Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH wants mum to go home

167 replies

Mrshermit · 10/04/2023 10:28

Mum has come to stay for the week and to be quite honest I’m grateful for the help. As DH has spent the majority of the time napping and lying in bed.

me and mum have been on some lovely walks as well the kids and it’s been so nice.

Dh said it’s getting too much now and why can’t I drop her home a few days earlier?

AIBU to tell him to tell him to piss off? Last week I was struggling with all the kids at home. Now I’ve got the help I needed I’d be silly to send my mum home.

OP posts:
Mangogirl12 · 10/04/2023 12:46

He's the one being unreasonable if you need her there to help out because he won't do anything. However I think a week is a bit long and lets be honest, would get on most people's nerves. I wouldn't want my husband's here for a whole week, and he wouldn't want my mum for a whole week. A weekend or long weekend max.

Aquamarine1029 · 10/04/2023 12:48

Why is he just laying around and napping all day?

Fantasmagoricalan · 10/04/2023 13:03

He does fuck all anyway, so every minute is his quiet time? What a selfish, useless lazy fucker he is.

NotQuiteHere · 10/04/2023 13:04

It is his home and he has a right to feel comfortable there. If you think he does not do much with kids, tell him that, bringing your mum to stay is not the only way to get help.

StormiDayz · 10/04/2023 13:06

Not sure on this one, I'd hate someone staying for over a week. It does sound a bit much. I wouldn't be able to fully relax.

Thesharkradar · 10/04/2023 13:06

Clearly your mum is in your corner, on your team and wants to help you.
He, on the other hand, looks like a passenger, a waste of space, he's not put himself in the same team as you he's just trying to get an easy ride and exploit you as much as he can.
Time to take stock, weigh up what you need in your life and what you don't. Obviously there is no need to include him in the discussion because he's not on your team!

TonTonMacoute · 10/04/2023 13:07

Yes, it's tough having house guests, but it's only a week!

He seems to have a lot of 'quiet' time as it is. How much does he need FFS?

Maray1967 · 10/04/2023 13:10

AmandaHoldensLips · 10/04/2023 10:36

He wants your mum out of the way so that you can get on with meeting his needs and being the domestic servant without anyone witnessing his laziness.

Exactly this. Tell him she’s not going home while he’s lying in bed and lazing around. She’s being helpful - whereas he can’t even get up and parent his own children.

GretaGood · 10/04/2023 13:10

In future everything you do with the kids DP comes along.
Is he watching porn in the evening?

Goodread1 · 10/04/2023 13:15

Tell him either next time or Now even better,

The main reason why your mother is staying longer is cause he does bugger all nothing to help you with your children

And you are struggling .

He is your husband he should be helping you a lot more,
Doing his equal fair share

I think it's lovely you and your mum are close meet up every so often Op

I wish my mother was still around alive so br still close like that

DotAndCarryOne2 · 10/04/2023 13:18

Mrshermit · 10/04/2023 11:47

@Mummynew08 no they get on really well!

His issue is that he can’t relax on the evening because she stays up to 11 and that’s “his quiet time”

Does he not think he gets enough ‘quiet time’ lying in bed and napping ? If he can’t be bothered to get off his arse and do some parenting then he can’t complain if you’re getting the help from your mum that he should be providing. Why are you allowing this ?

Goodread1 · 10/04/2023 13:18

@AmandaHoldensLips

Totally spot on Nailed on the head

How right you Are 👏 👍👍👍

HangerLaneGyratorySystem · 10/04/2023 13:18

We need a lot more info OP - everyone’s just speculating how much of a dick he is. Can you enlighten us with more than a couple of lines? 🤔

Emotionalsupportviper · 10/04/2023 13:20

TheSoapyFrog · 10/04/2023 10:34

YANBU. Maybe if he pulled his finger out of his arsehole and did his fair share of parenting etc you wouldn't need to have your mother there for so long. I'd ignore him and carry on.

You could perhaps mention this.

RememberingGoodTimes · 10/04/2023 13:22

Not only would it be silly to send her home, but rude too.

Does your husband typically only care about his own feelings?

TakeMyStrongHand · 10/04/2023 13:39

Hmmm, I simply wouldn't agree to someone staying for that long. Unless you have a large house with a spare sleeping and living room for the guest then it doesn't really work. It's too invasive in the average British home. He is probably trying to get some space but also leave you to it.

We had DBIL stay for two nights which meant that DH and I had to share a bed which as a snorer and him a bed hog was a fucking nightmare and I felt I had to be on best behaviour in my own home. I was so glad when he went.

Thesharkradar · 10/04/2023 13:43

If I had a house guest for a week I would be stressed and probably take to my bed to escape from them, but then 2 hours is about my tolerance for house guests.
What is the husband like when he doesn't feel invaded by your relatives op?

diddl · 10/04/2023 13:45

So your mum came because the kids were on holiday?

Was he initially working & now isn't?

I mean if he is now on holiday there is no need for her to be there.

That said perhaps you wanted her to stay for Easter?

If they get on seems odd that he hasn't joined in with walks.

Bettyboop3 · 10/04/2023 13:46

Reading these threads makes me realise how lovely my DH can be. My DF lived in another country & came to stay with us for 1-2 weeks at a time several times a year. Nobody on mn seems to remotely enjoy this sort of thing. What would you do, make him stay in a hotel or just not see him?

InSpainTheRain · 10/04/2023 13:48

I think you'd be bonkers to ask your mum to go home early if she is helping you! It's also nice for the DCs to spend time with her. It sounds as if he checks out a lot and isn't participating in family life so of course it's great for you to have another adult there that's involved and hands on.

bellac11 · 10/04/2023 13:50

WandaWonder · 10/04/2023 12:17

If this was reversed and he had his mum staying I know the replies would be different.

Can you go and stay with her?

Absolutely this. I personally wouldnt tolerate someone staying in my house if it was preferable to me that they dont stay

But, OP you havent really said enough to determine some details, such as is your partner in work, and if so how often and how many hours, what was his involvement in your mum coming stay, have you addressed with him his level of interaction in the household chores and childcare?

Because all the while you invite your mum to be the coparent to your children, the dynamic is skewed between you and your partner.

DrPrunesquallor · 10/04/2023 14:11

He does nothing at all to help during th3 school holidays and then says it’s getting too much.
For who 🤣🤣🤣🤣

Why don’t you and your mum take a break and leave everything to him. Then maybe he’ll see, someone has to do it and your mum is the only one supporting you.

Definitely don’t ask her to go home, it sounds like she’s the only one being supportive here.

BringMeTea · 10/04/2023 14:13

Go for a very long day out with just your mum and leave him with his children. See how the lazy twat likes them apples.

Viviennemary · 10/04/2023 14:15

How many children do you have. I dont like visitors staying either. And a week is quite a long time. But your DH should be helping you.

ChickenDhansak82 · 10/04/2023 14:18

Mrshermit · 10/04/2023 11:47

@Mummynew08 no they get on really well!

His issue is that he can’t relax on the evening because she stays up to 11 and that’s “his quiet time”

In which case why can't he go ans relax in the bedroom?!?!?

(I'm assuming she isn't sharing your bed??)