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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend cancelled holiday last minute..

327 replies

Sortyourlifeout · 10/04/2023 11:15

Hi all.

I've been let down AGAIN. I genuinely don't know if I am being unreasonable here.

Meant to be going to the Lake District with a friend tomorrow, for 2 nights. Apartment booked and paid for; was waiting for friends half of payment.

She sent a text yesterday morning saying that she has a family commitment that she can't get out of so she's not coming. She asked for my bank details and has sent money to cover the apartment (including my half). Obviously I'm really very upset.

AIBU to go anyway?

OP posts:
Ineedwinenow · 10/04/2023 11:24

I go to the Lake District on my own all the time! It’s a beautiful area of the country and I find it better on my own as I don’t have to please other people and can just be alone with my thoughts! I always go to the tapas in bowness on my own for food as it’s a real treat as my husband or friends don’t particularly tapas! I do stuff up there what I like doing but other people don’t.

Schoolchoicesucks · 10/04/2023 11:25

Go. Don't give her money back. Use the money you've saved to treat yourself to something while you're there - good meal out, nice wine, massage at a spa...

Farmgirl12 · 10/04/2023 11:25

Where about in the lakes you going? I love here. Can send you some nice ideas or places to visit x

Arewehumanorarewecupboards · 10/04/2023 11:25

Go anyway! Tell her that you are going and would she like some of the money back.

Enjoy the alone time!

KettrickenSmiled · 10/04/2023 11:25

I've been let down AGAIN. I genuinely don't know if I am being unreasonable here.

I don't quite understand - has she done this to you previously?

& what's going on that you think you MIGHT be unreasonable to feel upset?
Of course it's upsetting!
However - you can park that upset for 2 lovely days while you enjoy your holiday.

When you get back, you can resolve to never book anything with Flaky Friend again, & view any other arrangements with her as needing a back-up plan.
IF you even want to keep her in your life after this behaviour. It's pretty shocking. The family commitment can't have been a surprise - commitments don't arise ad hoc, that's kinda the point of them - everybody knows they are all committed!

SunshineAndFizz · 10/04/2023 11:26

Sortyourlifeout · 10/04/2023 11:17

Should I give her half the money back?

To be fair, if you still go I'd give her half the money back. She shouldn't pay for a free holiday for you.

Bamboux · 10/04/2023 11:26

Arewehumanorarewecupboards · 10/04/2023 11:25

Go anyway! Tell her that you are going and would she like some of the money back.

Enjoy the alone time!

Why on earth would she give any of the money back??

TidyDancer · 10/04/2023 11:27

If you go then you should give her half the money back. Unless you're incurring any additional cost as a result of her not going?

Why doesn't her DH like you? It sounds like she might have some serious problems at home if he's dictating to her.

Youtoldmeonce · 10/04/2023 11:28

I would go, as others have said take books, nice food etc and think of it as treat just for you. I think that it will leave you feeling amazing that you did it by yourself. Enjoy and let us know how it went.

CurlewKate · 10/04/2023 11:28

@Sortyourlifeout
"I suspect the 'emergency' is her DH being a twat cos he doesn't like me."

That actually could be an emergency. Do you think it might be?

TheCentreSlide · 10/04/2023 11:30

No you don’t have to give the money back.

You wouldn’t have planned and paid for this break on your own. Go and have a lovely time.

CharlotteUnaNatalieThompson · 10/04/2023 11:30

Go anyway

If you'd have paid half the total to go on your own from choice I'd give her your half back.

If you wouldn't I wouldn't. Many people wouldn't choose to holiday on their own so if that's you you shouldn't be out of pocket for a holiday you're only now going on because she's let you down

loobylou10 · 10/04/2023 11:31

Genuinely baffled by those saying you should give her money back. Why should the OP take the hit of paying for everything when she was expecting to share the cost? OP - take her half, go on your own and halve a wonderful time.

PetitPorpoise · 10/04/2023 11:31

I don't think you should give her the money back. You're now going on a trip that you wouldn't have booked alone; it's right that she pays as you now have the choice to go and make the most of it, or not go and not be out of pocket.

You definitely should go alone and unwind. Don't book anything with her again.

Iwantthepenthouse · 10/04/2023 11:32

loobylou10 · 10/04/2023 11:31

Genuinely baffled by those saying you should give her money back. Why should the OP take the hit of paying for everything when she was expecting to share the cost? OP - take her half, go on your own and halve a wonderful time.

Because she paid in full for the accommodation and not just her half.

winningeasy · 10/04/2023 11:33

Defo go!
Defo keep the money.

Aprilx · 10/04/2023 11:34

KettrickenSmiled · 10/04/2023 11:21

No!

Why would you?

You wouldn't pay for her half if she was still going, why would you pay for it when she isn't, & let you down so badly into the bargain?

You will have a lovely time on your own.
Rest, recharge, take it all in, do exactly what YOU want, all on your own terms.

Show quote history

She is surely talking about paying her own half, the friend has covered the entire trip.

OP, if I decided to go alone (which I would), then yes of course I would pay my half. With what you have said about her husband, it sounds like she couldn’t help this.

Boysnme · 10/04/2023 11:35

I’d still go. Just make sure you tell her. I’d also offer her your half back. What’s to say now she has paid for it all that she doesn’t think it’s now her holiday and she can go with her DP.

DPotter · 10/04/2023 11:35

Go.

check out for any organised group walks so you get some company.

AwayThenBack · 10/04/2023 11:35

I feel a bit sorry for your friend also. Sounds like more to this that her being flaky from what you said about her DH plus she gave you 100% of the holiday costs when she cancelled which implies she’s feeling quite shitty about cancelling on you too. If you are cancelling totally then keep her money (assuming you get no refund from the holiday let company). If you decide to go alone (I would personally) then ensure you are paying what you would have anyway (so 50% of accommodation) and give her her share back. If you get charged extra (like single supplement in hotel) then that comes out her share not yours as she cancelled.

I hope you are able to enjoy the trip anyway.

KettrickenSmiled · 10/04/2023 11:35

SunshineAndFizz · 10/04/2023 11:26

To be fair, if you still go I'd give her half the money back. She shouldn't pay for a free holiday for you.

Show quote history

WTF?

She agreed to a BOOKED holiday, which OP paid for.
She then cancelled at the very last minute for no good reason.

Why should OP pay for the 'friend's' decision to let her down?

Bamboux · 10/04/2023 11:35

Do not give her any money back.

Queeniewag · 10/04/2023 11:35

Definitely go, I love the lakes even if it’s raining it’s beautiful and definitely don’t pay her back! Have a lovely time.

Newusernameaug · 10/04/2023 11:36

Def go anyway, it’s a really friendly place.
if you fancy trying coke water dipping you could post in Bassenthwaite Babes on FB, there’s always local dippers looking to group dip.

Also find a nice walk you want to do, people always speak to others on them and the pubs around the walls are always good as used to solo hikers and so again very friendly.

Bournetilly · 10/04/2023 11:36

Has she done this before? If not it sounds like she could be genuine as she’s given you the full amount of money.
Definitely go though, if you go I’d give her half the money back (if you were going to be paying your half).