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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend charged drinks and desserts to my hotel room.

583 replies

annaherrings · 09/04/2023 07:34

I was NY where we have an office (the company I work for that is). I was staying in a hotel (paid for by company). I had two friends from London who were in NY at the same time visiting for Easter break. They wanted to meet up and I invited them to my hotel for lunch/drinks. I do not expense my hotel charges as I never have work meetings at the hotel and our offices are where all meetings are held. We also eat out a lot and work pays for that. So I settle any incidentals bill myself - whereas the room is paid for.

We had lunch and everything was fine. I had to head back to my office so I settled up. The waiter asked what my room # was when I asked to charge it to the room as I had to go. So I told him/said it out loud. I signed the check/bill and left. Before leaving, the two girls said: 'We might stay for one more in the adjoining bar'. That was obviously fine. They are free to do what they want/go where they want.

Upon checking out; I see extra charges of 4 drinks and two desserts. Totalling $140 and I'm pretty sure two of the drinks were champagne. (It was a 5* hotel in Manhattan).

It stood out because I was only aware of the lunch total since it was the only thing I charged to my room throughout the entire stay. So it wasn't exactly hard to spot.

I asked the hotel for the actual receipt (the one which you sign your name/room # on). Sure enough, it wasn't my signature. They had even added on the 20% tip.

When I queried them (the girls) on it, they said the hotel staff (same waiter) immediately charged it to my room and didn't give them a chance to pay. They 'wanted' to tip (tipping is a big deal in the US) so they said they asked for a check/bill - and tipped via the room - meaning my card. Hence the receipt in front of me. They also wrote down my room # since they heard me say it out loud prior.

I do not believe they didn't have a chance to pay. If they really wanted to, they could have. They then said they assumed my work was paying (I work for a famous/large bank) so we aren't exactly short of company money - hence their 'assumption'.

They then said they did 'ask me' if it was ok to 'stay for one more at the adjoining bar' and that I was more than ok with it.

To clarify, they didn't 'ask' and moreover; no two grown women need to ask my permission as to where they can go. It is entirely up to them where they go and what they do.

I need up paying their bill as I didn't want any awkwardness. I haven't responded to their texts and TBH, I'd rather just never talk to them again. AIBU to think there was no misunderstanding here? I could never ever walk out of a place - 5* or not - and not pay. The audacity of charging anything to a friend's room - and not even telling them about it after the fact - is unbelievable to me. My DH says to drop it and leave it be and called it 'cheeky' but not worth losing friendships over. I suspect he just doesn't want to engage.

OP posts:
Stravawindow · 09/04/2023 15:22

For those questioning 300 dollars for lunch, I’m not long back from NYC myself. It is extremely easy to spend that kind of money on lunch and a few drinks as we weren’t far off that ourselves.

It was pouring with rain one day so we went into a place for lunch. 2 x fish and chips and a fancy chicken sandwich with fries, two diet cokes and four beers (covered 3 of us) and it was $190 dollars. Please remember you also add on tips in New York. 3 friends for lunch can very easily reach the amount the OP has said.

BignBootiful · 09/04/2023 15:23

Tandora · 09/04/2023 15:15

Good for you. I still don’t think that it can be assumed for the average person (teacher) that if they saved the cost of lunch they obviously must have 70£ to spare.

Show quote history

Well they shouldn’t have had the drinks and dessert then, should they? The government may owe them a raise but their friend certainly doesn’t.

Notavailabletryanotherone · 09/04/2023 15:24

Randommother · 09/04/2023 07:50

When you settled up, did you just pay for your lunch or for theirs too? If you paid for theirs then I can see why they may have thought it was being funded, and charged the additional items that they saw as part of the same lunch to the bill. That said, as soon as you called them on it, they should have offered to pay!

This. If it were a genuine mistake they should have then reimbursed you , no question. Ask they to pay you and then leave the ball in their court as to continued friendship. Without a decent apology I really wouldn’t bother.

Mummyoflittledragon · 09/04/2023 15:24

I really hope you get your money back. It was pretty obvious you weren’t expecting them to charge anything to you / your room. This was incredibly rude of them whatever they are trying to make out now. You sound very generous.

SheilaFentiman · 09/04/2023 15:24

And even if they somehow interpreted the OP as saying “sure, stay for another drink” as “and I’ll pay” - they had two more drinks and a second dessert each!

