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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend charged drinks and desserts to my hotel room.

583 replies

annaherrings · 09/04/2023 07:34

I was NY where we have an office (the company I work for that is). I was staying in a hotel (paid for by company). I had two friends from London who were in NY at the same time visiting for Easter break. They wanted to meet up and I invited them to my hotel for lunch/drinks. I do not expense my hotel charges as I never have work meetings at the hotel and our offices are where all meetings are held. We also eat out a lot and work pays for that. So I settle any incidentals bill myself - whereas the room is paid for.

We had lunch and everything was fine. I had to head back to my office so I settled up. The waiter asked what my room # was when I asked to charge it to the room as I had to go. So I told him/said it out loud. I signed the check/bill and left. Before leaving, the two girls said: 'We might stay for one more in the adjoining bar'. That was obviously fine. They are free to do what they want/go where they want.

Upon checking out; I see extra charges of 4 drinks and two desserts. Totalling $140 and I'm pretty sure two of the drinks were champagne. (It was a 5* hotel in Manhattan).

It stood out because I was only aware of the lunch total since it was the only thing I charged to my room throughout the entire stay. So it wasn't exactly hard to spot.

I asked the hotel for the actual receipt (the one which you sign your name/room # on). Sure enough, it wasn't my signature. They had even added on the 20% tip.

When I queried them (the girls) on it, they said the hotel staff (same waiter) immediately charged it to my room and didn't give them a chance to pay. They 'wanted' to tip (tipping is a big deal in the US) so they said they asked for a check/bill - and tipped via the room - meaning my card. Hence the receipt in front of me. They also wrote down my room # since they heard me say it out loud prior.

I do not believe they didn't have a chance to pay. If they really wanted to, they could have. They then said they assumed my work was paying (I work for a famous/large bank) so we aren't exactly short of company money - hence their 'assumption'.

They then said they did 'ask me' if it was ok to 'stay for one more at the adjoining bar' and that I was more than ok with it.

To clarify, they didn't 'ask' and moreover; no two grown women need to ask my permission as to where they can go. It is entirely up to them where they go and what they do.

I need up paying their bill as I didn't want any awkwardness. I haven't responded to their texts and TBH, I'd rather just never talk to them again. AIBU to think there was no misunderstanding here? I could never ever walk out of a place - 5* or not - and not pay. The audacity of charging anything to a friend's room - and not even telling them about it after the fact - is unbelievable to me. My DH says to drop it and leave it be and called it 'cheeky' but not worth losing friendships over. I suspect he just doesn't want to engage.

OP posts:
DoubleTime · 09/04/2023 10:47

initially refused

Climbles · 09/04/2023 10:48

So did they think you’d given them the okay to charge it it your ‘expenses’ or did the waiter do it without them realising? Doesn’t add up does it.
Absolute friendship ender from me. Not only did they try to steal from you or your company (and potentially get you in trouble) but they had the brass neck to order champagne!! After you had paid hundreds for a meal for them! Disgusting behaviour.

Dobby123456 · 09/04/2023 10:48

annaherrings · 09/04/2023 09:35

The meal was well and truly over. No one was rushing or stressed in any way. I told them in advance that I had to go back to work post lunch - and we had ample time. (They came to me as they were literally a few blocks away).

I didn't mind paying for lunch at all. It was on my personal card and nothing to do with the company at all. We were well and truly done. So much so that WE HAD DESSERT TOGETHER! I asked for the check/signed it etc... we couldn't have been more done with lunch.

One of them wanted to use the bathroom, which to get to - meant you had to go past the bar they ended up going to. When she came back, she asked me about it and I told her it was more of a lounge bar/chilled vibe - and we were in the dining area obviously.

That's when she said she wanted to check it out. The other friend was none the wiser as she hadn't walked past it yet.

The adjoining bar (which opens after lunch - and closes late) was a separate place with its own name - but part of the same hotel.

