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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend charged drinks and desserts to my hotel room.

583 replies

annaherrings · 09/04/2023 07:34

I was NY where we have an office (the company I work for that is). I was staying in a hotel (paid for by company). I had two friends from London who were in NY at the same time visiting for Easter break. They wanted to meet up and I invited them to my hotel for lunch/drinks. I do not expense my hotel charges as I never have work meetings at the hotel and our offices are where all meetings are held. We also eat out a lot and work pays for that. So I settle any incidentals bill myself - whereas the room is paid for.

We had lunch and everything was fine. I had to head back to my office so I settled up. The waiter asked what my room # was when I asked to charge it to the room as I had to go. So I told him/said it out loud. I signed the check/bill and left. Before leaving, the two girls said: 'We might stay for one more in the adjoining bar'. That was obviously fine. They are free to do what they want/go where they want.

Upon checking out; I see extra charges of 4 drinks and two desserts. Totalling $140 and I'm pretty sure two of the drinks were champagne. (It was a 5* hotel in Manhattan).

It stood out because I was only aware of the lunch total since it was the only thing I charged to my room throughout the entire stay. So it wasn't exactly hard to spot.

I asked the hotel for the actual receipt (the one which you sign your name/room # on). Sure enough, it wasn't my signature. They had even added on the 20% tip.

When I queried them (the girls) on it, they said the hotel staff (same waiter) immediately charged it to my room and didn't give them a chance to pay. They 'wanted' to tip (tipping is a big deal in the US) so they said they asked for a check/bill - and tipped via the room - meaning my card. Hence the receipt in front of me. They also wrote down my room # since they heard me say it out loud prior.

I do not believe they didn't have a chance to pay. If they really wanted to, they could have. They then said they assumed my work was paying (I work for a famous/large bank) so we aren't exactly short of company money - hence their 'assumption'.

They then said they did 'ask me' if it was ok to 'stay for one more at the adjoining bar' and that I was more than ok with it.

To clarify, they didn't 'ask' and moreover; no two grown women need to ask my permission as to where they can go. It is entirely up to them where they go and what they do.

I need up paying their bill as I didn't want any awkwardness. I haven't responded to their texts and TBH, I'd rather just never talk to them again. AIBU to think there was no misunderstanding here? I could never ever walk out of a place - 5* or not - and not pay. The audacity of charging anything to a friend's room - and not even telling them about it after the fact - is unbelievable to me. My DH says to drop it and leave it be and called it 'cheeky' but not worth losing friendships over. I suspect he just doesn't want to engage.

OP posts:
RoseGoldEagle · 09/04/2023 12:47

Have you asked them to pay? Even if they’d thought you would be able to claim them on expenses that’s still so cheeky. I’d say ‘ I know you mentioned staying for another drink, I don’t know why you thought that meant I would pay! As I’ve said I can’t claim these on expenses, so please transfer me the money as soon as you can, thanks.’ If they’re difficult about it then I’d probably leave it (because realistically if they don’t pay after a direct request they’re not going to), and that friendship would be done. So cheeky!

CementTrucker · 09/04/2023 12:47

Why would you think a company would pay for an employee’s friend’s to have drinks alone in a bar?

This is what I don’t get about the myriad response saying the friends probably assumed it was on expenses. Expenses are for employees, who wouldn’t agree to tiring and stressful travel without their costs being covered, and clients/customers. You know, the people who have something valuable to offer and who are therefore worth building relationships with. Why the hell would any organisation be shelling out for random people?

I could understand if they were teenagers or fresh out of uni, but these are professionals who’ve been out in the big bad world for a good few years. Surely you’d at least ask the question to make sure if you thought there was a chance the company was picking up the tab - because it sounds too good to be true.

I don’t find it plausible that presumably intelligent adults thought this was all on expenses.

YNK · 09/04/2023 12:48

I'm struggling with the sheer deluge of dishonesty here!

