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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend charged drinks and desserts to my hotel room.

583 replies

annaherrings · 09/04/2023 07:34

I was NY where we have an office (the company I work for that is). I was staying in a hotel (paid for by company). I had two friends from London who were in NY at the same time visiting for Easter break. They wanted to meet up and I invited them to my hotel for lunch/drinks. I do not expense my hotel charges as I never have work meetings at the hotel and our offices are where all meetings are held. We also eat out a lot and work pays for that. So I settle any incidentals bill myself - whereas the room is paid for.

We had lunch and everything was fine. I had to head back to my office so I settled up. The waiter asked what my room # was when I asked to charge it to the room as I had to go. So I told him/said it out loud. I signed the check/bill and left. Before leaving, the two girls said: 'We might stay for one more in the adjoining bar'. That was obviously fine. They are free to do what they want/go where they want.

Upon checking out; I see extra charges of 4 drinks and two desserts. Totalling $140 and I'm pretty sure two of the drinks were champagne. (It was a 5* hotel in Manhattan).

It stood out because I was only aware of the lunch total since it was the only thing I charged to my room throughout the entire stay. So it wasn't exactly hard to spot.

I asked the hotel for the actual receipt (the one which you sign your name/room # on). Sure enough, it wasn't my signature. They had even added on the 20% tip.

When I queried them (the girls) on it, they said the hotel staff (same waiter) immediately charged it to my room and didn't give them a chance to pay. They 'wanted' to tip (tipping is a big deal in the US) so they said they asked for a check/bill - and tipped via the room - meaning my card. Hence the receipt in front of me. They also wrote down my room # since they heard me say it out loud prior.

I do not believe they didn't have a chance to pay. If they really wanted to, they could have. They then said they assumed my work was paying (I work for a famous/large bank) so we aren't exactly short of company money - hence their 'assumption'.

They then said they did 'ask me' if it was ok to 'stay for one more at the adjoining bar' and that I was more than ok with it.

To clarify, they didn't 'ask' and moreover; no two grown women need to ask my permission as to where they can go. It is entirely up to them where they go and what they do.

I need up paying their bill as I didn't want any awkwardness. I haven't responded to their texts and TBH, I'd rather just never talk to them again. AIBU to think there was no misunderstanding here? I could never ever walk out of a place - 5* or not - and not pay. The audacity of charging anything to a friend's room - and not even telling them about it after the fact - is unbelievable to me. My DH says to drop it and leave it be and called it 'cheeky' but not worth losing friendships over. I suspect he just doesn't want to engage.

OP posts:
SiennaSienna · 09/04/2023 10:01

ilovemydogandmrobama2 · 09/04/2023 09:49

Here's a scenario - they had drinks, lunch, maybe impressed about the surroundings. While you may have mentioned the logistics of what your company was paying, maybe they didn't entirely hear it.

It seems to me that they genuinely believed that the company would pick up the tab, so why not live it up sort of mentality.

Also, the fact that you paid for lunch and they had dessert may have given them the impression that you would have paid?

Having recently been to NYC, I do believe that it can be difficult for a non guest to pay as it's much easier for the staff to bill the room.

But if their immediate reaction wasn't immediately asking how they can pay you back, it sounds as if they are taking the piss.

Sorry that’s BS. I’m in NYC every 3-6 months on business (similar company to OP) and hotels do not make it harder to pay for non-guests for food and/or drinks. They are businesses and of course they have non- guests dining and drinking there all the time, especially 5 star hotels with nice restaurants and bars.
OP, I’m sure your friends knew what they were doing. Hopefully they’ll pay you back but given their reactions by so far I wouldn’t count on it. They obviously consider you ‘loaded’ and don’t feel like you need to be paid back. Personally I’d find it hard to be friends with people like that

FangedFrisbee · 09/04/2023 10:05

Very rude behaviour

Foreversearch · 09/04/2023 10:06

@ilovemydogandmrobama2 try reading the OPs posts.

