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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think some people don't realise

418 replies

CybermanAshad · 10/04/2023 17:54

A few years ago we were a surviving on 30k as a household. It was tight but fine. That was one wage. I was a SAHP as it was cheaper than nursery fees.

We're a family of three with two cats. That's 2 adults and a 4 year old.

Now we have an income of just over 40k and things are harder than ever and we've never struggled so much. That's one wage, child benefit and a student maintenance loan.

We have £5 in the bank to last until 25th of the month. Some food but not much. Both cars need fuel. Before if things were tight there was always some way to get by. Small savings pot (under 1k) we also overpay into our bills account every month not much but would mean if things got tight there might be a spare £100 in there we could use.

Now we have no savings, no spare in the bills account. A combined over draft of £2000 now maxed.

Never thought I'd be wishing DC was back at school to benefit from the school dinner every day.

Desperately trying to get a job. Looking for something that pays about 20k. Would replace maintenance loan and give us 11k extra a year. So far all rejections.

Partner has also managed to get a job paying 8k more a year but doesn't start until May so won't see the benefit until the end of May.

Just feels relentless at the moment.

Saw a thread on here recently with lots of posters saying 85k was nothing in London and people on benefits had a ton of money and had no idea what it was like trying to survive on 85k with no help. I know it's bloody expensive in London but from my own perspective, 85k would be a dream. We don't qualify for benefits beside child benefit which is £87.20 every four weeks.

As I said, a few years ago we got by on 30k and now we're struggling on 40k.

AIBU to think some people don't understand that there's a huge middle section of people who don't recieve benefits but earn under 50k?

I imagine struggling a lot more than those on 85k.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
7
UsingChangeofName · 10/04/2023 20:54

Babyroobs · 10/04/2023 20:45

Yes agree with this. You were a sahm which many cannot afford and then chose to study. Unfortunately this may be making it harder for you to find work if you've been out of the job market for a while. Hopefully you will find something soon and your dh getting an 8k payrise is something that many can't dream of right now so I guess it's just a case of getting through the next few months.

I'm inclined to agree with this too.
You've chosen not to go back to work when your little one was a baby. Then you've chosen to go to University, and, seemingly without doing any work alongside to top up your earnings. it would seem inevitable that money is going to be tight.
I think YABU. People (well some of us) do realise costs have gone up hugely, but most of us make choices about whether to work for money, or go without. You've made different choices from what many others would make.

Meandfour · 10/04/2023 20:54

BernadetteIsMySister · 10/04/2023 18:00

I think if you've made the choice to study instead of do paid work then you need to accept that things will be tight for a few years.

This! You aren’t working but you’re running a car and chose to study instead of getting a job, despite admitting things were previously tight.

Babyroobs · 10/04/2023 20:55

CandleInTheStorm · 10/04/2023 20:49

I think it depends on your outgoings. I'm on 29k and live just fine and wouldn't say I'm just surviving! I've got 2 dc and 2 cats as well. I don't live in London, but in the south.

I presume you either bought your own home many years ago when they were a lot cheaper or you claim top up benefits on top of the 29K ?

EddyF · 10/04/2023 20:56

London rental is extremely expensive and despite having a good salary (on paper anyway) it gets swallowed up on rentals.

After tax, NI, student loan and pension, even a wage of 3K monthly after these deductions can seem impossible. My friend who is 29y pays 2.2K every month for a big standard home in bog standard area in London. How is that fair?

Tarantella6 · 10/04/2023 20:56

@EddyF 2 people earning £42k each will pay less tax than one person earning £84k. I don't think it was meant to be relevant to the OP other than they would be better off if she earned £20k than if her DH got a £20k pay rise.

Hayfeverseasonalready · 10/04/2023 20:56

It seems there's no definitive rules with UC, I presumed we got a top up as we are down south and rents are huge.

Either way when my child starts school I will be back to full time work and salary, can't wait!

OP what about part time job at local cinema? Try another cleaning company to interview with. If I needed more money it would be my priority to get a job.

CybermanAshad · 10/04/2023 20:58

SummerDawn2000 · 10/04/2023 20:25

This breaks my heart. I’m so sorry Op. this is not your fault. Is there anything y out can cut out for a few months? Iike a streaming service? Something that even if it’s just a few quid or so a month you can building something ? Crap advice I know. I don’t know how to help eXcept maybe send some money for good shopping ? I’m sorry

Ah bless you, that's so kind. But it's okay. If need be I can probably ask a family member to lend us twenty quid until pay day. But thank you! Already cut the streaming services a few months ago and the TV Licence.

OP posts:
StreamingCervix · 10/04/2023 20:59

EddyF · 10/04/2023 20:51

i can’t quote but someone said that a couple on 80K are better off financially than a single person on 80K. Make it make sense?! How? In this scenario, the single person is way better off than the couple.