So many are saying it's not ok to steal from your friend but perfectly acceptable to steal from this other guy?

Really?

AliceOlive · 09/04/2023 12:48

Rosula · 09/04/2023 12:31

When? OP's post makes it perfectly clear that they literally didn't ask.

Show quote history

In a 5 star Manhattan hotel, I would think they were asking if it was a public bar or only for guests. It would never cross my mind they meant “can we charge everything to your room.”

I can see where they might have been thinking of the hotel as a club that only allows members to pay, but then why not text “We really enjoyed the hotel bar. It went on your room so please let us know the total and we will send it.”

Emotionalsupportviper · 09/04/2023 12:50

Rosula · 09/04/2023 12:33

There's NO way a hotel is going to say: "There's nothing you can do. No, we aren't willing to take a card payment from you. Too late. I already added it to the room account! Damn!"

And in the incredibly unlikely event that they did. surely you'd immediately text the hotel guest to explain what had happened and ask for bank account details so you could reimburse her.

THIS

YNK · 09/04/2023 12:52

RoseGoldEagle · 09/04/2023 12:47

Have you asked them to pay? Even if they’d thought you would be able to claim them on expenses that’s still so cheeky. I’d say ‘ I know you mentioned staying for another drink, I don’t know why you thought that meant I would pay! As I’ve said I can’t claim these on expenses, so please transfer me the money as soon as you can, thanks.’ If they’re difficult about it then I’d probably leave it (because realistically if they don’t pay after a direct request they’re not going to), and that friendship would be done. So cheeky!

No, tell them you only paid to avoid them having a fraud conviction and if they continue to take the proverbial they can go down that route if they prefer!

You have enough evidence for a County Court judgement against them!

Rosula · 09/04/2023 12:52

Werehalfwaythere · 09/04/2023 09:14

I think I would have thought everything was in the company. That's what I'd assume if someone settled a $300+ meal without asking me to contribute. I mean, I'm in my 30s and don't know anyone who could afford to pay a $300+ lunch bill themselves. You must be extremely well paid.

I suspect it was a misunderstanding initially. Now, at the prospect of paying $70 each for a pudding and two drinks, they're panicking. Especially on teacher salaries. Perhaps they're hoping, given you presumably earn a LOT more than them, that you may not mind paying in this instance.

I guess it depends where the misunderstanding came from. If you were crystal clear that the meal was over and anything else is paid by them, then YANBU, they are taking advantage of you.

But if it was possible they thought either the company was paying (or reimbursing you), or they thought you'd agreed to them having the pudding etc as part of the meal you offered to pay, then YABU to suddenly lump them with a large bill they didn't think they'd owe.

Why did you offer to pay for lunch? I think that's likely where the misunderstanding came from. Why didn't you all just meet up somewhere normally priced and pay your own way? It almost feels a bit tacky to pay for a meal, have to rush off, and then expect guests to then pay the rest. You either pay for the whole meal, or you meet up elsewhere and pay your own ways.

Goodness, it's extraordinary the convolutions people round here will go through to make something like this the OP's fault. OP did pay or the whole meal.

If I'm invited out to lunch, we've finished lunch, and the host pays the bill, then it seems to me perfectly obvious that the part involving the host is well and truly over. There's nothing tacky about the host leaving when you know she has to go back to work. If I choose to stay in the same place and have a second pudding plus more expensive drinks, it wouldn't occur to me for one moment to try and charge it to my host, let alone to forge her signature to ensure that that would happen. Nor, I think, would it occur to any honest person.

AliceOlive · 09/04/2023 12:54

Right, and now it’s tacky to buy your friends lunch. 🤔

Emotionalsupportviper · 09/04/2023 12:54

AliceOlive · 09/04/2023 12:48

In a 5 star Manhattan hotel, I would think they were asking if it was a public bar or only for guests. It would never cross my mind they meant “can we charge everything to your room.”

