Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Lady on holiday

375 replies

StarryBarry · 07/04/2023 23:00

DS5 is only child and very keen to make friends wherever we go. He usually chats to anyone and makes friend with other kids at camps/clubs etc. We are on holiday and while watching entertainment in our resort he was running around with another child who seemed the same age. We were sat a few tables down from the other child and their family.

We sat watching him tonight chattering away to the child and the child’s mum for around 10 minutes inbetween them dancing and running around. They seemed happy enough and we didn’t see any silly behaviour.
He then returned to us and said his friend didn’t want to play

when we got home he said the friends mum said ‘they don’t want to be your friend, go away’

DH thinks they AIBU as who says this to a child. I wondered if the other kid got tired and the mum told DS she didn’t want to play anymore and maybe didn’t use those exact words

who is BU?

OP posts:
HRTQueen · 08/04/2023 10:24

good lord two little children are chatting away and it’s ok to be mean to a young child 🙄

i expect this when on holiday children make friends the op’s son hadn’t sat down to have dinner with them and followed them back to their room

this is normal socialising to the majority and something I have experienced on holiday do I always want other children around maybe not when trying to read but at the same time I don’t expect children not to play and socialise with other children it’s lovely to see young children so freely make friends

M340 · 08/04/2023 10:26

Justalittlebitduckling · 08/04/2023 07:49

If she said something like, “Why don’t you go back to be with your own family now,” that would have been perfectly fine. I would be surprised if a grown adult
used that exact phrase.

She may have already said that umpteen times and the child didn't listen so she had to be harsh for the child to get the hint. Still worded poorly, but the OPs kid was there for 10 minutes chatting to this woman, while a show was on.

ConstanceOcean · 08/04/2023 10:27

there was a singer which made it awkward to get up and speak

Yet it was ok for kids to be running around playing and speaking?

There’s a time and place to play and it doesn’t sound like this was it.

Sounds like she was trying to control her child’s behaviour and had to tell your child to go away.
Her sun might have been having fun but then your son kept following when he didn’t want him to, as kids sometimes do.

Tbh there is no nice way to tell a child to go away and not play with your child.

ReadersD1gest · 08/04/2023 10:30

It's called being civilised and sociable.
Bloody hell! No, dear. Letting your kid hang around another family "talking endlessly at them" during a show is the polar opposite of civilised and sociable, ffs!
The idea of someone so mannerless lecturing others on acceptable behaviour is 😂

CheshireCat1 · 08/04/2023 10:39

Carolfarrell · 08/04/2023 08:32

Only on mumsnet are people so precious about ‘my little family’ that they would find a small child approaching their table irritating.

I am always charmed by children confident enough to chat to a group and provided they are polite, I welcome that interaction for me and my family,

OP don’t discourage your lovely boy from being social but maybe don’t let him approach that lady again - she must be a ‘my little family mumsnetter’ 😁

Totally agree.

pictoosh · 08/04/2023 10:41

I don't mind if my kids make a pal and play together within eyesight. I don't want someone else's kid to come and join us. In my experience children can be thick-skinned or confused when politely asked to go back to mum and dad and they can be hard to get rid of without being blunt. No one wants to be rude to a child but unless you want an extra, sometimes that's what it takes. Erk.

I remember staying on a campsite in Wales once when the little girl (about 4) from the family along came over to play. Fine I thought. God she was an absolute livewire and my kids were just looking like wtf?? Her parents in their tent relaxing as she wrestled a wooden info post out of the ground and threw it laughing manically. Other campers looking over in disapproval thinking she was mine. I approached their tent, told them what was happening (holding wooden post and gesturing to hole in the ground) - they chuckled, gave her an 'oh dear' type of talk then disappeared back into their tent intent on leaving her with me.
I said (loudly) "Excuse me...but no thank you" while motioning wee girl back to mum and dad.
Cue two days of set jaw and flinty eyes from parents.
Fucking muppets.

QuertyGirl · 08/04/2023 10:45

I suspect that lockdown has contributed to this- people are used to only dealing with their own immediate family so find other kids disconcerting

ReadersD1gest · 08/04/2023 10:47

QuertyGirl · 08/04/2023 10:45

I suspect that lockdown has contributed to this- people are used to only dealing with their own immediate family so find other kids disconcerting

Hardly. Nobody wants to do your parenting for you, it's as simple as that.

Mumofnarnia · 08/04/2023 10:49

CaptainMyCaptain · 08/04/2023 10:08

Quite. Children socialising is one thing and assuming someone else will babysit is quite different. As far as I can tell the OP wasn't very far from her child and was watching.

Show quote history

Even so…. It’s clear the other family did not want op’s child around them. Just leave the family in peace and let them get on with their evening rather than just assuming they are happy to have your child chattering to them for 10 minutes while they’re trying to watch a show

FatFucker · 08/04/2023 10:50

ReadersD1gest · 08/04/2023 01:39

The other child was talking back as was the mum. He is such a talker though he’d talk at them endlessly with little encouragement
Yeah, sorry, nobody wants your 5 year old talking at them endlessly while you sit a few tables away enjoying the show. Honestly!
Did you really need to have this explained to you?

It's always the kids of the really friendly and chatty parents that don't get it. Not you OP, you have taken it on the chin.

But please parents, some of us don't want to talk to your chatty and friendly kid. We've got our own thank you very much.

