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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend charged drinks and desserts to my hotel room.

583 replies

annaherrings · 09/04/2023 07:34

I was NY where we have an office (the company I work for that is). I was staying in a hotel (paid for by company). I had two friends from London who were in NY at the same time visiting for Easter break. They wanted to meet up and I invited them to my hotel for lunch/drinks. I do not expense my hotel charges as I never have work meetings at the hotel and our offices are where all meetings are held. We also eat out a lot and work pays for that. So I settle any incidentals bill myself - whereas the room is paid for.

We had lunch and everything was fine. I had to head back to my office so I settled up. The waiter asked what my room # was when I asked to charge it to the room as I had to go. So I told him/said it out loud. I signed the check/bill and left. Before leaving, the two girls said: 'We might stay for one more in the adjoining bar'. That was obviously fine. They are free to do what they want/go where they want.

Upon checking out; I see extra charges of 4 drinks and two desserts. Totalling $140 and I'm pretty sure two of the drinks were champagne. (It was a 5* hotel in Manhattan).

It stood out because I was only aware of the lunch total since it was the only thing I charged to my room throughout the entire stay. So it wasn't exactly hard to spot.

I asked the hotel for the actual receipt (the one which you sign your name/room # on). Sure enough, it wasn't my signature. They had even added on the 20% tip.

When I queried them (the girls) on it, they said the hotel staff (same waiter) immediately charged it to my room and didn't give them a chance to pay. They 'wanted' to tip (tipping is a big deal in the US) so they said they asked for a check/bill - and tipped via the room - meaning my card. Hence the receipt in front of me. They also wrote down my room # since they heard me say it out loud prior.

I do not believe they didn't have a chance to pay. If they really wanted to, they could have. They then said they assumed my work was paying (I work for a famous/large bank) so we aren't exactly short of company money - hence their 'assumption'.

They then said they did 'ask me' if it was ok to 'stay for one more at the adjoining bar' and that I was more than ok with it.

To clarify, they didn't 'ask' and moreover; no two grown women need to ask my permission as to where they can go. It is entirely up to them where they go and what they do.

I need up paying their bill as I didn't want any awkwardness. I haven't responded to their texts and TBH, I'd rather just never talk to them again. AIBU to think there was no misunderstanding here? I could never ever walk out of a place - 5* or not - and not pay. The audacity of charging anything to a friend's room - and not even telling them about it after the fact - is unbelievable to me. My DH says to drop it and leave it be and called it 'cheeky' but not worth losing friendships over. I suspect he just doesn't want to engage.

OP posts:
Wavinggoodbyetoo · 09/04/2023 15:01

BrainWontWorkAnymore · 09/04/2023 12:58

Teachers know how expenses work. If you have a course to attend, you may be able to claim travel expenses. However, food and drink is NEVER included. The obvious reason is that you would have to eat /drink anyway, even if you weren’t on the course. It’s up to you whether you take a meal deal / packed lunch or eat out. It’s your choice, it’s your money.

Exactly. Teachers are VERY aware how this works and how strict things can be. I refuse to believe they are that fucking stupid they think in banking you can just spend whatever you want. They may have been rather wowed by the 5* hotel though

dew141 · 09/04/2023 15:02

I agree with exactly this. The whole thing is tacky. You still haven’t explained how and why you would spend over $300 on lunch , just for the hell of it (I.e no special occasion). In this context Your friends were not in reasonable to assume either your company is paying or you are so made of money you wouldn’t care.

What?! It's tacky to treat your friends to a nice lunch? I'm guessing eating at the hotel meant the friend had more time for lunch before returning to work. Also a nice thing to do.

And just because people are well-off, it's fine for friends to treat them like a walking wallet? There's basic courtesy, irrespective of people's financial circumstances.

Wherethewind · 09/04/2023 15:03

They thought you were so rich you wouldn’t notice/mind the extra charge.

I have occasionally found friends in the public sector sometimes assume a good private sector job = you must pay for your public sector friends drinks and feel grateful for their ‘service.’

Here you’ve asked to be paid back, either they don’t reimburse you in which case the friendship is definitely over, or they do in which case maybe give them another chance but keep an eye on their greed in future. I wouldn’t buy them lunch again.

highfidelity · 09/04/2023 15:03

Tandora · 09/04/2023 14:57

Of course it’s her choice to treat them to lunch, but it’s also entirely intelligible to me, given this context, where the misunderstanding came from. I think this is a misunderstanding that’s all.

