Furious (again) at sister... how to raise this with DD

[Yellobird]

Met up with my sister today, along with my DC. We don't see eye to eye and have taken very different paths, but my children like her so I go along with it.

DSis has no children. She was having a completely inappropriate conversation with DD about the gender pay gap and its because women can't go part time (in her job)- DD is 9!!! DD asked if that's why she doesn't have children. Sis went on to say that it's part of the reason, but mainly she likes her free time. Now bearing in mind DD thinks she's brilliant and hangs off her every word. Sis went on to say 'imagine if mum and dad wanted to go out tonight, on the spur of the moment. And then check out a new bar or comedy club. We'll they can't because they need to be at home with you and your brothers'

As if DH and I would even want to do that!!! Anyway, DH is doing bath time and I've said I'll go sit with her in bed and talk it through. DH says it's best to leave her so she doesn't dwell and get upset.

WWYD? Utterly furious that Sis has put us in this position after what should have been a nice family day.

Sis went on to say 'imagine if mum and dad wanted to go out tonight, on the spur of the moment. And then check out a new bar or comedy club. We'll they can't because they need to be at home with you and your brothers'

This is shitty to specifically mention, she could have just said I don't have children because of x, y and z without using your daughter as an example, you can discuss things like this without highlighting it. That said I wouldn't say I'd be outraged at it or anything.

My view - your kids are lucky to have someone in their life that engages in these types of conversations. You say your daughter is a thinker… but how is she supposed to think of she is kept safe from any sort of political conversation? Thinking your 15 yr old is too young to talk about Trump is bonkers. And your children are evidently not bored by these conversations as you said they enjoy their aunt.

It seems that YOU don’t enjoy these conversations- that’s fine! That does not mean they are ‘inappropriate’ or boring, it just means that you are not interested in them.

You are being totally unreasonable for the following paragraph alone. It is good that your children has your sister as someone who will have discussions about world affairs if your won’t. There is nothing wrong with having a discussion with a 15 year old about Trump. My 6 year old could hold her own and have a conversation about the Truss v Sunak race for example last year. I have been very open with my children that raising them can be hard work (lovely but hard). Your sister has done nothing wrong.

“DD is 9! She doesn't need to get into conversations about politics, or worry about mum and dad staying at home. Dsis has form for talking to my kids about entirely age inappropriate stuff. Eldest is 15, and walked in on them in the kitchen talking about Trump and the trial and his treatment of women. Just rolled my eyes and walked out.

I really don't think it's that bad if anything it could defer a teen pregnancy and encourage your daughter to enjoy her child free years. It's the truth.

Well 94% are team aunty on here. I would hazard a guess that your sister is brighter than you academically. You have done the parent thing and been able to hide behind it/not bother yourself with the wider world and find politics goes over your head.
your sister discussing these things with your kids mean’s conversations you managed to make off limits for years are something you now have to think about again.

I have a family member who was a bit like you with sheltering their kids. One in particular has really struggled as an adult and has a lot of issues with her parents.

also your kids just come across this stuff at school. Discussing Trump and GPG are really not controversial.

also if your kids are going to feel sad that their parents might prefer a night out to being with them then once again they’re going to be very entitled adults who think the world revolves around their needs

A15 year old really should know about Trump. You are coming across as a bit over protective and unable to understand why politics matters op. The 15 year old will be able to vote at 18. 16 in Scotland. What political discourse should they not be exposed to? Thank God for DSis. At least she broadens their education. You don’t seem capable of preparing DC for participating in uk life.

She was ok about the going out comment too. DD at 9 would totally understand the example. Whether it’s ok for DSis to be asked why she doesn’t have children by a 9 year old is another matter. I assume she’s not upset about this.

Even some of the replies here are mad.

“btw - DD already know you love her so much, & has noticed you are not pining for comedy clubs, or constantly booking babysitters to you can abandon her & go to bars”

her DD would not be abandoned!