Two people earning £40k each would take home £5,203.62 a month.

one person earning £80k a year would take home £4,620.79

both figures discount student loan repayments. A single 80k household would also lose an entitlement to child benefit. Quite a difference.

CandleInTheStorm · 10/04/2023 21:00

Babyroobs · 10/04/2023 20:55

I presume you either bought your own home many years ago when they were a lot cheaper or you claim top up benefits on top of the 29K ?

I bought in 2016, so not too long ago. I'm yet to find out if I'm entitled to anything as I'm in-between tax years from my job promotion meaning last year (Apr to Apr) I earned £22k and got some top up tax credits on that which bumped up my wage to about 28k. This coming tax year, because of my promotion, my new wage is 29k for the next year so I'll find out if I'm entitled to anything soon.

Lcb123 · 10/04/2023 21:01

you have 2 cars. Please don’t be on here complaining

BelleMarionette · 10/04/2023 21:05

It's tough. Inflation has resulted in a real terms pay decrease for nearly everyone.

From what you have said, the two car ownership strikes me. Can you swap one for a bike? Great cargo bike options too. If you are a sahm, it seems like a luxury that you can't afford right now, nor really need?

Car ownership is so expensive, even if you own them outright. Tax, maintenance, MOT, insurance, fuel, parking etc.

NotQuiteUsual · 10/04/2023 21:09

It is tough at the moment. We have around £35k coming in a year and we're not able to save anything. We're good at budgeting, but you can't out run inflation. It's miserable, having a very modest lifestyle was fine when we could watch our savings grow bit by bit. Now it's static. No treats, no fun, just bills, work, try to find free activities in walking distance each weekend. Again and again and again.

CybermanAshad · 10/04/2023 21:12

WideFootWelly · 10/04/2023 20:46

Can you ask for a 2 month payment holiday on the mortgage? Use the bare minimum you can afford to from the extra that gives you, and then save the rest to give you a buffer once the payment holiday is over.

This might be a good idea. We did have to have a payment holiday during covid due to furlough

OP posts:
ThisThreadCouldOutMe · 10/04/2023 21:17

Moreorlessmentallystable · 10/04/2023 20:20

Exactly, it might be topped up by tax credits or UC. I find it very difficult to believe people can survive on £22k, granted if it's 2 X £11k wages they won't b paying tax so a lot more than 1x£22k wage....a lot of people if they are not married, apply for benefits separately as single people (even if they are indeed living together, to squeeze as much benefit pay as they can).... If you genuinely have 1x £22k wage, that's £1.5 k a month (after a std 4%pension contribution, tax and NI)...if you have a mortgage of £700 that leaves £800 for council tax, gas, electricity, car payments, petrol, car insurance, home insurance, internet, phone bills, food, clothing, cleaning products, toiletries, school supplies, and fun....I call BS.

I could totally believe that a family has an income of 22k.

Why? Because mine is only 17k. For myself and 2 teens. £800 pcm Rent.

Yes we technically qualify for FSM. But DS1 is at college and we couldn't get them there. DS2 is currently out of school for MH reasons so doesn't actually benefit from them.

I get free prescriptions anyway for medical reasons.

How do we manage? By getting further and further into debt. I don't drive. We walk most places. I don't have any form of insurance at all. If i get burgled I'm fucked.

Luckily my health has improved enough that I'm actually able to consider a job in the near future so will hopefully be able to pay some of it off.

(Fwiw I was signed off sick 3 years ago, deemed too sick to work, not sick enough for any extra help)

CybermanAshad · 10/04/2023 21:17

NotQuiteUsual · 10/04/2023 21:09

It is tough at the moment. We have around £35k coming in a year and we're not able to save anything. We're good at budgeting, but you can't out run inflation. It's miserable, having a very modest lifestyle was fine when we could watch our savings grow bit by bit. Now it's static. No treats, no fun, just bills, work, try to find free activities in walking distance each weekend. Again and again and again.

Completely get this. Though I could do with being a bit more strict about budgeting.

OP posts:
ThisThreadCouldOutMe · 10/04/2023 21:18

ThisThreadCouldOutMe · 10/04/2023 21:17

I could totally believe that a family has an income of 22k.

Why? Because mine is only 17k. For myself and 2 teens. £800 pcm Rent.

Yes we technically qualify for FSM. But DS1 is at college and we couldn't get them there. DS2 is currently out of school for MH reasons so doesn't actually benefit from them.

I get free prescriptions anyway for medical reasons.

How do we manage? By getting further and further into debt. I don't drive. We walk most places. I don't have any form of insurance at all. If i get burgled I'm fucked.

Luckily my health has improved enough that I'm actually able to consider a job in the near future so will hopefully be able to pay some of it off.

