To think it's rude not to wait for guests..?

[easterbunnyz]

My parents invited us for Easter lunch. They didn't really give an exact time said around 5-6. Admittedly we got there just after 6.. they had already started, and almost finished eating.
They do this all the time? I can't imagine inviting them and if they were late just start eating without them.
AIBU to think it's rude not to wait? Or is that me expecting too much?

In what possible world would most people have arrived by 5 when they are asked to arrive around 5 to 6? That's not at all what this thread suggests.

And, yes, it is perfectly possible to interpret around 5 to 6 as around 5 to around 6. That's why so many different people have so many different interpretations.

The whole point is that the invitation was not clear and it is rude for the hosts to a) act like it was, and b) start eating without their guest anyway.

Even your own children?

when they are asked to arrive around 5 to 6? That's not at all what this thread suggests
This is what it all hinges on. The (incorrect) notion that they were asked to arrive anytime around 5 to 6.

But if you look at the OP - which is all we've got as the OP won't clarify - it doesn't say she was asked to arrive 5-6, it said she was invited to lunch around 5 - 6 , which implies the food would be then.

There is also the fact the OP says They do this all the time , which, to me, implies she is usually late when invited round.
At the very least, it is clear that this isn't the first time there has been an issue over the arrival time and time of food being served, so why, when invited, wouldn't the OP say "What time will you be serving food, as I'm not due to leave work until 5pm so can't be there until {insert time it takes to get home, collect partner, drive to parents house} ?"

In what possible world would most people have arrived by 5 when they are asked to arrive around 5 to 6? That's not at all what this thread suggests

I agree. If someone suggested arriving between 5 - 6pm, I'd probably aim for about 5.30 ish, but I would absolutely assume that anywhere within that window would be acceptable.

There's no chance I'd be ringing the doorbell at 5pm on the off chance that my hosts were hovering with filled plates, desperate to eat.

I don't know anyone who would do this tbh.

🤦‍♀️

I know it's MN, but just normal back and forth discussion is generally more civilised.

Maybe not my own children. But the in-laws pull this stunt. They arrived half an hour early for a Boxing Day meal. I wasn’t ready and it was very annoying.

It's all been said, you just haven't read it.

And? I'm giving my opinion as my contribution to this part of the thread.

They didn't "suggest arriving between 5 and 6", which is what your opinion is based on 🤷🏻‍♀️

They didn't really give an exact time said around 5-6

I literally don't know any other way of interpreting of this. Thus, my opinion.

The fact that other people interpret it differently is one of the points of the discussion.

I'll take this slowly...

You don't appear to be able to grasp that what you have got it in your head - the thing that you are so very sure has happened - may not actually have happened. You may have to consider that what you assume is open to interpretation.

All the OP says is:

My parents invited us for Easter lunch. They didn't really give an exact time said around 5-6.

You seem very certain that this means that they would start eating between 5 and 6.

But it's impossible to know that from the post. It may mean when the meal will be, or it may well be when the OP is expected to arrive.

It is perfectly possible to read either from the information given. The fact that various posters have contrasting interpretations of what the OP has posted makes that abundantly clear. You can keep posting your shrugging emojis for as long as you like, but they don't make you correct or the invitation unambiguous.

I maintain it is quite reasonable to interpret "around 5 to 6" as around 5 to around 6, and to quite reasonable to think that the time was the time the OP was expected to be there, rather than the time dinner was served. Much more reasonable, in my view, than interpreting "around 5 to 6" as meaning "we will serve dinner at 5.30." Much more reasonable, in my view, than interpreting arriving at 5 past 6 as being over an hour late. But all of these interpretations are possible - they have all been put forward by people on this thread, after all.

So of course all of this confusion could have been avoided if the OP has asked what the hosts had meant, or if the hosts had been clearer in the first place. And it would be courteous to let them know when she expected to arrive.

But, considering that she didn't, their invitation remains ambiguous, and it remains extremely rude in those circumstances to start eating when she arrived - at the very worst - around ten minutes after it was reasonable to assume she was invited.

You seem very certain that this means that they would start eating between 5 and 6.
As they did indeed start eating between 5 and 6, it isn't too much of a stretch to assume that is in fact what they meant.

Jeez, OK, I'll take it even slower...

Yes, it's what they meant.

But it's not possible to be certain that's what they meant from what the OP told us they said.

It is perfectly reasonable to believe that:

My parents invited us for Easter lunch. They didn't really give an exact time said around 5-6.

means to arrive between around 5 and around 6.

Can you not wrap your brain around this possibility?

If this was the first time that this happened then I would agree that OP would be on time if she arrived between 5pm and 6pm but her parents have form for "doing this all the time " so I would assume that the mum means to say that dinner will be served between 5pm and 6pm and earlier end of that time slot would be safer.

I cooked for my dad today.. I said "I'll come round around 1/1:30 so the dinner will be 3ish...

I was running late so text him to say it would be closer to 2.. we ate around 4..

When my mam was alive she used to say "come for 4 and dinner will be ready between 4:30/5.." this allowed time to have a chat, get a drink, help out in the kitchen", never have I ever turned up just as food was ready, neither have I invited someone round thinking I'd dish up as soon as they walked in.

But they did exactly what you said

Why is that rude?

If ypu we’re out before then I probably wouldn’t have turned up any earlier as you would need time to start cooking and having time to yourself before guests arrive.

Yes, that's an odd one 😂

They didn't "suggest arriving between 5 and 6", which is what your opinion is based on

But that is exactly what they did say

Ttey didn’t say when dinner would be served they said to get their around 5 and 6
which to me means to arrive anytime around 5pm to around 6pm so anytime between 4.50pm and 6.10pm

They never said anything about starting eating at 5.30pm

@MasterBeth OP was late, delayed by work maybe, but very rude to not message ahead. She admits she couldn't because she was working, but she still could've messaged after work.

Not sure why she didn't bother, she's declined to answer most questions.

At least her parents had a decent hot meal though. Not a "warmed up" dinner a PP suggested was just as nice (with a bit of fresh gravy) 🤢.

People often say 5-6pm to us. So we arrive at 5pm. I don't expect people to wait if I'm late. I do expect if they say 5-6pm not to wait until 8pm to eat (happens a lot).

Conversely, I've a friend who invited me to a midday lunch at a restaurant. I know what she's like so got there at 11:30am but was still too late. She'd gotten bored and arrived early and was already eating. I don't bother anymore.

Just stick to the earlier times and everyone is happy.

Hosts didn't know guests were only going to be 10 mins late, they could have been an hour later or more, but nobody knew what was going on because none of them communicated with each other. Between 5 and 6 is very vague. Try talking to each other.

It’s rude to be late, I wouldn’t expect anyone to wait after 6 and I’d have profusely apologised if I’d have turned up outside the agreed time!

If I make plans for between 5-6 then I will arrive at 5.30 as it’s between 5-6.

Yabu and very rude...why didn't you turn up between 5-6 which means 5-5.30