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Original poster

DD’s Birthday plans and husband in mood another year running!

132 replies

CookieMonsterMummy · 08/04/2023 18:38

Took kids bowling to a new place where we recently moved to and I commented how nice it would be to have DD’s upcoming party there in the summer. DH got in a mood again - very obvious when he’s in a mood as he sulks and goes all quiet and gets passive aggressive. I’m really proud of myself as I didn’t react I just asked him what was wrong several times but no response. I tried to reason with him and asked if we could discuss this like adults but again no response. He did respond finally with “I don’t give a fuck about her party” and then we got to the actual truth: “it’s because of your bitch sister”. I explained of course she will be invited as we have had an invite for all 3 of her kids parties even before we had our own kids.

beyond the age of 2 I haven’t invited his sisters to any of the parties because we have no relationship with them. Our kids also have zero relationship with his sisters - their choice as they don’t bother with us whereas my sister and her kids are very close with my kids so their only cousins essentially who they have any relationship with. I have another sibling who also won’t be invited but just due to the fact her kids are older and my kids don’t really play with them. Other than that I have a good relationship with my other sibling and see them often.

also not to drip feed it was always myself who made any effort with his sisters but during lockdown they didn’t even once get in contact which made me realise it’s always me so just left it to see if they would initiate contact and result is we haven’t spoken for over 3 years! Every party they have attended they ignore me and my kids. Both of the sisters sit in their phones and their kids on their own devices only one of the BIL make any effort to interact with other guests and make polite conversation but they ignore me!

DH doesn’t see his sisters ever and doesn’t desire to either, they live 30 minutes away and visit his mum once a year who lives 2 minutes away from us.

sorry for the long post and I can’t really express the dysfunction of his family relations properly but feels like he only remembers he has sisters when I start planning the kids birthdays! His own 40th came up and not one sibling phoned to say happy birthday however my “bitch sister” (his words) sent him a card and whisky bottle plus she phoned up. His reaction - “she didn’t need to”.

I can’t live like this anymore. The whole atmosphere will be changed with his sisters there, plus the kids have no idea who they are and most importantly they don’t actually want to come they’ve made it obvious the years they have been invited. Also awkward if they kick off as DD has started a new school so it will get whole class party with people I don’t even know yet! I don’t want to keep feeling anxious that his sisters will kick off. DH will not react if they go and blame me like last time when one of them kicked off.

If this was the only issue I could overlook it but our relationship is not great, it’s a Sexless marriage and he’s selfish. His ultimate goal is for my kids to never celebrate any birthday as in his own words “birthday are not real they’re just an arbitrary concept”. I want my kids to have fun memories so I will have this party and not invite him till he can be a grown up and discuss. If he didn’t sulk we could have come to an agreement that his sisters can miss the bowling part but just come at the end when we cut the cake but he just sulks and doesn’t want to discuss,

OP posts:
ItsCalledAConversation · 08/04/2023 18:52

Jumping on the thread early to say I hate it when people quote a long OP for absolutely no reason.

OP your DH sounds like an abusive nightmare. Cutting you off from your family should be a red flag. Stopping your children celebrating their birthdays should be a red line. He sounds awful. I say this as a fully paid up member of the emotionally abused wives club, you can read my threads about this. Why are you with him?

Marchforward · 08/04/2023 18:53

CookieMonsterMummy · 08/04/2023 18:47

Sorry for an update after such a long post! But he just messaged me (he left us at bowling so I had to catch a taxi with the kids) he just told me he’s done with me. I messaged that we could have discussed and cons to an agreement like his sisters just come at the end when we cut the cake rather than the bowling part his response to that was “I’m done with you”. He still hasn’t cone home and I know he won’t be back till evening.

He has done you a favour. You and your children’s lives will be much better.

Madamecastafiore · 08/04/2023 18:54

He's a wanker. Because he doesn't have a relationship and support from his siblings you're not allowed any from yours?

He's done you a favour. Pack his shit and leave it on the doorstep.

Stickworm · 08/04/2023 18:54

If he’s threatening to leave you over this, tell him not to trip up on his way out the door 👋

dittbtdity · 08/04/2023 18:55

CookieMonsterMummy · 08/04/2023 18:47

Sorry for an update after such a long post! But he just messaged me (he left us at bowling so I had to catch a taxi with the kids) he just told me he’s done with me. I messaged that we could have discussed and cons to an agreement like his sisters just come at the end when we cut the cake rather than the bowling part his response to that was “I’m done with you”. He still hasn’t cone home and I know he won’t be back till evening.

Well that sounds like a good result. FGS don't beg him to reconsider, engage with him or beg him to come back. Count yourself lucky he's taken himself off.

theWarOnPeace · 08/04/2023 18:55

You said you didn’t react, but asking what’s wrong and all the rest of it…. That’s reacting, and it’s sadly exactly what he wants. These types of men want to create a climate of misery and walking on eggshells around them. Unless you leave he will never (and even then still maybe not) understand why his behaviour is unacceptable. It’s pathological, and the sooner you understand that he is like this from/because of childhood and it is ingrained to a depth you will never reach, your life and your children's lives will be grim.

I say this from truly bitter experience. Only years of therapy has clarified how much time I wasted trying to improve my situation. Your post made me heartsore, really it did, I could have written it a few years back. You’re sweeping back the tide with a vileda mop. Cut your loses ❤️

TwilightSkies · 08/04/2023 18:56

The trash took itself out! Please don’t try and coax him into coming back.

theWarOnPeace · 08/04/2023 18:57

Oh shit just seen the update. I promise you, and I know that’s hard to feel from a complete stranger, if you let him go, and get some therapy and support, your life will go onwards and upwards. He’s broken.

