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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH wants mum to go home

167 replies

Mrshermit · 10/04/2023 10:28

Mum has come to stay for the week and to be quite honest I’m grateful for the help. As DH has spent the majority of the time napping and lying in bed.

me and mum have been on some lovely walks as well the kids and it’s been so nice.

Dh said it’s getting too much now and why can’t I drop her home a few days earlier?

AIBU to tell him to tell him to piss off? Last week I was struggling with all the kids at home. Now I’ve got the help I needed I’d be silly to send my mum home.

OP posts:
readbooksdrinktea · 10/04/2023 14:21

A week is a long time even if they get on. I'd be keeping out of the way some too. He has to parent, but he doesn't have to love having MIL there.

CovertImage · 10/04/2023 14:21

I see 50% of replies are the usual MN weirdos who hate house guests of any sort - even close family. Some of us actually like having family or friends to stay and it's only a week ffs

ShowUs · 10/04/2023 14:23

I do understand DH’s point as I do like to relax in my own home and a week would be a lot for me.

But if she’s there doing you both a favour then he can spend more time on his room (I know you say he is already doing this).

Have you just had a new baby?

I think it’s lovely having your mum to stay for a holiday but I think it’s odd you’d have her to stay so she can help you with your own kids.

RideACockHorseToSunburyCross · 10/04/2023 14:26

Lazy fucker. Tell him to get a job and make himself useful. Embarrassing behaviour for a grown man and parent.

StormiDayz · 10/04/2023 14:27

CovertImage · 10/04/2023 14:21

I see 50% of replies are the usual MN weirdos who hate house guests of any sort - even close family. Some of us actually like having family or friends to stay and it's only a week ffs

We haven't all got lovely spacious houses. Some of us have a 3 bed terrace with one toilet. A week would be a long time to have a relative around.

Ktime · 10/04/2023 14:28

Why are you with this prick who who lazes about all day and then begudges you something that makes you happy?

Inthebathagain · 10/04/2023 14:29

CovertImage · 10/04/2023 14:21

I see 50% of replies are the usual MN weirdos who hate house guests of any sort - even close family. Some of us actually like having family or friends to stay and it's only a week ffs

If 50% of replies are "usual MN weirdos who hate house guests of any sort", then that's half the population of responses. Meaning it's what 1 in 2 people think.

That also makes it equal to the other 50% of responses.

Making those who enjoy having house guests weirdos too. 😉

GOW56 · 10/04/2023 14:31

don't know - I wouldn't want my MIL staying with me for a week - or my mum for that matter.
A week isn't long, even if you don't get on with someone you can put up with them for a week for the sake of your partner. I found my MiL extremely annoying and her visits stressful but I would never say she couldn't stay or suggest she go home early.
Besides in this case it sounds as though OP needs her mother there. She is helping and her and the children are enjoying the visit. OPs husband should just be quiet and put up with it if he doesn't want to join in the trips etc

TheKobayashiMaru · 10/04/2023 14:33

and to be quite honest I’m grateful for the help.

Help with what?

inamarina · 10/04/2023 14:33

Bettyboop3 · 10/04/2023 13:46

Reading these threads makes me realise how lovely my DH can be. My DF lived in another country & came to stay with us for 1-2 weeks at a time several times a year. Nobody on mn seems to remotely enjoy this sort of thing. What would you do, make him stay in a hotel or just not see him?

I agree. My family live abroad, when they come to visit it’s usually a week or a bit more.
I know everyone is different, but a week is really not that long.
On the other hand when we have people staying with us for that length of time I don’t see it as my job to constantly offer them refreshments and entertainment - they’re usually absolutely fine looking after themselves.

RubbishHusband · 10/04/2023 14:43

You can't ask someone to go home halfway through their stay ffs

No one would say yeah ask your MIL to leave if she was expecting to stay for a week and helping with GC just because they couldn't relax

Personally a week would be too long with my MIL and I would never have invited her for that long. But she doesn't provide any sort of help and I cant nap when she's here. And I would never think of asking her to leave halfway through her stay!

RubbishHusband · 10/04/2023 14:44

Also yes if family live a long way away a week is quite a normal time for them to come stay.

