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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend charged drinks and desserts to my hotel room.

583 replies

annaherrings · 09/04/2023 07:34

I was NY where we have an office (the company I work for that is). I was staying in a hotel (paid for by company). I had two friends from London who were in NY at the same time visiting for Easter break. They wanted to meet up and I invited them to my hotel for lunch/drinks. I do not expense my hotel charges as I never have work meetings at the hotel and our offices are where all meetings are held. We also eat out a lot and work pays for that. So I settle any incidentals bill myself - whereas the room is paid for.

We had lunch and everything was fine. I had to head back to my office so I settled up. The waiter asked what my room # was when I asked to charge it to the room as I had to go. So I told him/said it out loud. I signed the check/bill and left. Before leaving, the two girls said: 'We might stay for one more in the adjoining bar'. That was obviously fine. They are free to do what they want/go where they want.

Upon checking out; I see extra charges of 4 drinks and two desserts. Totalling $140 and I'm pretty sure two of the drinks were champagne. (It was a 5* hotel in Manhattan).

It stood out because I was only aware of the lunch total since it was the only thing I charged to my room throughout the entire stay. So it wasn't exactly hard to spot.

I asked the hotel for the actual receipt (the one which you sign your name/room # on). Sure enough, it wasn't my signature. They had even added on the 20% tip.

When I queried them (the girls) on it, they said the hotel staff (same waiter) immediately charged it to my room and didn't give them a chance to pay. They 'wanted' to tip (tipping is a big deal in the US) so they said they asked for a check/bill - and tipped via the room - meaning my card. Hence the receipt in front of me. They also wrote down my room # since they heard me say it out loud prior.

I do not believe they didn't have a chance to pay. If they really wanted to, they could have. They then said they assumed my work was paying (I work for a famous/large bank) so we aren't exactly short of company money - hence their 'assumption'.

They then said they did 'ask me' if it was ok to 'stay for one more at the adjoining bar' and that I was more than ok with it.

To clarify, they didn't 'ask' and moreover; no two grown women need to ask my permission as to where they can go. It is entirely up to them where they go and what they do.

I need up paying their bill as I didn't want any awkwardness. I haven't responded to their texts and TBH, I'd rather just never talk to them again. AIBU to think there was no misunderstanding here? I could never ever walk out of a place - 5* or not - and not pay. The audacity of charging anything to a friend's room - and not even telling them about it after the fact - is unbelievable to me. My DH says to drop it and leave it be and called it 'cheeky' but not worth losing friendships over. I suspect he just doesn't want to engage.

OP posts:
NewNovember · 09/04/2023 10:22

Nobody is going to ask for permission to buy their own drinks are they.

KettrickenSmiled · 09/04/2023 10:24

My DH says to drop it and leave it be and called it 'cheeky' but not worth losing friendships over. I suspect he just doesn't want to engage.

Oh OP Flowers
I'd find that more disappointing than the grabby friends entitlement.

If you feel it's worth losing friendship over - lose this pair. I would. Their actions were calculated, & they don't seem to give a shit that this could have landed you in hot water with work.

Kisskiss · 09/04/2023 10:25

NewNovember · 09/04/2023 10:22

Nobody is going to ask for permission to buy their own drinks are they.

Sure, possibly a misunderstanding, however, now that they know the charges aren’t being expended, surely the correct response is to pay up?
it would be cheeky to think it’s ok for your friend to pay for you when you think it’s too expensive to pay for yourself…
also, I think most people would be offering to get the after drinks/ desserts if someone just paid for their entire meal!!!

raincamepouringdown · 09/04/2023 10:26

I think they got caught up in drinking/nibbling. But they still need to reimburse you. Immediately.

Hankunamatata · 09/04/2023 10:26

Have you actually asked them to send you the money?

Original poster
annaherrings · 09/04/2023 10:27

NewNovember · 09/04/2023 10:22

They literally asked you if it's was ok and you said yes though.

They didn't. That's my exact point. The one who went to the bathroom (and saw the adjoining bar en route) said she wanted to stay for one more and check out the bar. So I carried on with my day - and went to my office as planned. They are free to do anything/go anywhere in NY. They are 35 years old.

Then when I queried the amount, they said they had 'asked me if they could stay'... but I'm not sure what that has to do with them charging things to my room...?

