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Original poster

The Family Court Scandal and Abuse

264 replies

SpringMum30 · 08/04/2023 19:37

Wasn't sure what to post this under:

Women who are victims of domestic abuse are made by authorities to leave their abusers or risk losing their children.

Women who are victims of domestic abuse are made by the family courts to coparent with their abusers or risk losing their children.

The family court system is not fit for purpose. Women are re traumatised during proceedings whereby they are forced to face their abuser, are further gaslit by Cafcass and magistrates and forced to push their children into unsafe contact arrangements.

The court want to handle cases as quickly as possible and women are criticised for raising allegations of abuse as this prolongs the court process.

The abuser uses the court to further their abuse through the children and is not held accountable for their harmful and abusive behaviour.

If you can relate to this then I am sorry. The trauma experienced can trigger ptsd, anxiety and depression to name a few. I don’t know how to change the system but in raising awareness and talking about it I hope it’s a move in the right direction for real change.

OP posts:
worried4698643 · 08/04/2023 19:42

Agreed.

Abuse claims are not usually taken seriously. Even if they are it seems to be the view 'well he never hit the children, so it's fine'

I don't know what the answer is, but the family court system I absolutely broken.

Bizzieizz · 08/04/2023 19:53

Agreed. I am in the middle of this nightmare now.
Refused a fact finding against Cafcass advice, childrens wishes ignored, abuse of me now an annoyance, abuse of the children now something I’ve “made them believe happened” ditto the witnessed abuse of me.
Forced to do what the court says to attempt to force one of the children into a relationship with him.
Made to prove my mental health whilst his abuse of us all is referred to as “alleged” and the court laps up any old shit about me he comes out with, no proof of that required.

It’s a joke.

Densol57 · 08/04/2023 19:57

Agreed - the Family Court system is a disgraceful waste of time and thats said from a professional ( albeit retired ) capacity
Im so sorry for those facing the dreadful monstrous delays, failures and incompetence :(

poormanspombears · 08/04/2023 19:57

CAFCASS are a joke. I would not want their help in court for any reason and sure as shit not as a victim of DV.

Original poster
SpringMum30 · 08/04/2023 20:02

Bizzieizz · 08/04/2023 19:53

Agreed. I am in the middle of this nightmare now.
Refused a fact finding against Cafcass advice, childrens wishes ignored, abuse of me now an annoyance, abuse of the children now something I’ve “made them believe happened” ditto the witnessed abuse of me.
Forced to do what the court says to attempt to force one of the children into a relationship with him.
Made to prove my mental health whilst his abuse of us all is referred to as “alleged” and the court laps up any old shit about me he comes out with, no proof of that required.

It’s a joke.

I'm sorry you've had such a horrible experience too. It's hellish. That's something I'm struggling to come to terms with. Why do they put so much faith in the words of an abuser? The problem is they are 'charming' and master manipulators and the court room is their stage.

OP posts:
Original poster
SpringMum30 · 08/04/2023 20:05

Densol57 · 08/04/2023 19:57

Agreed - the Family Court system is a disgraceful waste of time and thats said from a professional ( albeit retired ) capacity
Im so sorry for those facing the dreadful monstrous delays, failures and incompetence :(

It's horrific, and validating from a professional perspective that this in fact real. It's just another case number to them but the decisions made impact the entire lives of our children.

OP posts:
Original poster
SpringMum30 · 08/04/2023 20:09

poormanspombears · 08/04/2023 19:57

CAFCASS are a joke. I would not want their help in court for any reason and sure as shit not as a victim of DV.

They are and it's worrying how much power they hold. The officer appointed to my case was extremely bias and believed everything my ex said. She gave him the benefit of the doubt and completely minimised any concerns of abuse. It may come to nothing but I plan on going through the formal complaints procedure because her conclusions were shocking

OP posts:
Original poster
SpringMum30 · 08/04/2023 20:09

worried4698643 · 08/04/2023 19:42

Agreed.

Abuse claims are not usually taken seriously. Even if they are it seems to be the view 'well he never hit the children, so it's fine'

I don't know what the answer is, but the family court system I absolutely broken.

The sad truth

OP posts:
poormanspombears · 08/04/2023 20:13

@SpringMum30

My experience of CAFCASS is from a completely different perspective (DH obtaining a CAO) but they didn't want to hear anything he had to say about BM neglecting SS and the emotional abuse she subjected that kid too. He had evidence and he just said 'we don't have time for all that'.