MyStarBoy · 09/04/2023 15:25

YADNBU
The pair of them are thieves and clearly lack any respect for you. I hope they choked on what they had.
I hope you get your money back.
Then fuck them off for good - you don't need people with that mentality in your life.

BignBootiful · 09/04/2023 15:26

dew141 · 09/04/2023 14:44

  • means not jeans

Oh I loved the jeans comment. I thought you were being poetic. Hahaha

Tandora · 09/04/2023 15:27

BignBootiful · 09/04/2023 15:20

So, she can afford to treat them to a nice lunch but shouldn’t because it is a vulgar display of the disparity of their incomes? I have treated friends when I am in a position to do so and have been so treated by other friends. I have never thought their genorosity tacky or that because they’ve been generous I can call the shots about how and when they decide to bestow that generosity. It’s up to them and I just consider myself lucky to sometimes be the recipient.

what if a friend gave you a nice present would you think you could go back to the shop where they bought it and charge other gifts to their account?

weird.

Show quote history

i think I was clear, that it is the combination of the-

  1. Display of the vast inequality of wealth
  2. Rowing over the cost of after lunch drinks that in my opinion is distasteful/ tacky.

You don’t have to agree and that’s ok, but that’s def not how I would behave. As I said, could be a cultural/ values thing, but for me that combination is problematic.

I also think , given the display of wealth, it is easy to see how OP’s friends misunderstood/ misconstrued the situation, and therefore some grace is due. Although I do also think their behaviour was also tacky.

Theluggage15 · 09/04/2023 15:27

Tandora · 09/04/2023 15:14

Over 300$ is an obscene amount to spend on a lunch. You can treat friends to a nice meal without splashing that kind of cash around. It’s tacky because on the one hand it’s highlighting the vast inequality in wealth that must exist between OP and her friends , and on the other they are now falling out over money/ the cost of after lunch drinks. Maybe it’s a cultural thing, but that’s def tacky how I was raised.

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Don’t be ridiculous, that’s not an obscene amount and not even hugely expensive in NY. Of course it’s not tacky. And you seem to have missed the point that these poor hard done by friends were holidaying in NY so not on the poverty line and irrelevant anyway.

highfidelity · 09/04/2023 15:30

Tandora · 09/04/2023 15:15

Good for you. I still don’t think that it can be assumed for the average person (teacher) that if they saved the cost of lunch they obviously must have 70£ to spare.

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How do you know how much money I have or even if I am working at the moment, let alone if I earn more or less than a teacher?

Hate to break it to you, I don't even think $300 is all that expensive for lunch for three people. But then I'm from London, so am used to higher price points.

If the OPs friends are anything like me, they would have costed their trip to NY to the last dollar. Indeed, scoring a free lunch on the OP absolutely meant they had money (to spare).

BlueHeelers · 09/04/2023 15:30

The whole thing is tacky. You still haven’t explained how and why you would spend over $300 on lunch , just for the hell of it (I.e no special occasion).

It’s clear you’re not used to lunch in high-end New York! £100 each (including a tip) and 2 of the 3 drinking alcohol would get you to $300 pretty easily.

highfidelity · 09/04/2023 15:30

Theluggage15 · 09/04/2023 15:27

Don’t be ridiculous, that’s not an obscene amount and not even hugely expensive in NY. Of course it’s not tacky. And you seem to have missed the point that these poor hard done by friends were holidaying in NY so not on the poverty line and irrelevant anyway.

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Hear hear 👏

Tandora · 09/04/2023 15:31

BignBootiful · 09/04/2023 15:23

Well they shouldn’t have had the drinks and dessert then, should they? The government may owe them a raise but their friend certainly doesn’t.

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No they shouldn’t have, however, I think they did this because they misunderstood the situation.

Maybe I am wrong, but this seems like the most likely explanation to me.

Perhaps they are brazen thieves and , for some bizarre reason, they thought OP wouldn’t notice; but to me that seems much less likely.

In the context, I can make sense of how the misunderstanding came about (given the extravagant cost of lunch). That was my only point .

ThereIbledit · 09/04/2023 15:31

They were absolute cheeky fuckers. I'm glad you've sent bank details and I do hope you get your money back, but it would be the end of the friendship for me, or at least a great distancing.

BignBootiful · 09/04/2023 15:33

Tandora · 09/04/2023 15:31

No they shouldn’t have, however, I think they did this because they misunderstood the situation.

Maybe I am wrong, but this seems like the most likely explanation to me.