They had lunch in restaurant 1, this included dessert.
They jokes about expenses and the op stated only the room was covered.
The op paid for lunch
The op left
Her friends left the restaurant and went to a completely different bar
Her friends ordered 2nd desserts and Champagne
Her friends asked for the completely new bill that was started in the bar and put it on the OPs hotel bill.
Her friends are CFs.

Shhhquirrel · 09/04/2023 10:07

’engage’ says it all OP 🙄

AncientBallerina · 09/04/2023 10:08

It’s ridiculous how excited some people get when they think they’re getting something for free.
I can imagine though that, if they have never worked in a large company, they have no idea how expenses actually work and that you have to account for every expense and that there is an allowed or pre approved limit for each expense. It’s still totally unacceptable though. That said, I think it was a mistake to treat them to such an expensive lunch in your hotel. It was setting up a scenario where you/your company are loaded and its an ‘all expenses paid’ situation.
I’d give them a bit of time to come back down to earth and then follow up with them maybe saying it’s fine to pay you back in instalments. Depending on the response you might need to reevaluate the friendship but either way in future I would stick to venues that everyone can afford and pay for themselves.

SpecialControlGroup · 09/04/2023 10:08

But it wouldn't be taking the piss if they thought OP was getting reimbursed.

It absolutely would be taking the piss! They have no idea how OPs company expense policy works and whether there were limits or exclusions. And most importantly OP HADN'T SAID THEY COULD

Lollygaggle · 09/04/2023 10:08

It's a large amount of money to lose but a cheap way to find out your "friends" have no integrity.
The relationship has gone,even if you force/shame them into paying you back.

Write the money and the friendship off .

Lolaandbehold · 09/04/2023 10:08

OP, you've sent your bank details.
I'd message them in a day or two and ask something like "have you managed to make the transfer for the drinks? I haven't seen it in my account yet"

So a $350 lunch wasn't enough for them. Honestly, I can't imagine people behaving that way, what total assholes.

adriennewillfly · 09/04/2023 10:08

I see 2 potential scenarios here. 1) they didn't quite hear you when you said that you were on the hook for expenses. 2) they knew the company wasn't paying but thought you would pay because you earn far more than them (or were otherwise being funded by the company, so had spare cash to burn).

In either case they should see your message, apologise and pay up.

BakeOffRewatch · 09/04/2023 10:12

annaherrings · 09/04/2023 07:51

I guess my question is... would not even mentioning it be a friendship ender? I think they deliberately kept quiet about it. Who forgers to tell someone they charged $150 worth of drinks and desserts to someone else?

I suppose everyone slips up/forgets/makes mistakes. That's fine.

But to follow it up with excuse after excuse - makes me feel like I'm the one that's being unreasonable and making a mountain out of a molehill is largely my gripe.

Show quote history

I don’t get why you’re worried if any action by you will be a friendship ender. In my view they already did a friendship ender by doing this, they didn’t even tell you if it really was a faux pas (I don’t believe that, I think they were in holiday mode, tipsy and cheeky - with you being the collateral damage, but they don’t care). I’d tell the hotel you’re not paying it as it’s not your signature, that’s the whole point of having signed receipts. I think their behaviour is abominable, if they really did think your company covered it, surely they’d worry about getting you in trouble with your company, there’s been enough expenses scandals in the news in the UK for them to get that. They didn’t care about you or your job. Friendship ended by them.

Original poster
annaherrings · 09/04/2023 10:13

Rewis · 09/04/2023 09:50

In your comment you say you mentioned only room being covered. So was that the only comment and then conversation was moved on or did you say that company paid for hotel and you are paying everything yourself so the point was driven home. Obviously you can cut these people out for whatever reason you want. And name and shame if that's what you're into. But assuming they are good friends since you're happy to pay for lunch. Potentially been friends for years or decades and is this the first time something questionable has happened? If yes, that's the reason why I'm thinking there was a misunderstanding. And their next reaction to you asking to pay is telling. Obviously if you think there is no chance of that then demand the money and block them 🤷🏼‍♀️

Show quote history

Yes, I said only the room was covered - in the context of nothing else being covered. Without being too outing, they conversation shifted to the current job cuts across tech/finance (and even conversations about AI taking jobs) and therefore the tightening of budgets - which is when I piped up about it not all being fun and games (despite their jokes of the 'perks'). Only the room is covered but random lunches not.