I really do fear for our systems if this is what they rely on. It's beyond broken but they keep throwing uninterested and barely qualified SW's at it with a packet of plasters and hoping for the best.

My advise would be speak to your local refuge and see if they have an IDVA who can advocate for you (if you haven't already of course).

Polik · 08/04/2023 20:16

I (school safeguarding) deal with more cases of parents trying to restrict their ex access to their children by falsely claiming abuse, than families facing actual ongoing risk of abuse.

When I say more, it's trebel, quadruple type amounts. Not just a few more.

Herein is the problem.

worried4698643 · 08/04/2023 20:18

Polik · 08/04/2023 20:16

I (school safeguarding) deal with more cases of parents trying to restrict their ex access to their children by falsely claiming abuse, than families facing actual ongoing risk of abuse.

When I say more, it's trebel, quadruple type amounts. Not just a few more.

Herein is the problem.

Whilst I don't doubt there are huge amounts of false claims (Often to get legal aid), how do you know they are false allegations ?

matis · 08/04/2023 20:18

I wasn't believed many years ago. I'm saddened that nothing has changed.

Original poster
SpringMum30 · 08/04/2023 20:20

poormanspombears · 08/04/2023 20:13

@SpringMum30

My experience of CAFCASS is from a completely different perspective (DH obtaining a CAO) but they didn't want to hear anything he had to say about BM neglecting SS and the emotional abuse she subjected that kid too. He had evidence and he just said 'we don't have time for all that'.

I really do fear for our systems if this is what they rely on. It's beyond broken but they keep throwing uninterested and barely qualified SW's at it with a packet of plasters and hoping for the best.

My advise would be speak to your local refuge and see if they have an IDVA who can advocate for you (if you haven't already of course).

It's interesting to hear from a slightly different angle. The problem I found a that they are effectively strangers who spend a very short time talking to children and somehow determine where they will spend the rest of the childhood years. They are not accountable to anyone and the magistrates mostly take their word for it. I have finished proceedings now and only realised after that a IDVA even existed. I think I would have been less traumatised with the support of one. I read that around 90% of women go through the process without one. Thankfully I have a good support system but I imagine the impact on women who don't is just devastating.

OP posts:
Original poster
SpringMum30 · 08/04/2023 20:22

Polik · 08/04/2023 20:16

I (school safeguarding) deal with more cases of parents trying to restrict their ex access to their children by falsely claiming abuse, than families facing actual ongoing risk of abuse.

When I say more, it's trebel, quadruple type amounts. Not just a few more.

Herein is the problem.

School safeguarding and the family court are too separate things though. Obviously there are cases where allegations are false. The problem in the family court system is that women are often assumed to be lying in the first instance. This means that real abuse is overlooked, contact os promoted and children are at risk

OP posts:
Hurdling · 08/04/2023 20:23

also a different perspective, we’ve been harassed through the family court for over 10 years now by my DH’s X wife. It’s endless.

Gondala · 08/04/2023 20:23

I believe there should be more accountability for judges and cafcass decisions. If a decision means a child is subjected to further abuse when there is clear evidence that this was likely to happen, a judge or cafcaff should be criminally responsible for their part in this.

Original poster
SpringMum30 · 08/04/2023 20:24

matis · 08/04/2023 20:18

I wasn't believed many years ago. I'm saddened that nothing has changed.

I'm sorry you have had a similar experience. No nothing has changed sadly

OP posts:
Original poster
SpringMum30 · 08/04/2023 20:25

Gondala · 08/04/2023 20:23

I believe there should be more accountability for judges and cafcass decisions. If a decision means a child is subjected to further abuse when there is clear evidence that this was likely to happen, a judge or cafcaff should be criminally responsible for their part in this.

