Page 5 | Is my husband right to be embarrassed when I serve soup for lunch to guests

MusicLass · 2023-04-09T05:44:30+00:00

This is a bit of a long-running joke in our house, but underpinned by genuine feelings… i like making soups from scratch (E.g vegetable, lentil, minestrone) and try to make them tasty, nutritious and filling. For some visitors I make soups for lunch or dinner, for the same reasons above, plus I can make them in advance and just reheat giving me more time to be attentive to guests. I also either bake or buy nice bread and butter to go with the soup. Something for pudding would be offered too. DH gets embarrassed when I serve soup to guests, saying it’s not proper food and it’s not being hospitable. He would expect a pasta or rice dish round someone’s house, or meat. He happily eats soup when it’s just us as a family. AIBU to serve soup to guests? Or is he right? Generally he is more sensitive about social etiquette than me. He’s also from a Mediterranean culture, which could be a factor here. Thanks for reading and helping us to settle this!

twinsufficient · 09/04/2023 08:15

I remember my mum falling out with me when I served her and my dad "just soup" when they came to visit. For context, I had just had twins and already had a 4 year old. She actually rung me up to say they were disappointed as they went home hungry. I never understood this as surely if you're hungry you would just make yourself something to eat when you got home or pick something up on the way back. Never quite forgiven her for her lack of understanding and empathy. This is the lady who told me not to ruin her holiday by telling her that the twins had been born!

Aprilx · 09/04/2023 08:16

Brefugee · 09/04/2023 07:58

I love a hearty home made soup but it's a zero effort meal to serve and however tasty it was, I'd be underwhelmed by your efforts.

if you're just opening a can of soup, sure. If you're making a proper German midnight soup? a from scratch (as OP said) French Oinion Soup or Bouillabaise you're in the kitchen for hours and hours.

I am sure it was quite clear to all of us that OP is not opening a tin of soup and people are commenting on home made soup. The point is, even home made soup is really not very hard at all and most people make a bit more effort for guests, particularly if inviting them for dinner.

weddingdaydancet · 09/04/2023 08:16

You must like soup very much. I am not a huge fan and wouldn’t choose to serve it. I think it’s fine for lunch but I’d not serve soup to guests as their main meal for dinner.

is it convenience only. If so there are plenty of one pot meals you can make in advance, or is it lack of confidence in cooking?

Rollerpiggy · 09/04/2023 08:17

Imo it is a starter not a main. I’d be disappointed if that was my main dish

JaninaDuszejko · 09/04/2023 08:17

Homemade soup, nice bread and a selection of cheeses is the perfect lunch. I love soup and do make it for dinner as well but it definitely feels more lunch like than dinner like for some reason. Having said that there's only a couple of pasta dishes I'd serve to guests, pasta feels too much of a 'quick family meal' so is in the same category as soup asfar as I'm concerned. If I have guests I usually make a casserole at dinner so it can sit and simmer away and isn't time critical.

sst1234 · 09/04/2023 08:17

Reallybadidea · 09/04/2023 06:46

He can cook then if it bothers him

Why is the default response so confrontational?

kezzielea · 09/04/2023 08:17

I love homemade soup particularly with homemade bread and followed by pudding - that would be my perfect lunch. I guess I can see what he means if it's an evening meal and more of a formal affair, with close friends or family I don't see a problem.

RampantIvy · 09/04/2023 08:17

I'm struggling to understand why some posters find soup so awful
A chunky minestrone, leek and potato soup, French onion soup with its lid of a cheesy crouton, Italian bean and pasta soup, etc are all filling and delicious.

I think some people must think that soup is a thin consome or have never had the kind of soup that makes a meal.

This thread is making me want soup.

MysteryBelle · 09/04/2023 08:18

I love soup and nice bread for lunch or dinner. I can see your h’s perspective though. My husband and son generally need something more filling for dinner and would rather me make other things instead of soup. So your husband probably feels the same and thinks just making soup is not putting forth the effort for guests.

MysteriesOfTheOrganism · 09/04/2023 08:18

Soup is fine for lunch, but I would also want plenty of bread and some cheese and ham.

Aprilx · 09/04/2023 08:19

RampantIvy · 09/04/2023 08:17

I'm struggling to understand why some posters find soup so awful
A chunky minestrone, leek and potato soup, French onion soup with its lid of a cheesy crouton, Italian bean and pasta soup, etc are all filling and delicious.

I think some people must think that soup is a thin consome or have never had the kind of soup that makes a meal.

This thread is making me want soup.

I think very few people have said soup is awful and I am sure we have all heard of French onion soup. The point is that it is not generally seen as a main meal, particularly for dinner when you have invited guests over.

dew141 · 09/04/2023 08:20

Whatthediddlyfeck · 09/04/2023 08:12

Lunch, absolutely. I always have a pot of soup on the go and if you’re in my house any time between about 11 and 2 you won’t escape being offered.
Dinner, not so much, but if you want some, you’re welcome!

Our school has a 'worshipful company' attached with a posh hall in London. We were at an event and a lovely (but in a relic from high society in the 1940s way) gentleman was very proud to tell me that their 'stock pot was always bubbling'.

He then turned to me to say that presumably I had a stock pot perpetually on the go in my kitchen. Erm, no (although I will make chicken stock after a roast). My husband was most amused at the whole exchange.