Moreover, it wasn't a business lunch in any way - as they obviously knew. So I'm not sure why they would think it would be expensed anyway.

OP posts:
DarkDarkNight · 09/04/2023 10:14

This would really put me off them. Even if (and it’s a big if) the barman had said I’ll just charge it to your room they could have corrected him there and then and said they would pay separately. Let’s face it the far more likely scenario is they tried to chance it.

They took advantage of overhearing you and probably assumed you would never even find out. They didn’t care at all that it could have landed you in hot water with your company and even now you have pointed out your company were only covering the room they aren’t rushing to send over the money to make it right.

As you’ve already shown them the bill and they’ve made no effort to pay it you need to either write it off to experience and ditch them or make it clear ‘this is what your drinks and desserts came to, I have had to reimburse the company, here’s my bank details again for you to send the money over’.

Didimum · 09/04/2023 10:16

Who paid for the lunch and drinks you had together? Did they give you money? Pay for themselves? Did you treat them?

jenny38 · 09/04/2023 10:17

I think it would depend how good friends these were, and view it in the context of length/closeness etc. it was bad behaviour, they need to send the money to you and apologise. And yes I would chase them for it. However if this is the only time they have behaved badly, I may still remain friends. I’m wondering how much they had to drink before the extra drinks, and if this could have clouded their decision making. Keep us updated……

Nocutenamesleft · 09/04/2023 10:18

DarkDarkNight · 09/04/2023 10:14

This would really put me off them. Even if (and it’s a big if) the barman had said I’ll just charge it to your room they could have corrected him there and then and said they would pay separately. Let’s face it the far more likely scenario is they tried to chance it.

They took advantage of overhearing you and probably assumed you would never even find out. They didn’t care at all that it could have landed you in hot water with your company and even now you have pointed out your company were only covering the room they aren’t rushing to send over the money to make it right.

As you’ve already shown them the bill and they’ve made no effort to pay it you need to either write it off to experience and ditch them or make it clear ‘this is what your drinks and desserts came to, I have had to reimburse the company, here’s my bank details again for you to send the money over’.

This!

if by some chance the barman wouldn’t allow me to pay and said I could ONLT charge it to the room after eating it (they wouldn’t. But that’s the only time I’d do it) I’d immediately send you a message and explain and say send me your bank details I’ll put it in now xx

Iguanainanigloo · 09/04/2023 10:18

On another note.... I know someone who used to work for U.K security, whenever they'd have a night out that was reimbursed for by the company. He said colleagues would go round all night grabbing random receipts off the floor and asking general members of the public for theirs, and then they'd take them into work and each get hundreds "reimbursed" from these fraudulent receipts! When he told me I was absolutely shocked. And as he worked in internal accounts, he was the one processing these payments to the staff. He didn't like doing it, but was quiet and felt bullied into it. They'd all just say it was fine as the company had enough money. Even his manager was a part of this. Some people just take the piss, in the hope they'll get away with it, and I think your friends have completely taken the piss, assuming their bill will get covered. Send them your bank details op, and remind them, these sorts of expenses aren't covered by your company, you've had to pay the bill, and then need to reimburse you immediately. Then ditch the cheeky fuckers for good

ilovemydogandmrobama2 · 09/04/2023 10:18

SiennaSienna · 09/04/2023 10:01

Sorry that’s BS. I’m in NYC every 3-6 months on business (similar company to OP) and hotels do not make it harder to pay for non-guests for food and/or drinks. They are businesses and of course they have non- guests dining and drinking there all the time, especially 5 star hotels with nice restaurants and bars.
OP, I’m sure your friends knew what they were doing. Hopefully they’ll pay you back but given their reactions by so far I wouldn’t count on it. They obviously consider you ‘loaded’ and don’t feel like you need to be paid back. Personally I’d find it hard to be friends with people like that

Show quote history

even if it's BS, how did non guests manage to charge something to another's room? The issue then isn't with the OP's, 'friends,' but with the hotel as it wasn't authorised. End of.

sst1234 · 09/04/2023 10:18

ilovemydogandmrobama2 · 09/04/2023 09:49

Here's a scenario - they had drinks, lunch, maybe impressed about the surroundings. While you may have mentioned the logistics of what your company was paying, maybe they didn't entirely hear it.

