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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it's rude not to wait for guests..?

402 replies

easterbunnyz · 10/04/2023 17:59

My parents invited us for Easter lunch. They didn't really give an exact time said around 5-6. Admittedly we got there just after 6.. they had already started, and almost finished eating.
They do this all the time? I can't imagine inviting them and if they were late just start eating without them.
AIBU to think it's rude not to wait? Or is that me expecting too much?

OP posts:
Abraxan · 12/04/2023 08:18

They do this all the time?

So are you regularly late then? This statement in your OP suggests so. I suspect they are just fed up of your lateness and now can't be doing with waiting til you bother showing up.

LieInsAreExtinct · 12/04/2023 08:24

Lunch? 5-6? What time is dinner?
It's tricky if you're trying to get timing right for a large group. I remember a horrible situation visiting family abroad, there were going to be 12 or more of us, a huge family reunion and my then husband and I were horribly delayed picking up our RV for the continued holiday. (Before mobile phones) we made a huge effort to keep stopping and updating ETA but in the end they had to start without us. I felt so embarrassed although it was really out of our control.
Just get an exact time, try to keep to it, and keep them updated if you get delayed. It's not difficult these days!

BitOutOfPractice · 12/04/2023 08:25

I wouldn't have started eating because that's rude. But then I wouldn't have been late without any warning because that's also rude.

But this all seems a bit fraught for a family lunch. I'm assuming there's a back story / history.

Ilovecleaning · 12/04/2023 08:46

No texting or phoning between you in this day and age? I find that strange. Why couldn’t you text at 5.30 saying “see you around 6.15. Is this ok?”
or why couldn’t they text at 5 saying “ We hope to eat at 6. Can you make it before 6?”
seems so obvious to me. I haven’t read the whole thread (cba to read 15 pages 🤣)and I am probably not the only one to say this.

SophieCook · 12/04/2023 08:50

I think it depends. My brother was about 45 mins late once (he'd fallen asleep) and we started without him as we had other friends over and a child who had to eat before going to bed. My mum was 1.5 hours late once (unclear start time and bad traffic) and we waited for her.

To be fair, if you're not prepared to wait for people you should never give a vague start time. 5-6 could mean 5 to some people, 6 to others, 4.30 to yet more other (like my in laws) and doesn't give the impression that the food will be ready at a certain time so you need to be there at a certain time. But I wouldn't get angry about that, just ask for a precise start time next time so you know what their plans are.

I'm with you, if I had been told 5-6 I would probably have assumed 6 and might have been (unintentionally) a little late. The thing is, if you're inviting people round, presumably it's because you like them, and you're aware of their faults, so you need to roll with it or people are unlikely to come again.

MarvellousMonsters · 12/04/2023 09:06

I don't care if you live in the north or south, or anywhere else, lunch is in the middle of the day, not at 5-6pm. And as several other people have said, if the time is given as 5-6 you arrive between 5 and 6, not after 6.

YABU and rude for being late.

Elaina87 · 12/04/2023 09:22

Yes you're unreasonable I'm afraid - could you not have called or messaged to say you'll be a bit late? 5-6 means, not before 5 but 6 at latest in my book.

Elaina87 · 12/04/2023 09:26

I'd agree if it was friends, but this is her parents. If it were my parents I'd fully expect them to start without me if we were late.

chocolatemademefat · 12/04/2023 09:49

Just get yourself there on time in future. Why should people wait until it pleases you to turn up - late? I hate when people can’t be arsed to be places on time - total lack of respect. Your time is no more precious than other people’s.

shelbaba · 12/04/2023 10:04

Your were late to be fair but it is a bit strange especially if they clearly had started before 6 given were almost finished.

If I was told to come between 5 and 6 I would aim for about 5.30pm. I wld have probably called to see where though before deciding to go ahead and start eating.

I've been in that situation at a family meal and sil hadn't turned up on time and the kids were starving. My fil said we were just going to start and she appeared just as mil was bringing food to the table.

Seeleyboo · 12/04/2023 10:11

You're incredibly rude and ooze self-importance. IMO, you turn up as early as possible to the earliest time to have drinks and chat, etc. Not turn up after the latest time given. My son did this to me one xmas, and he ended up eating his Xmas dinner alone. Why should the majority wait for a selfish minority.