Show quote history

There was no misunderstanding. Unfortunately, I have been in OPs position, so take a very different view.

Let's agree to disagree.

excelledyourself · 09/04/2023 15:03

Totalwasteofpaper · 09/04/2023 07:59

"I KNOW! I was like 😱 as well. Hope the champagne tasted amazing 🤣
My bank details are X. Can you confirm once you've transferred it. Work consider it a personal expense so it comes out of my pay check"

No, not this. Why do so many think that making light of it is the way to go?

They took the absolute piss out of you, OP.
Get your money back and get rid.

321user123 · 09/04/2023 15:04

Drop the CFs OP.
They knew what they were doing.

if they respond in any other way that full apology and full money just respond with.. I have to compensate the company for this, my bank details are as above.

321user123 · 09/04/2023 15:05

I’m always amazed how these clearcut posts always end up with the 1-3% of voters going against the current and voting the opposite. I wonder if people just do it intentionally? 🤣

MeridianB · 09/04/2023 15:05

OK, so they knew you wouldn’t be claiming this and despite the $300+ you paid to host lunch, they deliberately charged $140 more to your account and then said nothing?

This is so unacceptable. They sound like children.

Good for you for asking for the money. Shame on them for lying about not being able to pay.

I hope you get the money and an apology but if not then they really don’t sound like a loss - just CFs who you can cut out of your life without a backward glance.

dew141 · 09/04/2023 15:05

🤣 do you normally spend 70$ on lunch?! 😅

We went out to Pizza Express recently (four adults and four kids) and it came to £60 a head. One bottle of wine, starters, mains and some had desserts.

Not that I wasn't horrified but £60 a head is hardly a £300 ten course tasting menu.

Kazplus2 · 09/04/2023 15:05

I really don't understand why you can't go back and remind them that your work only cover the room, as you mentioned earlier and they will each need to pay their share.

SheilaFentiman · 09/04/2023 15:06

Yep, I assume the OP paid because the easiest thing for her was to meet them at the hotel, if she was working in her room or if the office was nearby, and that she paid because it was reasonable to do so if she invited them and “set” the venue as more expensive than it might otherwise have been. She may have been working in her room up to the minute her friends got there.

Either way, it doesn’t matter, if someone buys you a TV for your birthday, doesn’t mean you can call the company and ask for a DVD player to be added to the order, just cos the first was already generous!

SheilaFentiman · 09/04/2023 15:07

Kazplus2 · 09/04/2023 15:05

I really don't understand why you can't go back and remind them that your work only cover the room, as you mentioned earlier and they will each need to pay their share.

OP has messaged them - they are still in NY and on NY time

DelilahJane · 09/04/2023 15:09

Even if there was a misunderstanding at the time regarding who was paying for the additional items, which I don't think there was as the venue changed and a new tab was opened.

If the CFs were good friends or even just decent people as soon as OP pointed out the error they should have offered to pay up immediately.

I'm interested to know if one of the friends has a stronger personality than the other and is leading all this or if they are equally in on it.

highfidelity · 09/04/2023 15:09

Tandora · 09/04/2023 14:58

🤣 do you normally spend 70$ on lunch?! 😅

Show quote history

Well, yes, actually I do, I have and am sure I will.

Was in NY shortly before Christmas (staying at the Ritz Carlton for that matter). Meet up with a friend who lives there and we had lunch in a diner on Lexington - I had a club sandwich and fries, she had a grilled cheese and fries and we shared a slice of cheesecake.To drink, she had drip coffee, I had tap water. Bill for us both came to a little under $110 including tip. I treated my friend to lunch.

NY is expensive, far more so than the last time I went at the beginning of 2020.

SheilaFentiman · 09/04/2023 15:10

whynotwhatknot · 09/04/2023 13:29

they were cfs they knew you had to pay for it yourself

i woldnt be impressed with hotel just accpeting it to be charged to the room though what if anyone walked in and did that-i would have refused to pay it

The hotel would probably have asked room
number AND surname - a random off the street wouldn’t have known both.

Which is why I doubt the OP would get anywhere trying to claim back from the hotel - and she shouldn’t; the CFs should pay her back.

Snazzysausage · 09/04/2023 15:11

@Foreversearch
The op says the girls claimed that the waiter automatically charged their extras to her room before they could pay for them. I was just curious how a bartender in a different area of the hotel would know ops room number to do it automatically but I now see they said it was the same waiter in the bar as they'd had in the restaurant. Either way it's beyond the pale.