It seems to me that they genuinely believed that the company would pick up the tab, so why not live it up sort of mentality.

Also, the fact that you paid for lunch and they had dessert may have given them the impression that you would have paid?

Having recently been to NYC, I do believe that it can be difficult for a non guest to pay as it's much easier for the staff to bill the room.

But if their immediate reaction wasn't immediately asking how they can pay you back, it sounds as if they are taking the piss.

Oh so stealing from someone else’s company is ok, then?

Any excuse, eh?

mrsblueskyeye · 09/04/2023 10:19

If they aren't forthcoming can you say your finance dept is auditing and is querying why receipts are signed for by others? Our Gov. Dept does this randomly.

TidyDancer · 09/04/2023 10:19

I shouldn't be so stunned by what CFs people can be, yet somehow some seem to slither under a very low bar.

Tbh I'd be ending the friendship over this, whether you get the money back or not. I wouldn't want to be friends with thieves - this is what they are (although I doubt you'll ever get them to see it that way).

Thebigblueballoon · 09/04/2023 10:19

If they were in a separate bar, surely they would have to explicitly mention the room number again to add it to your bill, no? They can’t claim the waiter automatically assumed…
Have they replied to you and offered to settle up?

KettrickenSmiled · 09/04/2023 10:20

Youngatheart00 · 09/04/2023 07:39

Presumably you get a meal allowance through work but this doesn’t include alcohol? Can you expense any of it? Tbh I think it’s a pretty shoddy thing for them to do but it would have been easily resolved by them offering to transfer you the money / give you the cash, once you said weren’t / couldn’t expense it. Did they even offer?

unless there are other problems, I’m not sure I’d break a friendship for this though

No, of course OP cannot expense two 'friend's' drinks & puddings FFS.
That would make her as much as a CF as the 'friends'.

And as soon as her line manager saw a large bill for frivolous luxuries, OP would be hauled over the coals. Expenses rules are usually pretty strict these days, & falling foul of them to the extent to treating other people to expensive booze on the company dime would NOT amuse OP's employer.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · 09/04/2023 10:20

I don't under the abject confusion from some posters. You're an adult, you pay for yourself. OP already paid for the lunch (herself). Why would anybody who wasn't a complete moron, assume that they themselves wouldn't have to pay for whatever else they consumed?

OP wasn't even there for the later part. It is baffling but them some people are truly grabby/grubby.

Original poster
annaherrings · 09/04/2023 10:21

DarkDarkNight · 09/04/2023 10:14

This would really put me off them. Even if (and it’s a big if) the barman had said I’ll just charge it to your room they could have corrected him there and then and said they would pay separately. Let’s face it the far more likely scenario is they tried to chance it.

They took advantage of overhearing you and probably assumed you would never even find out. They didn’t care at all that it could have landed you in hot water with your company and even now you have pointed out your company were only covering the room they aren’t rushing to send over the money to make it right.

As you’ve already shown them the bill and they’ve made no effort to pay it you need to either write it off to experience and ditch them or make it clear ‘this is what your drinks and desserts came to, I have had to reimburse the company, here’s my bank details again for you to send the money over’.

I think you're right and they decided to chance it. There's NO way a hotel is going to say: "There's nothing you can do. No, we aren't willing to take a card payment from you. Too late. I already added it to the room account! Damn!"

My gripe is more just that (above paragraph) but also that they kept quiet about it. I only found out upon check out. Otherwise I wouldn't have known.

It's also as a PP said. Why have champagne? Just have a cup of tea/coffee if you were that desperate. I think they just got caught up - but then just be honest. Don't be underhanded. I don't understand how some people think.

OP posts:
NewNovember · 09/04/2023 10:22

They literally asked you if it's was ok and you said yes though.

Swipe left for the next trending thread