(Fwiw I was signed off sick 3 years ago, deemed too sick to work, not sick enough for any extra help)

Sorry. Mis calculated. Income is 19k not 17.

CybermanAshad · 10/04/2023 21:19

Lcb123 · 10/04/2023 21:01

you have 2 cars. Please don’t be on here complaining

Don't understand why having two cars is a thing. They're both 10 and 13 years old. Bought second hand. One is mine. One is my Partners. Partner needs theirs. I need mine.

OP posts:
EddyF · 10/04/2023 21:19

StreamingCervix · 10/04/2023 20:59

Two people earning £40k each would take home £5,203.62 a month.

one person earning £80k a year would take home £4,620.79

both figures discount student loan repayments. A single 80k household would also lose an entitlement to child benefit. Quite a difference.

Oh I see; thank you for breaking it down. It makes sense.

But I would still prefer single earning 80K because even if I’m bringing in a bit less than the couple, my wage would be just for me (not sharing it).

CybermanAshad · 10/04/2023 21:21

berksandbeyond · 10/04/2023 20:34

Life is always going to be a struggle if you have children and one wage. Hopefully you’ll be able to start working too, but do you plan on having more children? That will make things even more stretched

No more children.

OP posts:
Moreorlessmentallystable · 10/04/2023 21:21

ThisThreadCouldOutMe · 10/04/2023 21:17

I could totally believe that a family has an income of 22k.

Why? Because mine is only 17k. For myself and 2 teens. £800 pcm Rent.

Yes we technically qualify for FSM. But DS1 is at college and we couldn't get them there. DS2 is currently out of school for MH reasons so doesn't actually benefit from them.

I get free prescriptions anyway for medical reasons.

How do we manage? By getting further and further into debt. I don't drive. We walk most places. I don't have any form of insurance at all. If i get burgled I'm fucked.

Luckily my health has improved enough that I'm actually able to consider a job in the near future so will hopefully be able to pay some of it off.

(Fwiw I was signed off sick 3 years ago, deemed too sick to work, not sick enough for any extra help)

Exactly, you are NOT Managing if you are getting into debt...which is precisely the OP's case ...but some people telling her they "manage" on much less is simply not true ..

ActDottie · 10/04/2023 21:23

If you really need to cut back then can one of the cars go? We’re a one car family and it works perfectly. Yes I have to get the train at times but it’s easier than maintaining another car.

CybermanAshad · 10/04/2023 21:23

Moreorlessmentallystable · 10/04/2023 20:30

OP all I can say is to persevere and finish your studies, we spent a couple of years with a low part time weekend wage and a full time wage, we qualified to no help at all, because we were home owners, and income above min wage. After husband finished his uni degree now he has a better job and we are in nearly £70k combined, which makes things easier and thankfully not a struggle even when everything has gone up so much.

Yes, I've only got one year left and will finish in May next year. I'm loathe to quit when I'm so close to the finishing line. I just need some paid work to see us through! Financially, May feels a very long time away.

OP posts:
ThisThreadCouldOutMe · 10/04/2023 21:28

Moreorlessmentallystable · 10/04/2023 21:21

Exactly, you are NOT Managing if you are getting into debt...which is precisely the OP's case ...but some people telling her they "manage" on much less is simply not true ..

Well no, I'm not "managing" but that doesn't mean it's BS that someone else is managing on 22k. Or that they are not "surviving" (I'm surviving).

Some of the things people list as "how can you possibly afford these on that income, I call BS" are quite simply things we don't have.

PerfectYear321 · 10/04/2023 21:29

LucifersLight · 10/04/2023 18:05

You are being unreasonable and I suspect you know it.

Even £30k is a decent salary - in many parts of the UK families do fine on a single minimum wage salary.

My family of 3 lives on £22k and yes we have a mortgage payment of £700 a month.

It sounds like you have probaby bought cars newer than you can really afford or something.

Everyone is far better off now than people were in the 80s/90s when I had a full-time NHS job paying less than £100 take home a week and a mortgage of £500 a month.

Basically everyone got used to money being free (low interest rates) and thought it would last forever.

Boo hoo.

I'm sorry but I call BS on this

CandleInTheStorm · 10/04/2023 21:29

CybermanAshad · 10/04/2023 21:19

Don't understand why having two cars is a thing. They're both 10 and 13 years old. Bought second hand. One is mine. One is my Partners. Partner needs theirs. I need mine.

I guess it's the 2 x tax/insurance/mot/repairs and petrol which is why people mention the 2 cars when a family is struggling for money. But I also understand that public transport can be bloody expensive! Other my friend who doesn't drive manages with 3 kids as single mum on public transport ok, then again she lives in town so easier. So many factors!

I often fantasise what it would be like to have the option of two wages coming in the house as a single parent so yabu so say "people don't realise..." because what people actually don't realise is how much more potential a two adult household have to bring in more income!