New member super nice and helpful but I find her so irritating!

[Bleachmycloths]

Some details changed/not included to avoid outing.
I am in a hobby club. I love it. Members are lovely and we have an enjoyable relaxed time. Leader is great and makes meetings enjoyable.
New member ticks all the boxes for being nice: chatty, smiley, makes tea, talks to everyone, asks them questions to show an interest in their lives, helps to clear up. I feel a bit guilty because I find her a PITA and I am getting grumpy about it.
To avoid drip feeding:

• At the discussion part of the meeting she tries to draw everyone in by posing a question then asks each person what they think. Some members are shy and I can see they don’t like this.
• suggests we all go out for the evening to get to know each other and to not to talk about hobby. I joined for the hobby, not to go out for meals.
• every meeting she announces she can’t remember names and points to each one in turn and gives them their name, often wrong, then she gives them a nickname eg “ Mrs Cake” “Mrs Lovely Red Handbag”

I have other examples but this is already too long. I worry thatI am simply intolerant because I just want to say “Oh, fuck off with your helpfulness and friendliness and leave people alone!” Finally, she is not covering up shyness. She is confident and thinks she’s the bees’ knees. I know this. I am not guessing. AIBU for being intolerant and grumpy? Should I accept her as well meaning and that other people and their behaviour are part of life?

My thoughts exactly 😅

Oh yes, that sounds a bit excruciating for the quiet ones. My DD goes to a theatre group where they take part in dancing in a studio, the parents were invited to see the DC in the lessons and whilst in the dance lesson, the dance teacher picked on me and said it is the parents' turn now, you have to pretend you are on a catwalk and Beyonce was playing. I am not shy but did feel too self conscious to do that so I don't agree with forced fun. Luckily an extrovert Dad volunteered to do it first.

She's trying too hard to be liked hopefully she will calm down

Maybe...

Or maybe they are just annoying twats.

The first two wouldn’t bother me. The last one is rude. Sure, not everyone can remember everyone’s names at first, but the idea of pointing to people and saying I’m going to call you “Mrs Cake” is ridiculous. Start calling her “Mrs I Can’t Be Arsed to Remember Your Name” and see how she likes it.

Many thanks for all your responses. So many of you suggest what I know is the right thing to do. Be nice to her, put up and shut up.
I reread my original post and I have played it down considerably so she is worse than I have said.
In my defence, when she starts taking over, trying to make new rules and making announcements there is a deathly silence. She may think it is rapt attention, but I don’t think the others like it. Everyone is far too polite to say anything or exchange glances or anything else which is rude.
I feel better having got it off my chest as I have kept it to myself. Thank you everyone. I now feel much better about the next meeting where I shall make a point of asking her how she is and did she have nice Easter.
PS - the only person I have told is DH who said “Oh yes, I know who you mean. I’ve met her. Too full on. Pain in the bloody arse!” 🤣🤣🤣

When she gives you another name because she can't remember yours, smile sweetly and say, "That's OK, Mrs Can't Be Bothered to Remember Names."

Your group sounds a bit 'cliquey' and this is exactly why people find it so hard to meet people, make friends, join new activities etc. I have moved a lot and I always make the effort to join new groups and get involved.. perhaps I am like the woman the OP is talking about .
Presumably it is a group open to the public and not just a private group of friends?
My DH has recently joined a Golf Club ... people were moaning that X, Y & Z wasn't being done so he offered to organise it ... then (a vocal minority) had a go at him for not doing it the 'right' way !

It does sound a bit school gate doesn't it?

Maybe she is joining the club to try and make friends with people who share her hobby?

If she is quite new I would tend to think the best thing to do is just carry on - hopefully she will get a sense of the group after a bit.

I’m a little divided. The name thing would annoy me, I’d be halting the whole thing until she treated by name correctly. I’d mention it privately too. I’d maybe suggest a vote on the questions, and then ask people to abide by the group decision moving forward.

