New member super nice and helpful but I find her so irritating!

[Bleachmycloths]

Some details changed/not included to avoid outing.
I am in a hobby club. I love it. Members are lovely and we have an enjoyable relaxed time. Leader is great and makes meetings enjoyable.
New member ticks all the boxes for being nice: chatty, smiley, makes tea, talks to everyone, asks them questions to show an interest in their lives, helps to clear up. I feel a bit guilty because I find her a PITA and I am getting grumpy about it.
To avoid drip feeding:

• At the discussion part of the meeting she tries to draw everyone in by posing a question then asks each person what they think. Some members are shy and I can see they don’t like this.
• suggests we all go out for the evening to get to know each other and to not to talk about hobby. I joined for the hobby, not to go out for meals.
• every meeting she announces she can’t remember names and points to each one in turn and gives them their name, often wrong, then she gives them a nickname eg “ Mrs Cake” “Mrs Lovely Red Handbag”

I have other examples but this is already too long. I worry thatI am simply intolerant because I just want to say “Oh, fuck off with your helpfulness and friendliness and leave people alone!” Finally, she is not covering up shyness. She is confident and thinks she’s the bees’ knees. I know this. I am not guessing. AIBU for being intolerant and grumpy? Should I accept her as well meaning and that other people and their behaviour are part of life?

And the dinner thing is just really really petty OP.

Who cares why you joined the group? If she wants to ask people to dinner and not discuss the hobby she's entitled to.

Yes, it does have an effect because the leader then segues to the next point, calmly and politely!

@DiddyHeck , could also ask why you are talking for 'the confident woman'
You don't know her?
Op is the only one here who has seen her behaviour, we can only go by her description, and if its accurate then yes she's annoying!

She sounds horrible

I would tell her bluntly that the name thing, and picking at people to talk is rude and not wanted. That's the leader's job I guess.

my experience is these people don't take hints, you have to tell them.

OMG

She doesn't...Draw Attention To Herself?!? As I know on Mumsnet that is an absolute sin and character flaw.

The nicknames thing is really rude and definitely annoying.

A much older friend of mine, and I, used to sing in a choir, when another lady joined. It felt like every single week she'd ask our names again. She was probably in her mid-30s, but unlikely to be riddled with dementia.

After probably about 6 weeks of this, my friend snapped, "My name is Jane! The same name it's been every single time you've asked me for the past 6 weeks. Stop asking for it if you don't actually give a shit what it is! Is there something wrong with you?!"

Needless to say, this woman gave us both a wide berth after that!

This bit is awful:

• At the discussion part of the meeting she tries to draw everyone in by posing a question then asks each person what they think. Some members are shy and I can see they don’t like this.

She needs to pack that right in.

Omg how brave! I’m laughing my head off 🤣. Few people have the guts to call someone out like this.

People don't have to like everyone they meet. Its fine. Just accept she's annoying and move on.

Try having an Asian name and people saying "Oh hi Catherine", "Oh hi Alexandra" and then coming to you and saying "Oh well I am not even going to bother trying to remember your ( also 3 syllable) name."

I thought you were BU until I got to the nicknames bit and then I was on board with how irritating she probably is. The rest just sounds like a very confident extroverted person who loves organising social things and enjoys those team building kinds of activities at work. All fine, but she can’t sweep into a nicely settled social group and make people uncomfortable because she can’t read the signals that some of it is just a bit too much. She means well and I guess even at her most irritating it’s better that she’s friendly than a trouble-stirring cow. You might just have to become more tolerant.

Well that's the point isn't it?

if it's accurate

There is always more than one side to a story on here and reading between the lines, the OP seems very put out by what seems to be (from what she's posted) a rather nice but confident woman.

Again, the nickname thing is irritating but all the OP and the others who don't like it needs to do, is ask her to stop.

If they really can't bring themselves to make that polite request they'll either have to put up with it, or suggest name badges.

I think this is just part of life tbh. There will always be people who in theory are lovely but in practice are irritating. People respond the way they respond and it’s impossible to police it.

I have a “friend” like this (more a friend of a friend really). On paper she is absolutely lovely: kind, generous, interested in others and selfless but there’s something about her “niceness” which I find unbearable: really cloying and guilt inducing

The thing is though this is my problem not hers. She is who she is and I would never presume to try to alter her behaviour. I think it would be micro management and quite unkind to say something to the group leader about this person tbh. This woman is who she is and she is going what she feels she needs to do to fit in. Trying to get her to modify her behaviour just because it rubs you up the wrong way is unfair.

You are well within your rights to find her irritating but you don’t get to police her behaviour. It’s your problem to deal with.

Yes she's attention seeking. She'd irritate me. There's a bit of a performance about her and I think she might be a bit controlling. She needs a lot of validation. Hard work!

What a privileged life you lead if this is your “problem”

🙄

I also have a foreign name that people struggle with but found things improved after that business with Jade Goody claiming she couldn't pronounce two syllables on that reality show.

I've had long term friends mangle my name so I accept people have some name memory issues, but announcing it is just so rude.

I get it op. She does sound a bit irritating.

I know. You’re right. Hopefully, she will calm down in time.

I think you took a wrong turn, this isn't a problem page.

I cannot bear groups where a discussion is required and week after week it’s the same old people waxing lyrical as if they’re the only person with anything of interest to say.

I’d say the newbie has the measure of the bores and is trying to get a more varied contribution. If someone doesn’t want to contribute then using their words to say “I don’t have a comment at this point” should surely not be beyond contemplation within a group where they feel comfortable enough to be “sympathised” with.

Wise words @Thepeopleversuswork

That’s made me roar! 😂

Maybe it's not the right group for the newbie then if she feels she needs to come in and change everything to make it right for her.

Exactly.