To Slow Fade or Ghost Friends

[Grapefruit98]

Tell me about times you've slow faded or ghosted friends or acquaintances and why?

How did they react?

How do you feel now?

It's normally something you do with people who ignore hints and other politeness.

Exactly this

I have had to slow fade then go no contact because this person knew nothing about me as I was never asked about my life and was only ever there to provide a free counselling service. Do I see myself as cowardly? Yes a bit but keeping this person in my life for their benefit wasnt doable for me anymore. There could have been no reasoning. They were self centred and self absorbed to the point of embarrassment.

I had one person (whose number I had long deleted) message months later to ask if they had upset me.

I said no, just busy.

In reality, I gradually made the decision to avoid them because they'd been complaining about their partner (never a positive comment) for 3+ years without leaving them. I'd also started to get dragged into their relationship problems, which was the final straw.

The others were either too flaky, unable to show up on time, too needy or treated me like a therapist.

Those types don't do well with feedback.

You don’t know me, so get over yourself.

Exhibit A - rude defensiveness

I think sometimes things are more complicated and awful than can reasonably be shared in here because you never know how outing the situation might sound to someone who may also be on here. The person I’ve gone no contact with is a covert narcissist and emotional/ energy vampire. No amount of reasoning would’ve worked. All they want is you to respond to their texts so they can hook you back in. I was in it up to my eyes. I tried to set boundaries that were smashed down over and over. What I’ve done is right for me

I can’t imagine any circumstance where telling your “friend” why you’re backing away from them is a good idea. The most likely outcome is, once you’ve listed all their shortcomings and reasons for no longer wanting them in your life, “friend” will happily tell you exactly how awful you are right back. No one is going to sit there and say “yes you’re right, I’m awful and you’ve given me a lot to think about”.

No?

I just have the capacity to pick up on social cues. Some people genuinely don't. I'm not obligated to tolerate them indefinitely.

If this is what your former friend was about to get, I can see why she slowly backed off...

Life isn't black and white.

There’s no point in us arguing between ourselves. What’s right for one person is clearly wrong for another. We each know what we are prepared to put up with and why.

Twice, one friend had a massive alcohol problem but wouldn’t admit it - I got sick of her being drunk and abusive/carrying her home/ruining every social event with her drinking.

Other time, realised a ‘friend’ was actually only interested in going out cos it gave her a cover for cheating on her husband while he looked after their kids - after the last time I just never spoke to her again.

Life isn't black and white

No it isn’t. That’s why your friend never left her husband.

He didn't leave his girlfriend (who he lives with) despite criticising her non-stop to his friends and constantly saying he wanted to leave her. No children.

You're correct - he can choose to stay with her. I can also choose to opt out of listening to it.

I don't think there's a one size fits all answer to this. Some people want to be told directly why you don't want to be friends anymore, and some don't.

Personally , I dont want someone telling me how terrible they think I am. If you don't want to be my friend, you don't have to announce it just exit stage left.

I do think the slow fade is kinder than ghosting. Ghosting can feel abrupt and mean. While the slow fade, if done right, just feels like you've drifted apart. At least then there's no awkwardness if you bump into them in the street.

I agree with this. I slow fade rather than ghost. I never block anyone.

I DO delete messages without responding if the person hasn't taken the hint after several months of being slow faded.

Most people have enough common sense to know that if you always message first and the other person never agrees to plans, never asks questions or answers calls, give up. Find new friends. Get a hobby.

Others have skin like a rhino and will keep going for months on end, having you be the audience to their monologue.

@Grapefruit98 you sound so unpleasant and cocky that I'm surprised you have any friends to ghost or slow fade.

I'm really sorry

I'd rather be told. I don't need a reason why but I want to know if someone actually never wants to see me again.

I don't owe anyone friendship.

If you have a sense of obligation to spend time with people you have no interest in, that's your choice.

@Grapefruit98 hilarious 🙄🤣

Do you have any specifics about the situation so we can say what we think is fair?

If you live in different cities and your life are are on opposite paths a fade will just happen.

If the person has breached friendship code then sure ghost then.

However, it is reading like you've had a friendship and you've got bored of them and just want someone to say it's okay to leave. Do you feel guilty?

"However, it is reading like you've had a friendship and you've got bored of them and just want someone to say it's okay to leave. Do you feel guilty?"

Not much. In the same way a person can leave a romantic relationship if they feel bored.

Thanks for your response. Have you ever been diagnosed with anything?

Your response is a little sociopathic. Friendships and relationships can be boring. It doesn't mean you just ghost someone for it for the next exciting thing with no remorse.

So true. I don't agree with ghosting though especially if you have known each other a life time/many years or were best friends.

Terrible thing to.