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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think it will always be hard to take disabled daughter anywhere ( bus spaces )

161 replies

Itsamission25 · 09/04/2023 20:36

I think I just need to vent tbh ! Today we took a 9 year old and a toddler on a day out to a well known theme park. 9 year old is sick/ disabled and had her wheelchair. The way from our house is a bus / coach service. We paid for our tickets etc
they are “ disabled friendly and adapted ) with the logo proudly on the front of the bus.
we went to the bus and there was a load of us including pushchairs waiting. I folded toddlers stroller down ready whilst I was doing this the 2 other pushchairs got on but didn’t fold down. They went to the wheelchair space, this was very clearly marked and had s sign saying wheelchairs take priority if needed please fold pushchair.
we then got in and asked for them to fold the pushchair and asked the bus driver for the space, one was a sleeping toddler so parent refused because he was sleeping, the second refused because she has no one to help fold her stroller and bus driver said he agreed with them. We ended up being left on the side watching the bus go with the next one not for another 2 hours.
we ended up paying over 100.00 for a taxi so a day trip cost us way more than it should. Should I just accept that this will always be the case and realise that the system doesn’t work for her :(

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 10/04/2023 16:04

Rosula · 10/04/2023 16:00

So are pram users just meant to stay inside for the rest of our lives?

Self-evidently, no. Unless you intend to transport your children around by pram for the rest of your life.

Exactly. And no social anxiety, however severe it is (and of course it's distressing to experience) trumps the needs of someone in a wheelchair who needs the space.

Simonjt · 10/04/2023 16:08

So are pram users just meant to stay inside for the rest of our lives?

We use public transport a lot, thats why we chose a pram that very easily folds, its also why we chose one thats easy to push etc, so if we’re feeling too lazy to fold it, we can just walk instead. If someone chooses a pram that doesn’t easily fold, they need to accept that when a wheelchair user is at a bus stop, they need to leave the bus and walk, wait for the next one etc. Parents actively choose to have children, they also actively choose to use a pram, they know they will face the consequences of those actions, both positive and negative. Wheelchair users do not choose to be differently abled.

Shopper727 · 10/04/2023 16:09

Having a double buggy is a choice, as is having one that doesn’t fold easily and having to use a bus. When purchasing a double buggy perhaps think about how it’s going to fold or if there is not space what you will do. A wheelchair user does not have that CHOICE!! No one is going to stop pram users going out bUt your baby is portable and small, I used to bring the sling - baby went in sling toddler sat beside me buggy folded up simple, or you could learn to drive?
Wheelchair spaces are for wheelchairs not buggies, they are protected by law.

i think some people have no idea op, I’m sorry this happened to you, I hope you get answers from the bus company but it’s shocking that people can be so entitled and cruel sours your day out too!! Am so angry for you!!!

Hesma · 10/04/2023 16:09

@bossonext I never said it was OPs responsibility but if their excuse was that they couldn’t fold the buggy single handedly then I would have offered to get it out of the wasy and make space for the wheelchair… kind of makes sense!

Oneiros · 10/04/2023 16:10

LadyGrinningSoul85 · 10/04/2023 15:24

So are pram users just meant to stay inside for the rest of our lives?
I'm not saying I agree with what happened to the op here, but these comments about barring pram users from using the spaces are almost as bad.

I suffer from social anxiety which is gradually morphing into agoraphobia and getting on a bus with my pram is one of the most terrifying aspects of me deciding to leave the house.
I spend days working myself up about it (days out are planned due to how bad my social anxiety is. I can't just go out on a whim), I spend the entire time I'm on the bus terrified that a wheelchair will get on or another pram and I'll have to awkwardly manoeuvre to give them space, I always try to sit on the opposite space where some buses in my area actually have a pram symbol painted on the floor as they aren't suitable for wheelchairs as that side has no backrest, my kids hardly go anywhere because of MY mental problems, and the comments on this post beautifully illustrate why.

I'm sick of being made to feel like a nuisance for daring to try to have a life and go out in public with my kids.

I have a double buggy, so 'just fold it' isn't always practical and I have nerve damage too so can no longer fold or unfold without a lot of help, then my pram takes up more space folded with the seats off anyway!

Maybe some of you could stop being so pigheaded and see it's not always black and white and 'selfishness'

Living inside my head with all my anxieties makes me want to die sometimes, but yes, we pram pushers should just stay in and not be such an inconvenience to others.

Anxiety is horrible. BUT you can buy a pram suitable to fold (even a double one! I used to have one). I mean this kindly but you are projecting: your worries about going out are not because disabled people may need to use the disabled space, as is their legal right.

I hope you can get the support you need to improve things and I know having two young kids plus severe anxiety is hard, I've been there. However, it does not excuse you taking up a space that disabled people need to access public transport at all and refusing to move. Can you imagine the anxiety they feel waiting for a bus and dreading seeing an obstinate person with a pram in the space they need who refuses to move, when they have literally no other option?

You do have an option: buy a sling to use when needed and a pram that folds.

SouthCountryGirl · 10/04/2023 16:10

"Wheelchair users do not choose to be differently abled."

It's disabled. Not bloody differently abled.

Hesma · 10/04/2023 16:11

@Itsamission25 that's awful! What a bitch!

PussBilledDuckyPlait · 10/04/2023 16:12

Nutsabouttopic · 10/04/2023 15:04

There was a thread on this topic on here recently. A wheelchair user was being refused entry to bus because buggies had taken up wheelchair space. He quoted a law that gives wheelchair users priority. The buggies had to be folded and moved. If you can find this quote it in your email to bus company. Ask them to make all drivers aware and to put signs on bus doors stating the law. I'm so sorry that you had to deal with this

Here is the thread - the law is quoted in the opening post:

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/uk/4775052-bus-driver-refused-me-boarding-in-wheelchair

Bus driver refused me boarding in wheelchair | Mumsnet

Mumsnet makes parents' lives easier by pooling knowledge, advice and support on everything from conception to childbirth, from babies to teenagers.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/uk/4775052-bus-driver-refused-me-boarding-in-wheelchair

purpledalmation · 10/04/2023 16:19

I would have stood there, not moved and asked the bus driver for his supervisors number. All the while recording for SM. Shame them all.

RettyPriddle · 10/04/2023 16:20

LookUponMyWorks · 09/04/2023 21:30

Living with/alongside disability means you constantly have to advocate for the most basic access and continually assert yourself against ignorance and/or outrage that 'they can't do that!/that's illegal' when we know they can and they do -- constantly. It is hard and exhausting and unfair, you are right.

But I strongly believe that your experiences will make you and your daughter more empathetic, more compassionate and more resilient. There is disabled joy to be found and celebrated. It shouldn't be like this but when I made a conscious effort try to focus on the positive experiences and positive moments and let the ignorance roll off my back it was easier. Good luck to you both and solidarity!

Well said. So true!

TomeTome · 10/04/2023 18:22

purpledalmation · 10/04/2023 16:19

I would have stood there, not moved and asked the bus driver for his supervisors number. All the while recording for SM. Shame them all.

Very brave and courageous but not necessarily if you are actually WITH a disabled child

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