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Original poster

The Family Court Scandal and Abuse

264 replies

SpringMum30 · 08/04/2023 19:37

Wasn't sure what to post this under:

Women who are victims of domestic abuse are made by authorities to leave their abusers or risk losing their children.

Women who are victims of domestic abuse are made by the family courts to coparent with their abusers or risk losing their children.

The family court system is not fit for purpose. Women are re traumatised during proceedings whereby they are forced to face their abuser, are further gaslit by Cafcass and magistrates and forced to push their children into unsafe contact arrangements.

The court want to handle cases as quickly as possible and women are criticised for raising allegations of abuse as this prolongs the court process.

The abuser uses the court to further their abuse through the children and is not held accountable for their harmful and abusive behaviour.

If you can relate to this then I am sorry. The trauma experienced can trigger ptsd, anxiety and depression to name a few. I don’t know how to change the system but in raising awareness and talking about it I hope it’s a move in the right direction for real change.

OP posts:
AutisticLegoLover · 04/09/2023 08:03

There was something on the BBC news website this morning about this. It was hard reading and rather triggering to read over s morning cup of tea so I'll read again later. It really brought back the horror of court. It was saying how abusive men use parental alienation as a tactic against DV accusations.

Original poster
SpringMum30 · 04/09/2023 08:05

@AutisticLegoLover wow I would like to check this out although I imagine it would be triggering for me too. On a positive note, to have the issue exposed is a great move in the right direction!

OP posts:
SweetSakura · 04/09/2023 11:01

Thanks for sharing @Whiskeypowers

Original poster
SpringMum30 · 04/09/2023 11:36

Whiskeypowers · 04/09/2023 10:57

If anyone has read an can summarise key points I would be most grateful!

OP posts:
frazzledasarock · 04/09/2023 12:20

ElsieMc · 12/04/2023 08:01

I have experience of Cafcass complaints. After final hearing, I received a registered letter stating that my case was one of 6 to be reinvestigated for issues I had raised. I was assigned a senior worker. I thought the guardian may receive some kind of disciplinary until I received an email which was not intended for me.

My email began with the same initials as one of the most senior cafcass workers at the time and was sent in error. It made interesting reading. They discussed how they would refer to criticism of me by the first Judge but not a more supportive second judge who amended the order. They felt the second Judge had no right to overturn an order made by a more senior Circuit Judge indicating the opposite of what Cafcass had told me. They also discussed their fear of how far I would take matters. They simply cannot be trusted.

As for the age when a child can made their own decision, during his last two years of contact my gs simply hated going. I did not want to end up back in family court, so persuaded him to suck it up for the remaining amount of time rather than causing stress during his gcses. Tbh, he never spent the full weekend there anymore as there was conflict between them.

BUT when he got to 16 that was that as far as gs was concerned. He refused to go or see them ever again. That was four years ago. He tells me that he felt his childhood was blighted by miserable enforced contact. He said it was like he was forced to spend a weekend with randoms. Those are the words of a child who has been through the system.

This was my experience as well.

I had to persuade my dc to put up with contact. My eldest wanted to speak to the judge herself. My solicitor advised that would be catastrophic as it would be taken as me coaching her.

ex was horrifically abusive, I knocked on every door I could think of. CAHMS wouldn’t offer any help as my dc weren’t considered damaged enough, CAF wouldn’t get involved as the reason for the mental health issues my dc were experiencing was present ie contact with their father.

SS wouldn’t step in as it was a court matter.

CAFCASS I had three officers the first was beyond shit, and kept yawning and falling asleep during interview with me! Second one wanted an easy ride told me as there was no current Physical abuse and the mental abuse was my word against his there was no problem. I ended up telling him I would spend the rest of my life bringing him down when ex killed fatally injured my children as a result of his recommendations to court. And only then did he refer us for a finding of facts and ex to a dvp course.

it was truly horrific for my children and I and we played the waiting game till they were old enough to be included in the recommendations.

id frankly take my dc and leave the country if I had an abusive ex who posed a really danger to my dc. As the courts will not protect the dc.

MyHomeIsMyHome · 04/09/2023 16:19

Just seen this OP...

Family courts: Mothers dying after 'abusers' claim access to children www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-66531409

Original poster
SpringMum30 · 04/09/2023 18:11

Yes someone posted about it this morning! Really hard watch it's been on mind a lot of the day,?very triggering. I'm glad about the exposure! They even mentioned Cafcass having to change some of their approach to parental alienation too. I hope it's going somewhere in the right direction!

OP posts:
MyHomeIsMyHome · 04/09/2023 19:16

We really need it to. The way it has been used is nothing short of criminal and made me lose faith in the justice system.

SweetSakura · 04/09/2023 19:33

MyHomeIsMyHome · 04/09/2023 19:16

We really need it to. The way it has been used is nothing short of criminal and made me lose faith in the justice system.

Same. As a lawyer as well as a parent in the system I have been shocked to the core by its failings.

I remember my blood ran cold when my son made a shocking disclosure to me, first because of the shock that his dad was even worse than I imagined but second because I knew that when I did what I had to do and brought it to the courts attention I ran the risk of losing my son if the parental alienation line succeeded. I also hated that I felt tongue tied and unable to properly support him in his shock at his dad's actions because I was so afraid of those accusations

What I would say, the thing I did that at least helped was sort decent therapy for him. Initially because I felt helpless to support him because I knew I needed to tread such a careful path and not be seen as alienating, but it also meant there was a neutral expert involved.

MyHomeIsMyHome · 04/09/2023 19:55

What an absolutely brilliant idea to do therapy to take the place of water parent should be able to say, but cannot because of her into alienation accusations. I wish I thought of that! I think we need a website to help innocent residential parents who are in awful situation is being falsely accused of parental alienation to be able to help the children without adding to the force accusation that could be levied against them.

SweetSakura · 04/09/2023 22:52

You're right @MyHomeIsMyHome , it's a horribly lonely place to be.

cato40 · 04/09/2023 23:11

That BBC documentary makes for some sad watching. Isn't there a charity or international organisation like Unicef that could intervene to protect children and vulnerable people?

coodawoodashooda · 29/11/2023 19:29

You are right op.

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