Page 7 | To Slow Fade or Ghost Friends

Grapefruit98 · 2023-04-09T09:48:25+00:00

Tell me about times you've slow faded or ghosted friends or acquaintances and why? How did they react? How do you feel now?

headache · 10/04/2023 22:25

I decided at the beginning of the year to just stop putting any effort into friendships where my so called friends don’t put any effort in back.

for example, friend 1 only contacts me when she wants something Ho how are you? We’ve booked a holiday can you look after the dog?

friend 2 only messages when she wants to boast about something (she’s also the biggest woe is me martyr too) asking how my DCs got on in their exams? Mine are very happy after I had said DC wasn’t well and handy been in school for half a year, unanswered texts only texting when she wants something too.

then you get the meet ups which are all about them them them, I am really happy for their and their DCs achievements but try and show some interest in other people for a change. Show done empathy too.

ot takes 30 seconds to send a text to someone if a friend can’t do that for you they aren’t interested at all

JaneFondue · 10/04/2023 22:45

Talk about a drip feed, OP.

NumberTheory · 10/04/2023 23:26

headache · 10/04/2023 22:25

I decided at the beginning of the year to just stop putting any effort into friendships where my so called friends don’t put any effort in back.

for example, friend 1 only contacts me when she wants something Ho how are you? We’ve booked a holiday can you look after the dog?

friend 2 only messages when she wants to boast about something (she’s also the biggest woe is me martyr too) asking how my DCs got on in their exams? Mine are very happy after I had said DC wasn’t well and handy been in school for half a year, unanswered texts only texting when she wants something too.

then you get the meet ups which are all about them them them, I am really happy for their and their DCs achievements but try and show some interest in other people for a change. Show done empathy too.

ot takes 30 seconds to send a text to someone if a friend can’t do that for you they aren’t interested at all

This sort of person is best to ghost. You really don't want to be having a conversation about how they ought to behave. Any attention is going to work to your detriment.

ilovesooty · 11/04/2023 00:05

Grapefruit98 · 10/04/2023 22:07

The person I'm ghosting (as in fully not responding):

Only met about 5 times in a group setting. They seemed quite normal at first but latched on.
Quickly complained if I didn't respond instantly (if out with another friend etc.) and sent long, guilt-trip messages about their mental health.
Insinuated they were suicidal if I declined to meet for a coffee.

So while originally I responded and tried to keep it light, over a few months I decreased contact. Then switched to short or one word responses. Never asked them questions. For the last while I've just deleted messages without responding at all.

So with this one, I'd not have a direct talk since I'm pretty sure they'd threaten suicide in response. Even though I only met them a few times 7 months ago.

I'm not a therapist or carer. I'm not a narcissist for having boundaries either.

Well that's not a friendship you're withdrawing from. It's someone you've met casually a few times whose behaviour quickly became strange and concerning. I think most people would want to extricate themselves from that with as little hassle as possible and it would have been helpful if you'd been clearer earlier.

Eastersundayname · 11/04/2023 08:11

If you have a look at "The School of Life" FB page/website/library they give really good information on what friendships are and how to manage/value/have relationships. They will help you better understand yourself, communicate effectively and help you live your best authentic life. It's well worth a read.

Dwadle · 11/04/2023 09:26

Feels very "all or nothing" OP

For me, slow fading and drifting is the same thing really isn't it, and ideally it would be mutual. Both parties tend to feel that drift happening.

Ghosting is pretty one sided and IMO it happens more often by "fair-weather friends". But then usually the other side does realise that, may take a while but usually is realised.

If you have an issue with someone, surely it's better for everyone to either work on it because that friendship and the connections there was/is valued OR if you do think they've done something unforgivable or you wont tolerate them at all anymore then surelt its better to state why, plainly, so that closure is truly there.

From my experiences, friends do fade but they can often rekindle and if fall outs do happen, they're often spoken sensibly about and resolved.