He meant well, just from a different time when perhaps women were judged on their bubbling stock pots.

EyesOnThePies · 09/04/2023 08:21

Bit of cheese and salad would go nicely with it.

SunshineLollipopsAndRainbows · 09/04/2023 08:22

I love homemade soups - DM used to make delicious ones like carrot potage or spicy parsnip & apple. Absolutely lovely for a lunch with warm crusty bread & a selection of cheeses. I wouldn’t expect soup for dinner. Agree with pps that your DH needs to step up & do the catering himself!

coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 09/04/2023 08:22

Personally I would be a bit underwhelmed if I'd been invited round for a meal and got served soup and bread. I'd just find it a bit odd, I suppose.

I don't dislike soup but to me it's more of a light lunch or a starter - it's definitely not filling enough for a full main meal, unless you're also serving accompaniments like cheese and meats etc.

But if you're cooking then it's 100% your choice - if your husband isn't happy he can cook instead!

Whatthediddlyfeck · 09/04/2023 08:23

dew141 · 09/04/2023 08:20

Our school has a 'worshipful company' attached with a posh hall in London. We were at an event and a lovely (but in a relic from high society in the 1940s way) gentleman was very proud to tell me that their 'stock pot was always bubbling'.

He then turned to me to say that presumably I had a stock pot perpetually on the go in my kitchen. Erm, no (although I will make chicken stock after a roast). My husband was most amused at the whole exchange.

He meant well, just from a different time when perhaps women were judged on their bubbling stock pots.

Show quote history

It probably is a generational thing! I’m on my 50s and do it because my mum always did it-my sister’s exactly the same!

ConstanceOcean · 09/04/2023 08:23

I do agree with him but he is surely capable of cooking the meal himself?

weddingdaydancet · 09/04/2023 08:24

RampantIvy · 09/04/2023 08:17

I'm struggling to understand why some posters find soup so awful
A chunky minestrone, leek and potato soup, French onion soup with its lid of a cheesy crouton, Italian bean and pasta soup, etc are all filling and delicious.

I think some people must think that soup is a thin consome or have never had the kind of soup that makes a meal.

This thread is making me want soup.

I’m not sure anyone actually said soup was awful ? Also I am fairly positive most folks know what soup is.

what’s being said is when you invite people round for dinner, generally just serving your guests a bowl of soup and some bread and a pudding to follow isn’t what most folks would consider good etiquette/

midgemadgemodge · 09/04/2023 08:24

Surely the filling capability's of soup and bread relate to the quantity served ?

One small
Bowl and a slice of bread - no

A come and come again pot and large loaf - yes

Taptap2 · 09/04/2023 08:25

I wouldn’t serve to guests as I find as you can see from this thread most people only like certain sorts of soup. Having cheese, meats, salad and pickles balances it out as you can have a small bowl of you don’t like it. I would also serve quite a heavy pudding as well.

May be me but I stop eating soup as soon as spring appears and start again in late September. Other than gazpacho.

coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 09/04/2023 08:26

midgemadgemodge · 09/04/2023 08:24

Surely the filling capability's of soup and bread relate to the quantity served ?

One small
Bowl and a slice of bread - no

A come and come again pot and large loaf - yes

Not necessarily.

A watery soup just makes me need to pee and doesn't really fill me up, and bread, while filling at the time, always leaves me absolutely starving a few hours later 🙈

I also find I can't eat a lot of soup as it's really liquidy and too much of it makes me feel a bit nauseous but I suspect that's just me

Nowthatlovehasperished · 09/04/2023 08:28

I'd be delighted with soup as a lunch or starter for dinner. Home made even better.

ASQQueen · 09/04/2023 08:28

I'd much prefer soup and nice bread to most meals. Sounds great for lunch to me. In fact dinner also. I am your ideal guest in that department.

LaGiaconda · 09/04/2023 08:29

Although soup can be very filling, it is also a way of using up leftovers. Bread is also a way of filling people up, when more expensive protein-rich food is scarce.. You could argue that both are peasant/poverty food - even if delicious and prepared with skill

I think the point is that when having guests over it seems polite - as a way of demonstrating that you value them - to make something 'special' from food that has been bought in to mark occasion.

So, as with most people, I'd say that soup and bread is great for lunch., but not so great for supper.

Eattheeel · 09/04/2023 08:29

I'm slightly with your husband on this. But it depends on what your friend's serve you when they reciprocate?

We had some (not terribly close) work friends of my DH who we had done a couple of casual Saturday lunches with. We would (both) typically do something like salmon and new potatoes, lasagne and salad, or curry etc. We were invited back when we'd just had our first baby (2 weeks old maybe). We were knackered, hadn't eaten properly so were really looking forward to getting a nice homecooked meal. We were served homemade soup and breads (and have clearly never forgotten it!). I'm sure it was very nice soup, and presumably with the addition of the bread will have filled us up, but it was really disappointing because we had expected something a bit 'more'.

Having said that, in the same period of time (first/second week of birth) we invited a couple (brand new NCT friends) over for lunch, meet each other's babies etc, and served them toasted sandwiches and bag salad! They turned up with a nice bottle of wine and a posh box of chocolates so I imagine they were equally disappointed. We'd just misjudged it in our knackered state.