unnecessary clothes my DGC seem to have and the endless washing and drying that goes on. I had neither the appliances nor the time. Despite this, my children looked tidy, clean and reasonably well dressed - and they still look after their clothes.

Sounds fine.
We grew up with 3 of most things - 1 on, 1 in wash, 1 spare. Plus a party dress and a few school clothes. We always had clean clothes.

Sounds very sensible to me, many people have far too many clothes including myself.