It’s important that children understand that it’s nice for their parents to do things without them sometimes as a couple or individuals.

Are you not interested in current events? Do you shy away from what is hoping on on the world?

I’m team sister. No wonder your DD adores her- she talks to her like a person with interests and curiosity rather than babying her.

and if your 15 yo is a male child then they NEED to be taking about Trump’s misogyny- hiding boys from these conversations is even worse than girls.

Tbh mine would be more likely telling me about all this stuff- kids need to be politically and socially aware. Hiding them from it thinking they ‘can’t cope’ is naive at best and foolish at worst.

My parents never sheltered us from world affairs, politics, relevant discussions. We’d all talk around the dinner table. They didn’t talk about genuinely inappropriate things, but we al grew up aware of what was going on, forming informed opinions and talking about it. I was the youngest so would absorb a lot at a young age. I now work in a connected field.

Why would they "worry" about it?

I grew up in a very politically aware family and politics was part of everyday conversation. I didn't "worry" about it, but it made me realise that there are different ways of organising society and managing the economy, and that we have choices and don't have to accept the status quo.

I don't know why anyone would shelter their child about politics. When are they supposed to learn? When they are adults? I think parents do their children a massive disservice by sheltering them from the world to this extent. Our job is to raise and educate decent human beings who are able to function in the world. I don't think sheltering children to this degree is fulfilling this need.

If your daughter is an overthinker and gets upset about this then you just need to say to her that auntie chose not to have children so yes she can go out to a club when she likes, but we chose to have you and your brothers and we don't want to go to comedy clubs whenever we like as want to be at home with you.

I don't know why you're all bothering, OP flounced about 6 pages ago, last night.

In less than 3 years your "still a kid" DS will be voting.

If he's to make an informed choice then, he needs to be learning this stuff now.

YABU to be “furious “ over your DC’s aunt talking to them about politics. This is such a narrow-minded attitude - why wouldn’t you want your children to learn about a variety of views and approaches to life?

I think it’s just how you handle it.

I’d have said something like:

“ Yes, Dad and I would enjoy going out to a comedy club or a new restaurant and those things are harder to do when you have children. BUT for us it’s worth it because we love you children so much. Even though those things are fun, I’m happy to give up a lot of it for you.

Dad and I also got to do a lot of these things before we had children and because we knew we wanted a family we made sure we had as much fun as we could before children. This way we feel like we got the best of both worlds. We got the fun when we were younger and now we have the lovely family we always wanted. Aren’t we so lucky?”

This can't understand why you are upset at your sister presenting a different lifestyle to your DC

Your sis didn't say this though. She said you couldn't go out spur of the moment because you'd need babysitters. You are overreacting insanely to a normal conversation. But you don't seem to be able to accept that. Even though 99% of the replies are telling you that. Own your errors and stop picking at everything your sister does.

She didn't tell them you were t having fun she pointed out you couldn't do things on the spur of the moment, that's true is t it?

I’d have rolled my eyes and said you’d not be interested in either of those things and didn’t dsis know there are babysitters?
I wouldn’t make too much of it with your dd, they think different people are the bees knees at different times. Wait til secondary school 🙄

She doesn't have children so she wouldn't read into how they're going to think about it but I think you're probably overthinking it.It isn't a reason to be furious, all your dd needs to hear is that people made different choices and you're happy with yours, that you like nights out but would rather be in with the kids but like a night out the odd time or whatever

We grew up talking about politics from a young age and I went on to work in Westminster. 9 is not too young and 15 year olds should be able to talk about current affairs.

It’s good your DD is a thinker, personally I think that your over reaction may be rooted in something else. Plus at 15 that is plenty old enough to debate politics and issues. Are you worried your daughters may look down on your path in life?

No, it isn't obvious at all, that's why people have been asking.
I doubt yourcdd is going to overthink this in the way that you are
And I bet your dd felt very grown up talking about 'grown up' issues. Don't piss on her parade!