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Original poster

DD’s Birthday plans and husband in mood another year running!

132 replies

CookieMonsterMummy · 08/04/2023 18:38

Took kids bowling to a new place where we recently moved to and I commented how nice it would be to have DD’s upcoming party there in the summer. DH got in a mood again - very obvious when he’s in a mood as he sulks and goes all quiet and gets passive aggressive. I’m really proud of myself as I didn’t react I just asked him what was wrong several times but no response. I tried to reason with him and asked if we could discuss this like adults but again no response. He did respond finally with “I don’t give a fuck about her party” and then we got to the actual truth: “it’s because of your bitch sister”. I explained of course she will be invited as we have had an invite for all 3 of her kids parties even before we had our own kids.

beyond the age of 2 I haven’t invited his sisters to any of the parties because we have no relationship with them. Our kids also have zero relationship with his sisters - their choice as they don’t bother with us whereas my sister and her kids are very close with my kids so their only cousins essentially who they have any relationship with. I have another sibling who also won’t be invited but just due to the fact her kids are older and my kids don’t really play with them. Other than that I have a good relationship with my other sibling and see them often.

also not to drip feed it was always myself who made any effort with his sisters but during lockdown they didn’t even once get in contact which made me realise it’s always me so just left it to see if they would initiate contact and result is we haven’t spoken for over 3 years! Every party they have attended they ignore me and my kids. Both of the sisters sit in their phones and their kids on their own devices only one of the BIL make any effort to interact with other guests and make polite conversation but they ignore me!

DH doesn’t see his sisters ever and doesn’t desire to either, they live 30 minutes away and visit his mum once a year who lives 2 minutes away from us.

sorry for the long post and I can’t really express the dysfunction of his family relations properly but feels like he only remembers he has sisters when I start planning the kids birthdays! His own 40th came up and not one sibling phoned to say happy birthday however my “bitch sister” (his words) sent him a card and whisky bottle plus she phoned up. His reaction - “she didn’t need to”.

I can’t live like this anymore. The whole atmosphere will be changed with his sisters there, plus the kids have no idea who they are and most importantly they don’t actually want to come they’ve made it obvious the years they have been invited. Also awkward if they kick off as DD has started a new school so it will get whole class party with people I don’t even know yet! I don’t want to keep feeling anxious that his sisters will kick off. DH will not react if they go and blame me like last time when one of them kicked off.

If this was the only issue I could overlook it but our relationship is not great, it’s a Sexless marriage and he’s selfish. His ultimate goal is for my kids to never celebrate any birthday as in his own words “birthday are not real they’re just an arbitrary concept”. I want my kids to have fun memories so I will have this party and not invite him till he can be a grown up and discuss. If he didn’t sulk we could have come to an agreement that his sisters can miss the bowling part but just come at the end when we cut the cake but he just sulks and doesn’t want to discuss,

OP posts:
Nanny0gg · 08/04/2023 18:41

CookieMonsterMummy · 08/04/2023 18:38

Took kids bowling to a new place where we recently moved to and I commented how nice it would be to have DD’s upcoming party there in the summer. DH got in a mood again - very obvious when he’s in a mood as he sulks and goes all quiet and gets passive aggressive. I’m really proud of myself as I didn’t react I just asked him what was wrong several times but no response. I tried to reason with him and asked if we could discuss this like adults but again no response. He did respond finally with “I don’t give a fuck about her party” and then we got to the actual truth: “it’s because of your bitch sister”. I explained of course she will be invited as we have had an invite for all 3 of her kids parties even before we had our own kids.

beyond the age of 2 I haven’t invited his sisters to any of the parties because we have no relationship with them. Our kids also have zero relationship with his sisters - their choice as they don’t bother with us whereas my sister and her kids are very close with my kids so their only cousins essentially who they have any relationship with. I have another sibling who also won’t be invited but just due to the fact her kids are older and my kids don’t really play with them. Other than that I have a good relationship with my other sibling and see them often.

also not to drip feed it was always myself who made any effort with his sisters but during lockdown they didn’t even once get in contact which made me realise it’s always me so just left it to see if they would initiate contact and result is we haven’t spoken for over 3 years! Every party they have attended they ignore me and my kids. Both of the sisters sit in their phones and their kids on their own devices only one of the BIL make any effort to interact with other guests and make polite conversation but they ignore me!

DH doesn’t see his sisters ever and doesn’t desire to either, they live 30 minutes away and visit his mum once a year who lives 2 minutes away from us.

sorry for the long post and I can’t really express the dysfunction of his family relations properly but feels like he only remembers he has sisters when I start planning the kids birthdays! His own 40th came up and not one sibling phoned to say happy birthday however my “bitch sister” (his words) sent him a card and whisky bottle plus she phoned up. His reaction - “she didn’t need to”.

I can’t live like this anymore. The whole atmosphere will be changed with his sisters there, plus the kids have no idea who they are and most importantly they don’t actually want to come they’ve made it obvious the years they have been invited. Also awkward if they kick off as DD has started a new school so it will get whole class party with people I don’t even know yet! I don’t want to keep feeling anxious that his sisters will kick off. DH will not react if they go and blame me like last time when one of them kicked off.

If this was the only issue I could overlook it but our relationship is not great, it’s a Sexless marriage and he’s selfish. His ultimate goal is for my kids to never celebrate any birthday as in his own words “birthday are not real they’re just an arbitrary concept”. I want my kids to have fun memories so I will have this party and not invite him till he can be a grown up and discuss. If he didn’t sulk we could have come to an agreement that his sisters can miss the bowling part but just come at the end when we cut the cake but he just sulks and doesn’t want to discuss,

He needs to be gone.