And sadly no matter how polite you are to the overbearing kid they don't take the hint. As they don't have the social nuance to know they are unwelcome. I just say "You need to go back to your mum/dad now kid" but sometimes that doesn't work either and you have to spell it out to them "Go away".

pictoosh · 08/04/2023 10:50

QuertyGirl · 08/04/2023 10:45

I suspect that lockdown has contributed to this- people are used to only dealing with their own immediate family so find other kids disconcerting

Ehh no. Only in your own imagination. I work with children. Cba with OPC when I'm on my own free time. Do enough kiddy stuff as it is.

nopayagain · 08/04/2023 10:57

Awww it's difficult but I think it's a case off us parents think there's no child quite ike our own but the truth is it can be annoying when a random child stands at your table staring at you while the parents enjoy their evening. I'm sure no harm was ment at all but if it was prolonged it may have been a little irritating

QuertyGirl · 08/04/2023 10:57

I think is definitely a working hours/lockdown thing.

Going to a place that allows or even encourages people to bring their kids and then objecting to interacting with children, isn't logical.

If this were any other demographic group (elderly, disabled, dementia suffers, some people with autism or anyone else who's "social cues" might not be "normal") nobody would admit to these attitudes.

But it's ok when it comes to children.

pictoosh · 08/04/2023 10:57

In fact, I am just thinking how glad I am to be past the wee kiddy stage with my own children. They are teens and an adult now. Looking at my facebook feed, a lot of people up to kiddy friendly activities and holidays just now. I loved all that when mine were little but truthfully I don't miss it. Or the 'new friends'.

Meandfour · 08/04/2023 11:01

StarryBarry · 07/04/2023 23:10

Fair point - there was a singer which made it awkward to get up and speak but agree this would be helpful and we should have. He didn’t ever sit down with them but inbetween running around he kept going back to stand by their table

Show quote history

YABU. We’ve had this so often worn only children; they just latch on and then you can’t get rid of them and their parents seem to find it endearing / let them do it so they have someone to play with.

pictoosh · 08/04/2023 11:01

Saw my colleage spending her easter holiday in some sort of Postman Pat theme park.
I know, I know...the pleasure of their joy.
But these days...shudder

pictoosh · 08/04/2023 11:02

Apologies...off on a tangent there.

ReadersD1gest · 08/04/2023 11:02

QuertyGirl · 08/04/2023 10:57

I think is definitely a working hours/lockdown thing.

Going to a place that allows or even encourages people to bring their kids and then objecting to interacting with children, isn't logical.

If this were any other demographic group (elderly, disabled, dementia suffers, some people with autism or anyone else who's "social cues" might not be "normal") nobody would admit to these attitudes.

But it's ok when it comes to children.

There are lots of places where you're allowed to bring your kids Confused. Restaurants, etc.,
You're not signing up to having other people's kids hanging round you, chatting endlessly; just by being there. You are not obliged to interact with other people's kids, wherever you are.
Very strange post.

girlfriend44 · 08/04/2023 11:03

Temporaryname158 · 07/04/2023 23:04

I find anyone who lets their child hang around my kids and table, uninvited, annoying. Why didn’t you go over and check they were happy for him to do that.

I think this is an important lesson for your child that not everyone wants his company as hard as that is for a child.

When I go away it’s to spend time with my children and they like to play together but not with others they don’t know. I wouldn’t have been rude to a child but also wouldn’t have appreciated them hanging around

Strange answer. Kids naturally play together. They have no hang ups like adults.

Also you don't get to know people unless you start talking to them, and you might be missing out on fun if you don't.

Don't worry op you just got a strange one there. Most people aren't like that. Move on.

Leafygreenone · 08/04/2023 11:05

mellongoose · 08/04/2023 06:38

What a shame. Some of these replies are not nice.

Only children are just looking for someone their own age to play with. Mine does this and I'd be very upset if the mum said that. She's just a kid.

As the parent of an only, we play with her and entertain her when out, but she must honestly prefer to play with other children.

It would be better for those of you who are annoyed by a harmless kid to remember that.

She's an only because her sister died. Not my choice so I could be a bit over sensitive.

But it was during " entertainment" which everyone else was trying to enjoy.
Running g around and talking at other people who are trying to watch the show, si ging etc is rude and annoying to the other family and the entertainers.
Op should have parented her child and told him to sit down and be quiet.

shivawn · 08/04/2023 11:06

I'd be happy to have your son playing with my child OP, he sounds lovely and friendly. Hopefully it's a mixup and she wasn't actually so rude to him, I don't know how a mother could be unkind to someone else's child.

Leafygreenone · 08/04/2023 11:12

shivawn · 08/04/2023 11:06

I'd be happy to have your son playing with my child OP, he sounds lovely and friendly. Hopefully it's a mixup and she wasn't actually so rude to him, I don't know how a mother could be unkind to someone else's child.

During an evening show that everyone else is sitting down to watch? Talking and running around?
That's the crux of it, he was disruptive and annoying.

QuertyGirl · 08/04/2023 11:15

@ReadersD1gest

You are obliged to interact with humans in public places. You cannot decide that you don't want to interact with particular demographic group because you personally, find them annoying.

Leafygreenone · 08/04/2023 11:20

QuertyGirl · 08/04/2023 11:15

@ReadersD1gest

You are obliged to interact with humans in public places. You cannot decide that you don't want to interact with particular demographic group because you personally, find them annoying.

😂there's always one!

ReadersD1gest · 08/04/2023 11:24

QuertyGirl · 08/04/2023 11:15

@ReadersD1gest

You are obliged to interact with humans in public places. You cannot decide that you don't want to interact with particular demographic group because you personally, find them annoying.

Don't be such an utter muppet!