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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend charged drinks and desserts to my hotel room.

583 replies

annaherrings · 09/04/2023 07:34

I was NY where we have an office (the company I work for that is). I was staying in a hotel (paid for by company). I had two friends from London who were in NY at the same time visiting for Easter break. They wanted to meet up and I invited them to my hotel for lunch/drinks. I do not expense my hotel charges as I never have work meetings at the hotel and our offices are where all meetings are held. We also eat out a lot and work pays for that. So I settle any incidentals bill myself - whereas the room is paid for.

We had lunch and everything was fine. I had to head back to my office so I settled up. The waiter asked what my room # was when I asked to charge it to the room as I had to go. So I told him/said it out loud. I signed the check/bill and left. Before leaving, the two girls said: 'We might stay for one more in the adjoining bar'. That was obviously fine. They are free to do what they want/go where they want.

Upon checking out; I see extra charges of 4 drinks and two desserts. Totalling $140 and I'm pretty sure two of the drinks were champagne. (It was a 5* hotel in Manhattan).

It stood out because I was only aware of the lunch total since it was the only thing I charged to my room throughout the entire stay. So it wasn't exactly hard to spot.

I asked the hotel for the actual receipt (the one which you sign your name/room # on). Sure enough, it wasn't my signature. They had even added on the 20% tip.

When I queried them (the girls) on it, they said the hotel staff (same waiter) immediately charged it to my room and didn't give them a chance to pay. They 'wanted' to tip (tipping is a big deal in the US) so they said they asked for a check/bill - and tipped via the room - meaning my card. Hence the receipt in front of me. They also wrote down my room # since they heard me say it out loud prior.

I do not believe they didn't have a chance to pay. If they really wanted to, they could have. They then said they assumed my work was paying (I work for a famous/large bank) so we aren't exactly short of company money - hence their 'assumption'.

They then said they did 'ask me' if it was ok to 'stay for one more at the adjoining bar' and that I was more than ok with it.

To clarify, they didn't 'ask' and moreover; no two grown women need to ask my permission as to where they can go. It is entirely up to them where they go and what they do.

I need up paying their bill as I didn't want any awkwardness. I haven't responded to their texts and TBH, I'd rather just never talk to them again. AIBU to think there was no misunderstanding here? I could never ever walk out of a place - 5* or not - and not pay. The audacity of charging anything to a friend's room - and not even telling them about it after the fact - is unbelievable to me. My DH says to drop it and leave it be and called it 'cheeky' but not worth losing friendships over. I suspect he just doesn't want to engage.

OP posts:
Reugny · 09/04/2023 14:17

2bazookas · 09/04/2023 14:16

I'd send both of them a written letter requesting full payment of the charges they stole from you.

I'#d never speak to either of them again.

This.

With "friends" like that you don't need enemies.

Foreversearch · 09/04/2023 14:17

@RideACockHorseToSunburyCross seriously you think walking out of a restaurant into a completely separate bar, starting a new tab, ordering a second desert and champagne and then when the bill comes giving the OPs room number is acceptable.

WimpoleHat · 09/04/2023 14:18

The women involved here are teachers who got treated to a meal in a 5 star hotel in NYC and asked if they were ok to stay for drinks afterwards.

“Am I okay to stay for a drink?” means “you the guest here, you are leaving, do I need to leave with you or will they be happy to serve me as a non resident?”. On no planet does it mean “are you happy for me to run up unlimited charges on your bill?”.

bellabasset · 09/04/2023 14:18

As you had paid the bill and your friends moved to another bar setting up a new tab I would have asked the Manager on what authority it had been charged to my room. Totally different had you bought them a drink and paid for it before you left. Hotel is at fault though for billing it.

Zonder · 09/04/2023 14:21

What a cheek! I hope they've paid you now. Do you cross paths with them often?

LlynTegid · 09/04/2023 14:21

Shortly to be former friends, I hope.