Mangogirl12 · 10/04/2023 14:49

CovertImage · 10/04/2023 14:21

I see 50% of replies are the usual MN weirdos who hate house guests of any sort - even close family. Some of us actually like having family or friends to stay and it's only a week ffs

The vast overwhelming majority of human beings would find people staying for a whole week rather tiring, you're the weird one out being ok with it.

FiddleLeaf · 10/04/2023 14:49

Move her in and him out. Sounds like a waste of space.

Mangogirl12 · 10/04/2023 14:50

GOW56 · 10/04/2023 14:31

don't know - I wouldn't want my MIL staying with me for a week - or my mum for that matter.
A week isn't long, even if you don't get on with someone you can put up with them for a week for the sake of your partner. I found my MiL extremely annoying and her visits stressful but I would never say she couldn't stay or suggest she go home early.
Besides in this case it sounds as though OP needs her mother there. She is helping and her and the children are enjoying the visit. OPs husband should just be quiet and put up with it if he doesn't want to join in the trips etc

A week isn't long

Yes it most certainly is!!

Bettyboop3 · 10/04/2023 14:52

StormiDayz · 10/04/2023 14:27

We haven't all got lovely spacious houses. Some of us have a 3 bed terrace with one toilet. A week would be a long time to have a relative around.

Show quote history

I only have a 3 bed terrace & previous to that a 1 bed cottage. I guess it depends how much you value time with your loved ones.

katepilar · 10/04/2023 14:54

Mrshermit · 10/04/2023 11:47

@Mummynew08 no they get on really well!

His issue is that he can’t relax on the evening because she stays up to 11 and that’s “his quiet time”

OK... so instead of commucating about what actually bothers him he just wants her to go home to make your life harder.

coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 10/04/2023 14:56

A week isn't long, even if you don't get on with someone you can put up with them for a week for the sake of your partner. I found my MiL extremely annoying and her visits stressful but I would never say she couldn't stay or suggest she go home early.

Well, no - I couldn't put up with an overnight guest for a week as we genuinely don't have the space for one. Whether it's my MIL or my best friend is irrelevant, really - the house is simply too small for us to accommodate overnight guests.

We could do one night at a push, but they'd need to sleep on the sofa, get woken at 6am when DH gets up for work, and be prepared to be disturbed during the night as our only bathroom/toilet is downstairs via the living space. They'd also need to tolerate three cats clambering all over them as it's all open plan down there.

Whereas when I was growing up, we often had guests as we had two spare bedrooms, a spare bathroom, plus at least one toilet on each floor of the house. We also had a separate living room, a big kitchen/diner and lots of storage.

But of course all this needs to be discussed in advance. DH and I both know our house isn't fit for overnight guests so unless it was an emergency, we just wouldn't invite anyone to stay. Family would have to stay in a hotel.

endofthelinefinally · 10/04/2023 14:58

Why is he spending his time napping or in bed?
Unless he is ill, or there is a back story, I would be tempted to get rid of him and keep your mum.
I miss my mum so much, she was so lovely with my DC when they were little and my DH was always kind and welcoming to her. She lived 3 hundred miles away so always visited for at least a week when she was able to come.

RealMcKoy · 10/04/2023 15:01

Even if a man wrote in saying that the mother of his child had decided to opt out of family life once his mother came around? Are you really saying that the answers in that context "would be different" just because women are correctly calling out this entitled, lazy man as such even though it's his home?
It just shocks me how some women reach so hard in order to stick up for wukliss ( yes, that's a word) men, simply because they don't want women getting used to being supported by other women to raise their standards so that idiot men cannot take this piss.

ShowUs · 10/04/2023 15:04

TheKobayashiMaru · 10/04/2023 14:33

and to be quite honest I’m grateful for the help.

Help with what?

This is what I want to know and there’s obviously a massive back story.

didntyou · 10/04/2023 15:05

It's his house too. If you want to spend time with your mum then go to her house.

FiddleLeaf · 10/04/2023 15:08

didntyou · 10/04/2023 15:05

It's his house too. If you want to spend time with your mum then go to her house.

It sounds like he just lives in a bed so he could do that in a hotel.

Why on earth would you kick out your mother who is helping with his children?

allmyliesaretrue · 10/04/2023 15:09

Tell him, if she goes so do you - but not the children!!! Selfish pig.

allmyliesaretrue · 10/04/2023 15:10

didntyou · 10/04/2023 15:05

It's his house too. If you want to spend time with your mum then go to her house.

Seriously????!!