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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend cancelled holiday last minute..

327 replies

Sortyourlifeout · 10/04/2023 11:15

Hi all.

I've been let down AGAIN. I genuinely don't know if I am being unreasonable here.

Meant to be going to the Lake District with a friend tomorrow, for 2 nights. Apartment booked and paid for; was waiting for friends half of payment.

She sent a text yesterday morning saying that she has a family commitment that she can't get out of so she's not coming. She asked for my bank details and has sent money to cover the apartment (including my half). Obviously I'm really very upset.

AIBU to go anyway?

OP posts:
JudgeRudy · 12/04/2023 00:14

Sortyourlifeout · 10/04/2023 11:17

Should I give her half the money back?

No

Original poster
Sortyourlifeout · 12/04/2023 06:04

T1Dmama · 12/04/2023 00:12

I don’t think you need to pay her back… the gift aides si a good one though!!

I am puzzled though…. Further up the thread you state half the file is £50…. There’s no way the apartment in Lake District during the Easter break was less than £100

Show quote history

The apartment was just shy of £200.

We are here for 2 nights.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sortyourlifeout · 12/04/2023 06:06

Sortyourlifeout · 12/04/2023 06:04

The apartment was just shy of £200.

We are here for 2 nights.

Show quote history

Or, rather, I am here for 2 nights 🤣

OP posts:
Allthingsbrightandbeautifulx · 12/04/2023 08:13

Only read all of OPs replies.
I’m not sure why people are saying she should give the money back to her friend. If the trip had been cancelled and neither of them went then they wouldn’t have had a refund from the place they booked when cancelling literally the day before. I’m guessing this is the logic friend was using when she gave her the money to cover it all. knowing she was dropping out last minute and that it wasn’t a massive expense, her half would at least cover petrol, food etc.
Hope you’re having a nice relaxing time.

Ilovecleaning · 12/04/2023 08:42

Don’t give the money back. Is it possibly guilt money from her because her DH doesn’t want her to go?

MarvellousMonsters · 12/04/2023 08:46

Sortyourlifeout · 10/04/2023 11:17

Should I give her half the money back?

Fuck no. Unless you have someone else who can step in and go with you and is happy to pay their share. But if you decide to go anyway (and I would) then keep her money and go. Take books, craft projects, comfy PJs, get a load of nice, easy food and go enjoy a lovely chilled peaceful couple of days.

T1Dmama · 12/04/2023 09:45

Sortyourlifeout · 12/04/2023 06:04

The apartment was just shy of £200.

We are here for 2 nights.

Show quote history

Ah ok. So technically her share of apartment is £100 and fuel (you said) was £50. I don’t think your friend would be bothered about you paying her back the other £50…
like others suggested, a nice gift and thank her for still paying and enabling you to still go.
I wouldn’t book anything with her again because the husband will prevent her going again!
my BIL used to do this to my sister…. She still went but he made her life hell and she’d cry while away so people stopped inviting her.

T1Dmama · 12/04/2023 09:46

In fact instead of a gift why not take her out to lunch somewhere and find out what the family commitment was and offer support if it was husband being a posseive dickhead

Mollymoostoo · 12/04/2023 14:38

Sortyourlifeout · 10/04/2023 11:22

A bit of a pattern but I have BPD and struggle sometimes knowing when people are genuinely having to cancel or if it's my fault.

Show quote history

I have BPD and get how this feels. But she is not a shitty friend, she paid for both of you so you wouldn't suffer. This is a good friend and you need to accept her gift and go and relax. Buy her a little something to say thanks and don't read more into it.
And, look for the BPD bunch on YouTube, this channel started my recovery xx

Ktime · 12/04/2023 14:40

T1Dmama · 12/04/2023 09:45

Ah ok. So technically her share of apartment is £100 and fuel (you said) was £50. I don’t think your friend would be bothered about you paying her back the other £50…
like others suggested, a nice gift and thank her for still paying and enabling you to still go.
I wouldn’t book anything with her again because the husband will prevent her going again!
my BIL used to do this to my sister…. She still went but he made her life hell and she’d cry while away so people stopped inviting her.

