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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it's rude not to wait for guests..?

402 replies

easterbunnyz · 10/04/2023 17:59

My parents invited us for Easter lunch. They didn't really give an exact time said around 5-6. Admittedly we got there just after 6.. they had already started, and almost finished eating.
They do this all the time? I can't imagine inviting them and if they were late just start eating without them.
AIBU to think it's rude not to wait? Or is that me expecting too much?

OP posts:
TidyDancer · 10/04/2023 18:40

Well you were over an hour late from the start time of when you were invited. I'm not sure why you're surprised they'd started eating. With no contact from you they probably assumed you weren't coming. If it was a work shift that made you late, why didn't you pre-warn them of that?

Cosyblankets · 10/04/2023 18:40

Potplant19 · 10/04/2023 18:17

I'm glad someone else said this. When do you have dinner if lunch is 6pm?

Show quote history

Glad you said it

Rightsraptor · 10/04/2023 18:41

Lunch is never at 5pm.

GoodChat · 10/04/2023 18:41

@MasterBeth and the OP acknowledges she was late and this has happened numerous times so she knows what her relatives mean by asking her to arrive around that window

TrishTrix · 10/04/2023 18:41

My family give better timing.

Come for lunch. Arrive around 13:00. We'll aim to eat at 13:30.

If anyone is late I'd regard it as fair game to start eating.

CheshireCat1 · 10/04/2023 18:41

It is what it is, count your blessings, it is Easter Sunday.

LookItsMeAgain · 10/04/2023 18:41

easterbunnyz · 10/04/2023 18:28

Sorry I should've said.. I was at work, I was unable to message until I finished mt shift

So you knew that it was unlikely that you would get to them for 5 as you'd been working and you were running late?
Why didn't you say "between 6 and half past suits us better" so they'd have an idea of what time you were likely to show up?

Prepare to have your ass handed to you because there's going to be plenty of people that think you were the ones being rude here, not them.

Gymmum82 · 10/04/2023 18:42

It’s very odd behaviour on both parts. If you were at work why didn’t you say sorry I won’t make 5-6 as I’ll be in work til X time and might finish later. I’ll get there as soon as I can and if I knew I’d invited my daughter for dinner after a work shift I can’t imagine not waiting until they arrived to eat. Unless you were running very late and had said don’t wait for us please eat without us and then I’d plate up for whenever you could get there. There seems to be zero communication between the 2 parties

CantFindTheBeat · 10/04/2023 18:42

Thats rubbish, OP.

If I was told by my parents to arrive around 5/6, arriving just after 6 would be fine.

It is a useless timeframe though - they should be much clearer than that.

What happened after?

Original poster
easterbunnyz · 10/04/2023 18:42

My shift is meant to finish at 5 but it was busier than I anticipated for Easter Sunday so it was later.

OP posts:
Oigetoffmylawn · 10/04/2023 18:43

Did you let them know you'd set off? Or you'd be late? Are you frequently late?

If you're frequently late and don't let them know then yeah, I think you were rude. If you usually arrive on time and let them know you were running late, or they usually start eating before the stated time, then they are rude.

Kvetching · 10/04/2023 18:43

Our guests are often a bit late, as are we. We will usually be texting ‘on our way’, ’be there in 10’ etc.

Our hosts would never start without us, that’s weird and uptight.

slowquickstep · 10/04/2023 18:43

Who has lunch between 5 and 6 ? You were late, why didn't you call to say you were running late ? If my guests couldn't be bothered to call i would start without them.

Aprilx · 10/04/2023 18:45

MasterBeth · 10/04/2023 18:32

She did show up at the proper time, around 5 - 6.

Show quote history

Oh do give it up. It is perfectly obvious that the meal was to be served at some point between 5 and 6.

I have cooked my lamb dinner today, it took two hours to make and when it was ready I want to eat it not leave it sitting around to spoil because some pig ignorant individual like the OP, who presumably thinks the world should revolve around her timings, hasn’t bothered to turn up on time or even advice of when she might.