Topseyt123 · 08/04/2023 19:01

Why on earth are you with this wanker, and why are you inviting his horrendous family anywhere?

Kick the lot of them into the long grass, and tell the husband that you are done with him too, so not to bother coming home. He's an arsehole.

JudgeRudy · 08/04/2023 19:03

"DH got in a mood again - very obvious when he’s in a mood as he sulks and goes all quiet and gets passive aggressive. I’m really proud of myself as I didn’t react........
But you did react
..... I just asked him what was wrong several times but no response. I tried to reason with him and asked if we could discuss this like adults
Then continued to engage

Your daughter's party sounds like the least of your worries. Loveless, sexless marriage with no respect for you, or concern for your children's welfare...

Well he won't have to give a fuck about any of you anymore will he....just bill him each month for his CSA and kick the selfish Fkr out. His behaviour is unacceptable. You and your children deserve more. Make your own memories.

CatchYouOnTheFlippetyFlop · 08/04/2023 19:04

So why are you with this absolute wanker?

You do realise you are allowed to tell him to fuck off don't you?

If you would like your daughter to end up with a man like this, stay with him.

If you want your daughter to see that men don't get to treat women like shit, without consequences, then show her that you do NOT put up with this shit.

Topseyt123 · 08/04/2023 19:05

CookieMonsterMummy · 08/04/2023 18:47

Sorry for an update after such a long post! But he just messaged me (he left us at bowling so I had to catch a taxi with the kids) he just told me he’s done with me. I messaged that we could have discussed and cons to an agreement like his sisters just come at the end when we cut the cake rather than the bowling part his response to that was “I’m done with you”. He still hasn’t cone home and I know he won’t be back till evening.

Result! Surely!

The response to that should be "Good, I'm done with you too."

Oldnproud · 08/04/2023 19:08

CookieMonsterMummy · 08/04/2023 18:47

Sorry for an update after such a long post! But he just messaged me (he left us at bowling so I had to catch a taxi with the kids) he just told me he’s done with me. I messaged that we could have discussed and cons to an agreement like his sisters just come at the end when we cut the cake rather than the bowling part his response to that was “I’m done with you”. He still hasn’t cone home and I know he won’t be back till evening.

He says he's done with you?
To be honest, it sounds like you would be far better off without him. I would seriously consider taking him at his word and if at all possible getting the locks changed immediately, not giving him the chance to come back later!

Slimjimtobe · 08/04/2023 19:09

He’s done with you (his words) there’s no sex and he is moody

cheerio to him I’d say

dapsnotplimsolls · 08/04/2023 19:09

He's saved you the trouble of dumping him. Result.

Goldbar · 08/04/2023 19:09

If he's "done with you", bolt the door and tell him to sleep somewhere else. Message back "OK, let me know when you'd like to collect your stuff".

He sounds awful... your lived will probably be so much lighter without him.

AuntMarch · 08/04/2023 19:13

He did respond finally with “I don’t give a fuck about her party” and then we got to the actual truth: “it’s because of your bitch sister”.

Was this while you were still out with your children?

WhoWants2Know · 08/04/2023 19:15

I didn't need to read beyond the words "bitch sister" to know that this is a relationship that is going to be bad for your kids

SageHoney · 08/04/2023 19:15

Why is he referrring to your sister as a "bitch"? It doesn't sound like she has done anything wrong. Even if they don't get along, that doesn't prevent your daughter having her cousins at the party if she wants. You've said that DH doesn’t see his sisters ever and doesn’t desire to either, so it doesn't sound like his sisters/their children not being invited is the issue.

He doesn't sound mature enough to be at a children's party, and he doesn't like parties, so don't invite him. And if he's going to refuse to discuss matters and instead huff and fume and threaten to walk/stay out, he's not mature enough to be married, either. Make sure that when he goes, he's not palming off any of his half of the cost and care of the children on you. That's still his responsibility.

OhcantthInkofaname · 08/04/2023 19:17

Have you packed his things?

UndertheCedartree · 08/04/2023 19:19

ItsCalledAConversation · 08/04/2023 18:52

Jumping on the thread early to say I hate it when people quote a long OP for absolutely no reason.

OP your DH sounds like an abusive nightmare. Cutting you off from your family should be a red flag. Stopping your children celebrating their birthdays should be a red line. He sounds awful. I say this as a fully paid up member of the emotionally abused wives club, you can read my threads about this. Why are you with him?

Not early enough @Nanny0gg has already apologised. I've done it before just out of pure habit - just a mistake.

Snugglemonkey · 08/04/2023 19:23

CookieMonsterMummy · 08/04/2023 18:47

Sorry for an update after such a long post! But he just messaged me (he left us at bowling so I had to catch a taxi with the kids) he just told me he’s done with me. I messaged that we could have discussed and cons to an agreement like his sisters just come at the end when we cut the cake rather than the bowling part his response to that was “I’m done with you”. He still hasn’t cone home and I know he won’t be back till evening.

Great, jump on this and ditch him.

UndertheCedartree · 08/04/2023 19:23

I'd also reply that you're done with him too and not to come back. Bolt the door.

Honestly, you will all be so much happier without him. Your relationship sounds miserable. Hope you are ok, OP 💐

GoodChat · 08/04/2023 19:24

What is his actual problem with your sister? You posted loads about his but nothing about yours.

Inca22 · 08/04/2023 19:25

You sound like a really happy, person that revels in celebrating others. He really does not.

What you'll find if you stay with this idiot is that not only will he keep bringing you down but your children as well.

Can you imagine hearing a dad say he doesn't give a fuck about his daughters birthday?

Seriously, my second LTB.

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