Mummystevo · 09/04/2023 14:26

Myself, I would assume once you paid the bill and left thats when your generosity ended and the rest of the drinks/food i would be paying for, i wouldnt dream of putting it on someone elses account

inadarkdarkhouseinadarkdarkstreet · 09/04/2023 14:29

So, so entitled of them. You'd treated them to lunch at a lovely hotel in Manhattan and it wasn't enough for them. Sheer greed. I guess they were thinking it was a once in a lifetime experience for them and got carried away. Were they a bit tipsy or even drunk? Whatever led to the situation, they should have apologised and rectified and are awful for acting like you're the one causing a problem. Unfortunately this entitlement seems to be a thing for a lot of people, I see it repeatedly: if person A does a favour for Person B or gives them something as a one off, It's shocking how often person B expects that they can have this thing ongoing. I feel for you that people you thought were friends are behaving like this.

dew141 · 09/04/2023 14:29

For those saying they're teachers and perhaps can't afford to pay, they shouldn't have run up the bill in that case. Not expect their friend to subsidise them twice. It's irrelevant that they earn less.

And while teaching isn't perhaps the most highly paid, it's £50 odd per head they owe, not £500. If they can afford to holiday in NY, they can find £50. And, if they can't, they should have cut their cloth to suit their jeans, having already had a free lunch.

caringcarer · 09/04/2023 14:31

Just tell them they owe you the amount.

inadarkdarkhouseinadarkdarkstreet · 09/04/2023 14:39

Just to clarify about the greed, I don't mean eating and drinking after lunch, I didn't phrase that well. I mean the greed at them sneakily expecting for the OP to pay those additional refreshments after lunch was finished.

WimpoleHat · 09/04/2023 14:42

You'd treated them to lunch at a lovely hotel in Manhattan and it wasn't enough for them. Sheer greed

That’s it in a nutshell. Maybe that’s the way to approach it. “I was really pleased to see you and wanted to treat you to a lovely lunch while you were on your holiday. And your response to that is immediately to go into the bar next door and to steal from me? I’m not sure we can be friends after this.”

dew141 · 09/04/2023 14:44
  • means not jeans
Snazzysausage · 09/04/2023 14:46

How on earth can they claim that a bartender in a different part of the hotel would automatically know which room number to charge their extras to?! Either he/she is psychic or the waiter at the restaurant ran down the corridor and doubled up as the bartender.🙄

Wavinggoodbyetoo · 09/04/2023 14:47

Totalwasteofpaper · 09/04/2023 07:59

"I KNOW! I was like 😱 as well. Hope the champagne tasted amazing 🤣
My bank details are X. Can you confirm once you've transferred it. Work consider it a personal expense so it comes out of my pay check"

This

Tandora · 09/04/2023 14:48

annaherrings · 09/04/2023 08:36

I paid for lunch for all of us. It was $326 USD. I literally have the receipts. 😂

I didn't drink as I had to get back to the office.

They did know I was personally paying for it because they were joking about getting a job at the same company for the 'perks'. At which point, I said something along the lines of only the room being covered - and went on to talk about management in general at the company not being what people think it is/not all that it is cracked up to be.

To the person asking about differences in income. They are teachers (which is why they could travel now - because it is Easter holidays).

Show quote history

You paid over $300 just for lunch?! Why would you do that? Your friends have either got the wrong idea of how much money you have, or they genuinely thought your work was paying. I can see both sides here. They were presumptuous, but they clearly thought it was being covered and are now lumped with an unexpected and obscenely high bill. The whole thing sounds undignified tbh. I don’t think you should be enraged. Just ask that they pay you back and draw a line under it, and perhaps be a bit less “splashy” with your cash in future..

HumourReplacementTherapy · 09/04/2023 14:49

When you're in a hotel and you're asked to pay, if they ask for your room number and you're not a resident you just say " I'm not a resident so I'll pay you now. Thank you"
Not "I'm not a resident but my mate is, so we'll charge it to her room". Which I'm sure they didn't say out loud but it is clearly what they thought!
Cheeky fuckers.
They knew full well you were not covered by your company.