BeeBB · 10/04/2023 18:45

YABU as were they. I would have arrived at 5.10-5.15.

I would be very stressed and annoyed at your lateness but would probably have phoned to see where you were and how long you were likely to be unless you have form for lateness in which case I would have done what they did or invited you an hour earlier than when I actually wanted to sit down and eat.

But equally if I were you I wouldn’t have been late unless something had unavoidably detained me i.e. an accident and then I would have phoned to apologise and forewarn my hosts at the earliest possible opportunity not just swan in after the invitation cut off time and expect everyone to be waiting around for me and maybe have a meal potentially ruined or spoiled.

Zanatdy · 10/04/2023 18:45

It’s really hard to hold off serving if it was a roast. 5-6 means somewhere inbetween, definitely not after 6. Just be on time

NoSquirrels · 10/04/2023 18:46

Hello DD, would you and DP like to come for lunch on Easter Sunday?

Oh, thanks, we’d love to but I’m
at work in the afternoon.

No problem, we’ll eat later, come around 5-6?

Thanks! I definitely won’t be finished before 5.45 though so with you closer to 6.30?

OK, see you at 6.30, meal will be ready to eat then so call me if you’re delayed.

——-

Clear communication is entirely possible.

shard5 · 10/04/2023 18:48

We've never started eating before guests arrive either even if they're really late but after the last two times where the same guests arrived 3 hours late and the second time 40 minutes after the fast had ended and everyone insisted on waiting for the usual late arrivers I've vowed we'll never wait again.
I always let guests know what time we aim to sit down to eat, always wait, food starts going cold, then when they're finally here everything has to be reheated meaning some things are slightly spoiled. It spoils the whole experience and feels really disrespectful.

Mouthfulofquiz · 10/04/2023 18:48

Yep lateness is rude. You could have just agreed a time and stuck to it: I would probably have started eating too…

Theimpossiblegirl · 10/04/2023 18:49

If they do this all the time, you should know about it and arrange a proper time.

shockthemonkey · 10/04/2023 18:49

It seems you’re often late. There is learning to be done on both sides here. Your parents could be more precise (or adjust for your habitual tardiness by saying an earlier time than they intend). And you could be on time, or let them know if you can’t make their time/are running late

NoSquirrels · 10/04/2023 18:50

easterbunnyz · 10/04/2023 18:42

My shift is meant to finish at 5 but it was busier than I anticipated for Easter Sunday so it was later.

So their timings of “around 5-6” were because that’s the timing you gave them (vague) and then you were late too.

Like I said before, if this happens a lot then are you 50% to blame?

MasterBeth · 10/04/2023 18:51

nomoredriving · 10/04/2023 18:38

  • can't imagine inviting them and if they were late just start eating without them. AIBU to think it's rude not to wait? Or is that me expecting too much?*

Read this again very slowly... @MasterBeth

OP is asking is it too much to expect them not to wait if she was late.... which she was! She's saying if the tables were turned, she would wait if they were late?

Do you know understand?

Do I know understand?

Do I know? Or do I understand?

I understand that you are not a very sophisticated reader and can’t appear to tell the difference between two separate paragraphs referring to two different situations.

The first is about a hypothetical situation. The OP is trying to imagine if she would start eating if guests were late.

The second is about what actually happened, when the OP was not late, although it’s certainly possible that the hosts assumed, incorrectly, that she was. Nevertheless, nowhere in the post does the OP express that she was late, that’s just your assumption or interpretation.

itsgettingweird · 10/04/2023 18:52

They said between 5 and 6.

You arrived after 6.

It's more controlling not to even turn up within the hour window and expect others to wait around for you IMO.

Between 5 and 6 to me would be 5.30 latest and 5.45 if running late. And at least a text to let them know an ETA in advance.

Viviennemary · 10/04/2023 18:53

You were late and should have phoned or sent a text.