I can see where they might have been thinking of the hotel as a club that only allows members to pay, but then why not text “We really enjoyed the hotel bar. It went on your room so please let us know the total and we will send it.”

Show quote history

In a 5 star Manhattan hotel, I would think they were asking if it was a public bar or only for guests. It would never cross my mind they meant “can we charge everything to your room.”

That's what I would have assumed if they had asked me. Some hotels only allow guests (and their guests) to use their facilities

Rosula · 09/04/2023 12:54

Baabaa75 · 09/04/2023 10:27

Tbh you should have refused to pay the hotel for it. It's not your signature, you didn't order the food/drinks, if they've let someone charge something to your room without your authorisation that's on the hotel not you. Give them your friends address, they can go after them, it is fraud after all 🤷

The hotel would presumably charge it to OP's card anyway.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 09/04/2023 12:56

Rosula · 09/04/2023 12:54

The hotel would presumably charge it to OP's card anyway.

Show quote history

But they can't if the bill doesn't match the signature they hold on the reservation/check in. Otherwise people would he charging food and drinks to random bedrooms all over the place.

Emotionalsupportviper · 09/04/2023 12:56

You must be extremely well paid.

So? @Werehalfwaythere

OP may be extremely well-paid, but that doesn't mean she has to subsidise every CF this side of the equator.

BrainWontWorkAnymore · 09/04/2023 12:58

Teachers know how expenses work. If you have a course to attend, you may be able to claim travel expenses. However, food and drink is NEVER included. The obvious reason is that you would have to eat /drink anyway, even if you weren’t on the course. It’s up to you whether you take a meal deal / packed lunch or eat out. It’s your choice, it’s your money.

AliceOlive · 09/04/2023 12:58

Rosula · 09/04/2023 12:54

The hotel would presumably charge it to OP's card anyway.

Show quote history

Yeah, and it would be extremely embarrassing and bad form to do this. OP stays in this hotel for work and likely her company has a relationship with the hotel, also. I would not want this getting back to my employer. It would definitely result in a WTF from my boss and the travel office.

OP will either get the $ from these jokers or pay herself. Either way I’m sure it will be a while before inviting anyone to lunch at her hotel again.

Duckingella · 09/04/2023 13:00

They deliberately expensed it to your room;I bet they wouldn't have ran up that bill if they were paying especially the champagne.They are CF's.

Nosleepforthismum · 09/04/2023 13:03

I think it’s easy to see who else are CF’s on this thread! OP you did nothing wrong and your “friends” are arseholes. They knew exactly what they were doing and it’s disgraceful they are now trying to wriggle out of paying you back.

As a side note, it’s basic etiquette that if you know someone else is picking up the bill, you don’t order champagne and the most expensive items on the menu.

HomeTheatreSystem · 09/04/2023 13:05

When I queried them (the girls) on it, they said the hotel staff (same waiter) immediately charged it to my room and didn't give them a chance to pay.

That's OK then: they were expecting to pay but due to it going on your tab, they didn't pay then but can now.

Irridescantshimmmer · 09/04/2023 13:06

Demand that they pay you and cut them off.

They are CF.

CementTrucker · 09/04/2023 13:09

Emotionalsupportviper · 09/04/2023 12:56

You must be extremely well paid.

So? @Werehalfwaythere

OP may be extremely well-paid, but that doesn't mean she has to subsidise every CF this side of the equator.

The implication seems to be that op should magnanimously overlook this because her friends are just poor impoverished teachers who made an innocent and understandable mistake.

Absolute rubbish!

sjxoxo · 09/04/2023 13:11

I think it’s cheeky for $140!! If it was an average price I’d prob not care. However you should tell them you are paying personally and that their cost was $140. They should reimburse you on this occasion! If it was my best mates I wouldn’t begrudge them a drink but I’d mind at $140!

Phoebo · 09/04/2023 13:12

Emotionalsupportviper · 09/04/2023 12:56

You must be extremely well paid.