There was no misinterpretation that it was the 'same check' nor a continuation of the lunch in any way at all. There was also NO: 'Yes, of course - do check it out and charge all the drinks and (extra) dessert to my room/card!'

Show quote history

OK. At first I thought they'd just got a bit carried away and your husband was right. But this is premeditated theft. I'd never feel comfortable again around 'friends' who acted like this, even if I did get the money back.

Slimjimtobe · 09/04/2023 10:49

This is truly horrible and I wouldn’t stay friends unless they revolut or send a bank transfer today with an apology

FluffMagnet · 09/04/2023 10:50

Whether you or your company were paying (being generous and assuming that, as teachers, they have no idea of the corporate world and perhaps buy in to urban legends around "perks" and have no idea of the legalities and rules), why would anyone be so greedy and rude to live it up at someone else's expense?

I do have a friend who I know would behave like this. I would never let her anywhere near any corporate event where I had skin in the game! I'm sorry you had your fingers burned OP and they didn't show their true colours until it was too late. I hope they repay your ASAP.

RoyGBivisacolorfulman · 09/04/2023 10:50

Slimjimtobe · 09/04/2023 10:49

This is truly horrible and I wouldn’t stay friends unless they revolut or send a bank transfer today with an apology

Either way the friendship is soured now.

Bienemajas · 09/04/2023 10:50

Unless they immediately asked for your bank details to pay you back, I’d drop them as friends. Who needs friends like that?

This!

Climbles · 09/04/2023 10:51

I could kind of excuse it if they were silly teenagers but they are in their 30’s with professional jobs!

Beautiful3 · 09/04/2023 10:54

If they repay you then I'd forget all about it. Its not worth ruining the friendship. Next time I'd would be very quiet when giving my room number. I'd even go so far to say to the waiter when you've settled the bill, "I'm leaving now, please don't let anyone else make futher charges to my room."

CementTrucker · 09/04/2023 10:55

RoyGBivisacolorfulman · 09/04/2023 09:59

I think I would have thought everything was in the company. That's what I'd assume if someone settled a $300+ meal without asking me to contribute. I mean, I'm in my 30s and don't know anyone who could afford to pay a $300+ lunch bill themselves. You must be extremely well paid.

I agree. I don't know why op chose a super expensive hotel.
Ops mates are still cheeky though adding more to her bill regardless of cost.

Presumably the hotel was chosen because she wanted to enjoy and give a treat, which Starbucks and Applebee’s most certainly are not. It’s a shame her generosity was then abused!

As for the quoted part, it’s a lot less credible that a company completely unconnected to you will purchase you a $450 meal and drinks no questions asked than your friend with a good London-based job can afford to treat friends to a $300 plus meal as a special one-off because you’re all fortuitously in the same place at the same time.

intotalfreefall · 09/04/2023 10:57

I'm really sad for you, OP. I did wonder if maybe they mistakenly thought your company was prepared to pick up the tab, but your posts clarified that wasn't the case. Knowing that you would have to pay personally, making a note of your room number was just calculated CFery.

Even if they apologise and reimburse you (which doesn't seem like a given), the fact that they knowingly tried to fleece you would be a friendship ender for me. Crossed wires I would forgive, but this sounds calculated.

WimpoleHat · 09/04/2023 10:59

These people are not your friends. They sound awful people.

Absolutely this. I’d be tempted to put the wind up them a bit. Tell them you’ve already queried the bill with the hotel as it wasn’t your signature and they’ve reported it to your company as fraud and it’s going to the legal department. Some sort of bullshit like that. Make them sweat for a while. Truly dreadful behaviour anyway, but when you’ve actually already treated them to an expensive lunch? Appalling.