SophieCook · 12/04/2023 11:19

I seriously think mumsnet is the work of the devil. It shows all the sordid, unpleasant workings of people's minds and instead of just allowing you to think, "live and let live", "don't criticize until you've walked a mile in their shoes", "oh well, let's try something different next time", you get to see how mean, ungenerous and unpleasant some people really are. And vaguely knowing that some people aren't very nice is one thing, but when you have it spelled out for you in black and white, it makes it harder to believe the best of people in future.

So that's my opinion of mumsnet. The work of the devil, sowing seeds of discontent and hatred.

newnamethanks · 12/04/2023 11:43

Lunch at 5 or 6? If I'd been waiting for you from 12-1pm you wouldn't have got anything and you wouldn't be invited again.

nomoredriving · 12/04/2023 11:46

SophieCook · 12/04/2023 11:19

I seriously think mumsnet is the work of the devil. It shows all the sordid, unpleasant workings of people's minds and instead of just allowing you to think, "live and let live", "don't criticize until you've walked a mile in their shoes", "oh well, let's try something different next time", you get to see how mean, ungenerous and unpleasant some people really are. And vaguely knowing that some people aren't very nice is one thing, but when you have it spelled out for you in black and white, it makes it harder to believe the best of people in future.

So that's my opinion of mumsnet. The work of the devil, sowing seeds of discontent and hatred.

I wonder why you use it then?

Odd really?

Bansheed · 12/04/2023 13:55

If I were cooking a family roast and I knew my DD was working until 5pm, no way would I have started eating . I would have planned to serve after 6, to give her time to get out of work etc

Ilovecleaning · 12/04/2023 14:37

SophieCook · 12/04/2023 11:19

I seriously think mumsnet is the work of the devil. It shows all the sordid, unpleasant workings of people's minds and instead of just allowing you to think, "live and let live", "don't criticize until you've walked a mile in their shoes", "oh well, let's try something different next time", you get to see how mean, ungenerous and unpleasant some people really are. And vaguely knowing that some people aren't very nice is one thing, but when you have it spelled out for you in black and white, it makes it harder to believe the best of people in future.

So that's my opinion of mumsnet. The work of the devil, sowing seeds of discontent and hatred.

Lol 😆 I agree! There are some serious nasties on MN! Purposely provocative, following their own agendas, missing the point, cheeky rude comments that they would never make face to face, quick to call posters narcissistic/entitled/judgmental etc etc.
Fortunately, many posters are emotionally intelligent, tactful and often Very funny. Also, I love the funny threads like ‘ the worst gift from your MIL’ or ‘what are your DH’s most annoying habits’
ypu are right SophieCook 😊🌺

RememberingGoodTimes · 12/04/2023 14:57

HouseByTheSeaside · 12/04/2023 07:16

Ffs You don't turn up at 4:30 if someone says between 5&6 !! 🤣🙈

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I totally agree with your comments.

There are some very petty, prickly people on Mumsnet. Although I reckon half of them just want to pile on the OP because, well, that's what most posters do.

RememberingGoodTimes · 12/04/2023 14:59

nomoredriving · 12/04/2023 11:46

I wonder why you use it then?

Odd really?

Show quote history

I feel for you, I really do. I hope you find some happiness soon 💐

nomoredriving · 12/04/2023 15:01

@RememberingGoodTimes are you ok? That a very strange comment? Maybe step back from MN for a while?

ReadersD1gest · 12/04/2023 15:03

RememberingGoodTimes · 12/04/2023 14:59

I feel for you, I really do. I hope you find some happiness soon 💐

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Snidey or what??

nomoredriving · 12/04/2023 15:13

You're right @ReadersD1gest , it is totally snide of @RememberingGoodTimes and what she's complaining about!

Pot kettle black springs to mind.

Especially with the 💐.

Good to see her show herself up though!

Vee1987 · 12/04/2023 15:20

I always wait but tbh we have family who always arrive late and I work backwards from an already later than agreed dinner time to work out my timings for cooking. It once led to an overdone joint of expensive meat. Tardiness when it’s all the time is rude too.

HepzibahSmyth · 12/04/2023 16:36

If they have to do this all the time it’s because you are always late and keeping people waiting. The only person being rude in this situation is you.

nomoredriving · 12/04/2023 16:46

@RememberingGoodTimes, you need to relax and move on. You're coming across a little over invested and immature if I'm completely honest.

RememberingGoodTimes · 12/04/2023 18:18

nomoredriving · 12/04/2023 16:46

@RememberingGoodTimes, you need to relax and move on. You're coming across a little over invested and immature if I'm completely honest.

Are you using multiple logins?! Oh dear...