Perhaps they are brazen thieves and , for some bizarre reason, they thought OP wouldn’t notice; but to me that seems much less likely.

In the context, I can make sense of how the misunderstanding came about (given the extravagant cost of lunch). That was my only point .

Show quote history

So if it is a misunderstanding they just apologise and cough up. That’s what I would do.

Tandora · 09/04/2023 15:33

highfidelity · 09/04/2023 15:30

How do you know how much money I have or even if I am working at the moment, let alone if I earn more or less than a teacher?

Hate to break it to you, I don't even think $300 is all that expensive for lunch for three people. But then I'm from London, so am used to higher price points.

If the OPs friends are anything like me, they would have costed their trip to NY to the last dollar. Indeed, scoring a free lunch on the OP absolutely meant they had money (to spare).

Show quote history

How do you know how much money I have or even if I am working at the moment, let alone if I earn more or less than a teacher?

What are you on about? I never made any assumptions about any of these things :s.

Buildingthefuture · 09/04/2023 15:33

Fuck me! “Display of wealth”??? Honestly, when you are doing quite well, what do you do? Hide it, pretend you are skint, or share it with your friends? If you want to share with your friends, is it ok for them to then take the piss?? MN is the oddest place going!!

Facem81 · 09/04/2023 15:36

i think I was clear, that it is the combination of the-

  1. * Display of the vast inequality of wealth *

these women were holidaying in NY over Easter. I doubt they were on the bones of their ass 😂

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 09/04/2023 15:36

I also think , given the display of wealth, it is easy to see how OP’s friends misunderstood/ misconstrued the situation

Having $ 300 is wealth now? it's about £ 240, or £ 80 each - which you'd spend on a even halfway decent lunch in London, which has astronomical food prices post covid. A few months ago I paid £ 16 for an (admittedly) large panini and a beer.

Wavinggoodbyetoo · 09/04/2023 15:36

Tandora · 09/04/2023 15:27

i think I was clear, that it is the combination of the-

  1. Display of the vast inequality of wealth
  2. Rowing over the cost of after lunch drinks that in my opinion is distasteful/ tacky.

You don’t have to agree and that’s ok, but that’s def not how I would behave. As I said, could be a cultural/ values thing, but for me that combination is problematic.

I also think , given the display of wealth, it is easy to see how OP’s friends misunderstood/ misconstrued the situation, and therefore some grace is due. Although I do also think their behaviour was also tacky.

Show quote history

’Display of wealth’ 😂

highfidelity · 09/04/2023 15:39

Tandora · 09/04/2023 15:33

How do you know how much money I have or even if I am working at the moment, let alone if I earn more or less than a teacher?

What are you on about? I never made any assumptions about any of these things :s.

Show quote history

You wrote Good for you. I still don’t think that it can be assumed for the average person (teacher) that if they saved the cost of lunch they obviously must have 70£ to spare.

You suggested the friends as teachers are the average person. That's rather an assumption on your part. I was merely pointing out that you have no idea and using myself as context.

That's all.

Tandora · 09/04/2023 15:39

Buildingthefuture · 09/04/2023 15:33

Fuck me! “Display of wealth”??? Honestly, when you are doing quite well, what do you do? Hide it, pretend you are skint, or share it with your friends? If you want to share with your friends, is it ok for them to then take the piss?? MN is the oddest place going!!

No I don’t think you need to hide it, pretend you are skint, and that it’s ok for friends to take the piss.

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 09/04/2023 15:39

Buildingthefuture · 09/04/2023 15:33

Fuck me! “Display of wealth”??? Honestly, when you are doing quite well, what do you do? Hide it, pretend you are skint, or share it with your friends? If you want to share with your friends, is it ok for them to then take the piss?? MN is the oddest place going!!

Just waiting now for someone to say OP was flaunting her 'wealth' from her highly paid job and insisted on buying lunch to make her friends feel inferior about their lower earning capacity.

Tandora · 09/04/2023 15:40

highfidelity · 09/04/2023 15:39

You wrote Good for you. I still don’t think that it can be assumed for the average person (teacher) that if they saved the cost of lunch they obviously must have 70£ to spare.

You suggested the friends as teachers are the average person. That's rather an assumption on your part. I was merely pointing out that you have no idea and using myself as context.

That's all.

Show quote history

That’s not what I meant at all.

Butitsnotfunnyisititsserious · 09/04/2023 15:41

Spending $300 on a dinner for 3 is not a display of wealth by any means