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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think some people don't realise

418 replies

CybermanAshad · 10/04/2023 17:54

A few years ago we were a surviving on 30k as a household. It was tight but fine. That was one wage. I was a SAHP as it was cheaper than nursery fees.

We're a family of three with two cats. That's 2 adults and a 4 year old.

Now we have an income of just over 40k and things are harder than ever and we've never struggled so much. That's one wage, child benefit and a student maintenance loan.

We have £5 in the bank to last until 25th of the month. Some food but not much. Both cars need fuel. Before if things were tight there was always some way to get by. Small savings pot (under 1k) we also overpay into our bills account every month not much but would mean if things got tight there might be a spare £100 in there we could use.

Now we have no savings, no spare in the bills account. A combined over draft of £2000 now maxed.

Never thought I'd be wishing DC was back at school to benefit from the school dinner every day.

Desperately trying to get a job. Looking for something that pays about 20k. Would replace maintenance loan and give us 11k extra a year. So far all rejections.

Partner has also managed to get a job paying 8k more a year but doesn't start until May so won't see the benefit until the end of May.

Just feels relentless at the moment.

Saw a thread on here recently with lots of posters saying 85k was nothing in London and people on benefits had a ton of money and had no idea what it was like trying to survive on 85k with no help. I know it's bloody expensive in London but from my own perspective, 85k would be a dream. We don't qualify for benefits beside child benefit which is £87.20 every four weeks.

As I said, a few years ago we got by on 30k and now we're struggling on 40k.

AIBU to think some people don't understand that there's a huge middle section of people who don't recieve benefits but earn under 50k?

I imagine struggling a lot more than those on 85k.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
7
Kaiserchief · 12/04/2023 20:30

When we had our first child, our mortgage was £1000, husband took home £1400. Council tax, food, etc, we just could not afford a second car.

I’ve done a week’s Aldi shop on my bike, rucksack & bags when both kids at school and we only had one car. You cut your cloth accordingly or whatever the saying is.

Kaiserchief · 12/04/2023 20:32

2to5 · 12/04/2023 19:10

I agree completely, I think the government calculaate a minimum needed to survive on and the benefits kick in at that threshold but I think the threshold for universal credit should be amended to reflect the new situation to help all of us in the middle ground that are struggling

I don’t disagree but if you can work, work.

Notamum12345577 · 12/04/2023 20:35

anythinginapinch · 11/04/2023 21:32

They pay the whole cost of rent or mortgage - always the largest outgoing for anyone who has to fund a home

Well that doesn’t make sense 😁. 85k is the same amount of money if it is a single person is earning it, or a couple earning it jointly. Just if the couple are earning it jointly they have more outgoings, double amount of food and clothes etc

Mumsanetta · 12/04/2023 21:17

@Notamum12345577 a single person has one tax free allowance whereas a couple has two so their take home pay would be higher and they would be able to access more benefits.

Yoyo2021 · 12/04/2023 22:24

Kaiserchief · 12/04/2023 20:30

When we had our first child, our mortgage was £1000, husband took home £1400. Council tax, food, etc, we just could not afford a second car.

I’ve done a week’s Aldi shop on my bike, rucksack & bags when both kids at school and we only had one car. You cut your cloth accordingly or whatever the saying is.

Totally agree.

End of day she can keep the car if she is prepared to drop study and work full time or study and work part time!

unfortunatly you can’t have it all without working!

likethislikethat · 13/04/2023 11:01

I don't know where the OP lives but the whole of the UK is crying out for people to work and you can pick and choose your job.

If you can't find a job, something is wrong.

lilkitten · 13/04/2023 17:34

Both of us have lost our part-time income in the last few months, so we're throwing everything into our full-time business. I expect the profit this year to be around £20k to support both of us (and two kids), plus about £5k of benefits. We are very lucky though in that the mortgage is paid off, and although I'm watching the bank balance I would get an extra job if we had to. I have a really shit cheap car too, and no debt.

ellyeth · 13/04/2023 23:44

I'm so sorry you are struggling like this. It must be very stressful and I hope things soon get better for you and your family.

