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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend charged drinks and desserts to my hotel room.

583 replies

annaherrings · 09/04/2023 07:34

I was NY where we have an office (the company I work for that is). I was staying in a hotel (paid for by company). I had two friends from London who were in NY at the same time visiting for Easter break. They wanted to meet up and I invited them to my hotel for lunch/drinks. I do not expense my hotel charges as I never have work meetings at the hotel and our offices are where all meetings are held. We also eat out a lot and work pays for that. So I settle any incidentals bill myself - whereas the room is paid for.

We had lunch and everything was fine. I had to head back to my office so I settled up. The waiter asked what my room # was when I asked to charge it to the room as I had to go. So I told him/said it out loud. I signed the check/bill and left. Before leaving, the two girls said: 'We might stay for one more in the adjoining bar'. That was obviously fine. They are free to do what they want/go where they want.

Upon checking out; I see extra charges of 4 drinks and two desserts. Totalling $140 and I'm pretty sure two of the drinks were champagne. (It was a 5* hotel in Manhattan).

It stood out because I was only aware of the lunch total since it was the only thing I charged to my room throughout the entire stay. So it wasn't exactly hard to spot.

I asked the hotel for the actual receipt (the one which you sign your name/room # on). Sure enough, it wasn't my signature. They had even added on the 20% tip.

When I queried them (the girls) on it, they said the hotel staff (same waiter) immediately charged it to my room and didn't give them a chance to pay. They 'wanted' to tip (tipping is a big deal in the US) so they said they asked for a check/bill - and tipped via the room - meaning my card. Hence the receipt in front of me. They also wrote down my room # since they heard me say it out loud prior.

I do not believe they didn't have a chance to pay. If they really wanted to, they could have. They then said they assumed my work was paying (I work for a famous/large bank) so we aren't exactly short of company money - hence their 'assumption'.

They then said they did 'ask me' if it was ok to 'stay for one more at the adjoining bar' and that I was more than ok with it.

To clarify, they didn't 'ask' and moreover; no two grown women need to ask my permission as to where they can go. It is entirely up to them where they go and what they do.

I need up paying their bill as I didn't want any awkwardness. I haven't responded to their texts and TBH, I'd rather just never talk to them again. AIBU to think there was no misunderstanding here? I could never ever walk out of a place - 5* or not - and not pay. The audacity of charging anything to a friend's room - and not even telling them about it after the fact - is unbelievable to me. My DH says to drop it and leave it be and called it 'cheeky' but not worth losing friendships over. I suspect he just doesn't want to engage.

OP posts:
8misskitty8 · 09/04/2023 11:20

They are lucky that you just paid the bill. Had you decided to refuse to pay and given the hotel their details then best case the hotel would contact them direct for the money.
Worst case they go straight to the police with their details as it is fraud. That would cause your friends all sorts of issues with their jobs as they are teachers !
Plus america have rules regarding arrests etc. for visiting.

QueSyrahSyrah · 09/04/2023 11:24

@BridgetRandomfuck Exactly. I'm in a different industry to OP and your DH but I get expenses when I travel for work but it's an advised amount of about £35 per day assuming I'm buying lunch and dinner, £10-£15 if it's just lunch. A glass of wine with dinner is acceptable, champagne is not. Itemised receipts are required.

It's not completely inflexible (£15 would barely get a sandwich and a bottle of water in NYC or Switzerland) but it absolutely does not run to treating mates!

Obviously if I'm taking clients or partners out then it's all expensed but that's separate to my own personal travel, food and comfort expenses.

MsRosley · 09/04/2023 11:26

Beautiful3 · 09/04/2023 10:54

If they repay you then I'd forget all about it. Its not worth ruining the friendship. Next time I'd would be very quiet when giving my room number. I'd even go so far to say to the waiter when you've settled the bill, "I'm leaving now, please don't let anyone else make futher charges to my room."

You know, @Beautiful3, if you're having to go to these lengths to ensure 'friends' won't steal from you, I think you need to re-evaluate why you have such low standards and perhaps get some therapy.

RideACockHorseToSunburyCross · 09/04/2023 11:33

"Then when I queried the amount, they said they had 'asked me if they could stay'... but I'm not sure what that has to do with them charging things to my room...?"

They've assumed that your company have paid the bill for lunch, not you.

It sounds like she's asked "are we ok to stay for a couple in the bar afterwards?" Thinking it would be covered by your room bill, and you've said "yes, of course" wondering why she was asking your permission.

