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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend charged drinks and desserts to my hotel room.

583 replies

annaherrings · 09/04/2023 07:34

I was NY where we have an office (the company I work for that is). I was staying in a hotel (paid for by company). I had two friends from London who were in NY at the same time visiting for Easter break. They wanted to meet up and I invited them to my hotel for lunch/drinks. I do not expense my hotel charges as I never have work meetings at the hotel and our offices are where all meetings are held. We also eat out a lot and work pays for that. So I settle any incidentals bill myself - whereas the room is paid for.

We had lunch and everything was fine. I had to head back to my office so I settled up. The waiter asked what my room # was when I asked to charge it to the room as I had to go. So I told him/said it out loud. I signed the check/bill and left. Before leaving, the two girls said: 'We might stay for one more in the adjoining bar'. That was obviously fine. They are free to do what they want/go where they want.

Upon checking out; I see extra charges of 4 drinks and two desserts. Totalling $140 and I'm pretty sure two of the drinks were champagne. (It was a 5* hotel in Manhattan).

It stood out because I was only aware of the lunch total since it was the only thing I charged to my room throughout the entire stay. So it wasn't exactly hard to spot.

I asked the hotel for the actual receipt (the one which you sign your name/room # on). Sure enough, it wasn't my signature. They had even added on the 20% tip.

When I queried them (the girls) on it, they said the hotel staff (same waiter) immediately charged it to my room and didn't give them a chance to pay. They 'wanted' to tip (tipping is a big deal in the US) so they said they asked for a check/bill - and tipped via the room - meaning my card. Hence the receipt in front of me. They also wrote down my room # since they heard me say it out loud prior.

I do not believe they didn't have a chance to pay. If they really wanted to, they could have. They then said they assumed my work was paying (I work for a famous/large bank) so we aren't exactly short of company money - hence their 'assumption'.

They then said they did 'ask me' if it was ok to 'stay for one more at the adjoining bar' and that I was more than ok with it.

To clarify, they didn't 'ask' and moreover; no two grown women need to ask my permission as to where they can go. It is entirely up to them where they go and what they do.

I need up paying their bill as I didn't want any awkwardness. I haven't responded to their texts and TBH, I'd rather just never talk to them again. AIBU to think there was no misunderstanding here? I could never ever walk out of a place - 5* or not - and not pay. The audacity of charging anything to a friend's room - and not even telling them about it after the fact - is unbelievable to me. My DH says to drop it and leave it be and called it 'cheeky' but not worth losing friendships over. I suspect he just doesn't want to engage.

OP posts:
MyLoveIsYourLove0xO · 09/04/2023 13:29

Cheeky feckers!
Hope they pay you back!

whynotwhatknot · 09/04/2023 13:29

they were cfs they knew you had to pay for it yourself

i woldnt be impressed with hotel just accpeting it to be charged to the room though what if anyone walked in and did that-i would have refused to pay it

Katrinawaves · 09/04/2023 13:32

whynotwhatknot · 09/04/2023 13:29

they were cfs they knew you had to pay for it yourself

i woldnt be impressed with hotel just accpeting it to be charged to the room though what if anyone walked in and did that-i would have refused to pay it

Somebody walking in off the street would not know the name of the guest staying in the room. By using OP’s name, the friends were implicating her in the charge.

Mycatisfatafatcat · 09/04/2023 13:33

She said the company paid for the room. Then she charged lunch to the room.

Bunnichick · 09/04/2023 13:33

OP I think your friends are cheeky. If it was a genuine misunderstanding then a real friend will offer to send you the money immediately. Then again they probably wouldn't have spent $150 on drinks if they thought they were paying do they won't want to pay, but why should you?

Interested go see how they respond!

Partyandbullshit · 09/04/2023 13:34

I experienced this sort of thing A LOT when I first moved to NY. It’s literal champagne taste on a beer budget.

There’s a type of woman who comes to NYC for a long weekend or 7 days, thinking it’s going to be all Sex and The City (shows my age!), strutting around in stilletoes and oversized shades, hailing yellow cabs and going to galleries and brunches. Wants the sexy bars and super fancy food, and feels permissive and full of abandon because It’s Abroad. Little do they realise the truth is the exact opposite and that their pounds don’t buy them anywhere near enough dollars. The disconnect leaves them in a quandary (want it, can’t have it), and this is precisely the thing that ends up happening. What’s the point of saving up and spending so much money getting here/ paying for accommodation if you’re going to spend your time in Pret and McDonald’s and eating pizza?

As a now very long term resident, I put up with this sort of thing three times before I got my radar and started sending lists of places to stay, restaurants and bars, and keeping very firm boundaries around myself.

