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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Lady on holiday

375 replies

StarryBarry · 07/04/2023 23:00

DS5 is only child and very keen to make friends wherever we go. He usually chats to anyone and makes friend with other kids at camps/clubs etc. We are on holiday and while watching entertainment in our resort he was running around with another child who seemed the same age. We were sat a few tables down from the other child and their family.

We sat watching him tonight chattering away to the child and the child’s mum for around 10 minutes inbetween them dancing and running around. They seemed happy enough and we didn’t see any silly behaviour.
He then returned to us and said his friend didn’t want to play

when we got home he said the friends mum said ‘they don’t want to be your friend, go away’

DH thinks they AIBU as who says this to a child. I wondered if the other kid got tired and the mum told DS she didn’t want to play anymore and maybe didn’t use those exact words

who is BU?

OP posts:
ReadersD1gest · 08/04/2023 11:26

I'd certainly give you a wide swerve, @quertygirl ! Whatever you feel my obligations are.

ThreeB · 08/04/2023 11:28

QuertyGirl · 08/04/2023 11:15

@ReadersD1gest

You are obliged to interact with humans in public places. You cannot decide that you don't want to interact with particular demographic group because you personally, find them annoying.

Sorry but you absolutely can. I am under no obligation to interact with people I don't wish to interact with. It doesn't matter if it's a child, an adult or the creepy man telling me to give him a smile, my boundaries are mine.

dottypotter · 08/04/2023 11:29

shivawn · 08/04/2023 11:06

I'd be happy to have your son playing with my child OP, he sounds lovely and friendly. Hopefully it's a mixup and she wasn't actually so rude to him, I don't know how a mother could be unkind to someone else's child.

Me neither. Its just children being children.

We were all children once remember.

GooglyEyeballs · 08/04/2023 11:29

QuertyGirl · 08/04/2023 11:15

@ReadersD1gest

You are obliged to interact with humans in public places. You cannot decide that you don't want to interact with particular demographic group because you personally, find them annoying.

No one is obliged to interact with anyone they don't want to interact with. What are you on! Absolutely no one should be forced into social situations they don't want to be.

loobylou10 · 08/04/2023 11:31

He also shouldn't be 'running around' during the entertainment. There's nothing more annoying.

QuertyGirl · 08/04/2023 11:31

ReadersD1gest · 08/04/2023 11:26

I'd certainly give you a wide swerve, @quertygirl ! Whatever you feel my obligations are.

I'm not the one who's reduced to personal insults 😁

QuertyGirl · 08/04/2023 11:33

@ThreeB

You're equating small kids with creepy men. Right.

ReadersD1gest · 08/04/2023 11:33

QuertyGirl · 08/04/2023 11:31

I'm not the one who's reduced to personal insults 😁

Show quote history

You're the one telling me I don't get to choose who I interact with in public.
I reiterate; I will avoid anyone I choose to and that would certainly include someone like you.

QuertyGirl · 08/04/2023 11:34

@GooglyEyeballs

Which demographics do you decline to interact with?

ReadersD1gest · 08/04/2023 11:35

QuertyGirl · 08/04/2023 11:33

@ThreeB

You're equating small kids with creepy men. Right.

That's not remotely akin to what she said.

Mumofnarnia · 08/04/2023 11:35

QuertyGirl · 08/04/2023 11:15

@ReadersD1gest

You are obliged to interact with humans in public places. You cannot decide that you don't want to interact with particular demographic group because you personally, find them annoying.

Nobody is obliged to interact with anyone in public places. It’s a choice not an obligation

GooglyEyeballs · 08/04/2023 11:36

QuertyGirl · 08/04/2023 11:34

@GooglyEyeballs

Which demographics do you decline to interact with?

For a start anyone who thinks it's acceptable to force other people to interact with them when they don't want to. 🙄

QuertyGirl · 08/04/2023 11:36

@ReadersD1gest

You don't get to choose to refuse certain demographics.

Do you refuse to interact with autistic people?

People living with dementia?

(I have a lot of experience with both of those by the way)

Mumofnarnia · 08/04/2023 11:37

ReadersD1gest · 08/04/2023 11:26

I'd certainly give you a wide swerve, @quertygirl ! Whatever you feel my obligations are.

But you are obliged to interact with her lol

QuertyGirl · 08/04/2023 11:37

Which insult are you choosing to respond to that with?

NatashaDancing · 08/04/2023 11:39

CheshireCat1 · 08/04/2023 10:39

Totally agree.

