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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend cancelled holiday last minute..

327 replies

Sortyourlifeout · 10/04/2023 11:15

Hi all.

I've been let down AGAIN. I genuinely don't know if I am being unreasonable here.

Meant to be going to the Lake District with a friend tomorrow, for 2 nights. Apartment booked and paid for; was waiting for friends half of payment.

She sent a text yesterday morning saying that she has a family commitment that she can't get out of so she's not coming. She asked for my bank details and has sent money to cover the apartment (including my half). Obviously I'm really very upset.

AIBU to go anyway?

OP posts:
AxolotlOnions · 10/04/2023 14:41

Go. If you have a good time return the appropriate amount of money.

Original poster
Sortyourlifeout · 10/04/2023 14:42

Crunchymum · 10/04/2023 14:38

Was this the friend who you invited for Easter lunch and he all but said he was waiting to see if he got a better offer?

Show quote history

That's me.

OP posts:
FiddleLeaf · 10/04/2023 14:52

I would still go with loads of good food & books. Totally log off life & relax.

I certainly would not transfer her any money back.

DarkDarkNight · 10/04/2023 15:22

If you still end up going and it was a one off I might give her the money back, if you don’t go I wouldn’t give her the money back.

If she always lets you down I wouldn’t book anything else going forward without half the money from her upfront.

Sallyh87 · 10/04/2023 15:23

Two nights alone by the lakes? Heaven! I am sat here in a very messing house watching a 3 year old pour onto the floor all the legos I have just cleaned up…..

No I don’t think you should transfer any money back. You would never have actively chosen to go alone and there are additional costs associated with going alone so she has covered them. I think it’s very fair.

Enjoy, have a takeaway or ready meal and some wine.

WonderingWanda · 10/04/2023 15:30

I think if she is paying her half her reason must be genuine and I'm sure she is as disappointed as you are. Go and have a lovely time!

diflasu · 10/04/2023 15:32

I know everyone saying it's great by yourself - but I do tend to enjoy things more with others.

I'd still go in this case and try and enjoy it but I'd still be put out as it's not what was planned.

Allblackeverythingalways · 10/04/2023 15:41

Sortyourlifeout · 10/04/2023 11:17

Should I give her half the money back?

Absolutely not!

ALLIS0N · 10/04/2023 15:45

Anyone who had a genuine emergency reason for cancelling a holiday with a close friend would say what it was eg

FIL had had a heart attack on holiday on Spain and Dh has jumped on a plane to go out there .

My mother has fallen and broken her hip and so I’m in hospital in Cardiff with her.

My sisters husband has just left her and the children , she’s in bits and I need to drive to Edinburgh to be with her.

The vague “ family commitment “ is just BS.

Floppyelf · 10/04/2023 15:50

The lakes are lovely now and v sunny too. Go! Its nothing to do with your friendship but rather her relationship. She’s even paid your half.

maryd84 · 10/04/2023 16:13

If you're still going to go, the right thing to do would be to give her half the money back. Don't listen to the CF's on this thread🙄

Original poster
Sortyourlifeout · 10/04/2023 16:25

maryd84 · 10/04/2023 16:13

If you're still going to go, the right thing to do would be to give her half the money back. Don't listen to the CF's on this thread🙄

What's your reasoning?

It's going to cost me £100 in petrol, rather than £50 (and that's just the journey there and back). The petrol during the stay is now going to cost double.

I wouldn't have chosen to go on this holiday by myself. We chose somewhere so far away on the understanding that we were sharing the petrol.

OP posts:
TheFullPicnic · 10/04/2023 16:47

Have a god look at the steamer timetables. One option would be to take the boat Pooley Bridge to Howtown, then do the 6 / 7 mile walk to Glenridding for a boat back. This half of the Ullswater Way walk on the far side of the lake is the better walk than the Howtown - PB section, IMO, and is walking facing the scenery of the big fells. It is hilly in parts.

Round Buttemere is a lovely walk if you fancy the drive over Honister Pass, an adventure in itself if you are not used to steep windy roads.

TheFullPicnic · 10/04/2023 16:49

Don’t pay her back the ££. You planned the trip on a shared costs incl petrol basis and she has to leave it affordable for you.

BirdChirp · 10/04/2023 17:30

How disappointing for you OP. I'd definitely still go though, and wouldn't give her any money back. It's not what you had planned or would have chosen to do, plus as you say there is the petrol money.

Iwantthepenthouse · 10/04/2023 17:58

It doesn't sound like she's assumed the OP isn't going so it was her choice to pay the full bill.

I don't think I'd return any of the money as it's costing more to get there and the OP has said she wouldn't choose to go alone.

manticlimactic · 10/04/2023 18:43

Sortyourlifeout · 10/04/2023 14:42

That's me.

Show quote history

Oh! KEEP THE MONEY

He probably only offered it to you thinking you wouldn't keep it. I haven't seen an update on that thread, hope you told him to flake off 😆

Original poster
Sortyourlifeout · 10/04/2023 18:56

manticlimactic · 10/04/2023 18:43

Oh! KEEP THE MONEY

He probably only offered it to you thinking you wouldn't keep it. I haven't seen an update on that thread, hope you told him to flake off 😆

Show quote history

It's a different friend though 😂 My 'again' comment was just for effect to say that it's the second time this week.

Regarding the lunch, he ended up taking me out for a lovely roast!

OP posts:
Bunnichick · 10/04/2023 20:47

If you genuinely were going to share petrol then f
keep the money and go buy explain this. Say something like Disappointed you can't make it as I hadn't planned to go alone but thanks for sending me £X as this will at least cover a contribution to the cost of petrol as well as the accommodation. Hope everything is okay with you.

Allblackeverythingalways · 10/04/2023 21:06

maryd84 · 10/04/2023 16:13

If you're still going to go, the right thing to do would be to give her half the money back. Don't listen to the CF's on this thread🙄

Why?
She's left OP in the lurch

Original poster
Sortyourlifeout · 11/04/2023 16:09

Left at 7am today, with a breakfast stop halfway here. Traffic was amazing so was here by 2pm.

Cottage is beautiful! Can't wait for some peace and quiet this evening and some walking tomorrow!

Thanks for all the encouragement everyone. I've got this! 💕

OP posts:
ShowUs · 11/04/2023 16:19

It sounds lovely OP!

Apparently solo travelling is the best thing ever and I’m planning to do it myself.

I hope you have a fantastic time 😁

cushioncovers · 11/04/2023 17:52

Enjoy op.

tuvamoodyson · 11/04/2023 18:00

Sounds blissful! Have a wonderful time! I love this part of the country, we visit a lot.

Missingpop · 11/04/2023 18:22

Hi & have a great time can you take your mum/sister/aunt/another friend/boyfriend maybe if not go on your own & have fun

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