DH wants mum to go home

[Mrshermit]

Mum has come to stay for the week and to be quite honest I’m grateful for the help. As DH has spent the majority of the time napping and lying in bed.

me and mum have been on some lovely walks as well the kids and it’s been so nice.

Dh said it’s getting too much now and why can’t I drop her home a few days earlier?

AIBU to tell him to tell him to piss off? Last week I was struggling with all the kids at home. Now I’ve got the help I needed I’d be silly to send my mum home.

I do wonder what the answers would be like if it was OP complaining that her MIL was staying for a week, tbh.

FFS, that’s not the situation though is it? And unless you know the OP personally, your snide remark loaded with inference that she would be pissed off if her MIL stayed, is totally pointless.

Say you can definitely drop her back, but you’ll stay at mum’s for a week for a little break. So kids are on him! See if he’s up for that? :)

Enjoy your time with your mum, you never know when it will be the last time. I wish I could see my mum one more time.

I understand why posters suggest Mums that do it all should just leave the kids to the lazy arsed fathers to deal with but do you really think the kids would be looked after properly?

Generally speaking I prefer 3 nights max stay unless people are coming from a long distance.
Question is would he be doing the things your mum's doing if she wasn't?
If not, then it makes sense for you to have help in school hols & nice for you to have adult company if he's not there.

Either way You 100% can't ask someone to leave part way through a visit. Maybe just agree a timeframe before invitation in future.

11pm is not late. Is your mum not quiet?

Some people just cannot cope with people staying any length of time, they find it awkward and intrusive. However having your mother stay obviously helps you. Presumably she does plan on returning home before too long. He could suck it up for a short while longer.

Husband needs to step up and support you. Tell him that.

They're his children too. If he wants OP to feel supported enough to not need her mother to help, he needs to start parenting them.

I just find it interesting how all the sympathy is with the OP in this scenario - everyone is telling her that her DH should just suck it up, it's her mum after all, and it's only a week so it's no big deal for him.

But when someone posts that they're struggling with their in-laws staying, everyone is full of sympathy and tells them to go out for a few hours, or take themselves off to bed or for a long bath to get a break - exactly what the DH appears to be doing here.

The double standards never cease to amaze me.

The answers would depend if she spent all the time napping & avoiding any responsibility for her own children.

Which you know damn well isn't the case, from the thousands of threads by OP's complaining that MiL's extended visit causes them nothing but extra work, while their DH still expects them to do everything domestically & for the DC.

Clearly a timeframe was agreed "Mum has come to stay for a week".

Unless you think OP stealthed her in, hoping her H wouldn't notice?

And when is his help with the family time?

But we don't know whether he's napping and staying out of the way because his MIL is hovering/taking over, or whether he's a lazy fucker.

Often, when a woman posts that she's struggling with her MIL visiting, she's advised to take herself for a walk, or go for a bath, or take herself off for a nap so she gets a break.

Everyone needs to chill. It's only for a few more days she's not moving in for years.

Tell him to get on with it. The issue here is, the children are missing out because he's a useless dad.

And often, that is because her DH has done fuck-all to prepare for his own mother's visit, & OP is frazzled & worn down by doing everything as usual for a lazy man, with added guest & entertainment burden.

Besides, this DH obviously doesn't need any advice to take himself off & ignore his children, so I'm not sure why you're so keen to defend him.

This

If she was a friend not a parent would anybody be even suggesting that the dh might have a point? How would the conversation go-"I know I invited her for a week- but actually you need to go home now. 5 days is long enough."

I'm not defending him - but I'm also not jumping to slag him off based on two posts from OP, neither of which explain much.

I just find it interesting that if a woman struggles with her in-laws staying, everyone is full of sympathy - but if a man struggles, he just needs to man up, suck it up and get on with it.

That's usually because the in laws are creating work and behaving badly towards or trying to take over from women in their own homes, whilst the husbands ignore it.

Most men like to hide their cheeky f*&kery so it stands to reason he would want the mil to go home early.

Drop him at his mum’s to relax! Fuuuuuuck! Explain that he’s been napping and doing fuck all but taking up space and complaining. Now your mum’s come to help and he’s bitching, so you need the space.

This! All the way!

He sounds like a total arse. Is he usually so unhelpful with the children? And staying in bed all the time while his MIL visits is so rude.

Exactly, there is barely any detail or context to the 'napping' statement, napping when? When he gets home from work, late, or at 11 at night when the MIL is still making noise and up late?

Or is he unemployed and therefore home all day and not doing anything to lift a finger. OP has been silent on these details. It makes a difference as to whether he works 12 hour days in a manual job and OP is a stay at home parent or whether she works full time and tries to do all the domestic tasks with child care too and he is out of work.

But we don't know how OP's mum is behaving towards him or how her presence is impacting the family - she's only posted twice.

As I said, I'm not defending him, I just find it interesting how everyone leaps to the defence of women who are struggling with in-laws, but when it's a man struggling, he's just told to suck it up and get over it.

Oh you absolutely are defending him.

And you also haven't addressed Kettricken's absolutely valid point that in the MiL threads the OP has done all the prep work and done all the looking after during the stay.

Also, people say take a break, not spend all week in bed.