Lady on holiday

[StarryBarry]

DS5 is only child and very keen to make friends wherever we go. He usually chats to anyone and makes friend with other kids at camps/clubs etc. We are on holiday and while watching entertainment in our resort he was running around with another child who seemed the same age. We were sat a few tables down from the other child and their family.

We sat watching him tonight chattering away to the child and the child’s mum for around 10 minutes inbetween them dancing and running around. They seemed happy enough and we didn’t see any silly behaviour.
He then returned to us and said his friend didn’t want to play

when we got home he said the friends mum said ‘they don’t want to be your friend, go away’

DH thinks they AIBU as who says this to a child. I wondered if the other kid got tired and the mum told DS she didn’t want to play anymore and maybe didn’t use those exact words

who is BU?

I think your child was probably irritating the family and they wanted to spend time as a family and not with a child they’d only just met.

Some of these responses are totally bonkers

Is your world so rigidly black and white that there are only binary options. It's ludicrous to jump from not wanting a random chatterbox at your evening table to being miserable and anti social etc

You aren't seriously suggesting those are the only two options are you?

I dont think youve done anything wrong. Kids do play together on holiday if youre lucky. I dont think the other parent has necessarily been rude either though. I think id just say to your child that at least they told you

If two kids start spontaneously playing together on the beach or in a playpark, absolutely fine. Going up in the evening and sitting with another family talking at them- I'd try to steer them away from that, plus if you go to rescue them, if they really don't mind, they'll be effusive, let him stay etc. If they just want family time in the evening, and most parents do, then that's what they want. It was a bit mean of her to say he doesn't want to be your friend. I'd have said 'you need to go back to your mum now, look, she's looking for you' and got up and encouraged him to move!

Who said anyone was offended, you're making that up now

What a horrible thing to do. My own child has learning difficulties and doesn't quite understand many social queues. I'm actually horrified anyone would admit to saying something like this, rather than maybe approaching a parent. Something like this would set my child back a lot. I've seen her waving at kids, just wanting to feel included and have them turn their heads away. Obviously they must have parents of your thinking.

Op I would never ever say that to a child, I would not find him annoying if my children were happy playing with him. Even if they weren't, I still would not say that, she sounds vile.

We are of the same thinking. I am very sorry for your loss.

I'm a single parent with an only child and I used to get really fed up of couples thinking my child needed their child to play with when we went anywhere. I'd find myself 'babysitting' kids neither I or DC wanted hanging around while the parents enjoyed a peaceful time.

I soon learned to tell the little darlings to go away! Sounds like the mum didn't want another child to look after either.

I'd have been pissed off with your child hanging around me and my DC while you, his parents, who should be parenting him, were just sitting back and enjoying the show. Maybe she had told him nicely to go away but he wasn't taking the hint so he needed to be told.

I don't think she was being unreasonable at all. She is not free childcare.

What a weird attitude some people have on here, to being approached by another child.
I get that the average Mumsnetter is insular, but still, it's so cold.

Very rude and unpleasant woman. We were always pleased if a child wanted to make friends with our children on holiday.

Completely understand your point and I don’t agree with what the lady said to a 5 year old as it can be quite hurtful to a child.

However, my child also has learning difficulties too and doesn’t understand social queues. All the more reason to keep an eye on her and make sure that she is not irritating another family or wandering to their table uninvited as she would not understand if she was told to go back to her mum, it then puts pressure on the other parent. It is not another family’s problem if a stranger’s child has learning difficulties, it is the job of the parent to keep an eye on their own child and make sure their child doesn’t get to the point of intruding on another family’s evening.

No your are not being unreasonable.

OP My child is an only and very sociable like yours.
Most people are lovely and glad for their kid to have a friend . Also the parents may chat and you make strike up a convo too. It's called being civilised and sociable.

But some people can right be miserable sods sadly.
I don't know some parents bother taking their kids anywhere if they're so adverse to them socialising. It's totally natural for kids to make friends and play together.

Hope your son managed to make some more friends on holiday x

In future, I think the correct etiquette is to go over and say to your ds to come away and not to disturb them etc, if they didn't want him there they can say thanks, if they genuinely don't mind they can say so. Having had a kid (older than our DD who was nearly 3) latch onto ours on holiday who kept leading her away, trying to pick her up to put her in a high chair, encouraging her to jump off of steep concrete steps etc and her family not even being in line of sight of her I got really bored of sending her away for them to let her come straight back!

Fair point - there was a singer which made it awkward to get up and speak but agree this would be helpful and we should have. He didn’t ever sit down with them but inbetween running around he kept going back to stand by their table

It was awkward to get up because of the singer but you thought it was ok to let a child run around?

She probably clocked you as the parents that make no effort to keep their kids under control and didn’t want her kids being part of that.

If she really did say that to a 5 year old child then she is a nasty woman and I wouldn't want my child anywhere near her anyway.

My experience on that type of family holiday where you are all sat together in the evenings for hotel entertainment is that the kids become friends and will invariably all end up either at your table or their friends family table, usually flitting between tables all night in between going off and playing. A couple of times when dd was younger we'd become friendly with the parents and we'd all sit together.

Yeah, this. Whenever we used to go out with our kids, someone else's kids sometimes started running around the table we were at in a restaurant or cafe or McDonald's. Even on holiday, sometimes two or three kids started hanging around us. Their parents didn't care, they were just glad to get the kids off their hands.

The woman just sound a bit brusque. But to be quite honest, being a bit harsh and brusque with people is the only way to deal with him. Then you know where you stand with them. Bit sad for the OP's child, but next time @StarryBarry as several posters have said, ASK the parents first. Don't just assume.

She could've tried to send him back during the 10 minutes he was talking to her, during a show.

If a child was hanging about after ten minutes at my table and I didn't want to be pestered anymore I would've said something more direct too. I wouldn't have said about not wanting to be friends, but I would have told them to go back to their own table now.

We're the other family eating their evening meal OP? If so its really rude to have your child go over for 10 minutes if they were eating.

If they weren't, having another child yapping away for 10 minutes is more than enough and plenty time for you to bring your child back. You say the entertainment made it hard to get up, but the children were running around?

Quite. Children socialising is one thing and assuming someone else will babysit is quite different. As far as I can tell the OP wasn't very far from her child and was watching.

DS (now 16) sounded very similar to your chatty DS, OP.

He made friends easily, was outgoing and loved life. In this scenario I would have made sure DS came back to our table, as back then I was fully aware of how annoying to a stranger his constant chatter could be. Regardless, if the lady at your resort did say ‘go away’ etc, then she’s in the wrong, although it does sound something a DC would say to another DC, rather than a grown adult.

Hope you enjoy the rest of your holiday.

If those were her exact words she's a nasty cow.

If he was annoying them there are kinder ways to get him to go away - I could never be so mean to a 5 yo. But maybe your child is paraphrasing?

We don't even know if DC's account is accurate, so saying this lady is vile is a bit unfair.

It sounds like something a small child would say.

It might not have been said in exactly the way described. Personally, I wouldn't be rude to a child - I might be annoyed at the parent if they were just sat there enjoying themselves but I wouldn't see a reason to be mean to the child themselves.

He is such a talker though he’d talk at them endlessly

🤔

I am sure to you he is very sweet, but he sounds a pain. And your H thought the lady was rude, while your son didnt stop talking at them while a singer was performing ??

Sometimes when this happens, I don't mind if the other parent has made eye contact and is clearly keeping an eye on their child whilst they are playing with mine, but if they don't, it can feel like I've got another child to be responsible for whilst the other parents are relaxing. Babysitting by proxy, as such.

I'd never be rude to the actual child though, it's not their fault. We are very hands-on parents so we're usually playing with our kids, have a lot of fun at the pool or table on holiday etc and it's inevitable that other kids seem to want to join in.

One function we went to, we'd brought stuff for our DCs to play with at the table in case they got bored and ended up pinned there entertaining many other kids as well as our own, whilst their parents had a nice child-free time whilst we were stuck with DCs. Nobody offered to take over to give us a break, and although we said to the other DCs after a while "why don't you go and see your Mum/Dad for a bit now?", naturally they didn't want to as they knew it was more fun being with us so we couldn't get free and our DCs would have been playing on, so it would be hard to explain why they couldn't stay and play on too, but my goodness I was fed up. One Dad popped past with his beer with a perfunctory "All OK?" but that was more to his DC than us and he didn't even hang around for an answer, presumably he didn't want his fun time spoilt. I know this isn't the situation you describe, but often the parents who let their DCs "run free" don't always seem to appreciate that the parents who end up entertaining or keeping the watchful eye would probably rather not be doing it for other DCs, but are too polite to say so.