Foreversearch · 09/04/2023 14:52

Snazzysausage · 09/04/2023 14:46

How on earth can they claim that a bartender in a different part of the hotel would automatically know which room number to charge their extras to?! Either he/she is psychic or the waiter at the restaurant ran down the corridor and doubled up as the bartender.🙄

The friends chose to give the OPs room number as they overheard it when she paid for lunch.

Tandora · 09/04/2023 14:53

Werehalfwaythere · 09/04/2023 09:14

I think I would have thought everything was in the company. That's what I'd assume if someone settled a $300+ meal without asking me to contribute. I mean, I'm in my 30s and don't know anyone who could afford to pay a $300+ lunch bill themselves. You must be extremely well paid.

I suspect it was a misunderstanding initially. Now, at the prospect of paying $70 each for a pudding and two drinks, they're panicking. Especially on teacher salaries. Perhaps they're hoping, given you presumably earn a LOT more than them, that you may not mind paying in this instance.

I guess it depends where the misunderstanding came from. If you were crystal clear that the meal was over and anything else is paid by them, then YANBU, they are taking advantage of you.

But if it was possible they thought either the company was paying (or reimbursing you), or they thought you'd agreed to them having the pudding etc as part of the meal you offered to pay, then YABU to suddenly lump them with a large bill they didn't think they'd owe.

Why did you offer to pay for lunch? I think that's likely where the misunderstanding came from. Why didn't you all just meet up somewhere normally priced and pay your own way? It almost feels a bit tacky to pay for a meal, have to rush off, and then expect guests to then pay the rest. You either pay for the whole meal, or you meet up elsewhere and pay your own ways.

I agree with exactly this. The whole thing is tacky. You still haven’t explained how and why you would spend over $300 on lunch , just for the hell of it (I.e no special occasion). In this context Your friends were not in reasonable to assume either your company is paying or you are so made of money you wouldn’t care.

highfidelity · 09/04/2023 14:55

Cannot believe the posters who are trying to justify what these so-called friend's of OP did.

So what if OP treated them to lunch, that was her choice. Most pertinently, she was actually present for that bit. OP had left and returned to work while her friends relocated to the bar and had drinks (and dessert). It is outrageous that they thought they could just charge the bill to her room, because that's what they did - they would have been asked if they were staying in the hotel and even if they had said yes, they still would have been asked if they wanted to settle up by cash or card, of if they wanted to charge the room.

highfidelity · 09/04/2023 14:56

Also, given the friends hadn't had to pay for lunch, they most certainly could have afforded to pay for their own rinks/reimburse the OP.

Tandora · 09/04/2023 14:57

highfidelity · 09/04/2023 14:55

Cannot believe the posters who are trying to justify what these so-called friend's of OP did.

So what if OP treated them to lunch, that was her choice. Most pertinently, she was actually present for that bit. OP had left and returned to work while her friends relocated to the bar and had drinks (and dessert). It is outrageous that they thought they could just charge the bill to her room, because that's what they did - they would have been asked if they were staying in the hotel and even if they had said yes, they still would have been asked if they wanted to settle up by cash or card, of if they wanted to charge the room.

Of course it’s her choice to treat them to lunch, but it’s also entirely intelligible to me, given this context, where the misunderstanding came from. I think this is a misunderstanding that’s all.

Tandora · 09/04/2023 14:58

highfidelity · 09/04/2023 14:56

Also, given the friends hadn't had to pay for lunch, they most certainly could have afforded to pay for their own rinks/reimburse the OP.

🤣 do you normally spend 70$ on lunch?! 😅

Cozzadelsol · 09/04/2023 15:00

MoltenLasagne · 09/04/2023 13:25

Yes, agree with @Cozzadelsol - they either thought they were ripping you off, or they knew they were putting you in a dodgy position with your company.

For my workplace this would minimum be a disciplinary if I hadn't caught something being falsely charged to my corporate card.

👌👌

Butitsnotfunnyisititsserious · 09/04/2023 15:01

I think this is a misunderstanding that’s all.

It's a piss take. You don't charge anything to someone's room and just assume their company would pay for it. Especially when you aren't asking the employee of that company. They need to give OP the money they owe her to cover it. And a big apology.