Friend cancelled holiday last minute..

[Sortyourlifeout]

Hi all.

I've been let down AGAIN. I genuinely don't know if I am being unreasonable here.

Meant to be going to the Lake District with a friend tomorrow, for 2 nights. Apartment booked and paid for; was waiting for friends half of payment.

She sent a text yesterday morning saying that she has a family commitment that she can't get out of so she's not coming. She asked for my bank details and has sent money to cover the apartment (including my half). Obviously I'm really very upset.

AIBU to go anyway?

I wouldn't go all that way, OP. You've got your money back so I'd spend it going somewhere with less driving that works solo, like a spa day.

Because if the OP returns her half of the accomodation cost, as she initially felt like she should do morally, she's still going to be worse off financially and so she was asking whether it was reasonable not to give her half back and instead use it to cover her increased costs due to the friend dropping out so last minute.

If she doesn't go, then she's out the money for the accommodation without actually having a holiday and so it's a lot easier to justify allowing the friend to cover the whole cost of the cancellation, since it's too late to get any money back and is entirely her own doing so she should be the one to foot the bill.

If she does go then if she gives back "her half" of the costs then yes the accommodation is split fairly but the OP is then on the hook for all the shared expenses which she had not budgeted for and may not be able to afford at such short notice - notably the petrol for a 12hr round trip - which means she will have to find the money to cover those costs immediately that she hadn't budgeted for.

If I was going away with a friend and knew the petrol costs for a 12hr trip were £200 and we were splitting the cost then I'd have budgeted for £100 petrol cost ... If I then had to have the full £200 a couple of days before the trip due to my friends decision not to go then I might not have that amount of money available without having to take it out of another part of the budget and so my options are keep the extra money she returned to offset the extra costs or be worse off financially through no fault of my own.

The unpleasant name calling of the friend is not necessary.
Yes she let OP down, but at least she paid for all of the accommodation which is a classy thing to do.

You read these threads where OPs are not only let down, but left out of pocket. This way the OP has options about what she chooses to do.

Go. Definitely don't offer her her half back. She's let you down at the last minute and this is disgraceful. She wouldn't be my flaky friend for very much longer.

Fuck no.

Of course she should have a free break, given friend has dropped out at the last minute, and has willingly paid up without being asked!

I wouldn't have ASKED her to cover the whole thing, that would be CF territory but she's done it to make up for dropping out, so I would definitely take it.

Call it a wanker tax.

Wanker tax for having a last minute family commitment 🤔… yeah sure😂

Yabu. Something came up and she had to cancel but she's paid for the apartment for you. Just go and have a nice time alone. Free holiday practically. If she hasn't asked for half back why would you even think to?? You sound like a drama queen.

OP, have you checked out alternatives to driving? My DD is heading to Penrith with 3 friends tomorrow by train. She has a railcard, so it is cheaper. Maybe it's worth checking the coach/train situation for comparison.

I think that was in response to the money coming from her husbands account.

Good thought, but for various reasons I do need the car.

Go! Take the free holiday and enjoy it! That's really crap of her as she should have realised (unless of course it is a genuine emergency).

TBF I live in the Lakes and if you're coming from a 6hr drive away then train travel might be cheaper but it will definitely be more complicated and stressful ... Not to mention you're then beholden to public transport schedules both for arrival and departure but also for the whole time you're on holiday.

Go and have a lovely time.

Don't feel guilty. If you can work out how much petrol you used and feel you want to pay back half of that then that's the very most I'd be doing.

I think it’s really decent of the friend to send the money for her share and your share.

Personally if I went I’d return to her my share that she sent, if I got someone else to go on her place I’d return it all! If I didn’t go then I’d keep everything she sent.

I’m sure your friend wouldn’t have let you down if there had been any other choice. She obv realises there are other expenses as well as the accommodation. Why don’t you talk to her, explain how you feel about the finances & see what she says. I’d probably go, keep the money, & use any extra to buy her a really lovely gift as she’s missed out on the holiday

I hope you have a lovely time

It's annoying and I don't get along with flaky people but at least she paid!

I would go. Its a shame that she cancelled last minute, regardless of the reason. But you should go. Take a good book, puzzle book, pack of cards etc and enjoy some time away.

@Sortyourlifeout Aira force waterfall is beautiful and a lovely easy walk, you couldn't possibly get lost! Also there is always someone around for you to ask directions! Go and have an amazing time!
Could you not get a train there? Not sure if it would be cheaper but would certainly save you the driving. xxx

Go buy yourself OP. Keep all the money don't grudge your friend because she might have genuine issues going on at home.

I would plan your trips solo from now on look Ticktock for ideas.

Bit shit but as long as she has paid her share, go and enjoy!

Definitely still go!

I would text her saying something along the lines of you are gutted that she’s not coming but you appreciate that she has had an emergency and you hope everything’s ok and that the offer is still there if things do change as you’ll still be going as planned - then she cannot go instead of you.

I think you’ll still have a lovely time on your own.
I do not know the area well at all but I’m sure lots of posters may have suggestions.

I also had a friend who flaked all of the time.
(Her DP was controlling and didn’t like me either and would start an argument just before we were due to go somewhere so she couldn’t go).

In the end she asked if I wanted to go to X place with her which we’d talked about for years and I said no because I can’t trust you to not let me down again.

I don’t think she had realised how much she’d flaked on me in the past until I told her.

The next time we arranged something and she said she couldn’t come at the last minute I stopped speaking to her.

Sometimes you have to look at who makes an effort with you and put yourself first.

Based on the approximate distances of a 12 hour round trip plus 120 miles or so while you are there and achieving 40 miles per gallon I would budget for around £150 plus food and things while you are there. If there is money left when you're home you could return some or alternatively repay some later when you're able to. If you do drive I'm sure you realise this but plan in breaks. I usually look at online maps to find somewhere interesting to stop. I love going on road trips.

Was this the friend who you invited for Easter lunch and he all but said he was waiting to see if he got a better offer?