Show quote history

Fuel was £100, not £50.

SchoolTripDrama · 12/04/2023 16:13

pinkhousesarebest · 10/04/2023 11:21

Our ex friends did this ( twice). That was it for me.
Go!

I bet they didn't cover the entire cost though? You have to admit that was decent of OP's friend.

OP, go and enjoy the trip. Try not to be too angry with your friend if you think what you said about her DH could be true. If so, then she may be in an abusive relationship, in which case this is largely out of her control by the sounds of it

Clymene · 12/04/2023 17:23

I hope you're having a good day today Smile

Original poster
Sortyourlifeout · 12/04/2023 19:20

Clymene · 12/04/2023 17:23

I hope you're having a good day today Smile

Thank you! It was an amazing day!

I went to the Roman Military Forts and the Roman Army Museum. Then drove the Honister Pass which was breathtaking, even in the rain!

OP posts:
Clymene · 12/04/2023 19:47

Sounds great!

SaponificationQueen · 12/04/2023 21:10

Sortyourlifeout · 10/04/2023 11:17

Should I give her half the money back?

I wouldn’t. That’s her way of apologizing for having to cancel at the last minute. You can always offer though.

angelfacecuti75 · 13/04/2023 18:46

Sorry that was a typo it was meant to say yanbu *

Bamboux · 13/04/2023 19:54

Sortyourlifeout · 12/04/2023 19:20

Thank you! It was an amazing day!

I went to the Roman Military Forts and the Roman Army Museum. Then drove the Honister Pass which was breathtaking, even in the rain!

Show quote history

This sounds brilliant. I do love doing stuff at my own pace and in peace.

TheFullPicnic · 13/04/2023 20:11

Well done for going over the Homister Pass. The view of Buttermere and Crummock Water from the Pass is, IMO, one of the best views in the world!

Original poster
Sortyourlifeout · 13/04/2023 20:21

TheFullPicnic · 13/04/2023 20:11

Well done for going over the Homister Pass. The view of Buttermere and Crummock Water from the Pass is, IMO, one of the best views in the world!

It was a bit scary at times, in my little Suzuki Alto 🤣

But yes, it was outstandingly beautiful!!

OP posts:
MsHardbroom · 15/04/2023 11:39

What Snowpaw said! Sounds heavenly!

katepilar · 15/04/2023 14:36

Not sure why you would be unreasonable to go. You can either go or not go and its fine.

wellstopdoingitthen · 15/04/2023 14:46

@Sortyourlifeout
Just studying Airbnb to find somewhere to stay this summer, feeling very keen to explore the lakes.

supersop60 · 16/04/2023 08:59

SunshineAndFizz · 10/04/2023 11:26

To be fair, if you still go I'd give her half the money back. She shouldn't pay for a free holiday for you.

Show quote history

She's obviously assumed you won't go because of her, hence paying for all of it. If you go, you should give her back your half, or there'll be a thread about you being a CF having a free holiday!

SoupDragon · 16/04/2023 09:17

supersop60 · 16/04/2023 08:59

She's obviously assumed you won't go because of her, hence paying for all of it. If you go, you should give her back your half, or there'll be a thread about you being a CF having a free holiday!

Show quote history

If you read the full thread, you would see that she was also meant to pay for half the fuel cost which was actually more than the accommodation.

Original poster
Sortyourlifeout · 16/04/2023 10:01

wellstopdoingitthen · 15/04/2023 14:46

@Sortyourlifeout
Just studying Airbnb to find somewhere to stay this summer, feeling very keen to explore the lakes.

Look for a place called 'The Byre' Melmerby.

It was a perfect mix for the lakes (Ullswater was 15 mins drive, Keswick 40, Windermere 60) but also lots of other stuff nearby that wasn't as busy as the lakes!

OP posts: