To Slow Fade or Ghost Friends

[Grapefruit98]

Tell me about times you've slow faded or ghosted friends or acquaintances and why?

How did they react?

How do you feel now?

Surely we all have friends who we say meet through work and maybe lunch alot but once you are no longer moaning about work together you meet and realise you don't have much in common.

So it's not that you don't like them or want to tell them to stop doing x, you are just less bothered to see them but would happily like their Facebook posts.

You've completely misunderstood me, op. I'm not angry at all and I didn't mean anything as an insult. I'm sorry if you don't like narcissistic thinking patterns called out but it was no more meant as an insult than I would mean the word 'disagreeable' as an insult - it's just a psychological term.

You're reading anger where there isn't any. However I do think you have a responsibility to go through life causing as little pain as possible - that doesn't mean that other people's happiness is your responsibility of course. I think you could be happier and could cause less pain to others. And perhaps there is an element of genuine confusion in your propensity to find others needy when they are probably just feeling lost. Instead of shutting the reactions of others down, I suggest you sit down and think if there's anything you can learn, since you were interested enough to ask the questions in your op.

And I think you could be happier if you played by the rules a bit more. You sound very shut down yourself, not an insult but just an observation, to the point that you contributed so little to your op that many posters assumed you were a journalist.

There's something really sad about feeling you can only mention difficult life circumstances to friends in passing and must pay to see a therapist if you need to discuss things in more depth, for fear of being dropped by your friends. It's not a healthy way to interact on either side of the fence.

I'm not going to ask if you're ND but I'm aware you could be. If that's the case you might want to ask yourself how your behaviour could look like narcissistic responses. I'm sure you wouldn't want to do that.

overly earnest
unnecessary drama

So you're saying that you're in favour of ghosting people and you don't see any situations where direct communication might seem appropriate?

Are you a qualified psychiatrist, psychologist or therapist? I'm hoping not, given the massive ethical breach of 'diagnosing' a stranger on an internet forum.

That isn't particularly kind either. Interesting you're not criticising anyone else who posted admitting to the same behaviour.

This is so weird I've just done something similar
The mum is lovely and we got on great but her daughter was awful to mine and was bullying her. So bye felicia.

If you look at some responses on this thread you'll see that some people don't react well. Whether that's insults or armchair diagnostics.

Most people know that indirect communication is equally valid and social niceties ('Sorry, I already have plans') save face for both parties and avoid conflict.

I'm not diagnosing you with anything, op. There's nothing unethical about suggesting a thinking pattern could be x, y or z. It's in your interests to consider it or dismiss it as you wish.

I didn't think of responding to anyone but you - you have given the most information.

You're very defensive and I can see you want to stay exactly the way you are. Fair enough. It's your life. I was trying to offer you some insight, something you showed an interest in by starting the thread. But perhaps you just wanted confirmation that you're not the only one like this. Well, you're certainly not the only one like this. All the best.

I don't like game players and dishonest people in my life personally, even under the guise of saving face and avoiding conflict.

So if your friend said "Do you like my new hair cut?" and it looked bad you'd respond "No, it looks shit, Susan."

Doubt it.

If I didn't think it suited her I'd give an honest answer if I were asked. I wouldn't say anything if I weren't.

In any case I thought this thread was about slow fading or ghosting people.

I agree, people who ghost others are twats.

So you'd hurt her feelings because being honest is more important to YOU?

That sounds self absorbed to me.

So to broadly summarise the thread:

People who dislike slow fading and ghosting:
Also dislike social niceties. Unsurprisingly find themselves being ghosted.

It's a topic where people a lot of people claim they would say and do things that aren't often actually said and done in real life. It's true that pretty much no one maintains contact with every single friendly contact they make in their life, most people will participate in some sort of fading process.

Anyone who's a close friend of mine wouldn't ask the question expecting me to lie. Integrity matters to me. My closest friends don't lie either.

Jeez, what a load of shite. You just make it up as you go along.

Asking if someone likes a hair cut is a social convention. Like 'Does this dress make me look fat?' or 'How are you?' as a hello.

Viewing a polite response as lying suggests a person doesn't understand social rules.

Well it sounds as though none of my close friends understand your version of social rules either 🤣

We all know where we stand and rub along quite nicely, thanks.

In any case I thought this thread was about ghosting and slow fading people? You're the one attempting to divert the thread you started.

Doesn't she just. 🙄

The entire point is that most people who are socially intelligent / pick up on social niceties understand that 'sorry, I'm busy that day' or being the only person making contact IS a form of communication.

So most people recognise when they're being slow faded and give space or gracefully bow out.

People who are bad at reading situations keep chasing because they need very direct communication to understand.

The reason they don't get that direct 'Please leave me alone' is they tend to be hard work in general. No-one wants the drama of them kicking off.

You'd evidently made up your mind before starting the thread. I've no time for people who want to end close friendships and can't communicate honestly.

We'll seemingly have to agree to differ. Have a nice afternoon.

It's not called slow fade it is just growing apart. It's normal, different life phases etc. I used to live with a girl who "rested" friends if it got too intense. However, I think she retired me, she used to try and discipline my DC but she doesn't have children and we have different views on child rearing it led to my retirement.

It seems like you have no love in your heart OP and just use people. I agree with pp that you seem narcissistic. Why you aren't out with your positive and ambitious friends this weekend doesn't add up.

You don't seem to playfair. You seem to be all about you. Why are you not out being nice to people and having a good time if you have so many people wanting to be your friend.

I have a friend who is just like you. She is currently giving me the slow fade and I'm well aware of it, buy playing dumb. I'm so bloody grateful. I have purposefully become a needy / dull person to get rid of the narcissist. She is taking herself away and thinks she is the winner and I'm the loser.

You reap what you sow OP.

I'm working today and checking messages inbetween.

Thanks for the projection and armchair diagnosis though.