LiquoriceAllsorts2 · 09/04/2023 10:59

I think they thought that it would be expensed and took absolute advantage which is beyond cheeky as why on earth would your work cover them to have champagne in the middle of the afternoon whilst you were working. I think some people assume that those in corporates get everything and that the world owes them as they are in a job that doesn’t. I wouldn’t cut them as friends if they apologize and send you the money but if there is any sign that they won’t then they don’t really sound like friends.

WomblingTree86 · 09/04/2023 11:02

They would have to be very naive and ignorant to think you were charging the whole meal (including their food) and all the drinks to expenses. They knew what they were doing. If they now apologise and pay up I would let it go but otherwise they are not friends.

Crazyshihtzulady · 09/04/2023 11:03

They are absolute leeches. Never waste a second of your life on them again.

Harrysutton · 09/04/2023 11:05

They are so rude. You have been extremely generous paying for their lunch and this is how they repay you? Awful.

HoppingPavlova · 09/04/2023 11:06

No way that is any sort of misunderstanding. They are a pair of chancing CF’ers if the highest order. I would really struggle to stay friends after that personally.

rainbowstardrops · 09/04/2023 11:07

If they were a bit tipsy/naive then surely, as soon as you realised you'd ballsed up, you'd apologise profusely and pay up immediately?!
If that was the case then I'd probably accept their apology and payment and continue the friendship.
If it's not though then I'd be questioning the friendship for sure.

JocelynBurnell · 09/04/2023 11:08

What they did is not cheeky fuckery, it is fraud.

Had they ordered a bottle of champagne at the table after you left and it was just automatically added to your bill, this would have been cheeky fuckery.

What they did was fraud. They fraudulently signed for the bill and gave your room number.

Purplecatshopaholic · 09/04/2023 11:08

Climbles · 09/04/2023 10:48

So did they think you’d given them the okay to charge it it your ‘expenses’ or did the waiter do it without them realising? Doesn’t add up does it.
Absolute friendship ender from me. Not only did they try to steal from you or your company (and potentially get you in trouble) but they had the brass neck to order champagne!! After you had paid hundreds for a meal for them! Disgusting behaviour.

Sadly this. They are not friends op. Talk about trying to pull a fast one. I hope you get the money back.

rubesmum · 09/04/2023 11:09

There is no scenario in which their behaviour is excusable. It was wrong to assume that your company would pay the tab leaving you to explain it in your expenses. But when they realised, assuming that they did not immediately do so, they should have immediately offered to pay you when they discovered that you were personally liable for the amount. Friends do not take advantage in this way no matter who they thought was footing the bill. Explain again, ask them for the money and then let it go, and them too if you are wise.

sighofthetimes · 09/04/2023 11:12

UnsureSchool32 · 09/04/2023 07:53

Just ask them to reimburse you. End of. If you see them again then fair enough. But I’d just put it down to poor judgment from them thinking your company would pay. But I’d deffo be getting my money back!

Yeah, I think because of the work link, they may have thought that your company would cover it. It's still bad behaviour, but I'm not sure I'd terminate a friendship over it.

PolkaDotMankini · 09/04/2023 11:14

If they apologised and paid up then that would end the matter for me.

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 09/04/2023 11:16

It's still bad behaviour, but I'm not sure I'd terminate a friendship over it

Look at it this way, OP. If you don't end the friendship you at least know they're a couple of chancers where your money is concerned. Forewarned is forearmed, and all that.

BridgetRandomfuck · 09/04/2023 11:17

I do think some people have an inflated idea of what is covered by expenses. DH works for a well-known multinational and occasionally has to travel for work. You’d think ‘mega-rich company, everything must be covered’ - not a bit of it! He can take his team out for one meal, has to be less than x amount, no alcohol included and so on. Pays for his own food otherwise. Economy class flights for long haul. They check everything.

OP’s friends, after having had this explained to them, have clearly chanced their arm and not had a thought as to how this would affect her position at work. If they had misunderstood they’d have been immediately apologetic (or a normal person would be!). Hope you get the money back, and if they kick up a fuss that would be it for me.

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