It's possible it's a misunderstanding. Of course you know your company wouldn't pay for them but they probably think it's all glamour and flashing the cash working for a big bank in NYC. After all, you invited them to meet you in the 5 star hotel you were staying at and splurged on a 300 dollar lunch whilst talking to two teachers about tech budgets in the banking industry.

They've been impressed by your hotel, excited to be on their trip and amazed at the "perks of your job"

Werehalfwaythere · 09/04/2023 11:33

Katrinawaves · 09/04/2023 09:43

Hopefully this thread has at least been helpful to @Werehalfwaythere who clearly would not have thought twice about scamming her own friends in this way up to now - and would possibly have been very confused by the resulting social ostracism had she ever found herself in such a circumstance!

Not helpful in the slightest. Bemusing at how many people don't allow others to have opposing views - but not helpful, sorry!

lemonchiffonpie · 09/04/2023 11:36

They've assumed that your company have paid the bill for lunch, not you.

Read the OP's posts. She explicitly told them she was paying for the lunch. Not her company, who were only covering the room.

Werehalfwaythere · 09/04/2023 11:36

MsRosley · 09/04/2023 11:26

You know, @Beautiful3, if you're having to go to these lengths to ensure 'friends' won't steal from you, I think you need to re-evaluate why you have such low standards and perhaps get some therapy.

Show quote history

Haha you're reaching here! It's Easter Sunday. Get a life and stop insinuating other people have to "go to lengths" to keep friends. From the bitterness or your comments, it's likely you're the one with that issue, not Beautiful3.

user1473878824 · 09/04/2023 11:39

I’m amazed by all the people who would apparently be so fucking ungrateful and bad mannered if a friend bought them a nice lunch.

dapsnotplimsolls · 09/04/2023 11:46

If they don't pay you back, then that tells you all you need to know.

katepilar · 09/04/2023 11:50

annaherrings · 09/04/2023 10:27

They didn't. That's my exact point. The one who went to the bathroom (and saw the adjoining bar en route) said she wanted to stay for one more and check out the bar. So I carried on with my day - and went to my office as planned. They are free to do anything/go anywhere in NY. They are 35 years old.

Then when I queried the amount, they said they had 'asked me if they could stay'... but I'm not sure what that has to do with them charging things to my room...?

Show quote history

I wonder if some people sometimes ask questions worded in a way that they think they are asking something when they are not.

I had a landlandy, no she was actually a partner of my landlord who wasnt present at the time, asked me whether I mind her friend staying in a room opposite mine. I thought why is she asking me that and told her its not my place to say I do mind her friend staying. I assumed the said friend would be using her /the landlady's bathroom/ but she used mine and I guess thats the reason why I got the question about her stay.

Bagsundermyeyestoday · 09/04/2023 11:51

I wouldn't pay the hotel, they shouldn't be charging things to your room anyway. Only excuse might be that your friends thought your work would be paying, but really poor form. I'm quite forgiving but I'd probably end a friendship over this, CF beyond belief!

Merangutan · 09/04/2023 11:51

Cheeky fuckery of the highest order. Shaking my head that they thought this was okay to do without asking! They need to pay you back - of course they do!

Bagsundermyeyestoday · 09/04/2023 11:52

And make them pay you back!!

TeaForMeandThee · 09/04/2023 11:58

I'd be very angry, I'd be making sure they reimburse you and then drop them like a hot stone. They have overheard your room number and told the bar staff to charge it to your room, and then signed the bill, did they sign it as your name too? It's just so cheeky and deceitful, especially when you've already paid for an expensive lunch for them. You would have given the room number if you were OK with it, by the sounds of it this was a different area of the hotel and probably different staff, so there's no way the staff would do what they are suggesting. Whenever I've been in a hotel and charging to my room from downstairs you give your room number and sign, they'd never say should I charge it to room x, that just invites people to reply "yes" when it isn't their room. They are even lying about what happened, awful people.

Emotionalsupportviper · 09/04/2023 12:00

Peachy2005 · 09/04/2023 09:36

“ Before leaving, the two girls said: 'We might stay for one more in the adjoining bar'. That was obviously fine. They are free to do what they want/go where they want.”

@Dobby123456 you are writing fiction. They didn’t ask if they could stay and order pudding 🤣

Agree.

'We might stay for one more in the adjoining bar'.

That's NOT a request for permission - it is a way of saying "We fancy another drink so we won't be leaving the hotel dining room with you."