Yes! Totally agree. I'm in the waiting stage at the moment and I honestly feel rage at those that have potentially put my children at risk. They should be held accountable. Every single one of them

OP posts:
MsInsomniac · 08/04/2023 20:26

No one believed me or my kids either. The whole family court process was utterly abusive and traumatic. CAFCASS only worried about his right to see the kids. My ex had physically assaulted my small child. My son told them. I told them. His little sibling told them they had heard it. They still forced me to take the kids to him 3 nights a week where he failed to parent them, failed to protect them, and continued his volatile abusive behaviour. The kids would cry and beg not to go. He actually told them there was a court order that said they had to come to him and make them believe I or they would be put in court if they didn’t go. My eldest is now 14. Hasn’t seen him for 2 years. Hates him. Said to me the other day he feels his childhood was shit, ruined by all of this.

KatieB55 · 08/04/2023 20:26

Polik · 08/04/2023 20:16

I (school safeguarding) deal with more cases of parents trying to restrict their ex access to their children by falsely claiming abuse, than families facing actual ongoing risk of abuse.

When I say more, it's trebel, quadruple type amounts. Not just a few more.

Herein is the problem.

I agree with this - have seen the same in school too

Original poster
SpringMum30 · 08/04/2023 20:27

Hurdling · 08/04/2023 20:23

also a different perspective, we’ve been harassed through the family court for over 10 years now by my DH’s X wife. It’s endless.

I'm surprised that it's been allowed to go on for so long. I went through the system for 2 years and apparently that was far too long according to magistrates

OP posts:
poormanspombears · 08/04/2023 20:29

@SpringMum30

I think in general, all government bodies are just on a box ticking mission with forms designed by people who don't have a need to use them. I meet very few SW's and FSP's who are given the long leash they need to do right by the kids they serve.

They didn't even speak to SS! I should have been shocked but unfortunately wasn't.

I've worked for government and private social services providers and nothing shocks me anymore. Now I work in teen mental health and the amount of kids I meet who are just railroaded by the court system is phenomenally high.

SweetSakura · 08/04/2023 20:32

Polik · 08/04/2023 20:16

I (school safeguarding) deal with more cases of parents trying to restrict their ex access to their children by falsely claiming abuse, than families facing actual ongoing risk of abuse.

When I say more, it's trebel, quadruple type amounts. Not just a few more.

Herein is the problem.

What gives you such confidence the claims are false? My ex was very charming with school staff and monstrously abusive towards me and my children behind closed doors.

gogohmm · 08/04/2023 20:32

@Polik

Same experience here, if dads (and it's usually fathers) were banned from seeing their kids based on an allegation of domestic abuse then plenty more women would be willing to make false accusations, it already isn't uncommon. And remember abuse can be the other way around. Bitterness can make both sexes so bad things. I'm not trying to criticise true victims of domestic violence but the courts need to have a higher standard of proof than an accusation before refusing children access to their other parent (and use contact centres in some circumstances)

Bepis · 08/04/2023 20:32

poormanspombears · 08/04/2023 20:13

@SpringMum30

My experience of CAFCASS is from a completely different perspective (DH obtaining a CAO) but they didn't want to hear anything he had to say about BM neglecting SS and the emotional abuse she subjected that kid too. He had evidence and he just said 'we don't have time for all that'.

I really do fear for our systems if this is what they rely on. It's beyond broken but they keep throwing uninterested and barely qualified SW's at it with a packet of plasters and hoping for the best.

My advise would be speak to your local refuge and see if they have an IDVA who can advocate for you (if you haven't already of course).

I completely agree. Social services and the court appointed psychologist did this to DH. Implying he was violent and had an explosive temper; yet there is no violence in his history and even his ex said he wasn't abusive. Whereas there was proof that his ex abused him physically yet all that was disregarded. We suspected DSS was being physically abused in addition to emotionally by mum and step dad due to stuff he had told us but all that got swept under the rug and DH was the bad guy for raising his concerns.

DH was also the bad guy for having taken his ex to court 4 times. However, they refused to acknowledge that he had to do that because his ex wouldn't let him spend time with his son. He had no other option. Fathers get bloody vilified for wanting a relationship with their child and wanting to protect them.

Psychologist determined that DH was a risk to his son but mum was fine even though she had admitted she was suicidal, had mental health issues and shouted and screamed at the kids. This resulted in DSS self harming but all that was swept aside. The evidence showed that DSS was calmer in our home and only stressed with his mum but that didn't matter to the court. As long as mum was ok.

In the end, DH had to essentially agree with the psychological report even though it was a load of rubbish otherwise he would have ended up with supervised. It's coercion - either agree with the report or lose your kid!

Sorry, makes me mad.