In your shoes, I would have no qualms saying I need to submit my expenses with an explanation of who I was entertaining to justify and allocate the cost to this/that client, and that obviously I can’t lie given I wasn’t even there, I was in the actual office some blocks away (actually, you know, working). That I would appreciate them sending the money for the drinks etc they enjoyed together to XXX bank details. Hope they enjoy the rest of their stay.

It’s one thing not understanding how different industries operate. But this is flagrant theft. NO WAY did a waiter in a different bar/restaurant just assume the tab was going on a room - they wouldn’t even have KNOWN which room to ring it up on. The receipt is presented, the waiter asks if you want to charge it or pay - and these girls opted to charge. There are separate lines on the receipt to fill in. They’re not mortified that they didn’t know how things work and cocked up big time and please take our money. No. They’re now lying to dig deeper. They’re taking you for a mug: they’re teachers possibly on strike, you’re in banking, you owe them/ they’re going to help themselves to what you have because you can afford it and they can’t. And, no way I could ever spend any time with someone who treats me like that. Far from friendship, it’s worse than no relationship at all.

Glitterybee · 09/04/2023 13:36

Wow this is so cheeky!

honestly I wouldn’t want to be friends with them moving forward.

BlueHeelers · 09/04/2023 13:37

Werehalfwaythere · 09/04/2023 09:14

I think I would have thought everything was in the company. That's what I'd assume if someone settled a $300+ meal without asking me to contribute. I mean, I'm in my 30s and don't know anyone who could afford to pay a $300+ lunch bill themselves. You must be extremely well paid.

I suspect it was a misunderstanding initially. Now, at the prospect of paying $70 each for a pudding and two drinks, they're panicking. Especially on teacher salaries. Perhaps they're hoping, given you presumably earn a LOT more than them, that you may not mind paying in this instance.

I guess it depends where the misunderstanding came from. If you were crystal clear that the meal was over and anything else is paid by them, then YANBU, they are taking advantage of you.

But if it was possible they thought either the company was paying (or reimbursing you), or they thought you'd agreed to them having the pudding etc as part of the meal you offered to pay, then YABU to suddenly lump them with a large bill they didn't think they'd owe.

Why did you offer to pay for lunch? I think that's likely where the misunderstanding came from. Why didn't you all just meet up somewhere normally priced and pay your own way? It almost feels a bit tacky to pay for a meal, have to rush off, and then expect guests to then pay the rest. You either pay for the whole meal, or you meet up elsewhere and pay your own ways.

I think we’ve found one of your “friends “ on this thread @annaherrings

Twinedpeaks · 09/04/2023 13:40

Moreover, it wasn't a business lunch in any way - as they obviously knew. So I'm not sure why they would think it would be expensed anyway.

It's normal for all your expenses to be paid while travelling for work, not sure why you're paying you're own 'incidentals'?

I know this doesn't extend to their meals by the way.

whynotwhatknot · 09/04/2023 13:46

no sorry dont belive that-think they made it up and just said yeah charge it to her room

wasnt given a chance to pay -yeah right

Oopswediditagain2023 · 09/04/2023 13:49

That's really bad and extremely "cheeky". They obviously thought they could get away with it and I personally wouldn't speak to them again as who knows what else they think they can "get away with". Shows poor character imho.
Do they themselves have jobs? One of my aunties is an HR consultant and says that in most cases when a company wants to get rid of someone they can always find a discrepancy in their expenses that they can use to sack them. If they work in a company they surely must know this!

SchoolTripDrama · 09/04/2023 13:50

Dobby123456 · 09/04/2023 09:24

I once had to write a letter to the expenses departement explaining why I got a taxi to the hotel from the airport instead of taking the bus. Don't think I could have explained away champagne!

😲 That's appalling! If I'm being made to travel for work then I'd expect taxi transfers not being made to stand and wait for a bloody bus!

BignBootiful · 09/04/2023 13:51

annaherrings · 09/04/2023 09:48

Haha! Seems like it!

Exactly. A lot of hotels stop service after lunch for a few hours - and then reopen for dinner service.

In that time, bars/lounges open. The bars and lounges are the last to close.

So it certainly wasn't any kind of 'continuation'. The restaurant was naturally more of a dining area. The bar was an area with couches/lower lighting etc... completely different area/vibe/venue.

I agree with the PP who all say that people think expenses are just 'company is paying, charge it to the company!'.

As for the dessert, I can only imagine they were still peckish. Or tipsy. The restaurant wasn't the typical US oversized portions, despite being in Manhattan. Hotel restaurants don't pile the plates high! But it certainly wasn't one of those places where you get a slice of lamb and one mushy pea either.