BignBootiful · 09/04/2023 15:13

Tandora · 09/04/2023 14:53

I agree with exactly this. The whole thing is tacky. You still haven’t explained how and why you would spend over $300 on lunch , just for the hell of it (I.e no special occasion). In this context Your friends were not in reasonable to assume either your company is paying or you are so made of money you wouldn’t care.

Show quote history

Can you really not see how weird that kind of thinking is?

if your thinking is correct they might as well have gone to the hotel gift shop and charged expensive handbags and shoes to her account too - seeing as she’s so damn wealthy.

Tandora · 09/04/2023 15:14

dew141 · 09/04/2023 15:02

I agree with exactly this. The whole thing is tacky. You still haven’t explained how and why you would spend over $300 on lunch , just for the hell of it (I.e no special occasion). In this context Your friends were not in reasonable to assume either your company is paying or you are so made of money you wouldn’t care.

What?! It's tacky to treat your friends to a nice lunch? I'm guessing eating at the hotel meant the friend had more time for lunch before returning to work. Also a nice thing to do.

And just because people are well-off, it's fine for friends to treat them like a walking wallet? There's basic courtesy, irrespective of people's financial circumstances.

Over 300$ is an obscene amount to spend on a lunch. You can treat friends to a nice meal without splashing that kind of cash around. It’s tacky because on the one hand it’s highlighting the vast inequality in wealth that must exist between OP and her friends , and on the other they are now falling out over money/ the cost of after lunch drinks. Maybe it’s a cultural thing, but that’s def tacky how I was raised.

burnoutbabe · 09/04/2023 15:15

In a business context you may say to colleagues you are hosting (or clients) that you are sorry that you need to rush off but feel free to stay and finish your coffees and drinks or pudding. (Or May even if you have a nice boss, okay you lot order one more drink before I close the tab)

But no one would generally order anything more once the bill is closed. Or would accept its now a new bill that they are paying for.

Tandora · 09/04/2023 15:15

highfidelity · 09/04/2023 15:09

Well, yes, actually I do, I have and am sure I will.

Was in NY shortly before Christmas (staying at the Ritz Carlton for that matter). Meet up with a friend who lives there and we had lunch in a diner on Lexington - I had a club sandwich and fries, she had a grilled cheese and fries and we shared a slice of cheesecake.To drink, she had drip coffee, I had tap water. Bill for us both came to a little under $110 including tip. I treated my friend to lunch.

NY is expensive, far more so than the last time I went at the beginning of 2020.

Show quote history

Good for you. I still don’t think that it can be assumed for the average person (teacher) that if they saved the cost of lunch they obviously must have 70£ to spare.

SheilaFentiman · 09/04/2023 15:17

OP gave them lunch at the hotel she was staying at. Hotels are expensive. NY hotels even more so. Remember about 50 dollars of it was probably tip as well. So maybe 90 dollars a head, including tax. They had desserts and the friends had drinks, I think.

It’s not cheap, but it’s not Michelin star pricing either.

Facem81 · 09/04/2023 15:18

I’m guessing you weren’t very close to these women before?

HomeTheatreSystem · 09/04/2023 15:19

It works out at £71 a head excl 20% tip! Hardly tacky FFS esp given the hotel and its location.

Buildingthefuture · 09/04/2023 15:19

Horrible, piss taking people. I’ve spent years travelling with an expense account and I would be mortified if “friends” of mine did this. In your situation op, I would probably pay it myself because I just couldn’t be arsed with the drama. But I would never invite them again, and more fool them. If they don’t know how to behave, it is probably the first and last time they've had drinks in a 5* hotel!

BignBootiful · 09/04/2023 15:20

Tandora · 09/04/2023 15:14

Over 300$ is an obscene amount to spend on a lunch. You can treat friends to a nice meal without splashing that kind of cash around. It’s tacky because on the one hand it’s highlighting the vast inequality in wealth that must exist between OP and her friends , and on the other they are now falling out over money/ the cost of after lunch drinks. Maybe it’s a cultural thing, but that’s def tacky how I was raised.

Show quote history

So, she can afford to treat them to a nice lunch but shouldn’t because it is a vulgar display of the disparity of their incomes? I have treated friends when I am in a position to do so and have been so treated by other friends. I have never thought their genorosity tacky or that because they’ve been generous I can call the shots about how and when they decide to bestow that generosity. It’s up to them and I just consider myself lucky to sometimes be the recipient.

what if a friend gave you a nice present would you think you could go back to the shop where they bought it and charge other gifts to their account?

weird.