So? @Werehalfwaythere

OP may be extremely well-paid, but that doesn't mean she has to subsidise every CF this side of the equator.

Not to mention she already personally paid for lunch. Definitely can see the other CF on this thread!

Phoebo · 09/04/2023 13:13

Rosula · 09/04/2023 12:40

I agree. I don't know why op chose a super expensive hotel.

Why is that relevant? It's not as if OP was expecting them to pay for the lunch.

Her work probably chose where OP stayed

WimpoleHat · 09/04/2023 13:16

I don't know why op chose a super expensive hotel.

She was there on business. She met her friends in the equivalent of her lunch hour. She probably chose it because she knew it and it was convenient.

Cozzadelsol · 09/04/2023 13:21

annaherrings · 09/04/2023 07:34

I was NY where we have an office (the company I work for that is). I was staying in a hotel (paid for by company). I had two friends from London who were in NY at the same time visiting for Easter break. They wanted to meet up and I invited them to my hotel for lunch/drinks. I do not expense my hotel charges as I never have work meetings at the hotel and our offices are where all meetings are held. We also eat out a lot and work pays for that. So I settle any incidentals bill myself - whereas the room is paid for.

We had lunch and everything was fine. I had to head back to my office so I settled up. The waiter asked what my room # was when I asked to charge it to the room as I had to go. So I told him/said it out loud. I signed the check/bill and left. Before leaving, the two girls said: 'We might stay for one more in the adjoining bar'. That was obviously fine. They are free to do what they want/go where they want.

Upon checking out; I see extra charges of 4 drinks and two desserts. Totalling $140 and I'm pretty sure two of the drinks were champagne. (It was a 5* hotel in Manhattan).

It stood out because I was only aware of the lunch total since it was the only thing I charged to my room throughout the entire stay. So it wasn't exactly hard to spot.

I asked the hotel for the actual receipt (the one which you sign your name/room # on). Sure enough, it wasn't my signature. They had even added on the 20% tip.

When I queried them (the girls) on it, they said the hotel staff (same waiter) immediately charged it to my room and didn't give them a chance to pay. They 'wanted' to tip (tipping is a big deal in the US) so they said they asked for a check/bill - and tipped via the room - meaning my card. Hence the receipt in front of me. They also wrote down my room # since they heard me say it out loud prior.

I do not believe they didn't have a chance to pay. If they really wanted to, they could have. They then said they assumed my work was paying (I work for a famous/large bank) so we aren't exactly short of company money - hence their 'assumption'.

They then said they did 'ask me' if it was ok to 'stay for one more at the adjoining bar' and that I was more than ok with it.

To clarify, they didn't 'ask' and moreover; no two grown women need to ask my permission as to where they can go. It is entirely up to them where they go and what they do.

I need up paying their bill as I didn't want any awkwardness. I haven't responded to their texts and TBH, I'd rather just never talk to them again. AIBU to think there was no misunderstanding here? I could never ever walk out of a place - 5* or not - and not pay. The audacity of charging anything to a friend's room - and not even telling them about it after the fact - is unbelievable to me. My DH says to drop it and leave it be and called it 'cheeky' but not worth losing friendships over. I suspect he just doesn't want to engage.

I am so sorry you're in this position OP. You must not only be angry, but also upset that two 'friends' would treat you like this.

There are only two scenarios to explain what happened when you left. Firstly they knew you would have to pay the extra bill, but thought 'fuck it let's order champagne' after you buying them a lovely lunch.

Or secondly, they thought your company was footing the bill and thought 'fuck it let's order champagne' fraudulently on your companies tab.

The second scenario could have got you fired, but they don't seem to care.

They are greedy and conniving. I would not want anything to do with either of them ever again 😕

MoltenLasagne · 09/04/2023 13:25

Yes, agree with @Cozzadelsol - they either thought they were ripping you off, or they knew they were putting you in a dodgy position with your company.

For my workplace this would minimum be a disciplinary if I hadn't caught something being falsely charged to my corporate card.