OP posts:
Baabaa75 · 09/04/2023 10:27

Tbh you should have refused to pay the hotel for it. It's not your signature, you didn't order the food/drinks, if they've let someone charge something to your room without your authorisation that's on the hotel not you. Give them your friends address, they can go after them, it is fraud after all 🤷

Sisisimone · 09/04/2023 10:28

These people are not your friends. They sound awful people. You did a lovely thing, treating them to an expensive lunch and they decide to take the piss and charge drinks to your room, and champagne at that. They have basically stolen from you and absolutely no way the hotel made it difficult to pay. And for them then to have the audacity to be sending you shocked emojis when you pull them up on it is disgraceful. Anyone with an ounce of decency would be falling over themselves to apologise and pay back immediately. I would get my money back and cut them out if my life for good. What they did was nasty. You don't want people like that in your life.

Original poster
annaherrings · 09/04/2023 10:28

Hankunamatata · 09/04/2023 10:26

Have you actually asked them to send you the money?

Yes! It's a -5 GMT difference, so they won't be up yet (and I am now back on UK soil).

OP posts:
CleaningOutMyCloset · 09/04/2023 10:29

If it was a different bar, in the same hotel, chances are it wouldn't have been the same person serving them, so they must have given your room number, rather than a barman remembering them AND your room number - they aren't friends

SiennaSienna · 09/04/2023 10:29

ilovemydogandmrobama2 · 09/04/2023 10:18

even if it's BS, how did non guests manage to charge something to another's room? The issue then isn't with the OP's, 'friends,' but with the hotel as it wasn't authorised. End of.

Show quote history

Erm, hotels ask for the room number and surname and a signature. The girls clearly used her details and made up a signature. Why would it be the hotel’s fault? The room number and surname matched.

RoyGBivisacolorfulman · 09/04/2023 10:31

Iguanainanigloo · 09/04/2023 10:18

On another note.... I know someone who used to work for U.K security, whenever they'd have a night out that was reimbursed for by the company. He said colleagues would go round all night grabbing random receipts off the floor and asking general members of the public for theirs, and then they'd take them into work and each get hundreds "reimbursed" from these fraudulent receipts! When he told me I was absolutely shocked. And as he worked in internal accounts, he was the one processing these payments to the staff. He didn't like doing it, but was quiet and felt bullied into it. They'd all just say it was fine as the company had enough money. Even his manager was a part of this. Some people just take the piss, in the hope they'll get away with it, and I think your friends have completely taken the piss, assuming their bill will get covered. Send them your bank details op, and remind them, these sorts of expenses aren't covered by your company, you've had to pay the bill, and then need to reimburse you immediately. Then ditch the cheeky fuckers for good

Duck island and moat springs to mind.

HipHipWhoRay · 09/04/2023 10:32

This is horrendous! You treat mates to tune of a lunch costing over 300 USD and they behave like this. I don’t think this has so much to do with expenses, but possibly their perception that you’re rich, and that you either won’t notice or care. Which is also a kick in the teeth. It’s awful it happened, but response is shocking. Don’t know how I’d move on from that.

Fifteen years ago when we got married we had an open bar, and I remember the bar manager tell me that a (really good) friend was ordering rounds of cocktails but asking for them to be made with the most expensive brands they stocked, so deliberately racking up our bar bill. Bar manager was on to her and didn’t do it, but came to point her out to me as he thought she was a CF. I said nothing, we’re still friends, but I don’t host her and it still annoys me!

Viviennemary · 09/04/2023 10:33

They are a pair of freeloading chancers. If it was ever their intention to pay they would have told you at the time. Tell them to repay the money immediately. And tell your work it was an error. They had no right to quote your room number. It isnt their room.

Original poster
annaherrings · 09/04/2023 10:36

Salome61 · 09/04/2023 09:59

So sorry, what a horrible experience for you, they were definitely just CF's. On honeymoon in the late 80's we were invited to join a couple for a drink. They left early, saying with great bluster that they'd paid the bill. We stayed behind to finish our drink and the manager approached us with the bill - the couple had signed as 'Mickey Mouse', we had to pay for their earlier four drinks as well as our own two. We were very skint at the time, I've never forgotten it.

OMG. This is awful! No wonder you still remember it. Things thing really. I will never get over some people and their ways of thinking. Sorry this happened.