Show quote history

I wouldn’t have expected my friend to claim expenses for a meal they treated me to. Not as a friend who has nothing to do with their line of work. I would assume they were paying out of their own pocket - unless they were taking liberties with their company. I don’t know anyone who would do that these days where you have to keep records for everything (I am old enough to remember the days when that wasn’t the case and we’d all have long boozy lunches with mates that we’d bill to the company. Those days are well and truly over)

That said, I think your friends are chancers. It was very kind of you to pay for lunch but that doesn’t seem to have been enough for them. I can’t stand people like that. They think that you’re loaded. And even if you are you don’t owe them a thing.

MsRosley · 09/04/2023 13:52

Werehalfwaythere · 09/04/2023 11:36

Haha you're reaching here! It's Easter Sunday. Get a life and stop insinuating other people have to "go to lengths" to keep friends. From the bitterness or your comments, it's likely you're the one with that issue, not Beautiful3.

Show quote history

Lol, you're a fine one to tell people to get a life. Look in the mirror. As for having low standards for friends, that might have been true once, but I got therapy and now don't keep company with people who might steal money from me the moment I let my guard down.

HideousKinky · 09/04/2023 14:01

They have behaved very badly. I would find it hard to continue the friendship if they did not offer to repay

endingintiers · 09/04/2023 14:02

I have friends much wealthier than me and
A. I wouldn't expect them to buy me a $100 lunch, it would make me uncomfortable.
B. If they did, I would buy my own drinks after! Even if I had thought they were paying for the drinks / it was covered by expenses I would probably only get a coffee or something.
C. I'd make sure I bought the next round - even if I couldn't afford a similar lunch, I'd buy them a drink somewhere
D. If this had happened, I'd pay immediately and apologize profusely

Dustybarn · 09/04/2023 14:03

OP, your friends clearly intended to make you pay and probably didn’t know that you would receive an itemized bill - they probably thought it would all be on one bill as the amounts would be added together and you wouldn’t notice that the amount was higher than what you signed for. They are dishonest.

youveturnedupwelldone · 09/04/2023 14:05

It's always baffling when there are people on these posts who tell you you should suck it up and what did you expect because earn lots (no idea if you do!).

Of course you should ask for the money back, of course they have been cheeky (I'd call it dishonest actually). Personally I think whichever way this goes you'll not be friends with them really in the future. If they genuinely expect you'd just pay up and not ask them, you're better off without them.

Thebigblueballoon · 09/04/2023 14:08

Have they messaged you back yet, OP? Feel invested to know if these cheeky feckers are going to do the decent thing and pay you back!

burnoutbabe · 09/04/2023 14:11

Not sure $140 means the most expensive champagne.

4 drinks at say $20 each -nice cocktails -plus 2 desserts -~$10 eqxh gets you to $100 plus 20% tip and also New York tax -10% or so? Then you are pretty much at $140.

(Still cheeky and I'd expect an apology and saying they'd send payment asap -though it may not arrive until Tuesday due to bank holiday or until they are home as sone banking apps may not work when you are abroad)

RideACockHorseToSunburyCross · 09/04/2023 14:11

"Why the hell would any organisation be shelling out for random people?"

A friend of mine is allowed an acquaintance for certain trips. This includes a budget for meals, drinks, flights and hotel. You'd have to ask the company why but it is one of the "perks of their job". The women involved here are teachers who got treated to a meal in a 5 star hotel in NYC and asked if they were ok to stay for drinks afterwards. The OP said yes. The woman has explained that the OP had said it was ok in her text reply.

AuntMarch · 09/04/2023 14:14

Even if they did think your work would somehow cover it (which doesn't sound likely from what you have said) the correct response would have been "So sorry, didn't think you would be paying! We will send the money over right away what are your bank details?!" So the fact it wasn't means there is no way you are in the wrong.

Someone said you must earn more because they are teachers - they have several days left in NYC, if they can't spare $70 dollars each then they can't really afford to be in New York for that long. But even if so, they could have offered to send something straight away.

WimpoleHat · 09/04/2023 14:15

It's normal for all your expenses to be paid while travelling for work, not sure why you're paying your own 'incidentals'?

When I used to do a lot of similar business travel, the policy was generous - an evening meal and a couple of glasses of wine would be perfectly acceptable as an expense. But the equivalent of a Pret sandwich at lunchtime if working out of another office (rightly) wouldn’t. In this case, the OP was working out of another office and having a social, non business related lunch with friends. So she rightly paid for it. And kindly treated them. And they behaved outrageously in return…..

2bazookas · 09/04/2023 14:16

I'd send both of them a written letter requesting full payment of the charges they stole from you.

I'#d never speak to either of them again.

Reugny · 09/04/2023 14:16

Mycatisfatafatcat · 09/04/2023 13:33

She said the company paid for the room. Then she charged lunch to the room.

And?