Show quote history

Agreed. Totally agree.

Sheeponahill · 08/04/2023 11:40

The fact is neither the OP or any of us know exactly what went on. Maybe the other child didn’t want to play/chat with the OP’ so the DM was looking out for them. Maybe the other child needed some down time before bed. Maybe theyd had another child hanging around with them all day and they wanted some family time. Maybe she’s just grumpy.

Mine are all grown up now, but I was a KS1 teacher when they were that age. The last thing I wanted on holiday was to look after other people’s kids, however lovely they were. I was also one of the safeguarding leads so at the back of my mind would be all the things that could happen that would have major consequences beyond the holiday.

Playing together in the pool, playground etc is one thing but family time can be an intrusion.

ReadersD1gest · 08/04/2023 11:41

QuertyGirl · 08/04/2023 11:36

@ReadersD1gest

You don't get to choose to refuse certain demographics.

Do you refuse to interact with autistic people?

People living with dementia?

(I have a lot of experience with both of those by the way)

You are so odd... I have no issues with people with dementia, or autistic people.
I am still at perfect liberty to interact with whoever I choose to. Being in a public place does not make me public property. I have no social obligations to random strangers.

Dilemma19 · 08/04/2023 11:41

Temporaryname158 · 07/04/2023 23:04

I find anyone who lets their child hang around my kids and table, uninvited, annoying. Why didn’t you go over and check they were happy for him to do that.

I think this is an important lesson for your child that not everyone wants his company as hard as that is for a child.

When I go away it’s to spend time with my children and they like to play together but not with others they don’t know. I wouldn’t have been rude to a child but also wouldn’t have appreciated them hanging around

Absolutely this. Very, very rude to not go over and make sure the mum was ok. Because it was both of them on her watch even though you were there. She probably didn't say it in those words, but she did let him know in case he saw them around and tried to do that again. She probably did say something to that effect because for all she knows you were happy to sit there and let her watch your child.

Nicecow · 08/04/2023 11:44

Motheranddaughtertotwo · 08/04/2023 01:04

YANBU for letting your child speak to another family on holiday. I find it crazy that people would honestly get annoyed about a five year old taking up ten minutes of their family time. When it happens to my family we all find it very sweet and usually engage in random chat, it’s on holiday, not when someone is rushing to get to work.

I so agree with this! Generally I'll be honest, I'm not a fan of kids. But surely a kid, going up to another kid on holiday is how people learn to be sociable and make friends. Which actually explains alot given so many on here seem to be miserable people who hate their colleagues and refuse to open their doors. It all makes sense now! 😆

GrandmaWins · 08/04/2023 11:44

I don't mind playing with other people's children if they are playing with my child.

I think it depeneds... Did the mother want to play with her child and therefore was trying to stop her child playing with other children, even though her child wanted to play with them? Bit selfish.

Or did her child genuinely not want to play with yours and didn't know how to make that happen? In which case, she probably didn't use those exact words (unless yours didn't get the hint) but he probably took it that way.

Flowerly · 08/04/2023 11:45

AprilFool23 · 08/04/2023 00:18

Op your title is wrong because she wasn't a lady.

In our region someone being called a (real) lady or gentlemen means they're always kind and tactful.

😂

GrandmaWins · 08/04/2023 11:48

Kids making friends and playing with other kids is usually what happens on a holiday. I remember just playing in the pool and making friends. I wouldn't necessarily go to their table though.

I don't get the soft play thing though. If my DD is playing with 3 other kids, and then I go and start playing with DD, obviously those 3 kids are going to be involved as they have formed a group with my DD. Bit mean to tell DD she can't play with them now because I'm there to play with.

FictionalCharacter · 08/04/2023 11:50

I agree with PPs that he shouldn’t have been running around during the show, although unfortunately it seems to be the norm now that people let their kids do that. But I agree with your dh that what she said wasn’t a nice way to talk to a child.

Jemandthehologramsunite · 08/04/2023 11:50

girlfriend44 · 08/04/2023 11:03

Strange answer. Kids naturally play together. They have no hang ups like adults.

Also you don't get to know people unless you start talking to them, and you might be missing out on fun if you don't.

Don't worry op you just got a strange one there. Most people aren't like that. Move on.

Show quote history

Agree with this. Normal children like playing with other children, very surprised anyone would think that wasn't a bit harsh. Even if they didn't want to talk to your son, there are certainly nicer ways to say it

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