However on the flip side I’ve run hobby groups and I’m so fed up with whiney poor contributors. People want an age range introduced, and want me to manage the fall out. People want people to be told to express themselves differently, yet want someone else to manage it. I end up sitting there not personally giving a shiny shite about whether people are loud or quiet, yet I’m nagged by others to manage each other. I feel like screaming ‘tell them yourself if you have an issue, because I don’t care!’. I can sit back and let it all wash over me, and let other people manage themselves.

Ive given up leading groups I’ve otherwise enjoyed due to managing people and what they expect, I don’t want to be the teacher/ policeman. Just talk to each other. Last time we had ‘confident’ people apparently asking too many questions. They believed they were showing interest/ having a discussion. The introverts believed they were pressured and questioned negatively due to a doubt in their abilities. They’d come and catch me individuality, but even when I tried to open a group discussion everyone sat in silence like I’d invented the issue and wouldn’t discuss it. Then they’d go back to individually moaning about each other…

She sounds like Joy in the Archers. Can you drown her out , it sounds like she's trying to fill a silence.

I think she is trying to be friendly or is a natural extrovert. I wouldn't mind any of that except for the name thing.

I am a group where a couple of members just sit and say nothing, ask nothing, make zero effort to talk to me, and honestly I wonder why they come.

This is what I think too.

Although the constant renaming of people IS irritating.

No, it is not school gate. It is only me asking MNs what they think. The members are welcoming, intelligent, laid back and really nice people. They really are.

Lol just saw " she is an attention seeker" comment. I often find MN very weird and introverted. I am not British by birth, and people probably mistake my friendliness for attention seeking. I ask people about themselves and what they think.

Why are you still talking on behalf of the members?

This is a problem you need to face. This confident woman has got under your skin.

Why not take your mind off of the other grown adults and ask yourself why you are so put out about this?

Nickname thing aside though because that is irritating but it could probably be halted by using your words.

when she starts taking over, trying to make new rules and making announcements there is a deathly silence

How does the actual leader respond to that? You said The leader is very good to be fair. When New Member announces new approaches ( “ We should ALL do x!”) leader says quietly “No, we are not doing x. We want everyone to be relaxed” Did that have any affect on Mrs Can't Remember Names?

It's great to have new members with fresh enthusiasm and new ideas, but if these are presented in any way other than suggestions it can get people's backs up, as it smacks of "you're not doing this properly". So irritating!

I wouldn’t think so. You are probably just a nice, friendly person.

Don't worry, lots of British people do that too.

She is new and can't remember nanes.

She asked people if they want to go for dinner

Yeo sounds awful she really isn't doing anything wrong. It seems she's trying to make new friends. You feel threatened by her changing the dynamic. And definitely seem an unwelcoming misery

hmm, other than the name thing I don’t think she sounds that bad. YANBU not to like or get on with her though, and it can be a bit annoying when people jump into an established way of doing things and try and change it to suit them, but equally the meals thing - some people might be looking to widen their social life rather than just do the hobby. If it’s not your thing to socialise in that way with other club members, don’t go. It’s similar to work isn’t it - some people like socialising with colleagues, others don’t want to at all. Neither is right or wrong.

She sounds hugely controlling - her motivation behind this could be confidence or insecurity but either way she is trying to control
a situation and other adults and she shouldn’t.

The name thing is extremely rude, if you struggle with names you explain that you don’t give people a nickname because their name isn’t worth anything.

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Hmm actually as she has now been there 6 times and is trying to make rules and announcements etc...

She could be one of those people who craves admiration so joins groups and tries to take over, as something like a hobby group is a good way to get some kind of status or leadership without necessarily having to prove yourself! You find the same kind of people in church groups etc. Basically feeding the ego.

Maybe this is something for the leader of the group. Wouldn't be great if she starts putting others off by dominating the group.

I am in a couple of hobby groups and have often asked people if they want to go out for a coffee afterwards. I wonder if they think I am insecure or attention seeking. I mean, how else do you make friends? ( some have asked me too).

This is why there are so many posts on MN complaining about not being able to make friends. It's because if you try, people think you are over confident.

Nothing wrong with being confident, IMO.