Craftybodger · 09/04/2023 12:01

They are CFs. They knew what they did, I doubt they will refund you. Either way I think their actions killed the friendship.

But I don’t understand how they got away with adding their spend to your bill - you didn’t authorise their payment and they had no proof of room number. I would challenge the hotel as their staff should also hold some responsibility.

ilikemethewayiam · 09/04/2023 12:01

It's still bad behaviour, but I'm not sure I'd terminate a friendship over it

if ‘friends’ did that to me it would change the way I feel about them which would lead to the end of the friendships anyway. It’s a sad consequence of what they chose to do.

RoyGBivisacolorfulman · 09/04/2023 12:03

WimpoleHat · 09/04/2023 10:59

These people are not your friends. They sound awful people.

Absolutely this. I’d be tempted to put the wind up them a bit. Tell them you’ve already queried the bill with the hotel as it wasn’t your signature and they’ve reported it to your company as fraud and it’s going to the legal department. Some sort of bullshit like that. Make them sweat for a while. Truly dreadful behaviour anyway, but when you’ve actually already treated them to an expensive lunch? Appalling.

It is sad that the OP wanted to treat them with £300 of her own money. My friends are kind but not this kind.
How close friends were you op? Since childhood? Mum friends?
Not that this matters. I am just shocked at your generosity. Seems more of a kick too that they took advantage.

Emotionalsupportviper · 09/04/2023 12:04

annaherrings · 09/04/2023 09:37

Please read all my posts - in which I made it clear I was paying for lunch personally (after they were joking about the 'perks' of the job etc...)

Show quote history

TBH, if they have forged your signature I'd seriously think of involving the police. In fact even if they've signed in their own names, I'd consider it.

Their intention was to defraud either you or your employer. You paid to save the embarrassment of the hotel contacting your bosses, I assume, or to keep your good reputation with the hotel if you go there fairly frequently.

I couldn't let this rest - I would feel very betrayed by their behaviour.

DrPrunesquallor · 09/04/2023 12:05

You invited friends for lunch. You paid for it.
Its obvious to me after you’d paid the bill, which they saw you do, that lunch was over.
Anything they do after is at their expense
They are being unreasonable to expect you or your company to pay for anything else.
Saying they thought it was being paid by your company is also out of order.

I would keep on at them and expect payment.
YANBU they are.

Mycatisfatafatcat · 09/04/2023 12:06

You invited them to lunch and paid for it on your work bill. They asked if they could stay and you said yes. I’d have done the same as I too work in an industry where the company foots the bill so it’s no big deal. YABU - at worst it’s just a miscommunication

user1473878824 · 09/04/2023 12:06

Mycatisfatafatcat · 09/04/2023 12:06

You invited them to lunch and paid for it on your work bill. They asked if they could stay and you said yes. I’d have done the same as I too work in an industry where the company foots the bill so it’s no big deal. YABU - at worst it’s just a miscommunication

No, she did not. Read the thread.

skyeisthelimit · 09/04/2023 12:10

YANBU, once you had paid for the bill and left, your participation in the lunch was over.

They deliberately charged the items to your room then feigned innocence that you had told them to do so when you had not.

They are 100% CF who should be paying for what they had. Even if they thought that your company was paying for it, (and why would they pay for lunch with your friends?) it was still taking the piss to charge it.

I hope that they pay up but don't hold your breath. Your DH needs to grow up. If they were genuine friends they wouldn't have done this to you, and if there was a genuine misunderstanding, they would pay up immediately.

wincywincyspider · 09/04/2023 12:10

Mycatisfatafatcat · 09/04/2023 12:06

You invited them to lunch and paid for it on your work bill. They asked if they could stay and you said yes. I’d have done the same as I too work in an industry where the company foots the bill so it’s no big deal. YABU - at worst it’s just a miscommunication

Have you read the thread? The OP has said more than once that she paid personally and even had a discussion with her friends at the table to say the company were covering the room only and that she had personally paid for the food.

DMLady · 09/04/2023 12:12

You’re DEFINITELY not being unreasonable, OP (not sure about the 4% who think you are!). I’d NEVER assume it was okay to do something like this, especially as you’d been kind enough to pay for lunch. I guess the big question is how much you value their friendship. I don’t think it sounds like a great one, tbh, if they’re prepared to treat you like that — but I guess only you can answer that. In their defence (and it’s the ONLY thing I can think of), perhaps they were slightly tipsy after lunch so not thinking properly…? Honestly, if I’d done something like that (while under the influence), I’d be horrified/apologetic, and reimburse you straight away.