But just as an aside - a whole class bowling party seems like a very expensive nightmare!

RocketPanda · 08/04/2023 18:41

He sounds like an emotional drain, determined to give your kids a miserable childhood. I'd cut him loose.

Imridiculous · 08/04/2023 18:42

I want my kids to have fun memories

Maybe they would have better memories if they didn’t live with someone who behaves so awfully?

mamabear715 · 08/04/2023 18:43

He sounds like a bowling ball strapped to the family.
Heavy weight & bloody annoying.

Imridiculous · 08/04/2023 18:43

@Nanny0gg the op was right there, above your post. Why quote the whole thing all over again?

Stickworm · 08/04/2023 18:46

If my husband said ‘I don‘t give a fuck about her party’ about our daughter I’d be furious and seriously wonder why I was married to such a person.

Marinapeppina · 08/04/2023 18:46

He sounds really miserable and rude to you. Is your heart in this relationship?

StarDolphins · 08/04/2023 18:47

If my party said he didn’t give a fuck about my DD’s party, he wouldn’t be invited.

Your poor kids being brought up by a misery guts that sulks.

Original poster
CookieMonsterMummy · 08/04/2023 18:47

Sorry for an update after such a long post! But he just messaged me (he left us at bowling so I had to catch a taxi with the kids) he just told me he’s done with me. I messaged that we could have discussed and cons to an agreement like his sisters just come at the end when we cut the cake rather than the bowling part his response to that was “I’m done with you”. He still hasn’t cone home and I know he won’t be back till evening.

OP posts:
youshouldnthaveasked · 08/04/2023 18:47

I did a bowling party for my daughter when she was 6. She invited 10 of her friends and it took bloody ages to get through them all

mamabear715 · 08/04/2023 18:48

Do you WANT him to come home?

L3ThirtySeven · 08/04/2023 18:48

I don’t get why adults are being invited to a children’s party when it is clear your children are over the age of 2? Birthday parties should be the child plus their friends and no random relatives imho. No cousins. No aunts. You are both bringing ADULT family drama into what should be throw a birthday party for your DD and her friends. She should be deciding who to invite, not you and her dad.

You both sound dysfunctional to be honest. You can dislike and not get on with his sisters, but he can’t dislike and not get on with your sister. Bit of a double standard really.

If your sister wants to do something for her nieces birthday (your DD) then have it be a separate event from her actual birthday party.

capecheckmaskcheck · 08/04/2023 18:49

CookieMonsterMummy · 08/04/2023 18:47

Sorry for an update after such a long post! But he just messaged me (he left us at bowling so I had to catch a taxi with the kids) he just told me he’s done with me. I messaged that we could have discussed and cons to an agreement like his sisters just come at the end when we cut the cake rather than the bowling part his response to that was “I’m done with you”. He still hasn’t cone home and I know he won’t be back till evening.

You can't stop him being awful. But you can stop letting him be awful to you. He sounds soul destroying.

PussBilledDuckyPlait · 08/04/2023 18:49

Tell him to fuck off. Tosser.

Burnamer · 08/04/2023 18:49

Imridiculous · 08/04/2023 18:43

@Nanny0gg the op was right there, above your post. Why quote the whole thing all over again?

Exactly this. I never understand why people do it. @Nanny0gg please could you enlighten me?

Original poster
CookieMonsterMummy · 08/04/2023 18:49

There’s only 22 in class and most likely not everyone will come. Last party someone had only 14/15 kids came.

OP posts:
Suprima · 08/04/2023 18:50

I’d really like to know the backstory of how you had kids with this man because he seems like an utterly dysfunctional bin fire

You need to get rid of him

your poor poor children

ReadersD1gest · 08/04/2023 18:50

*as in his own words “birthday are not real they’re just an arbitrary concept”.
Aw, I'll bet the gormless halfwit thought that nonsense made him sound intelligent 😂
What do you actually see in him?

L3ThirtySeven · 08/04/2023 18:50

CookieMonsterMummy · 08/04/2023 18:49

There’s only 22 in class and most likely not everyone will come. Last party someone had only 14/15 kids came.

14/15 kids is massive! My DC were in a school with class sizes of 8-10.

Burnamer · 08/04/2023 18:50

Do you want to continue the relationship OP? What’s your practical situation if you didn’t?

ReadersD1gest · 08/04/2023 18:51

Burnamer · 08/04/2023 18:49

Exactly this. I never understand why people do it. @Nanny0gg please could you enlighten me?

Show quote history

Why are you doing it?

Nanny0gg · 08/04/2023 18:51

CookieMonsterMummy · 08/04/2023 18:47

Sorry for an update after such a long post! But he just messaged me (he left us at bowling so I had to catch a taxi with the kids) he just told me he’s done with me. I messaged that we could have discussed and cons to an agreement like his sisters just come at the end when we cut the cake rather than the bowling part his response to that was “I’m done with you”. He still hasn’t cone home and I know he won’t be back till evening.

No. You had good reason for not wanting them there and he doesn't either.

He's checked out. Let him go.

Get legal advice asap and start planning. Your life will be so much better

Madamecastafiore · 08/04/2023 18:51

Not my first but definitely necessary LTB.

Nanny0gg · 08/04/2023 18:51

Burnamer · 08/04/2023 18:49

Exactly this. I never understand why people do it. @Nanny0gg please could you enlighten me?

Show quote history

Apologies

Original poster
CookieMonsterMummy · 08/04/2023 18:51

@L3ThirtySeven my daughter if she had the choice would ONLY want her cousins there (my sisters kids) as they similar age and she plays with them regularly. She would not be happy if they didn’t come. It’s not my adult drama it’s who she wants there!

OP posts: