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Original poster

Furious (again) at sister... how to raise this with DD

684 replies

Yellobird · 09/04/2023 19:39

Met up with my sister today, along with my DC. We don't see eye to eye and have taken very different paths, but my children like her so I go along with it.

DSis has no children. She was having a completely inappropriate conversation with DD about the gender pay gap and its because women can't go part time (in her job)- DD is 9!!! DD asked if that's why she doesn't have children. Sis went on to say that it's part of the reason, but mainly she likes her free time. Now bearing in mind DD thinks she's brilliant and hangs off her every word. Sis went on to say 'imagine if mum and dad wanted to go out tonight, on the spur of the moment. And then check out a new bar or comedy club. We'll they can't because they need to be at home with you and your brothers'

As if DH and I would even want to do that!!! Anyway, DH is doing bath time and I've said I'll go sit with her in bed and talk it through. DH says it's best to leave her so she doesn't dwell and get upset.

WWYD? Utterly furious that Sis has put us in this position after what should have been a nice family day.

OP posts:
Spiderboy · 09/04/2023 20:53

Yellobird · 09/04/2023 20:00

OK, so I'm wrong I'm wanting my kids to enjoy their childhood and not be worrying about politics 🙄
As I said, dd is a thinker and she'll be mulling this over, I know her. To say that 'mum and dad have no life because of you' is an incredible rejection

My DS is a thinker too. We talk about anything and everything. Doors open and we use it as an opportunity to discuss things. Why are you fretting saying “dd is a thinker”…cool. Talk to her then. She is getting older and will be a teen soon, she’ll have her own voice and opinions. Use these years to teach her how to talk and communicate and navigate her thoughts

1offnamechange · 09/04/2023 20:53

am I missing something? why is it so unimaginable that 2 fairly young adults might want to go to a bar or comedy club on a weekend? Isn't that a fairly standard activity? You're acting as if she said "imagine mummy and daddy wanted to get fucked off their faces at a rave or head to a sex dungeon but they can't because of you."

Parents are allowed to leave the house and go out you know. Forget comedy clubs - I know parents who go to festivals and on holiday! With or without their kids! All your sister has done has told the truth - it's harder for parents to do things spontaneously - which it is....

Really bizarre reaction from you

Barbecuebeans · 09/04/2023 20:53

StopitSarah · 09/04/2023 20:45

I really hope this is a troll post. So depressingly small minded to think parents really don’t think 9 and 15 year olds should engage with the wider world. I could weep.

Even worse is the OP not even reflecting on PPs other perspectives. If she's like this about all things, thank goodness the DD has another point of view from her aunt.

And then the OP flounces because she hasn't received the desired for validation of her narrow mindedness . I'm sure even 9 year olds can cope with the idea that there are different ways to live your life and see the world and are unlikely to be tainted by alternative viewpoints.

My parents affected me far more by pushing their world view as if it was the one true way...

maddy68 · 09/04/2023 20:53

I really don't see what she said or did wrong. I've read it twice.

Seems a perfectly normal conversation

SmileyPaella · 09/04/2023 20:53

So you ask if you're being unreasonable, vast majority say you are...but you're not engaging because this post didn't go as planned? Confused

missmollygreen · 09/04/2023 20:54

Yellobird · 09/04/2023 19:42

She didn't really say much. But she's a thinker

Show quote history

sounds like you are the one thinking about it

UnsureSchool32 · 09/04/2023 20:54

My kids have 4 unmarried Aunties who are living their best lives!

Crocodilekneecaps · 09/04/2023 20:54

Ridiculous fuss over nothing

CaptainMyCaptain · 09/04/2023 20:55

It's absolutely right for a 15 year old to have conversations about Trump and his attitudes to women. You sound incredibly narrow minded and controlling.

shakeitoffsis · 09/04/2023 20:55

Wtf are you upset about?! How ridiculous.

Keroppi · 09/04/2023 20:55

Crazy you think your 15yo son shouldn't be talking about women's issues and Trump and that he was probably bored!! He's only two years off voting and being an adult.

AhNowTed · 09/04/2023 20:55

Perfectly normal conversation.

Never too early to start talking to your children about different ideas.

A bit of critical thinking in a 9 year old is a fabulous thing.

JassyRadlett · 09/04/2023 20:56

OP is giving a bit of a masterclass in how to create clueless adults with no idea how the world around them works and no tools to be engaged, informed citizens though.

Assuming kids - including teenagers! - will be bored by what's happening in the news sets the bar depressingly low.

1offnamechange · 09/04/2023 20:56

Yellobird · 09/04/2023 19:53

DD is 9! She doesn't need to get into conversations about politics, or worry about mum and dad staying at home. Dsis has form for talking to my kids about entirely age inappropriate stuff. Eldest is 15, and walked in on them in the kitchen talking about Trump and the trial and his treatment of women. Just rolled my eyes and walked out.

Do you make a habit of completely infantilising your children
That's a completely normal and age appropriate thing to discuss with a 15 year old!
Rolling your eyes and walking out because you don't like a topic of conversation - you sound more childish than your kids!
Your kids probably love your sister because she has topical conversations with them and treats them like individuals who are interested in the world rather than completely babying them - if your DD is a 'deep thinker' it sounds like she takes after your Dsis more than you!

BeckyWithTheGoodHair010101 · 09/04/2023 20:57

My 9yo is well aware of the gender pay gap. I'm raising her and her sister (aged 6) to be feminists and demand equal rights. Why would you not want this for your children?
With regards to the comedy club, your sister was just pointing out the reality that she can go out on a whim as she has no children, and that you and your DH cannot.
Don't see what is wrong with either tbh I think you're hugely overreacting.

Xrays · 09/04/2023 20:58

I think it’s good for children to be exposed to different views and ideas, it’s what makes them well rounded individuals. You’re as entitled to share and debate your views with them as much as anyone else.

BigFatLiar · 09/04/2023 21:00

UnsureSchool32 · 09/04/2023 20:54

My kids have 4 unmarried Aunties who are living their best lives!

Aren't you? Isn't raising your children a form of your best life?

People have different views on the best life for some it's travel, food, sun etc, for others it's raising a family.

I think the OPs sister tried to make a point that she'd rather enjoy herself alone than estrict herself with a family. She shouldn't have mentioned mum and dad.

sweeneytoddsrazor · 09/04/2023 21:03

Which sounds pretty much like its down to her and her brothers mum and dad can't just get up and go out. They're holding mum and dad back.

Not when you add in the fact the aunt has said she likes her free time to do as she pleases when she pleases. It is an explanation why having children would prevent her (the aunt) living her chosen lifestyle NOT the parents being prevented from living their lifestyle.

Rainbowsandbutterflies1990 · 09/04/2023 21:05

I haven't considered the gender pay gap as conversations I need to have with my daughter but after reading this it's definitely something i will do maybe not now as she is 4! Lol I think different paths as in one with family and one without is a very important conversation to have with our children. Having children isn't the only option in life.

ittakes2 · 09/04/2023 21:05

We can't wrap our kids in cotton wool they have to be exposed to the world and develop their own moral compasses in life.

Marypoppinsnsnortscoke · 09/04/2023 21:05

@Yellobird I talked to my kids age appropriately that woman couldn't vote, or be an actress. Also breaking down stereotypes mine are younger than yours. I think your being a bit precious 😂. I also tell them some woman / men want kids and some don't, and that's ok

Natty13 · 09/04/2023 21:07

You have someone you feel is toxic and a bad influence around your kids then more fool you.

My DD would love to have ice cream every day for her dinner,doesn't mean I'll let her. Kids don't know what or who is good for them so you need to decide what you have in your life.

TakemedowntoPotatoCity · 09/04/2023 21:08

I personally think it's a good thing for kids to listen to different viewpoints and those with different lifestyles. Broadens their understanding of people. I very much lived in an echo chamber as a kid and only as an adult realised that some of the things my parents said and did were just beyond the pale. 'It takes a village' and all that. Your sister did nothing wrong, and you are taking her comment too personally.

Mumwomansisterdaughter · 09/04/2023 21:09

Personally at 9 your daughter should be old enough to understand some people do not want children and what their reasons are ? Speaking about women’s rights imo is never a bad thing to other so the pay gap is nit a bad topic to discuss if it comes up .
Im sorry if I’m seeing this wrong but it comes across as you having a issue with your sisters choices and not the other way around

niugboo · 09/04/2023 21:09

Yellobird · 09/04/2023 20:14

Only on mumsnet do you talk to a 9 year old about the gender pay gap.
Posted to ask for advice on how to talk to her about how she is loved so much more than wanting to go to a bar or comedy club. But I'm out.

No. In the real world. Kids need to know this. Both mine are already aware of it 9 and 6.

they are are also aware that different people enjoy different things. I enjoy being a mother, some of my friends enjoy spontaneity.

your sister is offering a different perspective to yours. That’s incredible. The issue here is you trying to be so blinkered and actually quite negative.