But I don't think it is particularly helpful to start comparing yourself to people who, at least on the surface, are better off than you. Everything is relative and it is true that to live in London is very expensive. People are paying huge amounts of money just to rent pretty awful accommodation.

CybermanAshad · 14/04/2023 09:28

OK, I don't want to be premature but I may finally be having some luck on the job front. 23k 8am - 4pm. I really want it. Problem is DC finishes school at 3:15. There's no afterschool club. One childminder in the area who does pick ups from DCs school but has no availability. No family to help. Any ideas how I can make it work?

OP posts:
Kaiserchief · 14/04/2023 09:35

CybermanAshad · 14/04/2023 09:28

OK, I don't want to be premature but I may finally be having some luck on the job front. 23k 8am - 4pm. I really want it. Problem is DC finishes school at 3:15. There's no afterschool club. One childminder in the area who does pick ups from DCs school but has no availability. No family to help. Any ideas how I can make it work?

This is the problem I had, it’s a nightmare. I couldn’t make it work and ended up working for myself as a cleaner.

horridjobescapee · 14/04/2023 09:38

CybermanAshad · 14/04/2023 09:28

OK, I don't want to be premature but I may finally be having some luck on the job front. 23k 8am - 4pm. I really want it. Problem is DC finishes school at 3:15. There's no afterschool club. One childminder in the area who does pick ups from DCs school but has no availability. No family to help. Any ideas how I can make it work?

Contact your local council for a list of childminders maybe?

Ask around at the school? At one point I paid a TA to collect mine and take them home.

NoSquirrels · 14/04/2023 10:40

CybermanAshad · 14/04/2023 09:28

OK, I don't want to be premature but I may finally be having some luck on the job front. 23k 8am - 4pm. I really want it. Problem is DC finishes school at 3:15. There's no afterschool club. One childminder in the area who does pick ups from DCs school but has no availability. No family to help. Any ideas how I can make it work?

Advertise for someone to help out to pick him up, bring him back to yours and stay till 4.30 or 5pm? Local teenager etc.

Ask a school parent friend if they can pick up and take to theirs until you can collect, as a temporary arrangement as you’re on the waiting list for the childminder/trying to get childcare.

Ask school & governors why there’s no after school provision. Get other parents involved too, this must be a problem for others.

whatkatydid2013 · 14/04/2023 16:07

Offer an exchange with a couple of kids friends locally. If their parents can collect & look after till 4:30 1-2 days a week for the half term then you’ll have their kid with a group for 2-3 days in the holidays or babysit a few evenings.

Put queries on local FB groups looking for any childminders/babysitters you may not be aware of.

Ask if there is any flex in the hours at all. Could you start early and have OH drop off for example?

If you can agree to something for even the first half term and get the job then once you have it negotiate to finish early a couple of days and share drop off/pick up with another parent and to make up the couple of extra hours a different day or in the evening.

Good luck

Chockybiscuit · 15/04/2023 11:13

This reply has been withdrawn

Message withdrawn - posted on wrong thread

vickylou78 · 19/04/2023 08:58

I would go to the interview for the job and if successful I would ask if you could work 8am til 3pm. If they really like you they may be up for you working part time hours.

CybermanAshad · 19/04/2023 11:47

Things are certainly looking up. Not sure what happened but I've suddenly had lots of call backs about jobs. Whereas a couple of weeks ago I was hearing nothing.

Two interviews on Friday. Ones a hybrid remote call handler. The other is admin 9 - 2.

One on Monday, TA in a school.

And one more on Tuesday for the 8 - 4 job I mentioned earlier.

Fingers crossed!!

OP posts:
biehrvduevr · 19/04/2023 21:00

What fantastic news! Good luck Smile

AdoraBell · 20/04/2023 13:10

Fingers crossed 🤞 for you

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