OP posts:
SwishSwishBisch · 09/04/2023 10:36

I can’t get over the nerve of them after you paid for their lunch as well! Hopefully you’ll get a contrite apology and the funds back in your account but… I doubt it

DelurkingLawyer · 09/04/2023 10:37

What a pair of greedy bitches, both literally and metaphorically.

There is no legitimate explanation for this. They either thought you would pay - but who the fuck thinks after a $300 lunch that they should be entitled to keep living it up after the host has left, at the host’s expense? And who pigs themselves on a second dessert when they’ve just had lunch?

Or more likely they thought you’d just expense it. I suspect they got pissed and then suddenly a bit carried away living the fantasy 5* hotel, let’s expense it all dream. Back to earth with a bump. It’ll be interesting to see if they now cough up.

iwantmyownicecreamvan · 09/04/2023 10:37

HipHipWhoRay · 09/04/2023 10:32

This is horrendous! You treat mates to tune of a lunch costing over 300 USD and they behave like this. I don’t think this has so much to do with expenses, but possibly their perception that you’re rich, and that you either won’t notice or care. Which is also a kick in the teeth. It’s awful it happened, but response is shocking. Don’t know how I’d move on from that.

Fifteen years ago when we got married we had an open bar, and I remember the bar manager tell me that a (really good) friend was ordering rounds of cocktails but asking for them to be made with the most expensive brands they stocked, so deliberately racking up our bar bill. Bar manager was on to her and didn’t do it, but came to point her out to me as he thought she was a CF. I said nothing, we’re still friends, but I don’t host her and it still annoys me!

This reminded me of another thread with a person in a similar situation - a wedding with the bar paid for, and guests were ordering whole bottles of spirits etc to take home. Why would people who are supposed to be your friends behave like that - and why didn't the venue check with the person paying?

Hmm, thinking now maybe it wasn't true.

SparkyBlue · 09/04/2023 10:41

Your "friends" are CFs. Unless you were thick as pigshit no one would expect Champagne to be paid for on company expenses. This wasn't just a glass each of house white.

AlexisR · 09/04/2023 10:43

Baabaa75 · 09/04/2023 10:27

Tbh you should have refused to pay the hotel for it. It's not your signature, you didn't order the food/drinks, if they've let someone charge something to your room without your authorisation that's on the hotel not you. Give them your friends address, they can go after them, it is fraud after all 🤷

This, for future reference. You didn't authorise these drinks to be charged for your room and the hotel didn't check the signature. You should have refused to pay and let the hotel settle it directly with your friends.

I also think there's no way that your friends did not know exactly what they were doing. And even if it was a misunderstanding, their behaviour at this point should be an apology and an offer to pay - which isn't forthcoming. I'd be wondering whether that friendship was worth keeping at that point.

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 09/04/2023 10:45

Presumably you get a meal allowance through work but this doesn’t include alcohol? Can you expense any of it?

Expenses are for company business, not paying for the drinks of a couple of chancers. And companies have depertmental budgets and more importantly even than that, they have expense audits. The last one at exjob resulted in some wholesale changes and lot of senior people paying money back.

burnoutbabe · 09/04/2023 10:45

Asking if it's okay if they stay on is just normal politeness. Like a acknowledging the event is over for one (who is heading back to work) and then being sorry you can't join them still.

It never means "we will carry in at your expense" (well maybe if your their parent!)

MrsDukeOfHastings · 09/04/2023 10:45

Tbh it doesn't matter what you said, how you said it, what words you used in conversation. As friends they should not have done that and just assumed you would cough up. They have assumed your company would expense back and they racked up quite a charge. Its taking the piss.

Also, they start by saying they asked you if it was OK and then end by saying they tried to pay but the hotel had already added it to the room, so which is it? Did they try to pay or did they ask you and they assumed you said yes? So why would they then try to pay?

I would end a friendship for this, they took the piss.

DoubleTime · 09/04/2023 10:45

I would be very angry and disappointed in them, and it would be a friendship ender. I would also be tempted to message to them that you refused to pay the drinks/desert bill because you didn't recognise it and when the hotel showed you the receipt you were asked if you recognised the signature. You could have completely dumped them in it had you refused the bill, and passed on their contact details to the hotel..

PriamFarrl · 09/04/2023 10:46

So they were in a different bar in the hotel, this wasn’t a continuation of the same table? This means that they deliberately used your room number. This seems rather poor on the part of the hotel. As far as the waiter at the bar was concerned they could have been anyone just giving a random room number.